Chapter 7 Hope #2
“You want to be with me?” I ask, feeling stupid, because in my head, I intend to end things with him.
But that kiss, the way he holds me and now this.
No guy will ever be him. They won’t care about me like he does.
And maybe I’m being entirely selfish but I like him so much that I don’t want to end things with him.
I don’t want to stop being his friend, and the person he kisses and holds.
Heath stares deep into my eyes as if he can read all my thoughts. “I want to be with you.”
“After everything that happened?” I ask, because I need to sure.
“After everything that happened.”
He doesn’t mean that.
Clearly he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
I shake my head to get out of his hold, but he doesn’t let go of my face and me. So I give up.
“No! You are confused and you don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, my throat constricting. An ache throbs through its walls and I gulp to keep going. “If you stay with me you’ll only get into trouble. You’ll get hurt. You’ll bleed.”
“Hope—”
I look up and meet his intense gaze. “There was blood on my bedroom floor. Your blood. I had to stare at it and think about how badly you got hurt because of me. I was the reason for getting you hurt.”
My voice cracks as I say, “And then I had to clean it. It took me an hour because it wouldn’t come off. So I kept scrubbing hard… really hard… until my hands ached…”
Tears fall down my eyes and damp his palms.
“And I couldn’t stop thinking. No matter what I did, it just wouldn’t leave my head.” I sob.
“Hey, listen to me—”
I shake my head and sniffle. “And then Dad came into my room… and he tore down my book wall.”
“What?” His voice rises and shock and anger flash on his perfect face.
I nod and cry harder. “He took my books, one by one, and ripped every single page out of them. There were some pages that he just ripped to shreds.”
“Son of a bitch!”
“I tried glue and tape, but the pages… they wouldn’t join together.” A soul-shattering sob wrecks through me and my whole body goes weak. He ruined the one thing I love the most in the world.
Strength leaves me and I crumble but Heath steadies me against him, and wraps his arms so tightly around me that I can’t remember the feeling of being alone—a feeling I’ve felt my whole life but it just goes away.
I cry like a baby in his chest and he lets me.
No matter what I tell myself, the tears don’t stop and I completely embarrass myself in front of him.
At once my feet are off the ground. I pull away from his chest and realize he’s lifted me in his arms.
“Put me down! I’m heavy,” I whisper. My voice coarse.
“I can carry you just fine, Rose,” he says and walks us towards a corner.
Sitting down, he leans against the wall and keeps me in his lap. I try to get off him but he stops me by putting his hand on my thigh and squeezes hard.
Heat pools into my stomach and I look at him.
“I’m not letting you get anywhere, Rose.” Lifting his hand, he wipes away all my tears and then cups the side of my face. “I told you, I’ve got you.”
“I can’t sit here for long. Your legs will start to hurt.”
“You can sit here forever and I won’t complain.” He tells me softly, “My legs will be just fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Someone has to,” I say.
His eyes soften and he leans down and kisses me. “I promise I’ll be fine.”
He starts pulling away but I put my hand on his neck and stop him. That pulse I felt earlier is right there, fluttering under his hot skin.
“I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.” Tears cloud my vision. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
“Maybe I want to get hurt for you.”
“Heath…”
He grabs my hand that’s holding his neck and brings it to his chest where his heart is beating. “Do you really want that, Rose?”
I stay silent and look down in my lap because looking into his eyes and telling him that I don’t want to see him will be the biggest lie I’ve ever spoken. And even if I somehow say it, I know my heart will shatter into a million pieces, right here, right now.
“You don’t want it. Good. Otherwise it would’ve been alarming to others that I had resorted to stalking.”
That makes me look at him.
He leans closer. “What? You thought I’d just give up on the only girl that makes my heart beat this fast.” He presses my palm harder into his chest. My hand vibrates with the strong thrum of his heartbeats, each one strong and fast, as if calling for my name.
“I’m not letting you go and I’m not giving up on you. From now on you’re my girl.”
“Your girl?” I ask, clutching his T-shirt into my fingers.
He nods, staring deep into my eyes.“Yeah.”
My cheek turn red and I quickly break the eye contact.
His girl?
What does that mean?
Are we in a relationship now?
Heath Travon is my boyfriend.
No, wait. That seems too good to be true.
“Look at me, Rose.”
As if he’s put a spell on me, my body does as he says.
“It isn’t your fault.”
I shake my head. “It is. If you hadn’t met me—”
“Then my life would’ve been miserable. I would’ve been alone and angry with no hope in life.
Ever since you’ve come into my life, I have this light that casts away my darkness, and I want to bathe in it all the time.
I wake up in the morning because I want to, not because I need to.
And when I’m with you… I just want to stay with you.
Because I like talking to you, listening to you.
I even like making bracelets with you. And when you smile at me or laugh at something, I get this feeling inside of me.
It’s like fireflies or some shit is fluttering in my stomach.
There’s warmth, light and this sense of nervousness because I don’t ever want this thing—that is between us—to go away.
” He pauses. “Maybe you can try and stay away from me, Rose. But I can’t.
I fucking can’t. I will not let you go, not because you asked me to and I have to be the nice guy—which I’m not—but because I know you and I know deep down you want me. ”
“I want you, Heath.” I tell him. “But because of me, you got hurt and went to jail. I can’t ever let that happen to you, because it will happen if you stay with me.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened is your fault.”
“But—”
“No! Don’t fucking say it. I did it because I wanted to and I will do it again.” He brushes my hair away from my face. “I have to keep you safe.”
“You don’t need to go to such lengths for me. I’m not worth it.”
“Because you’re worth far more.” He caresses my cheek. “And I’ll show it to you.”
“With me your life will be complicated.”
“I like complicated.”
“You’ll get in trouble.”
“I’m always getting into trouble.”
“You’ll get hurt.”
“I’ll heal.”
“Your feelings will change.”
“A night in the cell didn’t change a single thing so I know nothing else will.”
“My parents will hate you.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.” He kisses me. “Only you matter to me.”
“You’ll always worry about me.”
“I already do.”
“Loving me will be hard because I have anxiety. I also get panic attacks and I’m always overthinking,” I tell him all my weak points, feeling like I’ve stripped myself naked in front of him.
He can see all the marks, scars and imperfections that stay hidden under clothes and put on a pretty image, but now there’s all ugliness.
It takes me a few seconds to realize that I used the word love.
Oh no.
What have I done?
He only likes me.
Here I am falling in love with him when he isn’t even there.
I sit up straight in his lap, still I’m short. Panic washes over me and I blurt out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you to love me. I wasn’t trying… to… I…”
I fumble so hard that I can barely form any words.
My hands shake and my heart beats so fast I feel like it’ll tear down my chest and come out.
I stare at his chest, unable to make eye contact with him. The embarrassment is so hard, red paints my face and neck and turns my skin so warm I start sweating in my cream sweater.
This is so awkward.
Heath chuckles and his chest vibrates with a deep and husky sound that pulls my attention.
Wrapping his arm around my waist he tucks me in his chest, and looks down at me.
“You like to steal my thunder, don’t you, Rose?”
My lips pucker like a fish. No sound or words come out.
“And let’s not worry about love, complications, troubles, your parents, and other stuff. I want you and you want me, it’s just as simple as that.”
“But what about—”
He shoves his fingers into my hair and kisses me hard. So hard that all my thoughts scatter and disappear into the oblivion.
By the time he unlocks our lips I don’t even know what I was going to say. All I can think about are the tingles that dance on my lips and the way they feel a little swollen.
“I see. That gets you to stop thinking.”
Before I can reply to him, the door to the rooftop opens and Marie stands there with Sebastian.