Chapter Sixteen
Ellis
I’m on cloud nine. Coming to the game, sitting right up against the glass, was a big step. When Aiden asked if I would do it, I knew what it would mean, the public would officially link Liam and me. There was no way he would see us and be able to stay calm. I had to decide if I was ready for it.
I knew I would have to face that music sooner or later. I couldn’t keep this in the shadows forever. It also wouldn’t be fair of me to make Liam keep it a secret forever, nor would that be fair on our child.
So, when Aiden asked, I pulled up my big girl panties and bit the bullet. Jack has been begging to go to a game ever since he met Liam, which made the decision slightly easier. When I told him we were going he nearly rocketed through the ceiling with excitement. The team played incredibly, and Liam looked amazing on the ice. I forgot how elegant he looks out there, at one with the blades.
Then the unimaginable happened: Jack said he loves Liam. I knew he liked having him around, but I didn’t know Jack had bonded in a deeper way. Of course, after the rush of adrenalin from watching the game, his emotions were heightened. Still, I could see it meant a lot to Liam judging by his reaction.
As we leave via the back entrance of the arena, there are still hordes of fans congregated outside. There are women hoping they might catch the eyes of a single player, kids hoping for an autograph, men wanting to see their heroes. Plus, there are always a few smaller news outlets who don’t make it into the press room looking for a quote.
Liam takes my hand in his, to the eyes of onlookers we must look like a real family. Him with Jack on his shoulders, my growing bump stretching my jersey while we walk hand in hand through the small crowds. Liam moves to put a steady gentle hand on my back leading me towards the staff parking area until we hear something that makes us freeze. From somewhere in the crowd, someone yells my name.
“Ellis!” a male voice yells. But not just any voice – it’s a voice I know. Or used to know.
Michael is pushing his way through the crowd until he is a few feet in front of me. Jack’s dad is breathing so hard his nostrils flare with each exhale. I stand in front of Liam, my heart racing and my skin prickling with heat. Sensing that something is wrong, Liam lifts Jack from his shoulders and passes him over to Rook.
“Hey Rook, why don’t you take Jack to meet Spike?” His voice is tense, he must be able to see the resemblance. Michael has the same dark hair Jack has, as well as the same eyes. Eyes I thought I loved, even when they were looking at me with hatred. Rook takes Jack’s hand and leads him back into the arena to introduce him to the Spears mascot.
“What are you doing here?” As strong as I wish I could be, my voice still trembles. Today has been a long day, so high in emotion and tension. Seeing Michael was so far down on the list of things I expected today. I knew he followed hockey years ago, but the chances of him actually being here tonight were small.
“That doesn’t matter, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he spits out, his lips curling in disgust. Dark eyes glaring at me as though he caught me committing some crime.
“Excuse me?” I gasp out. It’s been six years since the last time I saw him and the first thing he does is verbally attack me. Not even asking about his damn son.
“I knew you loved him. You never gave a shit about me did you? He snapped his fingers and you came running like a pathetic whore.” His face was red with anger, that vein in his forehead pulsing violently. Before I have a chance to defend myself, Liam pulls me back to his side, stepping in front of me.
“That’s enough.” Liam’s voice is low and scary. I could let him handle this. I could stand behind him and let him get rid of Michael but that’s not what I want. Michael doesn’t get to scare me any more.
I tug on the back of Liam’s suit jacket. Facing Michael myself, I look him directly in the eyes. His six-foot-one frame is less intimidating now that I have more confidence in myself. Back when we were together, those few inches difference made me feel so small. But not now.
“Aw, can’t fight your own battles Ellis? Need a knight in shining armour to save you?” He pouts mockingly, coming even closer, his scuffed shoes come to stand two feet away when he sneers.
I ignore his statements, focusing on what should matter. “Jack is great, thanks for asking.” My voice is coated in sarcasm. Finally, it comes out as strong as I want it to. My gaze doesn’t waiver from his.
“What?” He coughs, not expecting me to stand on my own two feet. The Ellis he knew would have backed down, submitted to him, but a lot has changed. I have changed.
“Your son was just here, and instead of acting like an adult, you want to throw a tantrum and swear like it will get you anywhere.” My arms cross over my chest, but I’m not hiding from him. I am scolding him like a toddler.
“He is my son, I can act however I want in front of him!” He splutters his words, looking around as though he is only now remembering he is in public. He wanted to put me on the spot, make me feel small, but now that I want to dish it back he’s suddenly worried about his audience.
“What’s his middle name?” My voice gets louder then, every moment that I have struggled being a single mum starts to pour out of me.
“Well…” He is trying to remember, though I don’t think he knows. He has never asked about Jack from the day he kicked me out. Once I got away I didn’t try to reach out, worried he would claw me back to him.
“What size shoe does he wear? What is his teacher’s name? What was his first word?” It seeps out of me now. My words accusatory but I won’t let him get away with this behaviour. He doesn’t get to corner me and act all high and mighty when he knows nothing about our life. Nothing about his own son.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He whisper-yells now, not wanting everyone to know his pitfalls. Still, anger and resentment are prevalent in his eyes.
“You don’t get to call him your son, he is a stranger to you. Did you notice the way he wasn’t excited to see you, didn’t run into your arms? That’s because he doesn’t know who the hell you are. You want to claim him, be my guest. We can go to the courthouse and start the back pay for five years of child support you owe. But there is no way in hell that you get to talk to me like that. Not any more.” The anger in my voice is eerie – as though I’m listening to a stranger speak.
“I’m not paying shit,” he yells, clearly shocked, “I can’t even be sure he’s mine.”
Six years ago, that would have hurt. Not today. Michael is expecting it to hurt me, he smirks when he speaks thinking he is going to win whatever game he is playing. Instead of shrinking in on myself, begging him to believe me, I stand my ground.
“Oh for god’s sake Michael, you are a pathetic excuse for a man. You are here yelling because I have a new life? You haven’t been around for six years and you think you get a say? You don’t get to make me feel small, I’m worthy of respect. You want to yell and swear because it makes you feel like a big man, I don’t care.” It feels good, regaining my power from him. Liam has given me a landing pad that I never knew I could have. I can rant and rave and yell at my ex and Liam isn’t going to think any less of me.
“So, here’s your choice.” I steel my gaze on his. “Leave me and my family alone, disappear back into whatever hole you crawled out of or take me to court, try and see your son, but be ready for me to take you for all you are worth; not for me, I don’t need anything from you, but for Jack.” The whispers around us intensify but nobody moves. I watch a million emotions flit behind Michael’s eyes. Shock. Anger. I wait for guilt to hit him but it doesn’t, instead he smirks again.
“Fuck you Ellis. I could ruin you! You might think you’re happy but he left you once, now you think he is going to stick around? You’re delusional. He doesn’t want you, you were just an easy piece of ass. Liam will leave you alone, you and that bastard kid.” Michael all but yells that, wanting to embarrass me in front of Liam and the crowd of fans. But I don’t let him.
Beside me, Liam takes a step forward. Silent, jaw clenched. A towering, intimidating athlete. Michael staggers back slightly before turning on his heels and walking away, his pace quickening.
“Goodbye, Michael!” I shout after him. “I have a life to live. I hope you grow up, but I won’t hold my breath.” I allow myself to inhale deeply, taking Liam’s hand in mine and tugging him back into the arena to find Jack and Rook.
I just want to get to my son and get him home, where I know he will be safe.
By the time we pull up outside of my apartment Jack is fast asleep in the back seat of Liam’s car. Liam tried to convince me to stay at his place tonight but I need Jack in his own bed, surrounded by his own things for comfort.
Liam pulls Jack from the car, carrying his sleeping body up the stairs and into his room. I follow close behind them, the glow from the dark stars on Jack’s ceiling is the only light in the room apart from the light seeping in from the open bedroom door. In the low light I can see Jack snuggling up under his covers, not bothered at all by the events of tonight. I can’t say the same. My skin is burning, it feels like ants are under it trying to burst out. It is a mix of the dwindling adrenalin and the mum guilt that no matter what choice I make, I always feel like I fall short.
Not letting me linger the way I want to, Liam puts a hand at the base of my spine to guide me out of Jack’s room and over to the sofa. Silently, Liam potters around my kitchen making us both cups of tea. I can see that he wants to say something. Like he doesn’t know where to start or he doesn’t know what words to use. I could put him at ease. Break the silence for him, but I don’t have the energy, I don’t even know if I will have it in me to drink the tea he is making, but I will try. He is trying to help me, so I will let him. I need the support.
I need him.