Chapter 6
I can’t believe I just issued that challenge. I meant it. I just can’t believe I said it. The wolfish expression in his eyes tells me he’ll take me up on it. I can’t wait. I want this way more than my common sense says I should. But Finn draws me inexplicably. It’s like this is where I’ve always meant to be. Talking to him. Sitting on his lap. Kissing him. Being beneath him. The feeling of all that— physically and emotionally —is like I’m breathing easier than I ever have before.
I widen my legs, and he settles his cock completely against my pussy. Fucking hell. I could tell he was endowed, but dear God, he could be a porn star. I don’t have tons of experience, but I have more than enough to know he’s bigger than average. Fuck.
I’m a damn doctor and have seen all sorts. You don’t go straight from med school to your specialty. I had rotations in other departments. I did all the standard ones. Neurology, internal medicine, general surgery, and family medicine were where I got some field experience on men’s dicks. OBGYN and pediatrics were when I knew I wanted to be a neonatologist.
“Finn.” I moan his name a second time and move restlessly beneath him. I’m horny as a fucking toad. We both have clothes on, and all we’ve done is kiss and press our bodies together, but I ache. I want to feel him inside me more than I have ever wanted another guy.
“I know, cailín. I want it too.”
Little girl. The way he says that endearment. I don’t feel like a child. But I feel precious. The more he told me, the less scared I felt. More worried about him and what could happen, but less scared about the unknown. By the time he finished, I wanted to curl up like a content little kitten. I didn’t want to curl into a defensive ball. I felt completely relaxed. I know that no matter what happens— we date— we date and break up— we don’t date —he will protect me. I thought I wanted no part of it, and I didn’t before he explained.
As our lips fuse once more, I give myself entirely over to the kiss. The rest of the world vanishes. It’s Finn and me. That’s it. He’s holding my thigh, pinning it against his hip as he rocks against me. The hint is almost excruciating in how it teases me. But it’s like we both come back to reality at the same time. He pulls back, and I sit up. My lips feel plumper, and I wonder if the skin around my mouth is red from his stubble.
He lifts me like I’m a feather, which I am not. I’m thick, and from the way his hands are running along the outside of my thighs, his fingers tight, he likes it. I sink against his chest, my head once again against it. It feels so natural to be with him like this. I can hear his heartbeat. It’s definitely rapid, as though he needs to catch his breath. But it’s steady and strong. It’s incredibly soothing after the intensity of passion.
“Thea, will you go out with me?”
“Yes.” No brainer.
“When? What would you like to do?”
Besides you?
“I don’t know when you’re free. I’m off for the next three days. Then I have a thirty-hour shift. I’m not really off after that. I’ll still be on overnight call a couple times. One night on and three off, so that’s ten hours off between shifts. I sleep at the hospital a lot of times.”
“Do you sleep most of the day after your shift? You said you just came off a twenty-four-hour one, and it was a harder day than usual because you had to give some bad news.”
He paid attention. Not just that it was a rough day, but why it was. He’s thoughtful.
“I usually pass out for a solid ten hours, then I’m back to normal.”
“Is tomorrow night too soon?”
He sounds like he’s trying not to sound too eager. I grin and shake my head.
“Tomorrow night is perfect.”
“What would you like to do? Dinner?”
Jump your bones.
“That sounds nice.”
“I own a comedy club, and there’s a great woman on tomorrow night. But the show doesn’t start until nine-thirty. Is that too late? Are you into that sort of thing?”
“That sounds perfect. I could do with a few good laughs.”
“Dinner at seven-thirty?”
I nod. He hesitates for a moment, unsure if he should say what he’s thinking.
“I don’t know what’s easiest for you. We could meet there. I could pick you up. I could send a driver.”
“I’ll be in Jersey tomorrow afternoon with my parents. I can meet you.”
“Have you been to La Petite Fleur?”
That’s not super fancy, but it’s definitely a higher end restaurant.
“A couple of times. I like it.”
“Then seven-thirty at La Petite Fleur.”
We stare at each other. Neither of us moves. We look at each other’s mouths, the temptation thrumming between us. We laugh as we both sigh. I get up, and he follows me. I glance at my watch. It’s already eight-thirty. I’ve been here two-and-a-half hours. It doesn’t feel that long. We must have been making out for a while.
He rests his hand on my lower back as he opens the door and lets me pass through it first. I have a moment of embarrassment as we step back into the main bar area. We’ve been in his office a long time. There are people still here who know we went back there together. But no one pays us any attention. That makes me wonder if they’re used to Finn taking women there.
“Cailín, the people here know not to be nosey. They don’t ask questions, and they don’t make assumptions. It’s not that I fuck women back there so often they don’t notice.”
I look up at him in surprise.
“I know how it looks if you don’t know who frequents this bar. But the people here know I don’t hook up with random women. They know I don’t take any women back there to fuck. All of them are regulars.”
“You read my mind.”
“Sort of. I scanned the crowd to see who was here and who was looking in our direction. I know almost everyone here and have for years. The few people I don’t know wouldn’t know to think there’s anything odd about me coming out here with you.”
I breathe a little easier until I spot Mair. She knows we went back there. She knows how long ago that was. She’s serving drinks at a table, but now I’m doubly embarrassed.
“Mair won’t think anything of it. She knows me.”
That doesn’t sound good. Won’t think anything of him taking a woman back there?
“Thea, she knows I don’t screw around. She won’t think less of you for being back there. She won’t assume it was some quickie that wasn’t so quick. If I hadn’t gone back there to talk to you, she would be the one telling me I’m a dumbarse for missing my opportunity with an amazing woman.”
I’m looking up at him while he speaks, but now I’m looking back at his cousin-in-law. She shoots me a friendly smile, and it eases my worry.
“Did you drive?”
“Yeah. I’m parked around the corner.”
“This is a good neighborhood, but I’d feel better walking you out. Especially after earlier.”
“I appreciate it.”
We head out and walk the half block, and he tells me he inherited the bar from his grandmother. The kiss is over too fast, but there are plenty of people on the sidewalk. Then I’m home, passed out, dreaming about the hot red-head.
“Mom?”
“Hey. I’m upstairs.”
I hang up my jacket and purse and head up to find my mom. She’s folding laundry in her room, and I notice a couple of shirts that belong to my older brother. He moved out before I did. Why’s Mom doing his laundry?
“Hi, Ally.” My mom gives the best hugs. Maternal hugs. Finn’s hugs feel entirely different, but fuck, they are the best I’ve felt from a man. He gave me one just before I got in the car last night.
“Hi.”
“Why do you have some of Jamie’s shirts?”
“He and Asher had the kids over, and Skyler had an explosive diaper. Twice. You know they both always have an extra shirt for themselves in the diaper bag. Jamie went through both and wound up going home in one of Papa’s.”
My brother and brother-in-law have four kids, and the youngest is six months old.
“How’s Skyler doing?”
My mom hesitates. It’s only for a second, but I know it.
“What happened at the last appointment?”
“The cardiologist wants to do some more tests.”
“Dr. Rodesman is the best pediatric cardiologist I know. If he wants more tests run, it’s because he wants to be absolutely certain of his diagnosis. It doesn’t automatically mean something bad.”
My nephew has a congenital heart defect— CHD. In the grand scheme of things, it’s mild. But it’s going to take ongoing care, not just because of the heart itself but because of the related medical and developmental challenges it will present. I was at the hospital the day he was born. I didn’t know Skyler was the baby in distress when I got the page. Thankfully, there were two other neonatologists on call at the same time. I didn’t have to be my nephew’s doctor. Instead, I was able to explain to my family what was happening.
Thatwas the worst day of my life. That was the worst day of my career. I made it through the first twenty-six hours of Skyler’s life, having to come in and out of the postpartum room where my family and the biological mother were because of my own patients. I finally got five minutes to myself. I have never cried so hard in my life. Then I had to pull myself together and do my rounds.
“Asher says the doctor has been amazing with Skyler. But it’s hard, you know?”
“I do. Jamie and Asher know I’m happy to talk to them after any appointment.”
“They do. Thank you, sweet pea.” My mom’s been calling me that for as long as I can remember.
“How’s everything else going?”
My mom’s even slower to answer that. I raise my eyebrows and wait.
“We weren’t going to say anything until you all came over next Saturday.”
“Weren’t going to say what?”
Next Saturday will be my first day off again after the three I have now. It’s Wednesday, so that’s a week and a half. My mom puts down the socks she just rolled. If she can’t fold laundry at the same time as talk to me, there’s something wrong. She could fold laundry while grounding me for two weeks from TV when I did something wrong as a kid.
“Your dad lost his job last week.”
“Last week?!” And they were going to wait another week and a half to tell us?
“Yes. The company says he’s underperforming.”
“How? He still puts in the same long hours plus overtime that he has since he started working on the fabrication floor. He never takes sick days. The people under him respect and like him. Is it agism?”
“Yes. You know your dad’s arthritis is getting worse, so they’re saying he can’t do all the parts of his job description.”
“That’s ridiculous. His job doesn’t involve him being a welder anymore. He supervises. What does the union have to say?”
“They’re doing what they can, but it’s slow going. And Papa isn’t sure he’d even want to be reinstated there.”
“Can he go on disability?”
“He qualifies, but at his age, if he goes on, who would hire him if he goes off it? He’s not ready to be home all day, and you know we need his income.”
I sit on the edge of their bed. The same one I climbed into and scooted down under the covers between them when I had a bad dream or didn’t feel well. The same one my mountain of a father used to play tickle wars with me on.
“He’s not that old.”
“He’s fifty-seven.”
“So, what now?”
My mom resumes folding, which is a good sign. “We’re going to tap into our retirement, take the penalty, and hope he gets a new job or his old one back.”
“No.”
My mom looks at me askance. “What do you mean ‘no?’”
“No. I’m a lot further away from retirement than either of you are. I have way more time to save aggressively if I take a break now. You are not tapping into a fixed income when you both might live another thirty-odd years.”
“And in thirty years, you’ll be ready to retire too.”
“Mom, no. If Papa can’t get disability or a new job, then I am helping you with whatever unemployment doesn’t cover. You live a modest life. It’s not like I’d be floating your jet-setting lifestyle. You know I have the means to do that.”
“You’re still paying off med school.”
“I am. And I’m actively saving for my retirement beyond what the hospital matches. I can reallocate those funds for now.”
“We’re not?—”
“So, you’re going to consider the alternative. That’s what you’re not telling me.”
My mother’s eyes narrow at me, and I feel like I’m six again and just put stickers all over my little wooden rocking chair.
“You know that isn’t what we’re going to do.”
“And when he finds out and comes knocking? Then what? You won’t be able to say no.”
“He won’t find out.”
I scoff at that. “Uncle Corey will absolutely find out. And he will absolutely come knocking. Or worse, he’ll send a half dozen guys to smash your windows and key your cars. He doesn’t give a hoot that Papa is his own nephew.”
This is what I feared being with Finn would bring back into my life. That being around the mob would be like the motorcycle club my dad’s uncle leads. My grandfather was a member too. My dad had no choice but to run with them when he was in his twenties. But he beat the shit out of his cousin for something he said about my mom when my parents were dating. It was along the lines of what Tony said about me— the caramel swirl part. Papa put his cousin in the hospital for three weeks with so much internal bleeding everyone was certain he would have died. When my dad said he wanted out, they showed him the door.
But that hasn’t kept Uncle Corey from making an appearance from time-to-time. I also know he’s been extorting my parents since they got married. They might have let my dad out, but he pays for the privilege of staying out. It’s that monthly payment that worries me more than if they can keep the electricity on. My mom makes enough to support them. So did my dad. But the moment Uncle Corey knows they’re having a hard time, he’ll up the payments. He’ll make sure they have other hardships, like needing cars or the house repaired. Then he’ll loan shark them. I’ve seen him do it to other people in our family.
“Ally?”
I twist to look at my dad in the doorway. “Hi, Papa.”
I go over to him and hug him, too. He’s as tall as Finn, at a few inches over six feet, but he’s a mountain. His forearms are the same width as the bottom half of my calves, which are not thin. He was a welder for nearly twenty years before he became a supervisor. There isn’t a ton of hand fabrication that still goes on, but there’s enough custom that his arms show the years of using a hammer and anvil. He’s as in shape now as he was when he beat the shit out of his cousin. I’ve seen photos from when my parents dated.
“I told Ally.” My mom sounds so defeated.
“I know. I could hear you as I came up the stairs. Ally, you are not taking care of us. We’re not feeble quite yet.”
“No one’s saying you are. There are plenty of cultures where this is totally a normal part of intergenerational families. Why does it have to be different here? I have the means.”
“Because you have a future to consider, and as kind as your offer is, it’s short-sighted.”
I take a deep breath. I won’t convince them otherwise. This is why my mom gave in and told me alone. She knew I would insist, and it’s actually better that I’m here alone than with my brothers. They’ll make the same offer, but they both have families. I’m the only single one with no one to support but myself. I’m also the highest paid of all three siblings.
Jamie and Asher are both associate professors who went through funded PhD programs, but they have kids, one of whom has severe medical issues. My other brother, Rod, is married with one kid. He’s an entrepreneur with a fleet of new trucks to pay for as an outsourced delivery service provider. He has thirty people working for him who need to get paid every two weeks. He’s also paying off his MBA. His wife is a nurse at the same hospital as me and is going through a doctoral program for Nurse Practitioners. This isn’t the time for either of my brothers to help, though I know they will insist. I’m the one who can do this, and I will. This isn’t the hill I’ll die on today, but it is the war I will win.
“Just keep it in the back of your mind, okay?”
My parents nod, and I know that means fat chance. But both of my parents combined still don’t equal how stubborn I can be. They know that, so I don’t meet either of their gazes, or they’ll know I have no intention of relenting. Truth be told, they already know that. I just don’t want them to see how deep I’m digging my heels in.
“Are you ready, Mom?”
She just finished folding the laundry, and my dad will put it away. We’re going to find a graduation gift for my sister-in-law. We could order something online and probably will, but it’s a good excuse to spend time with my mom. They don’t live far outside the city in Long Branch, but I don’t come out here that often because of work. Sometimes they come into the city, but neither of them likes it much. I give my dad another hug as I walk past, then my mom and I head out. This wasn’t what I expected to hear today.
“How was your day?”
Finn holds the restaurant door open for me, and I barely keep from grimacing. I let the subject rest with my parents, but when my mom and I were looking at gifts, it was a silent albatross around both our necks.
“It was nice.”
He glances down at me and draws me aside before we can get to the host’s stand. He’s watching me, and I feel like he sees into my very marrow.
“What happened, cailín?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me you’d rather not say. Don’t tell me nothing because I know it’s something.”
That’s not disconcerting as fuck.
“How can you tell?”
“Nothing about how you said nice sounded genuine. It’s how someone deflects when they don’t think the other person wants to hear how shitty something was. When I asked what happened, you glanced down. You did that at the bar yesterday, and I told you it was a tell. You only shifted your gaze to my shoulder for a second, but I saw it.”
“Are you always that observant?”
“Yes.”
I wait for more, but he’s not forthcoming. Now who’s turn is it to be evasive? But as I look at him, it dawns on me. He’s probably got eyes like a hawk because of whatever situations he winds up in. The ones he’ll lie about.
He wraps his arm around my waist and draws me close enough that we can speak without anyone else hearing. His hand on my waist feels good.
“Thea, this is our first date. We still don’t know each other, but I told you there are things I’m going to lie about. It’s hypocritical of me to demand you tell me everything. I won’t. Your thoughts are your own and always will be. But I won’t lie to you if I don’t have to. Please don’t lie to me. Just tell me you don’t want to talk about it, and I’ll respect that.”
“Thank you. I just got some news today that was upsetting. It’s nothing catastrophic, but it’s going to take some sorting out.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Whack my dad’s uncle? Not quite the request you make on a first date.
“No. But thank you for offering. It means a lot.” And it does.
He puts his forefinger underneath my chin and nudges upward. He presses a soft kiss to right beside my mouth.
“Neither of us would be here if we wanted to be fuck buddies. I’ve told you I don’t date or do random hook ups. You know what I am. You wouldn’t be anywhere near me if you thought this would be a couple dates or a few amazing fucks. If there’s anything I can do, tell me. You don’t have to ask, little one. Just tell me.”
As my green eyes meet his green eyes, I know he’s telling me the truth. Our different shades of green are a fitting metaphor. We’re very much alike, but at the same time, we are so completely different. He pulls back, and I go on my toes to steal a quick kiss before we walk to the host’s stand. The man standing behind a stack of menus looks at me as though my tits and ass are hanging out like an invitation. I’m in a knee-length dress that fully covers my cleavage. Then he looks at Finn and freezes. I glance up at Finn, and his expression is enough to make the devil run away. His arm goes back around my waist, and the vein in the ma?tre d’s left temple jumps out. He looks like he’s going to shit himself.
“Mr. O’Rourke?—”
“Do not.”
Do not what? Speak? Apologize? Finn didn’t bark an order, but it was clearly a command. The man just dips his chin and gathers two menus. I walk between the guy and Finn. The ma?tre d’ reaches for my chair, but Finn gets to it first. I can feel the anger pulsating off him as he moves aside to let me get to my seat. He’s gentle as he pushes it in. The man hands me a menu first then Finn, but Finn puts it on the table without a glance.
“Have you been here before?” I shift my gaze from Finn to the ma?tre d when he makes a strangled sound at my question. His face is so red, I’m actually alarmed. I’m ready to stand and offer the man my seat.
“I own this place.”
Oh! Now I nearly laugh in the ma?tre d’s face. No wonder he looks ready to shit himself. He looked at his boss’s date like I’m Julia Roberts out of Pretty Woman— ahooker. Since I’m appropriately dressed, I suppose I can take his lasciviousness as a compliment. It was poorly shown appreciation.
Nope. From the way Finn’s still looking at the man, then the way the guy beats a hasty retreat, I would say that isn’t remotely how Finn sees it. I suppose I shouldn’t either.
“I’m sorry, Thea.”
“That wasn’t your fault. I suppose I could even look at it like a compliment.”
His jaw clenches.
“You are a beautiful woman, and I’m going to have to get used to men looking at you in a way I admit makes me want to bash their teeth in. But there wasn’t a damn thing respectable about what he just did. It’s as much about you being my date as it is me being unwilling to tolerate him behaving that way in front of other guests. Not on a moral principle or a business principle.”
Who would have thought a man in the mob could have such scruples? I could tell from the moment I saw him he has no patience for bullshit. I never guessed he’d have such a strict sense of morality.
“Thea, I wouldn’t want him to look at my mom or aunts like that. I wouldn’t want him to look at Mair like that. If I’d find it objectionable that he did it to them, then I have to find it objectionable that he looks at any woman like that. The fact that you’re my date, and he only fixed his attitude because he saw me, tells me things about him I didn’t know before. I’ll give him one more chance. If I find out he acts like this on the regular or does it again, I won’t have it. I won’t have any employee feel uncomfortable around their manager, and I won’t have any patron refuse to come back because of it. He will not cost me good wait staff or customers. Plus, he’s a dick.”
I chuckle at the last part. “I don’t disagree. What do you recommend?”
“The entire left side of the menu tonight, and the entire right side the next time you’re here. Besides McGinty’s, this has the best food out of all the restaurants and bars I own.”
“Do you have many? I didn’t realize you’re a restauranteur.”
“I’m not. I’m an accountant and a day trader. But I like good food that I don’t always have to cook. Since my mom refuses to cook for my brothers or me because we eat too much, I have to go elsewhere. She only cooks for us when it’s my parents’ turn to host our Sunday family dinners.”
His eyes crinkle at the corners as he speaks, so I know he’s joking. I can hear it in his tone. It’s sweet how he talks about his family. It matches the little I’ve seen of him with his brothers and cousins. He was loyal and defensive a moment ago when he said he wouldn’t tolerate disrespect toward the women in his family, but now he sounds lighthearted talking about his mom.
“Do you have Sunday family dinners every week?”
“Usually. Not everyone can always attend, but we rotate. My parents and uncles and aunts made sure we could all cook before we left home. They survived the teenage years with six boys raiding their fridges. They said we were on our own once we moved into our dorms. We could eat at the university cafeterias or cook for ourselves, but they were all off the clock except for once every nine weeks when their turn comes up.”
I like that idea. My family has meals together a couple times most months. But it’s nothing set in stone. They’ll go to Jamie and Asher’s to see the grandkids or Rod’s to see my niece, but my schedule makes it hard to be included often. Until hearing Finn talk about it, I didn’t realize I feel excluded. No one means to, and it’s never bothered me to just see pictures or hear stories. But it gives me a little sad twinge.
“Do you have siblings?”
“Yeah. An older and younger brother.”
This is a good time to test the waters. Things could be dead in them right now depending on how he reacts.
“My older brother and brother-in-law have four kids. The youngest is six months old.”
“That must make Christmas fun. And loud.”
He doesn’t drop a beat. He’s been open minded about everything so far, but I don’t know if and where there’s a limit.
“Thea, I was raised Irish Catholic. But no one in my family is the stereotype of anything.”
My cheeks are ablaze. I inwardly cringe. He reaches across the table and covers my hand just like he did on the bar yesterday.
“We’re getting to know each other. It’s okay to want to make sure I’ll accept your family. Feck knows I’m asking a lot of you.”
He’s definitely not any of the stereotypes of mobsters I’ve heard or seen in the news or the movies. All I can do is smile and nod as our waitress approaches. I skim the menu and pick something.
“Do you know what you’d like, Thea?”
“Yes.” I close my menu and look up at the waitress. “The poulet à la proven?ale, please. Is your Riesling sweet or dry?”
It’s one of my favorite dishes. Chicken with herbs de Provence. Rosemary, fennel, thyme, and oregano.
“Sweet.”
“A glass of that, please.”
The woman looks at Finn, and I get what he meant about wanting to bash someone’s teeth in. She looks like she’d like to have him for dinner. Finn’s hand is still covering mine, and she’s still looking at him with unmasked interest. Do they have a past?
“The steak au poivre with a glass of Malbec, please.”
He doesn’t even look at her as he orders his steak with cognac cream sauce. I almost ordered that instead of the chicken. But I had the steak and kidney pie last night, so I wanted something a little different.
We hand her the menus, and she turns away. I force myself not to watch her. It hurts when he pulls his hand away, but then he’s moving his chair to be next to mine instead of across. He laces his fingers with mine.
“How many hours are your shifts? Are they usually twenty-hours or longer?”
I almost answer “huh.” I wasn’t ready for that. It’s not that he’s trying to avoid me thinking about the waitress. I think he truly didn’t care enough about her for him to give her a second thought. I wish I could be that blasé.
“It was a short shift because I filled in for someone. Mine are usually at least thirty-six hours.”
“Do you have any mandatory breaks? I mean, I assume it’s not a fifteen-minute break for every four hours you work. But do they have to let you rest or sleep or anything?”
“Haha. No. Definitely no mandatory breaks of any kind. I eat and sleep when I can. I usually start the morning with rounds. I’ll check in with the nurses who were there overnight and the doctors coming off rotations. I’ll examine some babies and observe the others for a bit. I’ll make any medication or treatment changes needed. I try to spend a couple minutes talking to all the parents there. They watch their babies like hawks, so they see things we might miss because their care teams can’t be beside the babies all the time like their parents are. I can be called away for a delivery at any time, but usually we manage our duties, so those on rounds can finish them before being on call for high-risk deliveries or newborns in distress.”
“That must be exhausting physically and emotionally, but it must be amazing to save a baby and know they’re going home with their family.”
“It truly is. Sometimes it’s weeks or months before they go home, but that feeling makes up for the days that don’t go so well.”
“Like yesterday?”
He keeps his voice soft when he says it. It’s like he doesn’t want to reopen a wound, yet he wants to acknowledge that he remembers what I told him.
“Yes.” I actually feel like sharing with him. I rarely want to talk about work outside of work if something went wrong. “I had to tell a couple their baby won’t be coming home with them. It’s a matter of when, not if, she’ll pass away. They need to decide whether they wish to cease care now or prolong life. Either way…”
That’s as much as I can say, so I shrug. I was at that delivery. Mom and Baby nearly died. The mom will never have more children, and it was their first one. The baby was only three weeks early, so considered full-term. But there were a lot of issues that were undetectable through the regular ultrasounds that aren’t even done that often unless there’s a reason to. Everything seemed so normal until it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry you went through that. It never gets easier to let someone know their child isn’t coming home. I can’t imagine having to tell a baby’s parents that.”
I meet his gaze, and he’s giving me a strong fucking hint without saying what he means. Men— his men —die around him. Because of him? Directly or indirectly, and he has to be the bearer of the bad news.
“So, you catch naps and meals when you can? Do they have break rooms like they show on TV?”
“Sort of. Hospitals vary, but there’s usually an on-call room. Some places call it a doctors’ mess, like the navy type of term. There’s at least one couch or a set of bunk beds. The one I use has a locker room attached with showers.”
“Are they at least comfortable?”
“Maybe. I’m usually not awake long enough to think about it. My head hits the pillow, and I’m out until I get paged, or someone wakes me.”
“Can you sleep anywhere?”
“Once I got to med school, I learned to.”
“That sounds like Cormac. The man could sleep standing up and wake up fresh as a daisy. Is the cafeteria any good?”
“It’s okay. Better than it was when I started there as a resident. I pack food most of the time because the cafeteria is often closed when I have time to eat. You said you’re an accountant and day trader. What made you get into that?”
“I have a thing for numbers. I can look at them and arrange them however I need them to calculate or find patterns with little effort. Things just stand out, and I can do mental math without giving it much thought. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I’m also the most budget oriented of all of us. I wouldn’t say I’m obsessive about making accounts balance, but I don’t like it when I can’t account for more than five cents.”
He makes it sound like he’s the family accountant. I guess— I suppose the mob is a family business.
“Thea, we all own multiple businesses. I’m the accountant for everything. My cousins also trust me to invest their money because I’m good with patterns. I can project how stocks are going to behave because I remember past performance and that helps me predict what’s going to happen. It’s a good thing we own the casinos I have to go to. Otherwise, I’d get banned for counting cards and picking slots with the highest payouts. Since I don’t gamble often, and I wouldn’t gamble at a place we own, everyone is better off.”
“Don’t do it often?” That makes me wonder if he means there are other types of gambling. Like gambling with his life.
“I can hear your thoughts from here. I told you about the other families. All four families own casinos in Atlantic City, Vegas, and Reno. Sometimes I’ve gone to ones that belong to another family and won a shite ton of money to piss them off. But it’s tit-for-tat. Each one of them has a savvy accountant who can practically do what I can. No one else has the numbers thing I do. But each accountant comes close. And yes, there are other things I have to take a gamble with. I’m not impulsive, cailín. There’s a lot of risk, but they’re measured.”
I don’t have a chance to say anything because the waitress arrives with our food. I don’t know that there is anything to say.
The woman can barely tolerate me, and I’m surprised she isn’t baring her teeth at me. I’m lucky my meal doesn’t land in my lap. Finn finally pays attention to her, and I watch how she drops her gaze when he does. Fucking hell. I’ve just lost my appetite. I sit back in my chair and pull my hand away from Finn’s once she turns her back. I look toward the door.
“Thea?”
“You brought me somewhere I’d meet one of your subs.”
“No. I did not. I have never had sex with Rosalee. I’ve never done anything sexual with Rosalee. But I know she is a sub, and I know her Dom.”
“If she has a Dom, then why did she look like she wanted you as her main course?”
“Because she’s approached me more than once at the club I belong to, and I’ve turned her down. We aren’t into the same things, so I’ve never been interested.”
“And she works here.”
“Yes. It’s never been an issue before, and I didn’t know it would be. But I’ve also never come here on a date. I don’t know what her deal is, but she knows I’m going to bring it up to her Dom.”
“Is that— would you normally —Mmm?”
Fuck me.
“The man she’s involved with is a friend of mine. They have a 24/7 dynamic. He’d want to know that she acted in a way we all know she shouldn’t have. Plus, I don’t like that she’d eye me or any other man when she’s involved with my friend. That’s not cool.”
“You belong to a club?”
“Yes. Thea, you said you’re into BDSM. Do you belong to one?”
I shake my head.
“Have you been to one?”
I shake my head again.
“Do you want to go to one? Do you want me to take you there?”
I want to say yes, but I don’t know what to expect. Will it be like Cheers— or McGinty’s —where everyone knows his name? Will I run into women he regularly scenes with? I don’t even know what he’s into. What did he mean when he said he and Rosalee aren’t into the same things? Like which one of them likes it more extreme? Or was it the whole 24/7 thing?
“You don’t have to decide right this minute. I’ll take you there tonight, in a week, or never. It’s up to you. But I’m not going back unless I’m with you.”
Well, that just unleashes another slew of questions. Why doesn’t he want to go back? Does he assume I’ll be into all the kinky things he is? Does that mean he wants something monogamous? Do I want that? What if I’m not into what he is? What if?—
He leans over to whisper in my ear, and I love that we have what feels like secrets that are just between us. Like how he’s the only person who calls me Thea.
“We will take this as fast or as slow as you want. If you want to see or be with other people, I’ll—” He pauses. “—figure out a way to be okay with that. But I don’t want anyone else.”
I turn my head, and our noses brush before I press a kiss to his lips. “I don’t know what speed I want to go yet, but I only want it to be with you.” And it’s true.