Chapter 42 #2
“Hudson doesn’t need to be fixed,” Cullen grits out, just inches from Ella’s face. His fists are trembling at his sides, and I know if Ella were a guy, he would’ve swung by now.
The tension slices through my high, letting the anxiety bleed back in. I push to my feet and step between them, placing a hand on Cullen’s heaving chest to hold him back.
“Chill, Cull. I asked her for the weed.”
An indignant look crosses his face. “So you’re trying to self-destruct? I told you hanging out with Ella would lead to this shit,” he spits.
Anger rears its ugly head, and I snap. “I’m just trying to make it to tomorrow!”
He staggers back a step, stunned by my outburst.
“I’m trying to keep the thoughts swirling in my head from becoming real,” I snarl, darkness bleeding into my tone. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch your entire life implode right in front of you. To have someone out there trying to rip away everyone and everything you love.”
“I know it’s been hard, babe, but this isn’t the way to work through it.”
“You don’t know shit, Cullen.”
“I know that I love you!” he yells, loud enough to startle a flock of birds from the trees.
I flinch. That’s the one thing he shouldn’t have said right now. “Well, maybe that’s a mistake.” The words spill out before I can stop them. Pure word vomit, but I don’t take it back. I run with it. I just keep hurting everyone, and Cullen’s better off without this kind of shit in his life.
He stares at me, his face pale, but I need to make him see…
“Maybe we are a mistake.”
It tastes like ash on my tongue. I know Cullen isn’t a mistake. Our love is the best thing that will ever happen to me. But I can’t keep letting him follow me down into this dark pit, constantly trying to pull me back into the light.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that shit is too hard right now. I think—,” I swallow the bile that wants to crawl up my throat. “I think we should call it quits.”
“Don’t.” His voice is hard but frantic, his finger stabbing the air at me.
He wouldn’t promise to find happiness if something happened to me, but maybe this will force him to. Force him to stop ignoring my missing pieces. I want him to chase something simple, something easy. Because loving me will never be either of those things.
“I can’t do this anymore, Cull.” I’m fighting to keep my voice from breaking, from giving away what my heart is screaming right now. It’s excruciating, but I tell myself it’s necessary.
“Hud, baby, please. Don’t do this. It’s not always going to be this way. We can get through this.” A single tear slips from the corner of Cullen’s eye. The beautiful green I’m denying myself of ever looking into again.
The devastation on his face is killing me, but I know this is what I need to do.
“Maybe this is what’s best for Hudson,” Ella placates, placing a comforting hand on Cullen’s arm. “They say if you love something, set it free. So let him go.”
Cull shakes her hand off, his devastation morphing into disgust. “Did you put this idea in his head? What if you’re the crazed psycho who’s been stalking Hudson?”
Ella steps back like he slapped her, shock and hurt etched on her face.
“That’s enough, dude. You’ve had it out for Ella for months, whether you’ve said it outright or not,” I snap, stepping between them. “She’s been nothing but supportive and there for me.”
A breeze picks up, carrying that familiar evergreen scent I love so much. A lump rises in my throat, knowing this might be the last time I’m wrapped in it.
Am I doing the right thing?
“Dude? So back to friends, just like that?” Cull asks, the words torn and ugly.
I don’t answer.
I don’t want to be friends. I want to be his.
But it’s too hard watching him worry over me. Too hard keeping the cracks in my mind from showing.
It’s all just… too much.
“Ella, will you take me home?” I ask, turning my back on the one thing in my life worth living for.
“Hudson, please, baby, don’t do this.” Cullen reaches for me, fingers brushing my arm, but I pull away before he can really grab hold. My body feels heavy, but I keep walking. I have to. This is for him. He’ll understand that one day.
Ella hurries to catch up, feathering her fingers against mine. I let her take my hand, but it’s not the one I want to be holding.
“Hudson!”
I make the mistake of looking back. Cullen stands there, chest heaving, his face twisted in anguish.
It guts me. This isn’t what I want.
But life doesn’t care what we want.
It hands us mirages. False visions of hope, just enough to keep us going.
Then they vanish into smoke.
***
Cullen
I watch in heartbroken silence as Hudson gets into Ella’s car and drives away. My chest seizes, and I can’t get any air into my lungs.
“It’s over…” I rasp, the words dissolving into the night.
I rub my chest, trying to ease the pain where my heart used to be. I’ve never felt anything more unbearable.
My knees buckle, and the hard park bench catches my weight. I touch the spot where Hudson was sitting, wishing it still held his warmth.
It was all over his face that this isn’t what he wants. It’s what he thinks is best, and I can’t accept that.
But what if Ella was right?
My stomach churns. What if letting him go really is what he needs?
I call bullshit.
He thinks this is what’s best? Fine. I’ll give him tonight, maybe tomorrow. After that, I’m getting him back, and nothing will stop me.
With stubborn determination, I get back into my truck and head home.
The hurt still sits heavy in my bones. He wants an escape, but he doesn’t realize that the road he’s walking leads to something worse than what he’s trying to outrun. I need to make him see that he’s worthy of my love. That he’s worth every effort I want to put into making him happy.
But how?
I pull into my driveway and kill the engine. A headache pounds behind my eyes, and all I want is to fall into bed and sleep this night away. But as I sit there, staring at the dark house, something stirs in my chest.
Before I can second-guess myself, I pull out my phone.
ME: I love you. I’m going to fight for you.
Not expecting a reply, I stuff my phone away and climb out of the truck.
The second my foot hits the driveway, the hair on the back of my neck stands, and a cold chill snakes down my spine. I glance across the yard and out into the quiet street. It’s after eleven, still and dark. But something feels… wrong.
I reach for the gun Dad insisted I keep in my truck after taking me to the practice range.
My fingers just graze the cold metal when something slams into my upper back.
A sharp burst of pain radiates down my spine, and I spin just in time to see a man in head-to-toe black raise a baseball bat over his head.
I drop and scramble along the side of the truck, my gun left under the seat.
“Who are you?” I yell, trying to draw attention to myself. My parents aren’t home, so my only hope is that the neighbors will hear.
He stalks after me, slow and sure, like a slasher villain from a horror movie.
Self-preservation kicks in. I start talking, saying whatever I need to get me out of this alive.
“He broke up with me tonight. He isn’t mine anymore.”
He laughs, voice is rough and low. “Oh, I know. He’s finally coming around.”
He lunges, and I try to dodge, but I’m not fast enough. The bat cracks against my shoulder, and I hit the ground, pain exploding in my body. He drops onto me, but the bat is too long for him to get a good swing in.
I throw a punch, then another, my knuckles splitting from the impact. He growls, tossing the bat aside and switching to fists. In the struggle, his ski mask shifts, riding up just enough to reveal part of his jaw and lips before he yanks it back down.
“Why are you doing this?” The words come out breathless, my chest burning from the fight.
“I just need to end this,” he growls. His forearm comes down across my neck, cutting off my air supply. I claw at his arm, but he’s too strong.
He’s straddling my hips, so I thrust up, throwing him off balance.
Shoving him off, I scramble to the side.
My face throbs from the hits he landed, my right eye already swelling.
I just get my feet under me when he catches my ankle and yanks me back down.
I crash into the ground, the wind knocked from my lungs.
I gasp for breath, but can’t pull any in.
He snags the bat and swings before I can move. It crashes into my jaw, pain erupting through my face and stars exploding in my vision.
“He’ll finally be mine,” he grunts, breathless. He drives the bat into my ribs. Something cracks, and I roll, choking on blood. The pain radiating from my side is excruciating, my energy waning.
He strikes me with the bat, then his boot. I can’t block everything, so I just curl in, making myself as small as possible.
He’s relentless, never letting up on the assault. I don’t have the strength to keep myself curled tight, so I just lie there, exposed and broken, trying to hold onto consciousness.
Through my swollen eyes, I watch him raise the bat again. Hudson flashes in my mind, his smile and warmth filling my memories. This can’t be the end. I need to see him again. Tell him I love him one more time.
I have to fix things.
“Bye-Bye, Cullen.”
He swings down—
A car squeals to a stop on the curb, yelling suddenly filling the night air.
The bat drops, and the man flees into the dark.
“Cullen! Cullen?” My dad’s frantic voice cuts through the dizzy fog in my brain. “Eliza, call 911!”
His hands are all over me, checking for injuries, trying to figure out how bad it is. I feel my eyes starting to roll back, consciousness slipping like water through my fingers.
Everything hurts.
“Stay awake, son. You need to talk to me.”
I use everything I have left to keep my eyes on him, but I’m just so damn tired.
“D-don’t… don’t t-tell Hud.”
Then my vision blurs, and I let my eyes fall shut.