Chapter Twenty-Nine
September
Ellis
Stabbing pains pull me out of the sweet lulls of sleep. Even though earlier today the contractions were there, this feels a lot more prominent. It takes a lot not to double over in pain.
Soon enough it subsides and I am left in bed next to Liam, sweating slightly from the pain, but knowing sleep isn’t going to come again. Falling asleep pregnant is hard as hell anyway, no position is comfortable and the ones that are I have been advised by a doctor not to lie in. Add in my regular pain and trouble sleeping, despite the fatigue, and it equals a cluster-fuck of sleepless night and ten-minute naps during the night. I moved myself into Liam’s master bedroom at the end of July, and stopped fighting the fact I wanted to be in his arms every night.
Knowing it will be a long while before I can get comfortable, I decide it’s better to go to the toilet now because, knowing my luck, the minute I get comfortable again my darling daughter is going to step on my bladder.
I pad as quietly as I can across the wooden floors to the hallway before I feel a popping sensation followed by a gushing of water from between my legs.
“Shit.” I guess this time it wasn’t Braxton Hicks. I expect a sense of panic to fall over me but it doesn’t, instead there is a wave of calm. There is no feeling of doom; this time I feel tranquil, ready.
Liam won’t be ready. I love him but he is going to panic, everything is going to hit him at once. I don’t know which would be better, to wake him now and give him the time to panic or to wait and hope he can hold it together.
It’s three in the morning and if I wake him up now without getting myself together, he is going to go straight into panic mode, so I leave the puddle on the floor and strip off the bottom half of my pyjamas and take them into the laundry room. While there, I get the mop to clean up the mess. I’m lucky that both of my boys sleep like the dead. It means I can do what I need to without worrying that I might wake them. Hopefully Jack will sleep until morning, none the wiser that I have gone into labour, and by the time he is up the baby might be here. A woman can hope.
Another contraction hits another fifteen minutes later and I mentally note down the time as well as how long it lasts, still I don’t panic. Maybe I panic just a little bit.
Since the last time I gave birth, I forgot how painful contractions actually are. It feels like every one of my nerve endings are screaming out as my muscles tighten.
Realising I’m stood in my underwear with no trousers (or pants , as Liam would say) wearing one of Liam’s T-shirts, a sight like Winnie the Pooh with my large belly bump, I decide to throw some clothes on and check the hospital bag before I wake Liam. Knowing that he won’t mind the inevitable bodily fluids that come with birth, I leave Liam’s T-shirt on and throw on a pair of his grey sweats.
There is no point in trying to wrestle on leggings, plus I don’t know when the next contraction will hit. In the walk-in dressing room I take one final breath in the silence of a house without a baby.
With the hospital bag in my hand, I take in Liam’s sleeping form, the top sheet is pulled up over his chest with his arms thrown over his head. He looks so calm. The opposite of me as another contraction hits only twelve minutes after the last.
“Liam, wake up.” I sit beside him on his side of the bed, running a hand through his hair to rouse him.
“Sunshine, it’s the middle of the night, you okay?” His voice is sleepy but full of concern when he sees the time on his bedside clock.
“Yeah I’m good but, erm, we need to go to the hospital,” I say quietly. I don’t know why I didn’t run through this conversation in my head when I was cleaning.
“What! What’s wrong?” He pops up like a jack-in-the-box sat straight in the bed, his eyes running all over my body looking for signs of distress.
“Nothing’s wrong, but my waters broke about half an hour ago and my contractions are like twelve minutes apart – so we gotta get going.” I remain calm. He is clearly dumbfounded by my demeanour because his mouth opens and closes a few times as his tired brain tries to catch up.
“Half an hour?! Twelve minutes?! Ellis why didn’t you wake me up?” He eventually splutters out blinking a million times as though he is going to wake up from this weird dream.
“I’m waking you up now aren’t I? Come on, I’m all ready to go.” I stand up hoping it will get him moving but instead he stares at me freakishly still.
“Okay, you’re freaking out, aren’t you?” I put my hands on either side of his jaw hoping to ground him but he just swallows blinking up at me.
“I’m not freaking out,” he whispers.
“Then let’s go.” I laugh, rubbing his stubble under my palms.
“Can’t.” He is paling before my eyes, he has gone a ghostly shade of white.
“Why not?”
“I’m freaking out,” he finally admits. I laugh but that is quickly interrupted by another contraction ripping through me. Each one is worse than the last; the sooner I get to the hospital the better. I clearly made the wrong choice, I should have given him time to panic but between the pain of the contractions and the spike in anxiety I put myself first.
“Look, Liam I get it. This is scary but I’m in pain. I need you to pull it together because a baby is about to come out of me. We can panic together at the hospital,” I say through gritted teeth, digging my nails into my palms.
“You’re right, fuck, I’m sorry. I’m here, you’re going to be okay.” Finally he jumps out of the bed sitting me back down before darting into the closet to get himself dressed.
“You need to call Anders to come look after Jack!” I call after him. With one sock on, he hops out of the closet to grab his phone before disappearing again.
I pad down the hallway to look into Jack’s room. Just as I expected, my little guy is away with the fairies, I think a hurricane could pass through and he wouldn’t wake. Once I know he is okay, I wander back to find Liam picking up my bag at the top of the stairs. Luckily Anders lives in the same community a few minutes’ drive away and a few doors away from Edge’s home, so I know once Liam is ready there won’t be long until we can leave.
“I would like to be in hospital now please. I need drugs.” Another contraction hits and I consider ordering us a taxi because I know Liam’s focus is going to be on me. They are getting longer and harder: each one awakens a new level of pain that sears through each part of my body.
“Drugs, okay, let’s go. Anders is at the door.” Liam helps me stand and walks me down the stairs. On each step I’m worried a contraction will hit and I will fall down them, but with the grip Liam has on me I know that I wouldn’t hit the floor.
He has me. Strong and solid. Safe.
I can see Anders’s shadow through the frosted glass at the top of the door, but he isn’t alone.
“Edge, what are you doing here?” I ask when the two giant hockey players walk into the house. It’s clear they both recently woke up, hair mussed, and clothes thrown on in a hurry.
“I knew Ruin was going to be a mess; there’s no way he can drive to the hospital. I’m the chauffeur, so let’s get going.” Something about the simple way he says it brings tears to my eyes and I wrap my arms around his thick waist trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Thank you Jay.”
“Any time El, let’s go have a baby,” he tells me, taking the hospital bag out of Liam’s hand and throwing it into the trunk of the car.
“Good luck.” Anders hugs me too before Liam drags me to the car, finally catching up with the fact that time is of the essence.
Next time I walk through these doors I will be a mum to two. I am about to make Liam Ruinsky a father, and apart from the pain there is no worry. Last time every little thing scared me about giving birth. I didn’t know what to expect and the fact I was so very alone only added to the torment.
This time it isn’t just me – hell it isn’t even just me and Liam, we have a whole support system. We have more hands than I could ever imagine.
Anders looking after Jack, Edge driving us around, Lyndsey keeping Bloom and Blossom afloat and Rook volunteering to bring food to the hospital after the birth. I’m not going to complain about some non-hospital food.
This past year has proved to me just how lucky I am. Yes, I am in constant pain and life can be difficult, but I finally have people here right alongside me. Granted, I could have had that all along. Lyndsey had been in my life for almost six years before I met Liam, and yet it took letting him back in to open me up to the idea that other people want to be around me because they want to be, not because they have to.
I’m not some big bad monster who pushes everyone away. When you find the right people you won’t worry about them breaking your heart, because you know they will do anything in their power to protect it for you.