Chapter 15 Damon
Damon
“Maybe this is a lost cause. Should we just throw in the towel?” I ask, pulling up next to Liam after biting it on an intermediate slope—twice—because I can’t concentrate.
I’ve been unable to pull myself out of this terrible funk ever since coming out to Liam, and there’s a constant blanket of tension surrounding us because he knows I’m still hiding something, but I really can’t tell him what this time.
I just fucking can’t.
But you’re losing him anyway, my unhelpful brain chides.
“Throw in the towel on what?” he snaps, finally losing his patience with me.
“Our entire friendship? Jesus, Damon. What is wrong with you? I’m just trying to process all the shit you’re throwing at me.
Meanwhile, I can’t shake the feeling that you’re still hiding something, and instead of just talking to me like we’ve done our whole lives, you want to end our trip seven days early, and not see each other again for months?
That’s not going to fucking work for me. ”
I stare at him wide-eyed…and a little impressed.
But I also feel like shit for driving him to this point because Liam isn’t a yeller.
“Look,” he says, pushing his goggles up onto his helmet as we stand off to the side of the slope by the lift.
“I don’t know what’s going on, and quite frankly, I no longer care.
If you don’t want to tell me, fine. But can you accept that it isn’t me causing this rift between us and try to trust me?
I mean, I think I’ve handled the rest of the news pretty well.
” Liam makes a face like he’s unsure and adds, “Except for maybe my binger, but after that, I’ve done pretty well. ”
I rock forward, putting my weight on my poles. “Yeah, Li, I’ll get it together,” I promise, hoping like hell I can deliver.
He grins, and although I know it’s forced, he’s at least trying, which is more than I can say.
“Good, because the time trials for the Winter Classic Games are this afternoon, and I want to watch them, and then I want to get a beer and a hot chick,” he pauses, holding up his hands, “or, you know, a dude for you, and see where the night takes us.”
I choke on my spit at his amended sentence and the way he just threw it out there. Christ, what a mess.
But I can give him this, I think to myself.
He’s been excited about these time trials since he saw the flyer when we first got here, and it’s not like I can prevent him from ever hooking up with someone again, so I might as well get used to it.
“Yeah, Li. That sounds good.”
We spend the rest of the day giving normalcy a good effort.
On one of the rides up the lift, Liam nudges my shoulder carefully, so as not to rock the chair precariously suspended thirty feet in the air. They really are the worst part of these places.
“I want to take a picture,” he announces.
“So, take it,” I tell him, keeping my eyes firmly closed. “My goggles are tinted. You won’t even notice.” I don’t do heights.
His gloved fist double-taps my leg, and he leans in.
“The tree line is to our left, and the slope isn’t that far down in this section. Look toward the trees, and I’ll do the rest,” he instructs.
Okay, Li wants a picture; he’s getting a picture, dammit.
I turn my head to the left, still keeping my eyes closed. Suddenly, I feel Liam press into my back. I can tell one arm snakes over my left shoulder, and I know he must have his phone in that hand because he’s left-handed, but I feel something brush against my right side a second later.
“Okay, open your eyes, D,” he whispers in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
When I do as he says, a genuine smile pulls at the corners of my lips. Liam has his jacket unzipped and is using his right arm like a bat wing to prevent any chance I have of accidentally seeing the slope below us.
With his left arm fully extended around the back of the lift and across my other side, he snaps the photo, his cheek against mine.
I lean into him, accepting that he and I may only ever be best friends, but I’m the luckiest sonofabitch because of it.
I’m angry with myself for wasting time and not just telling him. If anything, he looks at me more deeply now, like he’s really seeing me for the first time. In turn, I finally have the chance to embrace who I really am.
Once we disembark at the top of the lift, Liam picks another run and tells me to stop halfway down because he wants another picture.
“Will you send these to me?” I ask after he snaps the first photo on the slope.
I take terrible pictures—probably because smiling doesn’t come naturally to me—but I’m starting to enjoy them.
Capturing any moment in Liam’s presence is worth celebrating.
And while I never took that for granted before, it feels so much different now.
I’ve been hiding myself for so long, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to have someone know this part of me. I can’t believe I was ever dumb enough to think Liam would treat me any differently.
After taking a few more photos: goggles on, goggles off, smiles, no smiles, me smashing him with a face full of snow, etc., he tucks his phone away and pushes off, yelling, “Last one to the bottom buys the beer tonight!”
I count to a full five Mississippi just to make sure I’m last.
I’ll admit, the time trials of the professional athletes were pretty fun to watch.
I can’t imagine being that good at a physical sport.
The men and women were literal blurs as they flew down the slope.
The slalom was incredible, the tricks were mind-blowing, and the speed was unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed in real life.
But the best part was watching Liam watch the racers.
He missed his calling. Li could’ve totally been a professional athlete.
The grace and ease with which he moves his body is indescribable, and the passion in his eyes as he watched every event made my heart ache.
I want that for him. I want him to find what makes him that excited every day.
After the trials, we head back to the room to freshen up before heading to Meltdown for the beers I owe Li, since, you know, I ‘lost.’
I’m ready to play wingman, and hell, maybe even I’ll shoot my shot with someone tonight.
No need to play coy anymore. I’m not looking to fall in love—since I’m already there—but my experiences with other men are limited to a few hookups during undergrad that no one knows about, and anonymous messages on hookup apps.
Since I live in the same town as my entire nosy-ass family, dating is sort of a no-go until I spill the beans.
“Holy shit!” Liam exclaims upon entering the bar, tapping my chest with the back of his hand.
“Vox Montgomery is here!” Liam’s enthusiasm is endearing, but I can’t say I love it when it’s for another man.
“Do you think he’d give me his autograph?
” he asks, staring at the snowboarder we watched haul ass down the mountain earlier today.
“Probably. Why don’t you go ask him?”
“Okay, but come with me. You know I say dumb shit around cool people,” he whines, grabbing the open edge of my sport coat to drag me along behind him.
I dig my heels in, coming to a halt.
“Did you just insinuate that I’m not cool?” I ask, feigning offense. Fucking with him feels like the most normal thing I’ve done recently.
Liam’s hand slips from my clothes, and he whips around to face me.
“What? No! God, no, D. You’re the coolest. You know, Vox is just like…hot.”
“Hot, huh?” I ask, trying to rein in my jealousy because…fuck that guy.
Liam looks mortified. “Yeah. I mean, no. I just…see what I’m talking about? Dumb shit. Just come on. Can we go say hello before he leaves?”
Vox is surrounded by people and has a half-empty beer in his hand. I don’t think he’s leaving anytime soon, but the faster we get this over with, the faster I can have Liam’s attention.
I wave my hand toward the man who is my make-believe competition in a make-believe world where Liam is into guys. “I’m right behind you.”
Unfortunately, the flock of people around Vox is made up mostly of women in their mid-twenties with gigantic breasts.
I can’t fucking win.
It gets worse when Liam and I approach the table. Vox sits up a little straighter and flashes Liam an award-winning smile. I’m familiar with the look in his eyes.
He thinks Liam’s hot.
“H-hi,” Liam stammers.
Christ, why does he have to be so cute and sexy at the same fucking time?
“Hey, man,” Vox replies coolly, with a nod before extending his hand. “Vox Montgomery. You a fan of the games?”
“Liam Miller. And, yeah. I love all that stuff.” Liam lies out his ass. Sure, he’s caught the games on TV before, but it was because he was flipping through channels. It’s not like he had their starting date circled on his calendar or anything.
When Liam doesn’t follow that comment up with a question of his own or a simple just wanted to say hello, Vox looks at me with a raised brow, waiting for me to fill in the blank.
I’m standing back with my hands in my pockets, trying to decide how long I’m going to let Liam flounder before jumping in.
Unsurprisingly, the answer is not very long.
“He’s a huge fan,” I say, stepping closer to Vox’s table. “He was hoping he could grab a picture and an autograph, and then we’ll let you get back to your night.”
Vox turns to Liam, who’s about to shit himself, and gives Li a wide, toothy grin after looking him up and down.
“Sure, man. Get in here,” he says, maneuvering around the table of people who continue to mingle and pay us no attention while Vox does his thing.
Vox wraps his arm around Liam’s waist, and I suck on my teeth to keep from saying something I’ll regret later. Liam tries to drape his arm across the snowboarder’s shoulders, but Vox takes his hand and moves it down to his waist, mirroring his hold on Li.
The fuck?
Vox leans in to tell Liam something, but Liam turns his head at the last minute, and Vox’s mouth lands on his.
Liam freezes, and Vox starts laughing. I watch as he pulls back enough to look at Liam and say something I can’t hear. To my absolute horror, Liam shrugs and nods his head, and Vox leans in and kisses him again.
Like kisses him-kisses him. Not just a quick peck. The snowboarder’s tongue is in Liam’s mouth, and his hand is on the side of Li’s face. Liam is digging his fingers into the guy’s waist, and I can’t tell whether he’s trying to push Vox away or bring him closer.
I think I’m going to be sick.
Time speeds up or stands still, or I black out or something, because the next thing I know, I’m standing outside in the snow, with my hands on my knees, trying to pull air into my lungs. My chest is tight, and my ears are ringing.
That fucker just kissed Liam…and Liam kissed him back!
With no warning, Liam’s first kiss with a guy was with a hot-as-fuck, famous snowboarder. Not only was that kiss supposed to be mine, but if I ever get my chance, how in the actual hell am I supposed to compete with that asshole?