Chapter 17 Sydney
There weren’t many places in my house we could portal in and definitely not run into anyone.
I didn’t live in an area with basements because of frequent flooding and my attic wasn’t huge.
I wouldn’t imagine anyone would be using the master bath with the roof missing, but I’d also imagine if the cops thought I was dead, that’s where they’d be looking for evidence the hardest.
The closet in the guest room was tiny, but we could squeeze in long enough to see if I had any strangers in my house. Portalling felt weird now that I wasn’t naked and disoriented. I could actually experience what was happening to me.
Except I ended up smashed right into Kujo’s chest. He was deathly hot, but he was rude and unpleasant, so he could fuck off. But why did he have to be so hot? And why couldn’t I have ended up smushed with Nero or Celix?
“There’s a man in the room next door,” Nero whispered. “He feels frustrated.”
“He’s angry,” Kujo said.
“My office is next door. I’m guessing it’s my ex.
Mom always told me not to go full in with a joint checking account.
He was fine with keeping our finances separate and having a joint account we both put money into for house and living expenses until I started making more money.
He drained the joint account when he left, but he’s never been good with money.
I’m guessing he’s in there trying to figure out how to get control of my accounts and catalog. ”
“Sorry, give me a minute,” Nero said.
Nero’s eyes went black and I could feel some kind of magic coming off of him. I didn’t know what it was.
“Harsh, Nero. Though, not undeserved,” Celix said.
“What did you do?” I asked.
Nero went back to being Nero and not so scary. He beamed at me.
“I broke his wiener.”
“He didn’t just break it, princess. Your ex is going to get violently ill any time he wants to get turned on. It’s illegal for Nero to do that in Hell, so you’d better not talk about it and get him in trouble for it since it’s your ex.”
“Shit, Nero, don’t get in trouble for me. And that shouldn’t be illegal. Some people deserve that.”
“Hold that thought, sweetness,” Nero said.
His eyes swirled black again, and I felt some kind of magic coming from him. I heard Karl holler and then the sound of him violently puking. Well, damn. Remind me to never piss off an incubus or succubus. Karl seemed to be vomiting for hours.
“All over my fucking rug. That rug really tied the room together.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wanted it.”
“I was just making a joke. How long before he stops puking and leaves?”
Nero just shrugged.
“Depends how much he ate. It’s an ‘entire stomach contents’ kind of curse.”
Karl eventually got control of his stomach.
I heard him stomp out and slam the front door without cleaning up.
If the Urban Dictionary had a photo to go with Man Flu, Karl’s picture would be there.
He took a week off work over an ingrown toenail once.
Of course, he just left it when he puked all over my office after getting cursed by a demon.
Asshole.
Kujo refused to come with us, so it was just the three of us when we went to get my laptop and books out of my office. He mumbled something about packing up my clothes.
“You’d better not get weird with my panties,” I called as he left.
Kujo just flipped me off over his shoulder.
“What’s his deal?”
“I think he’d be okay with you kicking him in the nuts again as long as you didn’t puke on him. He doesn’t handle bodily fluids well at all,” Nero said.
“Good luck for him because I hate puking and can’t do it on command. Oh, wow. You didn’t just make him sick. That is, like, Exorcist-level puking. There’s some on the ceiling fan. If you’d warned me, I’d have gone to supervise Kujo around my lingerie.”
Celix dry heaved.
“Don’t you sympathy puke in here!” I screeched.
“Sorry, it’s just that this has been illegal in Hell since before I was born. I’ve never actually seen the results of it.”
Now I was dry heaving because Karl had eaten a lot of eggs and it smelled like someone fished a diaper out of a Port a Potty during Lilith Fair.
Damn. I could taste it. We couldn’t even open the window because I wasn’t supposed to be here and my nosy neighbor would have her pastor here if she saw Celix and Nero. That was the last thing I needed.
“Okay, so, I get my laptop, and we run in and out grabbing any books that don’t have stomach contents on them.”
“Sorry about your books.”
“Oh, no. The visual of him doing this when I’m not around to have to smell it is worth it.
You’re a beast, Nero. It’s sexy as fuck you did that for me, and I won’t tell anyone to get you in trouble.
I think you should be able to defend yourself when needed and the snobs don’t like admitting the demons they are fucking are actually more powerful than they are. ”
Nero’s spine straightened.
“Thanks. It’s really gross in here, so let’s get your things and get back.”
Because yeah, this had been my house for a while, but I guess it wasn’t anymore. I didn’t know the first thing about Hell and what I did know, I wanted to change.
But I couldn’t deny there was something about the place that felt right.