Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“Another package arrived from Frasier,” Allie said, eyebrow raised as she carried in the large box.
Packages in varying sizes had started arriving a few days ago.
The first one had included a friendship bracelet he’d made with our initials and a heart on it.
Plus, he’d included a picture of us from college.
I hadn’t even remembered taking that photo, but there we were, his arm slung over my shoulder, huge smiles on our faces.
I’d wondered if Derek had been standing behind the camera.
A handwritten note had accompanied the bracelet and photo. I reread the note every night before bed. I’d check Frasier’s stats on the health app, then read his words. I practically had it memorized by now.
You are my best friend, and I will always be there for you. We are better together.
I love you.
Love, Frasier
Better together.
The words kept ringing in my ears because here I was, freaking out on my own.
The next day, there’d been an adorable stuffed teddy bear dressed in a Hawks jersey with the number thirty on it and Holmes on the back. The accompanying note had read, “I know how much you love my bear hugs, so I sent you a friend to cuddle with. I love you. F.”
The following day, he’d sent some Polaroids of Bacon and Biscuit, as well as a note they’d “written,” telling me how much they loved, appreciated, and missed me. It was all so incredibly sweet. And it only made me feel worse about how I’d been acting lately.
Sullen. Withdrawn.
And when he’d suggested that we move in together, I’d said, “Can I think about it?”
Can I think about it? I wanted to go back and kick myself for that answer.
What was there to think about? I loved him. He loved me. We wanted to be together.
And yet…I’d hesitated.
And I hated that I’d hesitated. Because I saw how much it had hurt Frasier, when that was the last thing I’d wanted.
Here he was, reaching out. Despite how I’d pushed him away, Frasier kept showing up, kept showing me just how much he loved me.
I stood, going over to the kitchen to open the latest missive. I had no idea what could be inside, but I was excited to find out.
I grabbed a pair of scissors from a kitchen drawer and sliced open the box. Inside was a gorgeous bouquet that had been grown by local farmers. While Allie set to work putting the flowers in a vase, I plucked the card from the inside.
Apart from the occasional text, Frasier’s notes had been our only source of contact since I’d arrived in Boston.
I’d been busy with Allie and my conference, and the time change didn’t help.
But I sensed that he was giving me space while trying to reassure me that he was there for me. I loved him all the more for it.
Bryn,
I chose these flowers because they symbolize resilience, growth, hope, and love.
We have grown through so many challenges together, and I am always amazed by your strength and resilience.
Love,
Frasier
I burst into tears. Allie guided me over to the couch, setting the bouquet on top of the coffee table.
“Okay,” she huffed, hugging me to her side. “I’ve been patient all week. With the gifts and the notes and the puffy eyes. I’ve tried to give you space, but I can’t take it anymore. What is going on? Why is Frasier love bombing you?”
“I—” I shook my head, covering my face with my hands. I couldn’t stop crying, even though the idea that Frasier was love bombing me was laughable. “He’s not love bombing me.”
“Okay,” Allie said, dragging out the word as she placed her hand on my back. “Did he do something stupid? Are you guys fighting? Did you break up?”
“No.” I sniffled. “No. Nothing like that.”
If anything, I should be the one sending him gifts and love letters. I’d been all over the place lately, and it wasn’t fair to him. Every time a new gift or note arrived from Frasier, I felt equal parts guilt and relief. And every day, I melted a little more, falling even harder for this man.
“I’m glad to hear that, because I really did not want to have to hurt him.” She pounded her fist into her palm.
I laughed at that, but it came out as more of a snort. The idea of Allie even trying was comedic. She was a foot shorter than him.
“Frasier’s done—” I hiccupped around a sob “—nothing wrong and everything right.”
“Okay,” she said, dragging out the word. “So then, why all the daily gifts? Why all the tears?”
“Because apparently that’s what happens when you’re pregnant.” I threw my hands into the air. “You turn into an emotional mess.”
My eyes widened when I realized what I’d just admitted. Not to Frasier, the father of my child. But to my sister.
Allie stilled. “Bryn,” she whispered. “You’re…pregnant?”
I nodded. It felt so strange to finally admit that aloud. It made it more real somehow.
“Oh my god,” she squealed. “That’s the best news! Or at least…” She dialed back some of her enthusiasm. “I think it’s the best news ever. But how do you feel?”
“How does it look like I feel?” The tears fell freely. “I’m a mess. Everything is happening so fast, and I’m happy, sad, scared, conflicted.”
“That’s understandable,” she said, scooting closer to wrap her arm around me. “Having a baby is a big deal.” She gave me a squeeze, and something in me eased.
“Yeah, but I can’t help but think about Derek. And how if he were alive, I’d be having this baby with him. Then I feel guilty because I love Frasier too. I love him so much. But I never would’ve realized that, never would’ve had this gift.” I cradled my stomach. “If Derek hadn’t died.”
“Oh, Brynnie.” Allie pulled me into a hug. She rubbed my back, comforting me until I’d calmed down a little. “That’s a lot that you’ve been holding on to.”
I nodded, letting her hold me. The fear was still there, the worry, but I felt better now that I’d told someone.
I’d been carrying this secret around for weeks. And while Frasier should’ve been the first person I’d told, I’d been trying to process all my complex feelings about the pregnancy. Because beneath it all, there was happiness. So much happiness. Shock, yes. But also, joy.
“Here.” Allie grabbed some tissues and handed them to me.
God, I’m such a mess.
After a muttered, “Thanks,” I blew my nose then leaned back against the couch cushions.
“Okay. Why don’t you break it down for me? Tell me what’s going on in your head.” She shifted on the couch. “But first, how are you feeling? Physically.”
I shrugged. “I’m exhausted all the time, but otherwise, I feel okay.”
“Are you and Frasier considering your options?” she asked, and I appreciated that she didn’t simply assume I was keeping the baby. Though, I was. “Or have you already decided what you want to do?”
“I’ve decided what I want to do, but…” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I sort of haven’t told Frasier yet?” It came out as more of a question.
“Haven’t told him what you want to do, or…” She trailed off.
“Haven’t even told him that I’m pregnant.
” I cringed. “I’ve been low-key avoiding him for the past two weeks.
” I said the last part in a rush, my cheeks heating with my admission.
“And he might have asked me to move in with him.” I rolled my lips between my teeth.
“But I asked him if I could think about it.”
“Ah.” She tilted her head back. “Suddenly, the gifts make a lot more sense.”
“They do?” I asked.
“He’s worried about you, and he wants to reassure you that he’s there for you.”
I frowned. And how would Allie know that, infer that, especially without seeing the notes from Frasier? I narrowed my eyes at her.
She bit her lip, a guilty expression on her face. “He might have texted me to ask how you were doing.”
“He did?” I didn’t know why I was surprised.
He’d been there for me every step of the way. When I was breaking, he’d held me together. When I’d wanted to reminisce, he’d joined me. And when I was happy, he was there, smiling along with me. Even now, after I’d put distance between us, he was still there for me. Still loving me.
“And…I might have glanced at one of his notes. Just in passing,” she rushed to add.
“Oh my god.” I grabbed a pillow and whacked her with it. “What are you? Twelve?”
She laughed, covering herself as if to shield her body from my attack. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it, but I was worried about you. You showed up tearful and exhausted, and I was afraid you’d broken up.”
“No.” I dropped the pillow to my lap, hugging it to me. “But he might break up with me once he realizes I’ve been keeping this huge secret from him.”
“Bryn,” Allie chided. “Frasier loves you. He’s not going to break up with you, especially not when he finds out you’re carrying his baby.”
“Still…” I frowned. “I should’ve told him. I was just so shocked at first.”
It was a moment I’d never forget. Frasier had rushed me to the hospital, holding my hand as they’d asked a million questions and run a variety of tests. I’d squeezed his hand, hoping to reassure him and wipe away the worry creasing his brow.
Through it all, I’d felt nothing but his care and concern. His love.
“Will you be okay if I step out for a minute?” he asked. “I should call Coach.”
I nodded. I’d given up arguing that he should go back to the hotel.
He leaned over, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I won’t be long.” And then he left.
A few minutes later, the doctor returned. And my whole world had changed in the blink of an eye.
“Congratulations, Mrs. Morgan. You’re pregnant.”
I’d clutched at my throat. Pregnant? Mrs. Morgan?
Derek’s last name.
Frasier’s baby.
And then I’d thrown up again.
“And now?” Allie asked. “How do you feel?”
“I’m still in shock,” I admitted. I hadn’t believed it at first. We’d been using condoms. But the bloodwork had confirmed it then, as had the appointment last week with my OB.
“At first, I needed to digest the news. I needed confirmation from my doctor. And then, I’d told myself to just tell Frasier.
But there also hasn’t really been a good time. ”