Chapter 43
Forty-Three
Hudson
I’m buried under a mountain of blankets, staring at the last message Cullen sent me. The one from the night I broke up with him. It’s been a week, and the crushing weight of my decision is suffocating me.
I thought I could outrun my demons on my own, but since that night, my thoughts have only grown heavier. Louder. More final.
He said he was going to fight for me. But after that message? Nothing.
Just silence.
Maybe he realized the truth. That the breakup was what’s best for him.
My chest tightens.
This is why I can’t reach out, can’t beg him to forgive my weakness. My cowardice. He knows life would be simpler without me. Easier. It’s what I hoped he would figure out. I won’t ruin that for him, no matter how much our thread pulls at my heart.
I’ve done nothing but leave wreckage behind.
That’s why I caved and took the three pills Ella claimed made her sleep.
I swallowed them the second she dropped me off that night, and I’ve spent the past six days drifting.
I’ve been in and out of nightmares, unable to care what was real and what wasn’t.
It’s all become my reality.
My parents have checked on me more times than I can count, but I just stay still as stone, pretending to be asleep.
They’re worried, I know. But they’ve also realized they can’t pull me out of this.
So they stopped trying. I don’t even pretend to eat the food they leave outside my door.
It just sits there, untouched, until someone eventually carries the tray away.
“Hudson?” Mom pokes her head into my dark room, then comes to sit on the edge of my bed. “How are you feeling today?”
I stare at her, face blank, no answer.
A few days ago, I was awake long enough to tell her I broke up with Cullen. She tried to be encouraging, not taking sides, but I knew she hoped I’d call him to apologize. She knows it’s a mistake, just like I do. But she doesn’t get it.
No one does.
I can’t kill his future by dragging him down.
“I made you an appointment with Dr. Anderson. I think it’s time to reevaluate your medicine.”
That’s fine. It’s not like I’ll take the new ones anyway. She doesn’t know I stopped the night I broke up with Cullen. What’s the point of trying to balance a mind so cracked when the medicine doesn’t even work?
Yesterday, Mom mentioned seeing a therapist. I agreed just to get her to leave. My first appointment is next week.
Yay.
“When?” I croak.
“He’s dealing with some personal matters right now, but he said he can get you in on Thursday.”
Good. Three more days to fade into nothing before I have to fake another smile.
“Uncle Eli called,” she adds carefully, trying to shift the subject.
I glance at her, waiting.
“They’ve reviewed the video. Eli says it proves the only interaction you had with that girl was when others were around. But her attorneys are pushing back, trying to question the validity.”
Perfect. Just send me to prison now.
I don’t respond. It’s just another drop in the overflowing bucket of crap life keeps handing me.
“Eli’s taking the videos to the judge next week, and he’s confident the charges will be dropped.”
“What about my hearing?” I ask, the words physically heavy to speak.
“Eli submitted a note from Dr. Anderson along with your school records. The judge let him stand in for you. He agreed you’re not a danger to society, but you can’t leave the state. Not until this is all settled.”
I nod and go back to staring at Cullen’s message.
“Dad and I are supposed to go to his architecture conference today, but if you need us to stay, we will. I hate leaving you like this.”
No, please go. I need the silence. Without them here, their worry won’t weigh so heavily on me.
“I’ve been like this before. I’ll be fine, Mom.”
“Okay, but call if you need us. We’ll be back without hesitation.” She looks at me, her blue eyes worried. “At least we won’t be far, just in Charlotte.”
I give her an empty smile, eyes glued to my phone screen.
She sighs. “Try to eat, please? We love you.” She kisses my clammy forehead, then leaves.
The message from Cull keeps pulling my focus, and I can’t handle it anymore.
I scroll to my contacts, my thumb hovering over his name.
I shouldn’t call him. I shouldn’t give him false hope.
But I need to hear his voice. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without talking to him, and it’s messing with my darkened mind.
I hit call.
It rings and rings. Just when I’m about to hang up, his tired, scratchy voice comes through the speaker.
“Hud?”
I falter, nerves spiking.
“Are you there?” he asks, voice laced with desperation.
“H-hey. Yeah. I’m here. I’m sorry. I needed to hear your voice. I-I know that’s not fair.”
“You can call me anytime, baby.”
I slam my eyes shut. This was a mistake. He has the power to make me fall to my knees and forget everything. And that’s what I’m trying to avoid, making him feel like it’s his job to carry my pain.
“Is everything okay? I thought I should let you have a few days to decompress.”
“I figured you realized I was right,” I say, a sad chuckle slipping out.
“No, Hudson. You’ve never been more wrong. You’re still mine, whether you believe it or not. I’m still here.”
A tear rolls down my cheek.
I want that. So badly.
“I just can’t right now,” my voice breaks.
“That’s alright. I’m not going anywhere. You’re still my boyfriend. Then you’ll be my fiancé. And one day, my husband.” He sounds so sure. He always does. I envy the way he can see through the dark and into a brighter future.
“I want that,” I whisper.
“You’ll have it. We will have it. You just have to hold on, baby.”
I sniffle, unable to get any words out.
“It’s okay to not be okay, Hud. No one expects you to have it all together. You don’t have to wear a brave face just to protect us from your pain.”
“It’s hard. My brain…”
“I know. But I’ll always remind you, because I love you.”
“I love you too, Cull,” I manage to say in a choked whisper.
I hear his sigh of relief through the speaker, and it guts me because I don’t know how to stop putting him through all this.
“I, um… I’m gonna go. I just needed to hear your voice, but I still think I need some time.”
“If that’s what you need, take it. But you can always call me. I’ll always ans—”
He lets out a pained hiss, and I bolt upright in bed. “What’s wrong?”
“I just stubbed my toe,” he wheezes.
I fall back into my pillow, something telling me he didn’t stub his toe.
“Call me if you need me. I’m still yours, Hud. Always.” Then he hangs up.
A little warmth creeps back into my chest. Cullen’s voice is like a miracle drug, one I’ve been taking for granted.
My stomach growls, and I realize it’s been too long since I’ve eaten. With a little bit of renewed energy, I drag myself out of bed and head downstairs to make a sandwich.
I freeze when I see Hadley sitting at the kitchen table. I edge around her to get to the fridge.
“Must be nice to sleep all week. I’m surprised you’re not up Cullen’s ass,” she giggles, but it sounds odd—forced. “Hey, look! I made a pun.” Her lips curl into a grin that doesn’t quite reach her eyes as she picks through a bag of chips.
I roll my eyes where she can’t see. “We’re taking a break.”
I guess that’s what this is. After that call, it’s clear he isn’t letting me off the hook that easily. I almost smile.
Hadley’s grin lingers, but it looks brittle. She leans back, eyes glinting with something that’s definitely not sympathy. “That would explain why you’re not at his bedside playing nurse.”
I forget how to breathe, my air caught in my throat. “What do you mean?” I’m trying not to panic or jump to conclusions. Hadley could just be goading again, like she has been for weeks.
“Oh, oops,” she says, no inflection in her voice. “I forgot you weren’t supposed to know. But since the cat is out of the bag…” she stands, hands planted on the wood table. “He was attacked by your lovely little stalker about a week ago. Messed him up pretty good.”
My heart is pounding against my ribs, pain grabbing onto the already shattered pieces of my soul.
“What? Why wouldn’t he tell me?” My throat is constricted, the words squeezed out.
Hadley huffs a small, hollow laugh, a tear streaking down her cheek. “How does it feel to have the ones you love most keep secrets from you?”
She straightens and begins to walk backwards out of the kitchen, but not before she throws one final grenade. “I told you everyone would be better off without you.” More tears drip from her eyes, her voice a soft tremble. “You’re the reason we’re all hurting.”
Then she’s disappearing down the hallway and out the front door with a slam.
My legs move before I realize it. I rush upstairs and tear through my drawers for clean clothes, throwing them on, then racing out the door, Cull the only thing on my mind. I burst outside and head for my car, stopping when I see a piece of paper tucked under the wiper blade. My stomach twists.
I rip it free, teeth clenched, and unfold it.
It’s a collage of photos, all of Cullen and me, taken without us knowing. Some are harmless candids, but others feel disturbingly calculated. Like the one from the bridge. Cullen’s face is scratched out in every single one. Some defaced with red ink, others burned through entirely.
At the bottom, there’s a message.
He won't be so lucky next time.
I ball the paper up and toss it into the front seat before sliding in and tearing out of the driveway.
Anger and fear crackle through me, hot and electric, surging like adrenaline in my veins. Even though I broke up with him, he should’ve said something.
I grip the steering wheel tighter, muttering a prayer under my breath that Cull isn’t hurt as badly as Hadley said.
This guy got to Cullen.
Hurt him.
I swallow hard against the lump rising in my throat, my stomach churning with fear and despair.