Chapter 11
Eleven
Cullen
I turn away from the ocean-blue eyes that have been starring in my dreams lately and lead Hadley out to my truck. I feel sick. Not because Hudson’s on a date with Ella, but because I thought I could make him jealous by rubbing his sister in his face.
I’m so stupid.
I’m sure he’s immune to it by now. It’s not like he hasn’t had to sit and witness Hadley and me make out for the past three years.
What is he even supposed to be jealous of? His sister?
That’s laughable.
There’s still some lingering anger from earlier today that fueled my immature move.
And a whole lot of jealousy.
If it were any other girl, I’d be so damn happy for Hudson.
He deserves to do all the teenage relationship stuff I’ve been doing for years.
The stuff he’s put off for one reason or another.
But there is something about Ella, and the fact that she literally wedged herself between us today, that had me seeing red.
What stings most is that he didn’t tell me about the date.
The only thing I can’t figure out is why he’s been so pissed off this week.
My mix of emotions is heavy, and I just want to drop Hadley off so I can go home and relax. Maybe wallow in my misery a bit.
“Culley, are you even listening to me?”
I tune back into Hadley sitting in the passenger seat, arms crossed and scowling. I glance outside and realize we’re already in her driveway.
Damn. I must’ve really been in la-la land not to remember getting us here.
“I’m sorry, I zoned out for a sec. What did you say?”
Hadley scoffs and drops her arms. “I was telling you my grandparents said it’s okay if we want to go up to their lake house for Spring Break.
They had some friends who were supposed to use it that week, but one of the old geezers broke a hip or something and can’t walk, so…
their loss is our gain. It sleeps twelve, so we could get a big group together. What do you think?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“A little more enthusiasm would be nice, Cullen.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just fried from midterms. Honestly, I’m ready to crash.”
Hadley juts her bottom lip out in a pout. “I was hoping you’d come in and we could talk.”
“We’re talking now, Hads.”
She leans over the center console and rests her hand on my leg, inching it up toward my crotch. “That’s not the kind of talking I want to do.”
My dick gives a feeble twitch, but doesn’t bother waking up. Hadley toys with my zipper, bottom lip caught between her straight white teeth as she looks up at me through thick lashes. I grasp her hand and pull it away, pressing a kiss to her fingers before letting go.
“Not tonight.”
Her eyes search my face before she nods and leans back in her seat. She looks a little sad, so I try to offer a bit of comfort. “Don’t be upset, beautiful. I’m just drained. Raincheck?”
She smiles and leans over the console to give me a sweet peck. “Night, Culley. Teacher workday tomorrow, so I’ll see you this weekend.”
She gets out of the truck and walks up the steps to her house, flipping on the porch light as she goes.
I sigh, back out of her driveway, and head toward home. The radio’s on, but I crank it up louder to fill the silence. When I glance at the clock and see it’s only 6:45, curiosity starts to get the best of me.
Instead of going home, I make a U-turn and head back toward town.
Coming up on Melvin’s, I ease off the gas and creep past the storefront. Hudson’s Bronco is still parked in the lot.
At the last second, I pull in and back into a spot a few spaces down, close enough to watch the exit, but far enough not to be noticed.
Stalkerish? Absolutely. But something’s nagging at me in the back of my mind.
I need to know Hudson’s okay.
And any excuse to see him? Yeah… I’ll take it.
I only have to wait about five minutes before I hear obnoxious giggling near the front of the parking lot.
Ella’s clinging to Hudson like a spider monkey, but his body looks stiff and uncomfortable.
When she glances in my direction, I quickly turn my hat around to help shield my face. Hopefully, they don’t notice my truck.
Hudson, ever the gentleman, opens the passenger door for Ella and helps her climb into the Bronco.
She’s giving him full-on googly eyes, but he seems completely oblivious.
Hud rounds the front of his car and hops in.
A moment later, he backs out of the parking spot, but not before Ella locks eyes with me and sends a chilling, emotionless glare my way.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up as her mouth curls into the tiniest smirk.
Fuck. I wouldn’t put it past her to blow my cover and snitch me out to Hud. The fact that she’s even getting to be this close to him right now sets me on edge.
Not wanting to be a complete creep and follow them wherever they're going, I start the truck and head home, my mind too full. But the more I stew in my thoughts, the angrier I become. It’s like he tried to pull a fast one on me, and that feels like a bitch slap to our friendship.
Once in my driveway, I grab my phone and open my text thread with Hudson.
ME: Meet me at the river tomorrow around noon. We need to talk.
I stare at the message, willing him to respond. The minutes tick by, but it stays unread.
Aggravated, I climb out of my truck and trudge inside. Mom and Dad are cuddled up on the couch watching a comedy when I walk in. I drop into the leather recliner, drained.
“Hey, sweetheart. Have a good time with Hadley?” Mom asks, warm and curious.
“I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah. I was distracted. Hudson was there on a date with Ella Hackford.”
“Oh, that’s right. Nora mentioned it yesterday when we chatted. She sounded excited.”
I sit up straight, hurt and anger shooting through my chest. “You mean to tell me you knew Hudson was going out with that airhead and you didn’t tell me?”
“Hey. Watch the way you talk about her,” Mom scolds me, sharp but calm. “You know better than that.”
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“I didn’t mention it because I assumed you already knew.”
I sink back into the recliner, angry and defeated. “Well, I didn’t. He kept it from me.”
“Does he know you talk about Ella like that?” Dad chimes in. “That alone might be enough reason to keep you out of the loop.”
“I did bring up her name when I tried to tell him I thought he was drugged at the party. He didn’t like that.”
“Well, maybe he felt like you wouldn’t be happy for him since he knows how you feel about her,” Dad reasons.
I don’t respond to that because I’m sure that’s exactly why he didn’t tell me.
But still…
“He’s been in a mood all week,” I grumble, launching into my frustration.
“Anytime I asked what was wrong, he just said he was stressed about midterms. You and I both know he could ace those without studying, so I don’t think that’s really it.
” I pause, my throat tightening. “I just… I don’t want a girl, of all things, to come between us. ”
I swallow the lump in my throat and rub at the spot on my chest where the chasm keeps spreading.
“Son, you should be happy for Hudson. Besides, they have history together. It makes sense.”
“We have history too,” I say roughly, just above a whisper.
“Sweetheart, you remember how Hudson was when you and Hadley started dating? He got distant, snippy, and didn’t want to hang out for a while.” She smiles, warm and understanding. “He was scared of losing his best friend. I think you’re doing the same thing.”
Maybe. Probably not.
Dad tilts his head, studying me with a thoughtful, knowing look. “Unless this has nothing to do with being afraid of losing your best friend… and everything to do with the fact that you wanted to be on that date with him.”
I stop breathing. I should’ve known Dad would see through me. He has to be observant in his line of work. Miss one sign, and he could misdiagnose someone.
I lean back in the recliner and let my hat slide down over my face. I didn’t expect to get emotional, but I feel a sting in the corner of my eyes.
A light touch rests on my knee, followed by a gentle squeeze. I tilt my hat up, and I'm met with green eyes like my own and a soft smile. Mom squeezes my knee one more time before leaning back into my dad’s side. “Do you like Hudson, sweetheart?”
The sting turns into a tear sliding down my cheek. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and bite down, trying to keep from full-on crying. I’ve been holding this in since I told my parents I was bi. I didn’t realize how heavy it’s been until now.
Both of my parents are looking at me expectantly, patiently waiting for my reply. I give them a slow nod, then let another tear fall down my face. Mom pulls me from the recliner over to the couch between them and hugs me tight.
I lose it.
I sob into my mom’s neck for the first time since I was little. Dad wraps his arms around both of us, and it only makes me cry harder.
I cry for losing Hudson before I ever had him—because he was never mine to lose… because he’s out on a date with someone who isn’t good enough for him.
I cry because I don’t know what to do about my feelings. And I cry because I know I have to end it with Hadley—because it’s not fair to keep wanting someone else while she’s still holding my hand.
My body is wracked with quiet sobs, but Mom and Dad hold me through it all. Mom’s sweet perfume carries across my nose, the familiar smell calming some of my torn edges. Dad’s warm chest against my back makes me feel safe, and it helps me get a handle on myself.
When I pull away, my head is pounding and my face feels tight. Dad slips away to the half bath while Mom stays beside me, rubbing slow, soothing circles on my back. He returns a few seconds later with some tissues and hands them to me. I blow my nose, not caring how gross it sounds.
I exhale hard and lean back into the couch. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Cullen, but it’s obvious you’ve held that in too long. It’s not healthy.” Dad’s gentle admonishment is very much Psychology 101.
“I know, but I felt like there was no point in admitting it out loud. He’ll never feel the same way,” I admit, deflated.
My parents exchange a quiet look. “Cullen, the only advice we can give is to be a supportive friend. We know it hurts to watch someone you care about dating someone else, but don’t push him away just because you don’t like his girlfriend.”
It’s not that I don’t like Ella… well, that’s not true. I’m not particularly fond of her. Probably because I’m just a possessive bastard and want to keep Hud to myself.
I meet my dad’s eyes and nod.
“Sweetheart, about Hadley—” Mom starts, but I cut her off.
“I know. I need to break up with her. It’s not fair when my heart isn’t with her. It’s just… hard.”
“We know, and we trust you’ll make the right decision soon.”
“I will. I’m gonna head to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“We love you. We’re here if you need to talk anything out.” Mom pats my knee and kisses my cheek.
“Thanks. Love you guys. Night.”
They send me off with a goodnight, settling down on the couch to resume their movie.
I trudge up the stairs and down the darkened hall to my bedroom, my body heavy. I kick off my shoes, collapse onto my unmade bed, and let out a groan. My chest feels like it was scraped raw after everything I just spilled downstairs.
Shimmying out of my jeans and my Henley, I toss them into the corner of my room.
My hat comes off with the shirt, disappearing into the mess on my floor.
When my jeans land with a clunk, I remember my phone and wallet are still in the pocket.
I grunt as I get off the bed, then fish through the denim until I find my phone.
I sit on the edge of my bed and see I have no new notifications, and Hudson still hasn’t responded. Morbid curiosity makes me open our text thread, only to confirm he hasn’t even read it.
Plugging my phone into the charger beside my bed, I yawn and turn on the TV and navigate to my comfort show.
I try to lose myself in the comedy about a bunch of nerds and their hot neighbor, but I can’t focus.
My mind keeps wandering to where Hud and Ella went after Melvin’s and whether they’re having fun.
Of course they are.
He’s having such a great time that he hasn’t even bothered to check his phone. My stomach roils, and my chest feels like it's caving in. I don’t want him getting any closer to Ella than he already is. I want him to be happy, just not with her.
And fuck me for being selfish.