Chapter Seventeen
Ellis
I never got sent to the head teacher’s office in school. I just kept my head down and did what I had to do to get through the day. My peers ignored me, I wasn’t part of their world, much to my mother’s chagrin. She wanted me to befriend them, to worm my way into the inner circle, but I didn’t. I did my school work and stayed home studying, doing my best to remain invisible, knowing that as soon as I could I wanted to get away from that life. It was so pretentious, and everyone was talking about each other behind their backs. I wanted as little attention as possible.
Now that’s out of the window. Since the scene with Michael was so public, videos of our argument and Liam defending me have been making the rounds online. So here I am, effectively sat outside of the head teacher’s office, except the head is Cassie, PR manager for the Seattle Spears. Last time I was here, I begged her to let us keep our relationship to ourselves. I don’t owe the world anything, but now I don’t have that choice. She warned me that it wouldn’t last forever. It was bound to come out; that’s why I was at the game in the first place. I thought I was ready for the public to know that Liam has someone in his life, but that isn’t the story any more. Michael ruined that.
“Ellis, talk to me.” Liam has been trying, but I just don’t know what to say. He woke up after sleeping on my couch with a bunch of messages from Cassie demanding we come to her office asap. He wanted us to be able to walk in that office with our heads held high and a plan to fix the PR disaster of a pregnant woman getting into a spat with her ex in the staff parking lot. I just don’t have the energy. I want to go back to sleep, for it all to have been a bad dream. It’s what I get for thinking I could be happy. For being delusional enough to think the other shoe wouldn’t eventually drop. I never get that lucky.
“His middle name is Thomas.” Liam breaks the silence turning in his chair to face me.
“What?” My jaw is hinged open. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again.
“Jack, his middle name is Thomas.” He coughs and takes both of my hands in his. “He wears size four shoes and his teacher is Mr Bowman, but I don’t know his first word. I have been trying to remember if you told me, but I can’t.” Liam looks into my eyes and I hear everything he isn’t saying. It’s proof that Jack doesn’t need Michael. There are people in his life who already love him, who know him. They’re right under my nose.
“I’m sorry,” Liam says, his voice low and dejected when I stare at him speechless.
“You have nothing to apologise for, this is on me,” I tell him, my voice is steady and sure because it’s the truth. My stupidity and need to seem strong against Michael is going to have a negative effect on Liam. I never wanted that. I was so busy wanting to feel strong that I let him down.
“No Ellis, I should have stepped in. Or called security, but I was so blown away watching you tear him apart.” He slides over on his chair, his knees push against my thigh. There are bags under his eyes and his hair is messier than usual. “I’m supposed to protect you and I didn’t do a damn thing to help.”
“You can only protect me if I let you.” I take his hands in mine, I need him to hear me. He did what he thought was best. “You got Jack out of there, that is more important to me. I’m sorry. This is going to mess with your job – for Christ’s sake I should know better.”
“You didn’t know he would be there.” He tries to ease my raging emotions, but it doesn’t work. Even as he rubs circles on the back of my hand to calm me.
“Still, I knew showing up there would draw attention to us and I didn’t think it through enough, now we are both suffering for it.” I wanted to support him. I knew he wanted us there even if I hesitated. He didn’t want to push, but I could see how much it would mean to him to have me and Jack there. Making him smile was all I was thinking about.
“I don’t think Cassie cares about blowback on my career, I think she’s mad she wasn’t told you were going to be there. Like she couldn’t protect you from the public the way she wanted. She knows you’re important to me.” Liam gives me a reassuring smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
He hasn’t let me look online, won’t let me see what people are saying. Maybe it’s for the best. I’m sure people told their versions of the event, captured some pictures or footage from afar. I’m already beating myself up enough for this without every Spears fan giving me hate for things that they don’t understand.
I believe in Cassie. She has the guys’ respect for a reason, she is dependable and a dog with a bone when someone comes for her team. To her, the Spears are her responsibility and now apparently that includes my family.
With perfect timing, a tired-looking Cassie steps into the open doorway.
“Hey guys, come on in.” She smiles, it’s a stiff professional one. My nerves skyrocket again as we walk in.
“Sit El, do you want something to eat?” She guides me further into the room over to a very comfortable-looking office chair, helping me sit even though it isn’t necessary. “I bought some English Breakfast teabags if you want a cup?”
“That’s sweet but I’m good thank you, I just want to get this over with.” My muscles relax in the comfy chair.
“Can I have some water?” Liam asks taking the seat next to me, Cassie’s attention flies to him when he speaks. The glare she gives him could kill. It’s a mixture of anger and a bone-deep frustration. Seeing how quickly she can go from sweet little Cassie to me, to being the ball-buster I was warned she usually is, is remarkable.
“Fine,” she deadpans, reaching into the mini-fridge under her desk and pulling him a bottle.
“Okay, let’s get into it,” Cassie says after throwing the bottle at Liam with a glare. She leans forward in her large chair, her elbows on the desk between us. “We have a couple of problems,” she begins.
“First is the fact you decided to turn up at the game without giving me any warning. I would have at least expected Anders to give me a heads-up as captain. If you were ready for the public to know you should have let me release the statement pre-game and it would have solved a lot of public speculation. Obviously that’s the first thing I did this morning, it has gone over as well as to be expected given the circumstances.”
“That seems… easy.” Liam seems unsettled when he speaks. I lean over to take his hand in mine again.
“It is, but there are some things – well, someone – making it more tricky.” She takes a second, looking between the two of us before she speaks again. “The rumours that are flying are a little crazy. The biggest is coming from Hot Hockey News .”
“For fuck’s sake.” Liam tenses at her words, his shoulders jump to his ears his muscles stiffen. I’m confused. I’ve never even heard of Hot Hockey News .
“Who?” I ask feeling out of the loop. They both look tense. I want to know who the hell we are dealing with, and what battle it’s going to bring.
“It’s a blog that covers the NHL, but they stretch every story – even make stories from nowhere. They aren’t exactly ethical on their reporting.” Cassie looks drained just talking about them. From her jaded reaction, this definitely isn’t her first run-in. Liam grinds his jaw next to me.
“What are they saying?” he rumbles out. His voice is laced with a lethal anger. His nostrils are flared, a bull about to strike.
Cassie breathes in preceding her next sentence. “That you’re attempting to baby-trap him.” She nods to me reluctantly.
Liam rises quickly from his chair, running his fingers through his hair as he begins pacing the room behind me.
“What?” I almost ask with a laugh. I was ready for people to judge me. To say Liam could do better, or that I’m not ice hockey girlfriend material, but baby-trapping ?
Cassie flicks her eyes between Liam and me. “They’ve published material stating that you both met in a bar and had a one-night stand. They claim now that Ellis is pregnant, she wants a cut of a new contract – if or when Liam signs one.”
Her words hang in the air, an unwelcome presence as Liam continues to pace. My jaw open and closes, but I can’t find any appropriate words. I don’t know where to begin: between my anger, my shock, and my frustration, I’m completely lost.
Of course, nobody knows our history. It was such an important part of my life, but to everybody else it doesn’t even exist. I was his long before he was their favourite player. We loved each other before he was number eight on the Spears. But to the fans, to the blog runners, I’m a nobody.
I might have even thought the same if I were on the outside. A woman suddenly pregnant and clinging to a hockey player. It’s a fucked-up but valid theory – one we are conditioned to believe, despite whatever the reality might be.
“That’s bullshit. I want a press conference now, Cassie,” Liam demands. Every part of him looks ready to burst.
“Not happening,” she tells him. He stops in his tracks, turning to face her directly. Seeing his anger now directed towards her, Cassie doesn’t even blink. She just raises her eyebrows at him before explaining: “We aren’t going to give them the satisfaction of knowing they rattled you.”
“I’m not going to sit here and let them say shit like that about Ellis! No chance!” Liam is yelling now. “They think my baby is a trap ,” he emphasises painfully. I try to catch his hand when he stands beside me, but he barely notices, the hairs on his arm raised.
“Of course they are wrong, but will you let me do my job?” Cassie asks, frustration starting to edge into her tone.
“You’re right Cassie. He’s sorry, aren’t you Liam?” I manage to grab his hand then. Pulling him back down into his chair.
He inhales deeply. “Yes – yeah, sure. Sorry.” He mumbles, fumbling his fingers against mine.
“Do you have any pictures of the two of you from college?” Cassie continues, to which we both nod in unison. “Good, I want you to post one on Instagram.” She instructs Liam.
“That’s it?” Liam laughs, unsure. I can’t say I understand either. I hate that people are thinking such despicable things of me and all she wants is a social media post.
“It will prove that you weren’t strangers and end needless speculation, with a caption that says something like: ‘A decade old throwback to my college days. Who would have thought we’d be starting a family after all this time?’ You don’t need to go into massive detail, but the cat is out the bag regarding the pregnancy, so let’s at least protect the truth of your arrangement.” Cassie waits for our reactions. To me, it sounds so simple yet so effective. There’s just one glaring issue.
“But wouldn’t that imply we’re dating?” I say after a beat. And I’m not wrong. A caption referring to starting a family, with a picture from when we were dating, is going to switch from baby-trapping accusations to dating rumours. My presence at the game has already caused so many issues, if we give the wrong impression again, who knows what rumours may fly after that.
“Frankly, it doesn’t matter.” Cassie takes a deep sigh. “In fact, it does me a huge favour if Liam appears off the market. One less single man to worry about. We need to paint the picture that you are a happy family unit. What goes on behind closed doors isn’t anyone’s business, but we need to prove that you, Ellis, aren’t a money hungry vulture, and that you —” she points at Liam, “aren’t a stupid athlete who forgot to use protection.”
“Done. I’ll do it.” Liam tells her. He sounds so sure that I don’t dare contradict him, even if it scares me.
Cassie eases her back into her chair. “Now that’s out of the way, there is the Michael problem.” Her eyes narrow when she says his name, contempt pushing at the surface of her professional exterior. “I’m hoping Michael will be as easy to deal with. If you want to file a restraining order, we have the evidence that he was verbally abusive to you as well as videos that have been posted online. My recommendation would be to wait and see if he tries to escalate anything. Our team lawyers can send him a cease and desist which, if I know anything about men like him, will send him running with his tail between his legs. If it does come to him wanting to escalate, you will have full access to the Spears lawyers to fix it.”
I shake my head instinctively. I know there’s no point in getting a restraining order. Michael has embarrassed himself so publicly he’ll go away to lick his wounds. He’s always been more bark than bite, and especially after seeing Liam in the flesh – I doubt he would push his luck again. “Thank you,” I say gratefully for her offers. “I think let’s wait him out, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”
“Good.” Cassie stands from her chair, walking around the desk to rest a hand on my shoulder. “That’s all I need you for today, so take your girl home Liam, she is too pregnant for all this stress.” She smiles warmly.
I wish I could force a smile back, but my mind is too busy. Whether we are in a relationship or not, the world is going to think we are. They are going to feel entitled to share their opinions about my life and I’ll have no way to combat it. I’ll be living a lie.
There is no way to prove to everyone what Liam and I truly are, when right now I don’t know myself.