Chapter 46
Lily
I don’t know how long it was until I pulled myself together enough to call Parker’s mom, Jackie. I couldn’t even get the words out; I just told her to come to the hospital. I have no idea why Jameson said I’m Parker’s emergency contact, or how long that’s been the case because it should be his mom.
As soon as she gets here, we cry into each other’s arms. I let her have some time while I go see Ethan. I spoke to my mom and she said he was awake. Even though it pains me to leave Parker’s side because I don’t want to risk missing any changes he may have, I need to go see my brother.
Ethan’s room isn’t far from Parker’s. I’m amazed I remembered the instructions Jameson gave to me before he took Sutton home.
I knock on the door before pushing it open. My mom looks up, tears in her eyes as she greets me. We come together in a hug that has my own dam breaking and more tears flowing down my cheeks. My dad is sitting next to Ethan in a chair by his bed, and I see them talking.
Seeing Ethan look okay has some of the weight lifting off my chest.
“How is he?” I whisper to my mom.
“He’s doing well. All thanks to Parker.” Her voice cracks trying to say his name.
“Mom, I can’t lose him,” I cry softly.
She pulls me in for another hug. “I know, honey. You won’t. He’s got this.”
I nod against her shoulder. I want to tell her that I’m pregnant, I need my mom right now, but I can’t like this. It’s not about me, there will be time and right now I need to talk to my brother.
“Come on, I know you want to get back to him.”
Mom leads me over to Ethan’s bed, and he smiles when he sees me. “Hi, Lily.”
My dad wraps his arm around my shoulders for a half hug. “Hey, Lily bug.”
“Hey, Dad.” I return his half hug before leaning forward to give one to Ethan. “Hey, baby bro.”
“Are you mad at me?” he asks, concerned.
I pull back. “No, of course not. I do wonder what you were doing though.”
He looks down at his lap.
“We don’t have to talk about it right now. You need to get better first,” I tell him.
“It’s okay. I just wanted to help. I got all the goats out and then got stuck.” His face scrunches.
“Good job getting the goats out,” I praise just so he doesn’t get upset. I don’t blame him for what happened, and I don’t want him to feel guilty.
“Is Parker okay?” he whispers.
I didn’t think it was possible for me to cry this much, but apparently my tear ducts are a never-ending faucet because it starts up again. “He will be,” I tell him to comfort us both. Because I feel like if I keep saying it then it’s going to have to be true. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay, it’s kinda hard to breathe and my head hurts.”
“I think if you get some more rest it’ll help,” I suggest.
“You would know, you’re smarter than all the doctors, right?” He smiles, and I can’t help but return it.
“That’s right.” I wink, enjoying a lighter moment after everything has felt so heavy.
“Lily,” he whispers, gesturing for me to get closer like he wants to tell me a secret. “Tell Parker I’m sorry.”
I give him a soft smile, whispering back, “You don’t have to be sorry. Get some sleep.”
He nods, settling back into the bed.
I smile at both my parents, and my dad pulls me into a hug. “You okay, kid?” he asks gently.
I shake my head against his chest. “No, but I hope I will be.”
“You will,” he reassures me, and I want to believe him. I want to tell both him and my mom my news, but it’s not just mine. I want Parker to know first. I want to see his reaction. I want to tell our families together so he can see their reaction too.
I want to go back to a few days ago when everything was so perfect.
I was happier than I’ve ever been in my life.
And now here I am completely unsure of what my future is going to look like.
Unsure if the love of my life is going to wake up.
Unsure if I’m going to be a terrible mom.
And even worse if I’m going to have to figure out how to be a mom without Parker.
I give my family a close-lipped smile before leaving to go back to the other room.
As soon as I’m in the hallway I break down in more tears.
I press both my hands to my stomach and make a silent promise to our son or daughter that I will try.
That no matter what happens, I’ll be the best I can be for them.
Once I’ve gotten myself together enough to walk back to Parker’s room, I keep my head down so no one will see how much I was crying. I swear I’ve never cried this much in my life, and my eyes are burning from the number of tears that have been shed.
Jackie is resting in the recliner, but when she hears me come in she sits up.
“Hey Lily, did you go see Ethan?” Her voice thick with emotion.
“Yeah, he’s doing well.”
She nods with a small smile. “Good.”
“If you want to go home and rest you can, I’ll stay here with him,” I tell her because I can see how exhausted she is. I’m sure it’s both emotional and physical, which I can understand.
“I could say the same for you, sweetie.”
“I’m okay,” I try to reassure her, though I’m sure she can see through it. “Really. I’m fine.”
She looks over at Parker, eyes softening as the hurt takes over at seeing her son like that. “Maybe just for a couple hours, but I’ll be back. Then you go home and rest for a while.”
“Okay,” I agree, even though I have no intention of leaving here any time soon. I know my parents will switch off staying with Ethan, so Tulips has been fed and taken out. I do think about Franki and speak up as Jackie collects her purse. “Will you go by Parker’s to check on Franki?”
“Of course,” she agrees easily.
We hug goodbye, and I’m impressed with myself that I don’t fall into a ball of tears once again. I want to mentally give myself a high five, but as soon as I collapse in the chair next to the hospital bed my non-crying streak ends. I’m also sick of having the distance between us.
I realize it may not be smart, and someone may yell at me, but I don’t care. I want to feel close to him. I can’t have his arms around me, but I can lay with him and that’ll have to be enough for now.
I climb into the hospital bed, careful not to disturb anything. I hate knowing that if Parker were awake right now, he would haul me into his body, hold me and kiss me so hard I couldn’t breathe. Then he’d make love to me all night until I’m coming so many times I forget my name.
I manage to settle next to him; it’s a tight fit, but feeling his body next to me brings a sense of peace I haven’t had since Jameson’s phone call. It’s not completely better, but for right now it feels okay.
I pick up Parker’s hand, and move it onto my stomach, resting it there. I swear I feel him move just a tiny amount, but it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I close my eyes, holding my hand over his.
“I already know this baby is going to be the most loved human in the world,” I whisper between us. I turn my head into Parker’s side a little more. “I came back to you, now it’s your turn to come back to me.”