22. Millie
Two days.
Two long, full days of bullshit classes ranging from how to ‘communicate’ with your spouse to sessions on how Pastor Paul’s light could heal us from the inside out. Every word that spilled out of the so-called teachers’ mouths made me want to scream at those around me who sat taking notes and soaking in every word.
How could they not see it?
The class material was a bait-and-switch style where they made the women feel seen and heard, only to flip it all around to be about the men, forgetting about us. It made the women clamor to get their attention back and do anything for their praise and focus. In one class, when we were separated from the men, the teacher made the wives search inside ourselves to uncover why we would want something if it didn’t make our husbands happy, then get rid of it. Toss any wants and desires that were your own so that you could make room for your husband’s.
Cool water streamed down my hand, jerking me out of the anger-fueled trance I slipped into while filling my water bottle from the bathroom sink. It wasn’t ideal, but the conference hall didn’t have a single water fountain or refilling station. Seemed odd and made me wonder just what was in the water bottles they thrust into my hand before every class.
Pulling the bottle away, I shut off the water and screwed the cap back on. Ready for another grueling class, I turned for the door. Only the bathroom door swung open, making me back up a few steps to not get hit.
A tall, dark-haired woman, dressed in the same tight skirt and blouse the other leadership wives all wore, stepped inside. She startled at finding me, gaze locking on the excess water dripping from the overfilled plastic bottle in my hand. The polite smile vanished, and she swallowed, fingers releasing the door so it closed softly, cutting off the voices and laughter from the busy hall. “Did you fill that from the faucet?” I eyed her with suspicion and nodded. “Don’t let them see you doing that,” she whispered, slight panic in her voice. “You should pour it out before they catch you.”
I held up the bottle, inspecting the label that read Union Blessed Water. “Doing what? Saving the planet one plastic bottle at a time?”
Dark hair swished with the forceful headshake, frantic eyes flicking back to the door as if worried someone might barge in. “It shows independence from the church and your husband. Everything has to be unified and approved.”
“Independence by getting water?” I asked, tone incredulous. Was this woman serious?
“Yes. If you do that, then they’ll think you’re not fully… committed. They want control over everything, don’t you see?”
Committed or brainwashed?
“Committed to the pastor?” She nodded. “But you’re not, if you’re warning me. Actually, you seem scared.” That last bit wasn’t too much of a leap, considering she was jumpy and flinched at every voice and sound that came from the other side of the door. I couldn’t recall seeing her around the spacious building, but that meant nothing. The place was packed, various groups and leaders meeting throughout the day in the sectioned-off rooms and conference halls.
Her face paled. “Don’t say that out loud. You’ll get me killed.”
I dared a step closer, pulse racing. This could be it, my chance to pull the curtain back and see exactly what went on behind the scenes of this place. I reached a tentative hand out, giving her the opportunity to move away. The second my hand touched her bare arm, a shiver seemed to shake her to the core.
“What do you mean, get you killed? This is a church.”
Play dumb. Don’t act like you know anything about the true focus of the group.
That was Killian’s advice when preparing me for situations like this. We figured most of the women were here under the directive of their husbands, because the men gained far more from being followers than the women. Killian expected I would have more opportunity to get the dirty secrets about the cult from the unhappy or scared women versus him with the men.
Plus, he said I was approachable. My smaller size and the bohemian style my fake persona wore would put others at ease around me. How he knew that, I wasn’t sure, and didn’t plan on asking for details. There was a lot that Killian held back from me, but he would tell me in time. We just had to get through this fake marriage that felt less fake every day, shut down the cult, find justice for those who were murdered—oh, and save a seventeen-year-old girl.
Easy.
I shook my head and ran a hand over my pink hair. Why did I sign up for this again?
Oh, that’s right. I wanted the adventure. Well, nothing said adventure like being deep inside a dangerous cult, fake married to the man you actually loved.
“This place isn’t what you think it is.” Faster than I could react, both her hands wrapped around my wrists in a bruising grip. “I know who you are.” Fear locked down my entire body; a frozen breath burned in my lungs.
“You do?” I rasped, the words barely audible.
“Everyone is talking about you and your husband.” That blistering breath expelled past my lips. I teetered to the side with relief. “How much he,” she spat, “wants you two to join the leadership team because of your husband and his company.”
“He as in Pastor Paul?”
She nodded and looked at the door. “I can’t explain everything now, but you have to get out of here. Don’t listen to anything they say, and most importantly, don’t?—”
The door flung open, slamming against the wall and cutting her off. I tensed as a lanky older man stepped into the ladies restroom. White dusted the hair at his temples, and wrinkles bracketed his lips. Deep lines marked his forehead, but they disappeared when his gaze landed on us. The woman’s grip tightened. Between blinks, her whole demeanor transformed from panicked and afraid to the soft smile that now spread across her face as she turned to the man who I immediately recognized from my research.
High-ranking leadership member, Davis Culler.
“There you are, wife.”
I blinked at the man in genuine shock. I chanced a look back at the woman. Without the fear and panic pinching her features, she appeared far younger than I first assumed.
Far. Younger.
Fucking hell, she had to be over twenty years younger than her so-called husband.
“Apologies. I kept her,” I said sheepishly, redirecting his angry glare my way. The instant he took me in, all that anger and hostility slipped away. The sudden change was practiced and natural for him, which was easy to see. “I was asking for…” Fuck, what should I say?
“How to go about changing her hair back to a more natural color,” the woman cut in for me.
I wanted to scowl at that. The pale pink had grown on me. No way in hell would I change it back so soon. The time it took to bleach my naturally dark hair to obtain the blonde needed for the pink took too long not to keep the fun color for a while.
“Yes,” I said, dropping my gaze to appear more submissive. “My husband wants me to look more like the women here. Sophisticated, classy.”
Brainwashed.
Fake.
Same thing.
“Oh, you’re Kurt’s wife.” Apparently, I didn’t have a name. My left eye twitched with the urge to correct him. I didn’t realize how demeaning it would be to not be an individual person instead of an attachment to the person they deemed as important. “How lovely for my wife to run into you.”
Why did the word lovely sound like a threat?
Releasing his white-knuckled grip on the door, it slowly closed before whispering shut. I swallowed hard, hoping that would help keep my heart from leaping out of my throat. My brain worked overtime to come up with a way out of this unexpected meeting.
In the women’s restroom.
With a known emotional abuser and his young wife.
I was so out of my depth. Adventure was what I wanted. Instead, I walked into danger at the nuclear level.
“I’ve heard so much about you through the others.” I forced a shaky smile and pulled my hands away from the woman’s, not liking them being restrained with him encroaching on my personal space. “He seems to be the type of man we need on our leadership team. Already, he’s showing the mindset and vision that aligns with our community.”
His wide, creepy, knowing smile had a chill whipping down my spine.
“My wife can tell you all the ways being a part of the leadership team can benefit you, too.”
His hand lashed out and grasped at the back of the woman’s neck. Her lips parted as if she wanted to cry out, but not a single sound escaped. Instead, that pained expression morphed back to that serene smile that all the female followers seemed to wear.
“Tell her, honey,” he said, words forced, but that fake smile of his never dropped. “Tell her how much you enjoy the benefits of being mine.”
I gagged. Well, inside, I gagged. On the outside, I smiled and turned to face the woman with what I tried for was a hopeful and expectant look.
“Oh, yes,” she whispered, watery gaze locked on mine. I swear I could feel the panic and fear leaching through her wide eyes. “I’m so happy and free now that I’ve been guided to the light. Pure happiness.”
“Tell her about the leadership meetings,” he stated as his gaze slid up and down my short frame and the flowy skirt that hid my curves. “Oh, you would be fun, wouldn’t you?”
“The meetings are my favorite.” By the green tint that overcame her pale face, I’d bet that was a lie. “We all benefit from the pastor’s visions and community we embrace to fuel those prophecies of the future.”
I blanched, unable to stop the disgust that raced through my veins at her tight tone.
“That sounds… interesting,” I offered.
“Don’t worry about your looks,” the bastard offered. “During the fueling, we don’t take trivial matters into account.” Wait. Should I be offended that he was basically calling me ugly? “Your small size might be just what some need to feed the energies.”
Eww.
There was too much to unravel in that statement. Even my rapid-firing brain couldn’t process the plethora of hidden meanings behind his words. I knew for certain the so-called fueling wasn’t anything good or something I planned to be an active participant in.
The door swung open again, and for a second time, a male walked through the door. But this one had relief rushing through my veins. Careful to keep my features calm, I eyed Killian as his gaze swept over the three of us, quickly assessing the situation. It was beyond attractive how quickly his mind worked, seeing and calculating rapidly, unlike mine earlier.
“Didn’t realize I was missing out on a party,” Killian said with a calm smile. Allowing the door to shut, he leaned back against it, blocking our only exit. “Tell me, Culler, what are you doing in the women’s restroom with my wife?” Culler seemed to flounder for a moment, but Killian saved him. “Not that I mind, just want to make sure I’m not missing out on any of the benefits you’ve all alluded to during the classes.”
Those aqua eyes swept up and down Culler’s wife’s body in a slow perusal before winking at her. Smile wide, he reached out and clapped the man on the shoulder, jerking him forward a step.
“I’m seeing why so many are happy when you have women like that at your disposal.” I flinched, and Killian caught the movement. He rolled his eyes like he was annoyed with me for purely existing. “You didn’t think I brought you just to fix you for myself, did you? Fuck, you’re more pathetic than I realized.”
I knew he was playing the part of an asshole husband, that it was all a show, but still tears sprung to my eyes at his harsh words. A flash of panic flittered across Killian’s face when he caught my watery gaze, but he quickly schooled his features back into that cocky mask.
“Come on, wife. Our next class is together.” He reached out and wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and squeezed. To everyone else, it looked like a possessive hold, but really, it was a silent apology, the touch meant to comfort, not control. “Maybe you’ll actually learn something in this one because fuck knows I’ve been the only one putting in work since we’ve been here.”
“Oh, yes,” Davis chuckled. “I’ve heard about the work you’ve put in. You’re more enlightened than any new attendee we’ve ever had. Even Pastor Paul has taken notice of your natural ability to… lead.”
I wanted to look at Killian but forced my gaze to the floor. What did that even mean? Was that why he’d barely touched me since the welcome lunch on Monday? Two nights of him sleeping beside me, yet not really there. I’d asked him what was wrong, but he just shook his head and continued staring at the TV, even though I knew he wasn’t paying attention to the show. Nor had he mentioned much when we debriefed with Hunter.
Speaking of which. My brows furrowed, suddenly remembering my shadow wasn’t there. Why didn’t he stop Davis from walking into the women’s restroom? My stomach soured with the rising worry. Hopefully, he was just outside the door where I left him.
“Is your next class Finding your spouse’s light?” Davis asked.
“Yeah, why?” Killian responded for us. I bit my lip, wanting to speak up but stayed in this submissive character, even though I hated being overlooked.
Davis released his wife and clapped Killian on the shoulder with as much force as Killian had to him, but Killian didn’t stumble forward under the force like Davis had.
“I’m the teacher for that class today.”
Killian’s calloused hand wrapped around the door handle and pulled it open. “Looking forward to it. Now, if you’ll give me a second, I need to talk to my wife in private about the consequences of ditching her handler.”
Davis’s eyes lit with excitement when they flicked my way. “Maybe I should stay to coach you. I’d be happy to use my wife here to demonstrate how she makes it up to me when I’m displeased with her behavior.” Killian froze. It was clear to me he wasn’t as relaxed as he seemed when he arched a questioning brow in Davis’s direction. “It’s not as harsh as it sounds. What you learn through this process and as a follower of Pastor Paul is a woman is happiest when she has set rules and is held accountable. It’s for their own good. Keeping them in line brings us happiness, which makes them happy, as well. I’m sure you’ve heard some of this in the classes you’ve attended already.”
Killian nodded, the movement stiff. “While I appreciate the offer to demonstrate,” his aqua eyes locked on Davis’s wife—I should really find out her name—then he smiled. “It would be informative and enjoyable, I’m sure. I need to speak with my wife alone to ensure she’s not distracted and fully understands my expectations for the rest of the day and our time here.”
Davis eyed Killian before smiling. “Of course. It takes time to become comfortable with how open we are with every aspect of our lives and marriages. Though, hopefully, as you proceed in the classes and continue to become enlightened, you’ll see the benefits of our lifestyle and how you can prosper from them, as well.” His wife’s lips parted when those thick fingers dug deeper into the side of her throat as he guided her toward the door. “Our break ends in five minutes. Don’t be late.” Evil-filled eyes locked on me. “Or you won’t have a choice regarding a group demonstration on authority and following our guidelines.”
Back ramrod straight, Killian didn’t move as the two disappeared out the door. Hunter’s frame immediately filled the doorway. His worried gaze locked on me.
“Did I get him in time?” he whispered.
“Give us a minute, will you?” Killian rasped and released the door handle, shutting it in Hunter’s face. My lips parted to tell him how rude that was. Hunter was clearly worried about me, but the words vanished when Killian’s muscular arms wrapped around me. Face pressed to his chest, thick biceps banded around my back as all the built-up tension dissipated. Inhaling deeply, I slowly released the calming breath, already feeling better after a few seconds in Killian’s protective hold.
“He didn’t touch you, did he?” he rasped into my hair. I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Alarm raced through me, and I pushed away from Killian with wide eyes. “What?”
Features tight, he reached out and pulled me back into his arms. “This place is so fucked-up, the way they think and what they’re teaching. I’ve had some tough assignments in the past, but this one…. This one might prove to be the most fucked-up and difficult one I’ve ever had.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But it’s not forever, and if we do this right, then all this will stop. We can’t walk away now.” And please don’t ask me to, was my silent plea.
“Will you still want me when I mass murder every fucker who has looked at you, thought about touching you, or mentioned how hot you are?”
A relieved smile overtook my face, the first genuine one of the day. “Of course.” I inhale, pulling wafts of his expensive cologne into my lungs. “Did you see how young she was?”
“Yeah.”
“She had to be at least twenty years younger than him. And he’s the one whose previous wives died mysteriously… all that, plus he has a hot young wife? Seems suspect.”
“This whole place is suspect,” Killian grumbled. After placing a kiss on my forehead, he stepped back, his intense stare scanning my face. “We’ll talk tonight, after dinner with the other participants.”
I nodded and followed him to the door. Before he swung it open, he turned. “Have you noticed how easily the others taking these classes are believing all this shit? It’s basic indoctrination 101, setting the foundation for what they really want.”
“What’s that, you think?”
“Control. Paul thrives off seeing all these people follow him like blind and fucking dumb sheep, while the leaders in his inner circle salivate at having control over those who look to them for guidance.”
I nodded in agreement as we stepped into the hall. Other couples smiled at us as we emerged, no doubt thinking we stepped inside the bathroom for a quickie. At the sudden presence at my back, I glanced over my shoulder, finding Hunter a few paces behind me, eyes darting from one side of the hall to the other.
Safe.
I was safe.
For now, at least.