Chapter 19 – Alexis
19
She Does What She Wants
Alexis
I’M TRYING TO reconcile the Gavin from my high school memories with the information he’s giving me now, but it’s not easy. The overgrown boy I remember was always smiling and easy-going. Not once did he give any hint that he was suffering.
And I hate that. I hate that shame and embarrassment forced him to hide his pain.
“Do you talk to either of your parents much now?” It takes a lot of work to keep my voice from showing how angry I am. I know myself well enough to recognize my face is probably giving me away, but I control what I can, and my face... That bitch does what she wants.
Gavin’s eyes drop to where my hand holds his. “I just had dinner with my dad a few weeks ago. Up until now I’ve been taking him out for his birthday and Easter and Christmas.”
There’s something off in the way he said that—how he prefaced it. “Up until now?”
Gavin takes a breath so deep it lifts his shoulders and expands his already broad chest. As he lets it out, he turns his palm so it meets mine, our fingers lacing together. “I love him, but he’s just so fucking miserable.” Gavin lets his head drop back against the sofa. “The most fucked-up part is, I think he likes it.” His voice lowers. “And I think he wants me to be just as miserable.”
Again, I have to rein in my reaction, because what kind of shit-ass parent would want their child to be miserable? “That’s fucked up.”
Ok, so maybe I’m not great at reining in my reactions.
Gavin’s eyes lift to mine. “It is, isn’t it?”
I scoot a little closer, wanting to comfort him. “What he did was awful, and unfair.” I hook one leg across his knee. “My parents are pissed as hell at Leo over Maddie Miller, but they would never want him to be unhappy. Even Christmas morning in the kitchen, they would have fought anyone who tried to hurt him.” I huff out a little laugh. “And that probably includes Maddie Miller’s ex-husband.”
Sure, it would’ve gone against everything they were upset about, but my parents have always fought for us, and they always will. That’s what parents do.
Some parents. Obviously not all. And that breaks my heart for Gavin. Makes my chest ache and my throat tight. But I know something that might make us both feel a little better. A fact he may not have fully internalized. “My parents would fight for you too.”
Gavin takes another one of those deep, shoulder shifting breaths, the devastation I was hoping might dissipate lingering on his handsome face. “I know they would.” His hand grips mine a little tighter. “That’s why this thing we’re doing should probably stop.”
That has me mentally stumbling, but before my brain can even hit the metaphorical ground, I get pissed. “Are you saying you think I would push you out of my family?” I scoff, offended and irked and insulted. “What kind of an asshole do you think I am?”
“ No .” The word jumps out of his mouth, loud and sharp. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.” His eyes move over mine like he’s searching for something. “I don’t think you would do that. That’s not how you are.” His hand comes to my face, smoothing across my skin then down my hair. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”
I’m trying to follow along, but I’m not picking up what he’s putting down. “How are you the problem?”
His jaw clenches tight, a muscle in the side of his face twitching from the pressure. “I’m just like my dad, Al. If we did this and then it went wrong...” He pauses, voice dropping low when he says, “I can’t trust myself to be around you after that.”
He’s giving me bits and pieces and I’m doing my best to put them together, but it almost seems like he’s trying to say— “So you think you’re jealous of Dillon because you’re just like your dad?”
Gavin’s expression doesn’t change, but I can see a shift in his eyes. A pain that wasn’t there before. One he’s hidden so well I never suspected a thing. “If that’s how I act now, can you imagine how I would be a month down the road? A year?”
I rub my lips together, because I’m messy enough that thinking about Gavin being jealous over me has my insides doing somersaults. “How would you be?” The question comes out breathy and soft, giving away how questionable my wants and desires are.
A flash of heat and possessiveness flares across his face and I fucking love it. I also hate it. I saw how devastated Gavin was at the prospect of being like his father. But, while I may not know much about that ass, I do know a lot about Gavin. More than enough to say with almost complete certainty he could never be like him.
One day he’ll figure that out, but for now, maybe I can make things a little easier. Make him feel a little better.
“Then it’s probably a good thing I couldn’t be less attracted to Dillon.” I wiggle around, dropping down to sit across his thighs, my knees braced at his hips. “I made the terrible mistake of going out with him once.” Leaning close, I brace my hands against his shoulders and let my lips brush against his ear. “And let me assure you, he doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
Gavin sucks in a breath when I nip at the lobe of his ear. His big hands grip my ass, palming it through the fabric of his shirt as he groans. “Al.”
His voice is strained, and I smile against his skin as I leave a trail of wet kisses down his thick neck. “He is so far beneath you, there’s no comparison.” Letting my fingers slide down the front of his chest, I seek out the fly of his jeans and work it open. “I’ve never touched him, and he never touched me.” I’m a little braver this time and I get his pants open pretty quickly. Fast enough Gavin doesn’t seem to see what’s coming. I slide one leg off the couch, planting my foot on the floor for balance as I drop to my knees between his feet, eyes on his face as I say, “I definitely would never have done this for him.”
“ Al .”
I’ve always hated that nickname, but that was because I thought it was a joke to him. But now—hearing it pass through his lips all ragged and rough—it might be my new favorite thing.
At least it is until I drag my tongue up the length of his cock, root to tip. That’s when Gavin lets out a deep, rumbling groan, and it becomes my new favorite thing. So much so that my goal is figuring out how to get him to do it again.
And again.
Keeping my eyes on his face, I lean forward, parting my lips and slipping them over the flared head of his thick cock. The skin there is silky smooth and burning hot. Almost as hot as the smolder in Gavin’s gaze as he stares down at me, fingers lacing in my hair to keep it out of my face as I swallow him down. He’s a little too big for me to take as much of him as I want, but I keep trying, relaxing my throat as I bob over him, using the hand encircling his base to cover all the territory my mouth can’t reach.
“Fuck, Alexis.” His thumb traces the stretched line of my mouth, slicking through the spit easing my way. “Your lips look so pretty wrapped around my dick.” His nostrils flare as he continues watching me. “I want to do so many things to you.” One of his hands comes to wrap around mine, squeezing my grip tighter. “Fill every part of you.”
A whimper works free at that, nearly smothered out by the mouthful of dick I’m navigating.
“Do you like the thought of that, Al?” Gavin leans closer, voice lowering. “Me being inside you?”
Holy mother of God. I like that Gavin moans. The sexy rumble when he groans. That he’s vocal during moments like this. But the level of dirty talk he’s bringing now?
I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep from passing out if this is how he plans to be moving forward.
Gavin’s hand slides to cradle the back of my head as the other keeps working the base of his dick with me. “Because that’s what I’m gonna do if you don’t stop me. I’m gonna spend every day trying to fill every part of you I can.” His fingers fist in my hair, holding tight but not pulling. “Over and over again.”
If I hadn’t already gotten off twice tonight, that threat might have sent me over the edge.
And that’s what it was. A threat.
Too bad I’m not scared of Gavin. He’s big and he’s strong and, yeah, he maybe has a little bit of a jealous streak.
But I will never be afraid of him. Never .
He’s not capable of being the kind of man his father is. I know that.
Even if he doesn’t.
“Fuck, Al.” His fingers flex against my head as his cock twitches in my mouth. He tries to pull me off of him in spite of all his claims, but I don’t let him.
“Sweetheart,” his voice has a frantic edge, “you need to back off or I’m going to—”
I sink over him again, hollowing my cheeks to add a little more suction. That’s all it takes, and the first hot splash of cum hits my tongue the same second Gavin lets out one of those deeply masculine groans I love so much. I keep working him, swallowing down everything he gives me. With one final lick, I pull free, a proud smile curving my lips as he gazes at me, dazed.
Gavin’s silent for a minute, staring at me like he can’t believe what just happened. Then he’s pulling me close, tucking my body across his lap, cradling me against his chest. His breathing slowly returns to normal as he strokes my arms, my hair, my legs.
After a few, quiet minutes, Gavin pulls in a breath and dishes out what he likely thinks is another threat.
“You’re never gonna get rid of me now, Al.”
I smile up at him. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” I can think of way worse things than having Gavin in my life. And maybe that’s the best thing for him.
Because I clearly see what he doesn’t.