30. Oliver
THIRTY
Oliver
I let my mother berate me for not calling her until a doctor thankfully released me a couple of hours after she arrived.
She’d driven me back to Key Ridge in my car, which Frankie and Mattie had dropped off earlier. The ride was quiet after I’d lied and told her I needed to rest. In reality, I’d pressed my face against the cool glass, shut my eyes, and let my thoughts spin.
Thankfully, it was slow season so Bev was able to put my mom up in a room at the lodge. I’d tried to pay, but Bev had insisted that family stayed free.
Now I was back in my apartment, showering the hospital feel off of me that was somehow simultaneously sterile and grimy all at once. My mom was getting settled in her room, and she was insistent that I show her around Key Ridge.
Seeing her show up to my hospital room in a panic had made me feel a little bad. She looked small and alone. We used to be so close. Now I’d put this distance between us. It was like I’d thought that the further I pushed her away, the better I’d feel.
But I didn’t feel better. I felt gross. Ashamed. Talking never came easily with my mother. Growing up, activities had been her love language. I used to cherish that time. It made me feel special.
I’d just finished getting dressed when a knock sounded at the door.
“Shit,” I muttered, knowing without checking that it was my mom.
I’d told her I’d meet her in the lobby in an hour but she hadn’t listened. I was positive she’d asked Bev where I was staying and walked straight on over here.
“What happened to meeting in the lobby?” I asked, pulling open the front door.
My mom’s smile fell for a moment before she put it back on. She brushed by me and into my space. “Excuse me for wanting to see where my son has been staying.”
“Not much to see.” I held up my hands and spun around, emphasizing the tininess of the space.
“It’s adorable,” she cooed, walking around. “Perfect for a short stay.”
“Yep.”
“How’s your head?” She picked up a couch pillow and fluffed it before placing it back.
“Fine.”
“Are you sure, because I can sleep here if you want. I don’t mind a couch.”
“I’ll be fine,” I insisted curtly.
She raised her thin brows. “Are you sure? Because?—”
“Yes.” My tone was even sharper this time.
My mom took a step back as if I’d physically slapped her or something. She cleared her throat before shaking her head. “ I’m not understanding all this hostility.” I could hear the hurt in her voice, masked by frustration.
“Come on. I’m not being hostile.” My head fell back with impatience. “Weren’t we going to check out the town?” I asked, walking to the door and holding it open.
Ignoring my mother’s phone calls were one thing. Having her standing in my space, openly addressing the cold way I had been treating her was another thing entirely. I couldn’t take this. Especially not the day after a head injury.
“I don’t want to cramp your style,” she whispered, walking past me and reaching out to pat my chest. It was a clear sign of defeat. “Maybe I’ll eat at the hotel and get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “No, Ma. Don’t do that.”
Her eyes searched my face. I wondered what they found there.
“I know when I’m not wanted,” she said.
“I want you here,” I insisted, although I knew my complicated feelings were displaying anything except that notion.
She shook her head. “Doesn’t feel like it.”
My gut churned when I saw the tears forming in her eyes.
“You never take my calls anymore,” she continued. “Your visits are growing scarcer and scarcer. I’m not stupid, Ollie. I know you’re pushing me away.”
I sighed deeply and reached out to grab her arm, keeping her from stepping out the door. My avoidance tactics could only get me so far, and I was clearly at the end of my rope here. I needed to speak my truth as best as I could.
“Can you sit down for a minute?” I asked, walking over to the small kitchen table and pulling out a seat. I sat and waited for her. Thankfully, my mom obliged without resistance, shutting the front door and joining me at the table.
“What’s going on with you, Oliver?” she finally asked .
Anxiousness coiled in my chest as I prepared to finally let the spring loose.
“First off, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you.”
“I knew it.”
“It’s because I don’t know how to talk to you—to clear the air.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed to think better of it. For the first time, I wondered if she’d been expecting this conversation.
“I think you know that Nathan and I have grown close the past couple of years. Closer than we’ve ever been.”
“Right,” she said softly.
“Well, it’s bringing up a lot of shit from growing up, and I don’t really know how to handle it, if I’m being honest.”
She stared at the ground, rendered speechless. I knew I needed to continue but the feeling in my gut begged me to stop. I took in another deep breath.
“You put too much on me, Mom. All those years of acting like it was us against Nathan and Dad…it wasn’t right. I didn’t know how to be close to my brother—I felt like I couldn’t be. It was like being close to him was betraying you in some way. Do you know how fucked up that is for a kid to feel?”
She met my gaze briefly before jerking her eyes back to the floor. I half expected her to deny it, but she didn’t. Instead, she finally whispered, “I’m so sorry for that.”
It was like those words opened a floodgate.
“How could you treat him like that?” I demanded. “You ignored him, treated him like he wasn’t even your son. Even now, whenever we talk, I hear the way you subtly throw digs at him. He’s your son . He deserves better.”
“I know.”
“And I deserved better too. I should never have been your emotional support child, or whatever the hell I was. ”
She clasped and unclasped her hands. The silence was enormous. I thought I might suffocate in it, but at least I’d finally said something . Maybe not in the most eloquent way, but I’d gotten the words out.
“Your father and I weren’t always…we weren’t always like the way you knew us to be.”
My eyebrows drew together. My mother never talked about my father and vice versa. Growing up, I hardly saw them interact. They didn’t even share a bedroom. I’d realized that when I was in sixth grade.
“We met when I was young. He was older, successful. He was quiet, but I was enamored with him. Thought my flirty ways were getting under his skin, I don’t know.” She shook her head. “It was never supposed to be a forever thing. We had a short fling, that was all. He was too different from me. He was cold and calculated. In the short time we spent together, I realized he didn’t want to change. He didn’t think my free spirit was charming, he thought it was irritating. We didn’t work. After we parted ways, I—I realized I was pregnant with Nathan.”
My eyes widened. She’d never told me this.
“I knew I wanted to keep him the second I found out. Your father…he insisted I marry him. Perhaps I hadn’t learned all my lessons at the time because I agreed. I thought it was romantic in a way. He was so harsh, but he was stepping up and doing the right thing. I thought we might be a real family. But walking down that aisle and signing the papers was the only thing he ever did right by me.”
“Mom…”
“I had a hard time after Nathan was born. I wasn’t feeling like myself. I was stuck at home a lot. It was hard. Nathan was the spitting image of your father. He took an interest in Nathan the way he never did me. Wanted to set him up for all these classes at a young age. Had all these grand plans. It felt like he was turning him into a mini him, and I felt all alone.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I know how wrong it seems. I was his mother. I should have stepped in. Should have bonded more. But I felt so alone. So empty.”
She smiled sadly. “Then you came along. The day you were born, your father was on a work trip he’d insisted he couldn’t miss. Your grandmother watched Nathan while I went to the hospital by myself. You were like this ray of sunshine immediately. Some women would have mourned the fact that their husband was thousands of miles away during the birth of their second child, but I rejoiced that it was just me and you.”
She opened and closed her mouth, searching for the right words. “The older you two got… I knew it was wrong, but when I looked at Nathan all I saw was your father. I couldn’t separate the two.”
“He needed you. You knew how Dad was.”
“I know, and I regret it. But at the time, I convinced myself I saw the same judgment and hatred in Nathan’s eyes that I saw in your father’s. I clung to you instead. My little sunshine.”
I let her words sink in. They made sense in a way. I knew she thought Nathan and my father were cut from the same cloth. For years, I’d thought that too.
Nathan had been forced into that, though. Sure, he’d always been the logical one. He was never going to be naturally warm, and he’d always be a touch socially awkward no matter what. But it hurt to think that the coldness he’d developed was partially because he’d felt ostracized. If I had been left to be raised by my father, I doubted I would have turned out the way that I had.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair .
“I’m trying to make things right with Nathan. I know I’m probably too late, but I’m trying,” she added quietly.
“I know,” I said, crossing my arms in front of me and taking in my mother.
For all her faults, she wasn’t a bad person. She might have made a lot of mistakes, but hearing her side of things made me falter. Being stuck in a relationship with someone who made you feel that small…it couldn’t have been easy. I knew how harsh Dad could be. He’d never cared for me. I’d grown to accept it, but it had never been easy growing up.
“Why did you stay with him?” I asked, struggling not to fantasize about what a childhood could have been like without my mother underneath his thumb.
“He would never agree to a divorce; said it was too messy. I had no savings of my own. I didn’t know what to do…”
My heart broke a little for her. I knew she’d lost her parents when she was young. The only grandparents I’d ever known were my dad’s parents, and they had always been harsh with my mother. They treated her like she wasn’t good enough for their son.
“Hey.” I reached over and set a hand on her forearm. “You were young. I get that. It must have been hard.”
She looked down at the point of contact I offered her. “I regret everything with Nathan.” She sniffled. “I saw a safe haven in you. Someone to finally be on my side. I should never have pitted you two against each other. I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. When Nathan said he was moving to Denver, I prayed that would be the moment you two finally grew close. There was nothing I wanted more in this life than to see the two of you get along…be the family I never gave you.”
My mom had pressured him to stay with me back then, so I knew there was truth to her words .
“I’m glad I have Nathan now,” I said. “I needed him.”
She sniffled loudly and squeezed her eyes shut. “And I’ll never stop trying to be better. I’m sorry if I can be judgmental toward him sometimes. It’s just that I still struggle so much to understand him. I know that’s my fault, though,” she finished quietly.
I sighed and leaned forward. Nothing was fixed. It wasn’t some magical conversation that wrapped all of the hurt into a neat bag and tied it off with a bow. But it was a start.
“Well, we can all try to be better,” I said.
“I hope you can forgive me one day.” A ghost of a smile drifted across her face before she finally met my eyes.
My shoulders sagged. I hadn’t even realized how tight they’d been.
We talked for a little while longer, and she shared things with me I hadn’t expected. She told me that all she wanted was to be a better mother to Nathan and me, to make up for the things she felt she’d missed. She was so determined for us all to be a family, especially now that Nathan and Charlie were expecting a baby. Despite the anxiety I’d had about this conversation, I could feel the sincerity in her words. There was no pretense, no effort to win me over. She was being real. It was a step in the right direction.
After what must have been hours, we had moved on from more serious topics to lighter ones, and I actually started to enjoy my mother’s company again. I found myself grateful she was here.
“So.” A mischievous glint formed in her eyes before she asked, “Who’s Frankie?”
A strangled laugh escaped my throat. “Really? Subtle change of topic, Mom.”
Her smile grew. “What? I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful woman at your bedside today was definitely not a nurse or a doctor.”
“She’s just a girl,” I said, making the understatement of a lifetime. “A girl who’s leaving soon. We both are. I’m headed out of Key Ridge next week.”
“Ahh.” Recognition flashed across her face. “Well, you’ve always been an adventurous soul. I thought maybe…the way you were looking at her.” She offered me a shrug. “It seemed different.”
My chest tightened, suddenly choked with the desire to go straight to Frankie and wrap her in my arms.
“She is different.”
My mother nodded. “If my story can teach you anything, it’s that you shouldn’t change for anyone. If it’s right, it’ll all work out. You shouldn’t have to force it.”
Her words hit harder than she probably realized. Because I’d have to change a hell of a lot to work out with Frankie. We weren’t meant to be in any sense of the word. We were temporary, just like my mother and father should have been.
But if that was all true, then why did everything feel so wrong?
“And over there is the ski hill.” I pointed to the now-green mountain. There were still patches of snow here and there but it was almost completely dried up at this point. “You sure you don’t want to get out there?” I joked, nudging my mom.
She laughed, her arm hooked in mine. “Please, I haven’t skied in decades.”
I smirked and shook my head. We’d already walked all around Main Street. My mom had popped into a few of the shops to get a few souvenirs—mostly baby clothes for Nathan and Charlie.
It felt good to spend this time with her, unburdened by some of the things that had been weighing so heavily on me. She seemed lighter too.
Things between us weren’t shiny and new, but at least we’d popped out some of the dents. It helped that I knew how badly she wanted to make things better with Nathan. She was actually headed back to Denver tomorrow to spend time with him and Charlie. She was glowing at the thought of her first grandchild. My family was fractured, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be mended. A patch on a hole was better than throwing the whole boat away.
“Dinner?” my mom asked. “I’m starving.”
“Sure.” I checked my phone to confirm Frankie had gotten my text. “Let’s go.”
We walked toward the Italian restaurant in town, one of the nicer establishments. It always had a line and smelled amazing.
Everything in me settled as soon as I caught sight of Frankie standing out front. Her hands were stuffed into a lightweight windbreaker as she looked up and down the sidewalk.
“Hey!” I called.
As soon as her eyes met mine, warmth spread through my chest. Damn, I loved that feeling.
“Thanks for meeting us.” I wrapped my arms around her, sealing her to me in a hug.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, and gave a small wave to my mom. “Hi again, Mrs. Shaw.”
“Gina,” she corrected.
“I’m feeling fine. Good as new. Think I’ll go mountain biking tomorrow,” I said with a stretch .
“ Oliver ,” my mother and Frankie hissed in unison.
I chuckled and let them think I was joking. In reality, the possibility of me hitting the trails in the morning was very real.
I held open the door to the cozy family-owned place as the only two women in my life walked through. The aromas of garlic and fresh bread hit us instantly.
“I’m surprised you didn’t want to take her to Marie’s.” Frankie pulled off her coat as we waited for the host to seat us.
“I don’t really like the food there,” I said nonchalantly.
Frankie’s eyebrows furrowed as she gaped at me. “You’ve eaten dinner there like four times a week since you got here.”
“Because you worked there four times a week,” I pointed out.
She blinked a few times. “You—you seriously don’t like the food? Like at all?”
I bent over to plant a kiss on her forehead. “I like you .” When I pulled back, I noticed my mom watching our exchange.
We were seated and ordered quickly. My stomach growled in anticipation. I’d only had the shitty hospital food to eat since yesterday.
As we ate our meals and fell into easy conversation, everything about the evening felt warm, like slipping into something comfortable. As I listened to my mom ask Frankie about herself, I couldn’t help but feel at ease—like I could finally breathe again.
When my mom went to the bathroom, Frankie leaned in to whisper, “Things seem better between the two of you.”
“We talked,” I admitted.
“I’m proud of you.” She squeezed my thigh, and all felt right in the world for a moment.
It was easy to trick my brain into thinking this was the first of many times the three of us would share a meal. That I wasn’t about to say goodbye to her in less than a week’s time. It was hard not to picture Frankie coming home with me for the holidays or spending our next birthdays together. How could this feel so fucking right ?
When she’d asked me about visiting her in New York, it had pained me to say no, but I couldn’t do it. As hard as a clean break would be for the two of us, continuing to talk from opposite sides of the country would be even harder. Letting myself see her knowing it was just for a short visit? That would be too cruel. What we had here was special—once in a lifetime. It was best to leave it at that.
After dinner, we said our goodbyes outside.
I gave Frankie a hug and whispered in her ear, “Can I come pick you up after I walk my mom home?”
She melted into me. “Please.”
I stared as she walked the short block back to Mattie and Giles’s house, not looking away until I saw her turn onto their street.
“She’s great,” my mom said.
“She is.”
“Different than you,” she added, no doubt thinking about how often Frankie had mentioned her new job over dinner. “But that isn’t a bad thing.”
I let out a sound of disbelief as we waited at a crosswalk. “Not a bad thing? You just went over recounting the tales of how disastrous you and Dad were. How I should never let anyone change me.”
“Does she want to change you?”
My mouth snapped shut at that. Thoughts scurried through my brain. Frankie had tried to help me make plans, to get me to talk about my feelings and my past. It was all to help me, not to change me. In fact, I hadn’t felt so seen and accepted by someone in…in I didn’t know how long. No one had ever made me feel the way that she did.
“No,” I finally said. “She doesn’t want me to change.”
“That right there is special.”
“But I don’t want her to change either,” I said hollowly.
We turned down the street the lodge was located on. When we got to the front entrance, I gave my mom a hug good night.
She pulled away and squeezed my arms. “Oliver, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
“And I want to see you happy,” she continued.
“Ma,” I groaned, dragging a hand over my face. All I wanted to do was rush back to collect Frankie in my arms. I wasn’t ready for any more talks tonight.
“Listen.” She pointed a finger at my chest, eyes determined. When I didn’t interrupt again, she continued. “I guess maybe moving on to the next thing will be what brings you happiness. But I can’t help feeling that if you’re always searching—always on the move—you might miss out on what truly matters. In the end, you could find yourself disappointed. Don’t let your need to live a full life make you miss out on what could be the most fulfilling adventure yet.”