Chapter 13 Clearly Disturbed #2
It was too early to check into our Toronto hotel, so we left our bags at the front desk and spent the next hour walking the snow-covered campus—hand in hand—until Elias had to go.
He smiled easily; when he touched me, it was comfortable. He tried to sell me on how great the campus was, and I could tell he believed it.
He really wants this.
Then, I stood in front of the library until my Uber pulled up. After a fifteen minute drive, the car stops in front of a large duplex with a couple of snowmen in the front yard.
"Are you sure this is the right address?"
"513 Rockland, Unit A," the driver says.
I check my text messages again. "And there's no other Rockland?"
"No," she says. "I've lived here my whole life. This is the only Rockland."
"Okay." Nervously, I open the back door. "Thank you."
As the vehicle pulls away, I walk up the front porch steps and ring the bell. Christmas music fills the home, which I find odd. Maybe this is the wrong unit.
I take a step backward, but no; it's right there on the letterbox—Unit A. A little girl pops up in the front window, startling me, and waves.
"Shit."
Certain now I have the wrong house and embarrassed, I head down the porch steps and take out my phone to call my dad, but then the door swings open.
"Saige!" he calls. "Come in. Sorry, we were just putting the tree up."
"Oh…okay."
It's late November, and my dad hates Christmas. Actually, he hates all holidays…and birthdays. He hates the suburbs, too.
And he dyed his hair.
"Whose house is this?"
"Oh, we got this place the summer before last."
"Hi, Saige!" A woman with dark hair and a million-watt smile pulls me into a hug I wasn't ready for and probably wouldn't have wanted, anyway.
Ripleys aren't huggers.
"It's so nice to finally meet you!"
Is it? I think. I don't know who the fuck you are.
"Saige, this is my girlfriend, Gina," Dad says.
"Um, hi."
"Come on, let's go meet the girls—they're in the living room decorating the tree. They're so excited to see you."
"So, how long have you two been dating?"
"About two and a half years," Gina says. "Girls, this is Saige." Two young girls in Christmas pajamas turn and say hi. "Saige, these are my daughters. The big one is Sophie—she's eight, and the little one is Nora."
"I'm five," Nora says proudly.
"Nice to meet you guys."
"I'm going to check on the lasagna," Gina says. "Do you want a drink, Saige? We have coffee, tea, ginger ale, Perrier—"
"Do you have vodka?" I ask far too quickly.
"We have red wine…" she offers, a hint of judgment in her tone.
"That works."
Gina smiles. "Okay, I'll be right back."
She leaves the room, and my dad gestures to the sofa. "Have a seat, Saige."
"I don't think I can sit right now."
"You can help us decorate!" Sophie says.
"Are you our sister?" Nora asks.
I turn to my dad, my eyes widening. Am I their fucking sister?
"She's my daughter," my dad says. "So, in way, I guess she is. You're family."
"I didn't even know you were dating anyone," I whisper.
"No, I'm sure I mentioned it before."
"Well, mentioning it is different than telling me you live with someone. You could have prepared me."
"You're an adult, Saige."
"Here's your wine," Gina says, handing me a glass.
"Thanks." I bring it to my lips, forcing myself not to drain its contents.
Since I can't sit, I pace the living room, looking at the photos on the walls and lining the mantle—pictures of little girls in tutus, of the four of them at Niagara Falls, smiling. And one of Sophie's soccer team, with my dad in the back, wearing a jersey that says Coach Ripley.
Now, I do polish off the glass.
"Do you mind if I get a refill?" I ask Gina.
"Oh…I can get that for you."
"No, it's fine. I've got it. I wouldn't mind looking around, if that's okay with you."
"Sure, that's fine. The wine is on the island."
"Thanks."
I go to the kitchen and grab the bottle of Merlot, taking a swig before filling my glass.
The house is small and older, but warm, the fixtures updated.
A large stainless steel refrigerator covered in photos draws my attention, and I move to the other side of the island, nervously examining each one, desperate to find some evidence of my existence.
When that doesn't happen, I move onto the hallway, my heart pounding as I move from one framed photo of a happy family with a version of Aaron Ripley I don't know to another. But there's nothing—no school pictures, no graduation photos.
Of course, he didn't come to that, either. I thought little of it at the time because I was used to him not showing up; it was just how it was, because he was busy and lived so far away.
But I didn't know he had new daughters, and that he had time to coach their soccer teams.
At the end of the hall are the bedrooms—three of them. My dad and Gina's to the right, and to the left, two separate bedrooms decorated in pastels.
It's been four years since I've seen my father.
And he hasn't been in a one-bedroom condo with no place for me to stay.
He's been here, in a three-bedroom house with plenty of room for visitors.
He just didn't want me here, fucking it all up.
Elias is right—this isn't normal. I mean, for more than a decade, he was my dad every day, and then he just stopped.
And if Elias thinks it isn't normal, it must be really fucked up.
"Saige?"
My dad's voice startles me. I wonder how long I've been standing here, staring at the nearly identical bedrooms. I take a deep breath, blinking back tears before turning around.
"Yeah?"
"Dinner is ready…sweetheart."
He's never called me sweetheart. It feels just as unnatural as everything else about this place.
"Okay."
I follow my dad to the kitchen, taking the seat between him and the younger daughter, Nora.
"Do you like lasagna?" she asks.
I shrug. "Yeah, I like lasagna."
"What's your favorite food?" asks Sophie.
"Jalapenos."
"Mine is ice cream. We get to have ice cream on Fridays."
"Well, I guess I should have come on a Friday, then."
"Did you see our snowmen? The big one is mine, and the little one is Nora's."
"Mine's better, though!"
"Only because Dad did most of it for you."
I almost choke on my lasagna. I feel my cheeks burning, and my eyes water again. I can't fucking cry at this table.
"They're both good snowmen," my dad says. "And I only helped a little."
"So, I heard you just started at West Pine U," Gina says. "Your dad says that's going well. How are you liking it?"
I narrow my eyes. I know she's trying to be nice, but it's kind of a shitty question, given the circumstances. "Well, I was assaulted and almost kidnapped on campus earlier this month, so I guess it could be better."
"Oh, my god—that's terrible!" she says. "Are you okay?"
"So…this is the first you're hearing of it, then?" I turn to my dad, shaking my head. You'd think that'd be something he'd share with his partner—his concern for his daughter, who could have been killed.
"I'm pretty sure I mentioned it," my dad says. "Anyway, she's okay now. I think someone intervened before she could really get hurt—thank god."
"No, I really got hurt," I tell her. "I spent about three days in the hospital. He beat me with a pistol; I had a concussion and had to get several staples in the back of my head. Knocked one of my teeth out, too—it's right here, actually."
I reach down the front of my sweater and pull out the molar, while Gina stares in horror.
"Whoa!" Sophie says. "That's your tooth? Can I see it?"
I shrug. "I can't really take it off, but sure."
Before she can get out of her chair, my dad stops her. "Sit down, Sophie. We don't need to see the tooth. And this really isn't appropriate table conversation for the girls, Saige."
"Well, we're so glad you're okay," Gina says. "How long will you be in Toronto?"
"Just for tonight," I tell her. "My…" I pause. Brother? Boyfriend? "A friend of mine is thinking of transferring and wanted someone to come with him to check out the campus."
"Well, I'm glad you called. It's too bad you can't stay longer. I really would have liked to get to know you better."
"Yeah…it's too bad."
She's nice—too nice. It doesn't make a lot of sense. We eat in silence for a few minutes, and then I can't hold it in anymore. "Doesn't it bother you?"
"Doesn't what bother me?" Dad asks.
"No, not you—Gina. Does it bother you that he abandoned his own daughter? Do you worry about your own children getting so attached to someone who could do that?"
"Well…" she starts uncomfortably, "divorce can be hard. I know your mom made it really difficult for him to see you, and neither of you deserved that, but now that you're an adult, maybe we can remedy it."
I look at my dad and scoff. "That's what you told them?"
"Saige—"
"No, my mom didn't do that. My mom made excuses for him so I wouldn't get my feelings hurt—so I'd get used to it.
I haven't seen him since I was fifteen, and that's only because he was in town for a funeral.
I didn't know he had a family. Why didn't you bring your family to my graduation?
Why aren't there any pictures of me? Why don't they know I almost died a few weeks ago? "
"Saige, this isn't why I invited you over here. You're meeting them now, aren't you?"
I shrug, looking down at my plate. "Yeah, I guess so."
"I'm done!" Nora declares, running from the table.
"Hey, you barely ate anything at all!" My dad shouts after her.
"I'm full!" she calls back.
"She's our picky eater," Gina says.
"Yep, we always joke that she defies science with how little she's able to live off," my dad adds, laughing.
"Yeah, she's pretty much made entirely of crackers and cheese, isn't she?"
"I eat my vegetables, Saige," Sophie says.
I force a smile, offering her a fist bump. "As you should. Good for you."
For the rest of dinner, Sophie tells me about ballet and all the things she asked Santa for while I sip my wine, nodding, forcing what lasagna I can down my throat.
My dad stays quiet.
"Do you want to see our dollhouse?" she asks after Gina takes her plate. "Dad built it."
Of course he did. "Sure," I tell her.
She grabs my hand and pulls me down the hallway after her with Nora trailing behind us.
While Sophie shows me her dolls, Nora serves me "tea," and I order an Uber back to the hotel.
When I leave the room, my dad and Gina are arguing in the kitchen. That's something I'm familiar with.
"I still cannot believe you didn't tell me your daughter was assaulted with a gun and almost kidnapped on campus!"
"I told you—I thought I mentioned it."
"She was in the hospital. How could you not go out there?"
"Her mother wouldn't have made it easy to see her, even if I did. And you know what? If I wanted someone to fucking nag me, I would have stayed with her. I don't have to deal with this shit."
The sound of dishes crashing in the sink follows, and I jump.
"Aaron, please—"
"Has it occurred to you that maybe I was protecting your daughters at my expense? I mean, you've met her now—she's clearly disturbed."
I swallow a lump in my throat. I'm not disturbed—well, maybe that isn't true, but I certainly wasn't disturbed the last time he saw me.
"Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but her appearance was a little surprising. I mean, the tattoos, wearing the tooth, and the nose ring—"
"It's called a septum ring," I interrupt.
Gina turns to me, mortified. "And I'm not disturbed—not in the way you think, anyway.
I do find a lot of this to be disturbing; I think I might need therapy.
" I shake my head. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Gina.
Your girls are really sweet, and…I hope you've gotten your anger under control, Dad. "
"Saige, I don't know what your mother has told you, but—"
"It's okay," I tell him. "My ride is here. And, um, I'll stop sending the pictures. I won't bother you anymore."
"Well, I can take you back to your hotel."
"It's fine. The Uber is already here."
"At least let me give you money for the trip."
"No, I don't need money—not now, anyway. My stepdad takes care of us."
Refusing to cry, I hold my breath until I get into the sedan parked at the end of the sidewalk. It's the same driver as before.
"That was quick," she says when I get into the back.
"Yeah….it turns out it was the wrong house."
I find the molar hanging around my neck, holding it between my thumb and first finger again. Maybe I should have let Elias beat him up.