Chapter 21
I’ve tried to walk away. I’ve done everything humanly possible to distance myself from him, and yet, the psychotic criminal places cameras in my home to watch me.
“Are you sure it’s him?” Astrid asks through the speaker as my phone rests on the bed.
“I’ve been searching for twenty minutes and I can’t fucking find it.”
“Maybe you should go to the police? And definitely drop his case,” she says, soft TV playing in the background on her end of the phone.
“I can’t just drop his case.”
“What do you have to prove, Isla?”
I sigh, clenching my fists by my side. The entire room looks like it’s been ransacked, and I’m still no closer to finding the damn thing.
“Look, I made a promise to him,” I lie, because that’s all I can do.
I’m stuck. I have no other choice.
“Can I be blunt?”
“When have you not?”
“Does this have something to do with Beatrice?”
A shiver rolls through me at the mention of her name. Of course it does, but I can’t tell her that either.
“No, Astrid. I just need to figure out a way to work on this case without getting sucked into his psychotic fucking obsession,” I huff out as I climb my bookcase, tapping the top and coming up empty…again.
She sighs audibly, and the room grows quiet. “Thank you for letting me stay at your place. It’s beautiful here. Reminds me of the summers we used to spend with Beatrice by the beach.”
All those summers were the best ones.
“As long as you’re comfortable. If you need anything, just send me a text and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“I am sorry, Isla. I know you needed me that night, and I didn’t come.”
I close my eyes, trying to fight the onslaught of flashing memories as my fingers brush over the scar on my wrist.
“Astrid, can we agree not to talk about that night again? We were both mourning, and I get it, you wanted to run from that grief in a different way than I did.”
“Okay.” Her voice is small. “Any luck with the camera?”
I plop myself onto my bed and close my eyes. “Unfortunately not. Get some rest, okay? I’ll come by this weekend.”
“Okay, goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
She hangs up, and my eyes spring open.
Does he have cameras everywhere else, too?
I hope he’s still watching as I hold up both of my middle fingers and release a frustrated groan as I hurl myself up off the bed to switch the light off, then crawl back into the sheets.
I can’t take my mind off his grip on my jaw and the urge I had for him to throw me onto the stone benchtop to have his way with me. I can still feel his fingers inside me.
How fucking tragic. Look at you, still wishing he was here, making you feel something.
It’s all I want, and when he’s with me, it’s all I can think about—the way my body comes alive, the blood storming through my veins.
I can’t ignore it, and I don’t want to. I wish that were it. I wish it were some simplistic fantasy I had that would be over the minute it ended, but the fragmented memories in my head are drawn out by his touch, and for reasons beyond me, I don’t know why.
A soft click echoes through my quiet house. At least, I think it does. I don’t know if I’m still awake. The thoughts in my head jumble as I think about Malik. His strong arms, the darkness of his brows, and the beautiful devastation that lives permanently within his heart.
I want it. I want to be the one to hold his devastation in my hands and crush it, but it will never be me to relieve him of that.
I think I imagine it, the warmth that grows beside me until I’m turned onto my back, two thick thighs caging me in from above.
“Did you think I was bluffing?” Malik rasps, holding something in his hand, but it’s too dark for me to see what it is. “I’m about to give you what you couldn’t find on that search bar, Little Nycto.”
I open my mouth to curse as he smiles, placing something that feels like leather over my mouth and nose.
I struggle beneath him, trying to move my arms, but he has them trapped.
He fastens something at the back of my head, and an electrifying heat ripples through me when he leans in, the familiar scent of his cologne setting off a switch inside me I don’t remember placing there myself.
“Conserve those breaths, Isla. There are only two small holes in this muzzle.”
Fear mixes with excitement as he loosens the grip of his thighs to bring my wrists together and bind them. The cool chains dig into my skin as my heart pumps loudly in my ears.
“Whmh.” My words are unintelligible as he strips me of my clothes.
“If you’re a good girl, by the end of the night, I’ll tell you where one of the cameras is.” The corner of his lips quirks up into an audacious smile.
You either haven’t learnt a single thing about me, or you think I’m going to let you see me enjoy this.
He moves between my legs, and I take my chance, lifting my knee and kicking him in the nose with my heel.
“Fuck!” He laughs like a madman. I don’t wait to see the damage I’ve inflicted, quickly rolling to my front, inching closer to the edge of my bed to get onto my feet.
The air is pushed from my lungs when his body slams into mine, his chest pressed to my back.
“Is this how you want it, Little Nycto?”
The leather on his boots pinches my skin, caught between his foot and the bed as he spreads my legs open with his. I bite the inside of my lip to silence myself because I don’t want him to know how aroused I am.
But it’s futile when the pressure is off my back and his knees hold my legs open.
“The more you fight, the harder I’m going to fuck you.”
Promise?
“But first, I want to see how many of my fingers you can fit inside you before you scream for more.” With one hand pressed on my back, his other explores my thigh and stops at my core.
I suck in a breath, the leather conforming to my mouth and nose with the limited air inside the muzzle. I force myself to control my breathing and will my heart to calm itself, but when he pushes a finger inside me, my hips react on their own, inviting him in further.
“Control those breaths, Isla. Unless you want me to fuck you while you’re unconscious.”
I’ve fantasised about this for as long as I can remember, but could never voice my desires with Adrian.
It wasn’t out of shame, but because I didn’t trust him.
I could never trust him to know how to treat me, let alone have full control over me when I was unconscious.
So why does it excite me when it comes to Malik?
Shouldn’t it scare me even more?
“That’s it, Isla, your body knows what it craves, doesn’t it?” he breathes as I stare at the black quilted headboard, the moon casting his shadow on my white walls, large, strong, and hungry.
I push my hips back, instinctively begging him for more. When he adds another finger, my eyes roll back with insurmountable pleasure.
I want more.
His knee rests on my leg, keeping me immobile as he fucks me with his fingers, his other hand roaming my back, snaking up to the side of my face.
He presses down, pushing my head further into the mattress as he pulls his fingers from me slowly.
I watch his shadow on the wall as his tongue falls out, licking the two digits that were just inside me.
“I can’t get enough, Isla. I’ve become insatiable and I don’t know if it’ll ever be enough.”
My core is on fire, pleading for more of his touch as I jut out my ass.
“I’ve never wanted to own something so much before, and the thought of you belonging to me gives me a rush I haven’t felt in a very long time.”
His fingers brush lightly on the back of my thigh, finding their way back to my core again. He slips them in without giving me a second to brace, then adds another, and I moan, using up all the air inside the mask.
He chuckles at my outburst of pleasure, my nails now digging into the skin of my palms, almost drawing blood.
“Good girl,” he drawls. “Take all my fingers before you pass out. Then, when you wake up, you’ll feel me inside you,” he whispers, and my body responds on cue, relaxing into his touch.
My skin stretches around him as he slowly inserts his thumb, and I groan, gripping the sheets inside my fists.
I can’t.
Please.
Fuck.
I can’t take it all.
“You can take it, Isla,” he says, gently releasing my face and working his way down to my ass. “Maybe this will speed up the process.”
He places a tender touch on my puckered hole, rubbing the skin, and I find myself moving forward and back, rocking over his hand.
“Do you miss my touch, Little Nycto?” He slips his fingers through my cheeks, caressing the place I’ve forgotten is now awake inside me. “Or do you miss my tongue more?”
The pressure is gentle at first, his thumb resting on my back hole as he inches further inside my pussy. My heart pounds as my moans grow louder, embalming me in pure lust as I chase the pleasure surging through my veins.
Count your breaths, I remind myself.
But there’s nothing coming in.
The air has become thin and dry. Every inhale is like pulling through a straw stuck with ice beneath it. The pleasure is too much, mixed with the terrifying thought of fainting, the panic pulsing through me as my vision blurs.
“Stay with me, Isla,” he commands. “You’re so close.”
My fingers tingle as a wash of intense, carnal indulgence floats over my entire body. Dark shadows creep in like tendrils over my eyes, and my own breath sounds like a stranger’s as I ride the wave of pleasure, focused on trying to stay awake through it.
“Fuck.” Malik’s voice disappears slowly into the distance along with the clank of his belt on the floor. The darkness swallows me, but it’s like I’m still awake.
The leather straps loosen, and I suck in a breath, choking as he removes the chains around my wrist. It’s still dark, and I wonder if I’m dreaming as he lies beside me, his hand warm on my cheek. I heave my weighty eyes open, then I’m struck by his dark, maniacal, insatiable ones.
I press my legs together and smile at the soreness between them.
“Was that too much?” he asks in a hushed tone as he pulls me into him.
I huff a laugh. “Didn’t even scratch the surface.”
He throws his head back, the wonderful sound of his laughter filling my once lifeless room. “Maybe we should save the fucking for another time.”
“Too bad. I have a strap-on in my closet, and I was thinking I could peg you next.”
He smiles, and I know I’m done for.
There is no coming back from him, and I don’t think I’m going to survive it.
“If you think I haven’t tried it, I can guarantee you’d be wrong.”
“Malik,” I whisper, rolling onto my side as I nuzzle into him. “What the hell are we doing?”
He pauses to rest his head on the headboard, ignoring my question. The sadness in his eyes is back, and for a second, I regret asking. But instead of answering my question, he asks one of his own.
“You never asked me how I ended up at Ophidian.” He changes the subject.
“I assumed, like most, you lost your parents,” I say in a hushed tone, worried I’ll scare him away from opening up to me.
“They left.”
My stomach sinks.
“I don’t remember their faces anymore. It’s always a body and only a hazy cloud above the neck.” The notch in his throat bobs up and down. “I was six,” he whispers, and if the room weren’t silent, I wouldn’t hear the ache in his voice.
“Malik…” I try to find words of comfort, but I can’t believe the ones I’m hearing.
“We were driving for hours, the sun disappeared and rose again. I just kept staring at my parents, holding hands so fucking tightly, like they were afraid of something.”
I slip my hand into his.
“We stopped at a gas station. My father handed me money and told me to go in and buy whatever I wanted.” He chuckles. “Such a fucking fool I was.”
“You were six. I doubt it was foolish to trust your parents not to betray you.”
He nods, staring up at the ceiling, the harsh lines of his cheek carved by the moonlight.
“When I walked out, there was no car. Gone, like they hadn’t spent six years raising me, loving me, teaching me everything they knew.” His hold on my hand tightens. “Vanished, like I was just a phase they were finally done with.”
He turns to me, threading his legs in mine. “When I love, I hold on like it’s the one thing I have left to live for. It’s every locked door thrown open. It’s rough, it’s ruthless and obsessive.”
My breath hitches. Is he talking about me?
No. My heart falls. Of course, he isn’t. He’s talking about her.
“When I love, I let it fester within me until it turns black, rotting me to the core. I fight through the decay and sink my teeth into the one I love to drain every bit of light because it feeds me. Because when I love, I don’t know how to let go.
I torture myself every fucking day and call it devotion. ”
“Don’t say these things to me when they’re not about me,” I murmur, fighting back the tears now barging through the walls I’ve put up. I push away, rolling onto my back as he grips my wrists and pulls me onto him.
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? You’re still searching for her, waiting for her to walk through the door.” I place my hand on his chest. “You have spaces inside here that are locked and only she has the keys.”
“Some ghosts don’t leave simply because you want them to. She took something from me, Isla, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.”
I curse myself for not fighting harder, for letting him in. Because when two stagnant hearts come together, it’s like the poison bleeding through one apple to another, speeding up the process.
“If part of you still belongs to her, you can’t have all of me either.”