Chapter 7
I have lost my goddamn mind.
That’s the second time in as many days that I’ve thought that. But I have. I just invited her to a sex club on our first date. The devil has possessed me. Shocking, considering all the other things I’ve done in life, now’s when he decides to take up residence. What else can explain what the fuck is wrong with me to offer a woman who’s never gone to a BDSM club an invitation to debauchery before we’ve taken our first bite?
She’s not shocked or running away. That’s a plus. She even seems curious, which I’ll count as a blessing. But she would have found out about my membership sooner rather than later, so I’d rather she knows I’m not going there to meet anyone else. At some point, I’m going to have to tell her about my arrangement with Heidi and that it’s over. That’s another item on the to do list. Making sure Heidi truly gets I’m not going back to her. She’ll accept it, but I want to be clear. I don’t want her popping up unexpectedly.
“I know you said you have another long shift, and next Saturday is your first day off. Do you already have plans that day?”
She hesitates before she nods. Sadness creeps into her eyes, but she blinks it away.
“I have a family dinner that night. But I’m free earlier if you could do lunch or something.”
“I’ll make sure I can.”
The conversation moves on to more about our more recent past. She tells me about undergrad and med school. I tell her about majoring in finance and getting an MBA with a focus in finance. All the things adults in their early thirties discuss. Nothing especially fascinating, but so completely normal. It’s a reprieve from so many conversations I have. It’s nice to forget my role for a little while. But it comes slamming back into me as we leave the restaurant.
“Carmine, Serafina.”
Carmine Mancinelli and his wife are the last people I want to see while I’m on a date. But we own neighboring restaurants. Irony is a bitch in this life. We’ve known each other practically our entire lives. We used to play little league and peewee sports together. I actually liked Carmine more than any of his cousins until we were about eight or nine. Then things changed, and he became the douche he is now.
But for the sake of the women with us, we grin and bear it. Serafina knows more than most wives since she’s Cosa Nostra on her mother’s side and Bela de Menta on her father’s— Venetian Mafia. They both look at Thea and smile. It’s genuine from Serafina, though I have seen her shoot looks at men twice her size that have practically frozen my blood. Carmine’s is the same douchey one it usually is. He’ll be running to tattle to his uncle the moment they’re in the car.
“Hey, Maria.”
I look down at Thea before looking at the couple that just stepped out of the restaurant next to mine.
“Ally? Hey.” Maria Mancinelli is the only one in their family I can tolerate. She’s the only biological one who actually has a humane bone in her body and isn’t trying to dick everyone over. I watch as she and Thea embrace.
“Hi, Matteo.”
What the ever-loving fuck? How does she know Maria’s husband? I watch her embrace Maria and Matteo. She looks back at me, and a flash of worry crosses her face as I step forward.
“Maria, it’s nice to see you. Matteo.”
That motherfucker. He nearly killed me during a shootout not too long ago. Fucking aiming for Niko Kutsenko and nearly nailed me. His dumbarse needs more time at the range. I wasn’t anywhere near Niko. I was at least two feet away.
It’s Maria who asks what all the Mancinellis want to know and what I wish we could avoid.
“Are you here with Finn?”
“Yeah.” She’s hesitant to answer as she tries to sense what her response will mean.
I slide my arm around her waist, and I feel her relax. She’s scared I’m angry that she knows them. I give her waist a squeeze, and she leans against me.
“Finn, Maria and I went to med school together. We were in residency at the same time, but at different hospitals. We work together now. I had lunch with her yesterday.”
Isn’t that a lovely complication?
“That must be nice to work with an old friend.” What else am I supposed to say?
The six of us are standing on the sidewalk, all knowing normal people would have more to say, but none of us do. The men are judging whether we’re going to get out of this without an argument. We’d never have a physical altercation with women around. Our families would execute us— slowly and painfully. Our mothers still terrify us. Serafina and Maria are probably wondering how long the standoff is going to take and just want to leave before they get bored. And Thea is trying to figure out what the fuck is happening.
I can tell the moment it dawns on her. She must remember what I said in the bar yesterday when I mentioned the family names. She must not have connected Maria to these Mancinellis. She’s one two times over. Her husband is the son of her father and uncle’s adopted second cousin. There isn’t an easy family tree among us. A fecking forest.
Blessedly, Maria saves the day. That’s one thing I can count on. She fucking majorly saved my arse when she was in med school, and I was in grad school. We wound up at the same party, which had only happened once before. That was an even bigger disaster. Cormac and Seamus sold the hosts some fentanyl right before it started. The girl I was with took some while I went to get us drinks. Maria did everything she could to save her, but she didn’t have NARCAN with her. I know she carries it everywhere now.
“Ally, are you going to that medical conference in Chicago next month?”
That perks up my attention. We’ve been doing some business there that’s specifically fucking over the Mancinellis. Thea looks up at me before she nods. I don’t know what she’s thinking.
“I am. I’m presenting a paper I co-wrote with Dr. Vasserwine and Jordan. As you know, it’ll only be Wendy and me going.”
Maria flinches, and I know why. Carmine and Matteo immediately go on the defensive. I tighten my arm around her, ready to step in front of her if either of them even looks sideways at her. So much for saving the day.
“Maria?” Thea senses the shift because it’s practically knocking us all over.
“I had some trouble with Jordan just before he passed away. He’s not a topic my family likes to discuss.”
Neither is the bastard’s sister. They were both pieces of shite that got what they deserved. I rarely say that about women, but it’s true. They targeted Maria because of yet another twisted branch of their family tree. Neither lived to tell the tale.
Thea nods, but then she stiffens again. Maria’s gaze is locked with Thea’s, and she nods at my date. Maria can tell Thea knows who she’s on a date with. She’s acknowledging who her family is, and that they were involved with dealing with Jordan. No one will say that aloud, but I suppose it’s a level of acceptance into our world that Maria’s admitting it, albeit silently.
“It’s nice seeing you. I’m off for the next few days. I think we’re on similar rotations. My nephew’s got some tests coming up, and I’m pretty sure Rodesman is going to order imaging.”
“I’ll keep an eye out for them. How’s Skyler doing?”
I don’t know what they’re talking about.
“Better than a month ago, but he still has a lot of appointments coming up.”
Maria steps forward and gives Thea hug, and I watch as Thea leans into it.
“Let’s have lunch together next week. If I happen to have questions about a six-month-old with CHD, I’ll be sure you’re the doc I go to.”
“Thank you.” It comes out choked as Thea steps back. I still don’t understand, but Thea’s upset. She’s trying not to show it, but she is. I draw her back, so I can press her against me, but she turns and wraps her arms around me. She’s standing sideways, but her head rests on my chest. It surprises everyone, but none of us let it show. I hold her as we say our goodbyes.
“I’m sorry.”
We’re alone as she apologizes. I cup her jaw as my thumb brushes her cheekbone.
“What for?”
“That got heavy fast. I’m usually more composed. I should have expected Maria’s kindness, but considering what I just figured out, it was extra special.”
“I strongly dislike Carmine and Matteo. The feeling is mutual, but Maria is the kindest person I know. She’s known no life but being a Mafia daughter, but she’s never let that jade her. She doesn’t let the rest of her family define her. Never underestimate her. She’s deadly if she has to be. But she will put everyone ahead of her every day of the week and twice on Sundays. If she’s a friend, she’s a good one to have.”
None of that is an exaggeration. There was only one other person like Maria. It was Dillan’s sister, Colleen, before she was killed. She was a veterinarian and was so much like Maria that they were friends until the day my cousin was murdered. No one in either family dared object.
“Do you still want to go to the show? Or would you let me take you home? I have a driver around the corner.”
“A driver?”
Thea glances toward the street where the Mancinellis are getting into an SUV. There’s clearly a man in the driver’s seat and another standing beside an open backdoor where the women are climbing in. Carmine is on the far side, and Matteo is next to the bodyguard.
“Finn, is that necessary?”
“Necessary? No. Wise? Yes. For all Carmine’s and Matteo’s faults, no one matters more to either of them than their wife. There’s no limit to what they’ll do to protect them, so if an extra bodyguard makes them breathe a little easier, then it’s worth it.”
“Do you have a bodyguard?”
“Sometimes. I mentioned a security detail in passing yesterday. It’s something we’ll need to talk about more. Are you all right?”
She nestles against me, and I can’t describe the happiness it brings me to know I can offer her comfort. That she wants comfort from me. She’s letting her guard down around a man she barely knows because I make her feel safe. Protected.
“I will be. I’d appreciate a ride home. But later. I wasn’t in the mood for the subway.”
Now it’s my turn to tense.
“Thea, it’ll be at least midnight before the show ends. I really don’t like the idea of you taking the subway that late at night and alone. I’m sure you do, but it bothers me a lot.”
It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I know the Mancinellis won’t do anything to her since she’s friends with Maria. But we’re out in public together. If we ran into them, then we could run into someone else. Or someone else could see us. My mind runs to the worst scenario, so I can make contingencies.
“I can take a rideshare if you prefer.”
That’s marginally better. Since my family owns the three biggest cab companies in the five boroughs, there’s a good chance she would catch one of ours. Even if she were to get into a cab from another company, it would take one call from me to deal with whoever it was if Thea arrived at her place with a hair out of place.
“A rideshare still bothers you, doesn’t it?”
It surprises me she can tell. I haven’t moved or said anything.
“Finn, your heart is racing. It sped up when I mentioned the subway. Now it’s racing.”
“I understand you might not want me to come back to your place, but I’d prefer it if you’d let one of my drivers take you home. I know you can catch a cab, or take the subway or a rideshare just fine on your own. But I can also admit it makes me anxious now that I know you.”
“Because I know you?”
“Because you’re gorgeous.”
“Thanks?”
“Traveling alone in the city at night isn’t something to avoid just because it’s New York. But your appearance is eye-catching. You must draw attention. The idea that something could happen to you that’s avoidable when I have chauffeurs available makes me anxious.”
“You seriously overestimate my attractiveness. It’s flattering, but no one else is paying that much attention to me.”
“Cailín, just because you don’t notice doesn’t mean other people don’t. I’ve seen the way people look at you when we walk past.”
“That’s because they can’t figure me out.”
I know there’s an element of truth to that. Her complexion, her eye color, and her hair probably lead people to want to know more than is any of their business. They make her alluring, and in just the time we’ve been at the restaurant and outside, I’ve seen how men and women look at her. It’s not all rude curiosity. A lot of it is appreciation. I mean, fecking hell. Louis nearly lost his job and half his teeth.
“Or they’re attracted to you just like I am. Except I’ll always accept no from you. I’m not trying to be controlling, but I get that’s how I sound. I’ll back off. But you can always have a car take you wherever you want. Let me know, and it’ll be there any time. Day or night.”
We’ve started walking to the comedy club that’s two blocks away. We’re holding hands now, and it feels so completely natural. I’m not sure if I took hold of hers or the other way around. Our fingers just wound up entwined.
“I don’t think you’re being controlling. I think it’s sweet that you worry. You haven’t issued me ultimatums or threatened to punish me or coerce me. You aren’t guilting me into anything. You’re expressing your concern, and I know there’s a ton I don’t know about the world I’m entering. I’ll defer to you.”
We’re at the club’s door, and there’s a line. I don’t bother looking at the end. I walk straight to the door. Just as the bouncer’s about to greet me, the arsehole at the front of the line has something to say about it.
“Hey, dude. Back of the line.”
I ignore him.
“I said the back of the line, dude. You and the bitch can go and wait like the rest of us.”
“Mikey, send him home.”
I grin at the bouncer who’s shooting the guy a warning expression. But fuckface isn’t paying attention. The teddy bear at the door— he’s the size of a grizzly and looks as fierce but is a complete gentle giant when he’s not on the clock —opens it for us. The guy grabs the sleeve of my suit coat and yanks. I’m wearing my gun holstered at the small of my back. It’s been a bit awkward, but I’ve kept Thea from wrapping her arms low enough to feel it. If my gun were holstered under my arm, like it often is, everyone would see it. This is why it isn’t.
“Let go.” I stare at him, but my usual intensity does nothing to the guy who’s now enraged.
Before I can stop her, Thea’s hand goes around the guy’s wrist. She gets a pressure point, and he releases me.
“You’re an idiot to attack the club owner.” She turns away from the guy. “Hi, Mikey.”
She acts as though she’s been here every day of her life as she takes my hand and draws me in after her. It completely diffuses the situation. Or at least long enough for us to get inside. Mikey’ll take care of whatever we left in our wake. The guy won’t be enjoying a show here ever again, and that means the pack of twats with him. They all look like the stockbroker type.
“Thea, he could have hurt you.”
“He won’t get feeling back in his hand for at least ten minutes. And no, I don’t know martial arts. I know human anatomy.”
“Promise me you won’t do that again. Please.”
“No.”
“Thee—”
“I refuse to promise not to intervene if someone’s threatening you. I know you weren’t in any danger, but I ended what was about to be a standoff or the idiot getting his face bashed in by your bouncer.”
“He could have swung at you.”
“He could have, but I don’t think he was quite that stupid.”
“You can’t be sure.”
“But I can be sure your reactions are way faster than his. He wouldn’t have gotten close enough to touch me.”
I sigh. “You have a lot of faith in me.”
“I do.”
I pray it isn’t the most misplaced thing in the world. But it means everything to me. My family has a ton of faith in me. My men and their families have faith in me, but I’m obligated to protect them. I can’t imagine not protecting my family. But Thea’s is entirely voluntary. I have her trust until I lose it. The idea I might gives me chest pains.
I guide her to the seat I reserved for us. I told the manager we’d be here. I also sent the comic a text warning her not to target Thea. She can have a go at me, but she’ll never work in New York again if she says a syllable at Thea’s expense. It’s the risk anyone takes sitting in the front row, but I’ll be damned if I sit anywhere else in a place that costs me more a month to run that most people earn in a year.
“What would you like to drink, miss? Mr. O’Rourke?”
The waiter offers Thea a courteous smile, but he winks at me.
“Gin and ginger, please.”
“Same, Taylor.”
“You’re breaking my heart, O’Rourke.”
He saunters— yes, motherfucking saunters —off. That’s after he winks at me again.
“Finn?”
Thea has no idea what to make of that. She isn’t sure if Taylor is teasing me about snagging Thea or not.
“I’ve known Taylor a long time, and he knows he isn’t my type. But it doesn’t stop him from teasing me once in a while. He never takes it too far, and he’s hilarious with what he comes up with. I’ve never brought a date here, so he’s got something new to needle me about.”
“Oh.”
She watches Taylor at the bar. I am, too. Heidi’s working tonight. She must be picking up some shifts for her sister. Heidi’s usually at 4Play, one of our strip clubs. She’s a waitress there. She’s danced in the past, but she prefers not to.
This is not my night.
Karma is dancing a fecking jig. Heidi’s staring straight at Thea, who has noticed. When Heidi’s gaze shifts to mine, she offers me a tight smile. I’m still convinced she has no romantic feelings for me, but she’s not happy to see who she assumes has already replaced her. Sex has always been great with Heidi. We’ve been fuck buddies for ages. But she loves her partners, not me. That said, I’m certain she assumed the arrangement would last until she no longer wanted it. Not the other way around.
“Finn?”
“Yes, cailín.” Here it comes.
“Is she one of your subs?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
“No. I haven’t had any. I told you that. I’ve done scenes, but I’ve never had a formal or even an informal arrangement. That’s Heidi. I’ve known her since we were kids. We had a mutually agreeable arrangement until yesterday. Now it’s over.”
“Yesterday?”
“Yes.” In for a penny, in for a pound. “That text I got yesterday was to confirm our plans for last night. I told her I wouldn’t make it, and she shouldn’t plan for me to join her in the future.”
I pull out my phone and unlock it. She puts her hand over it.
“I really, really don’t want to see it. If you’re willing to show me, then it’s what you said. You were friends with benefits.”
“Yeah.” That’s a politer term for it.
“And you have been for a while.”
“A few years.”
“Did you date?”
“Never.”
“Then how’d—” She shakes her head.
“We were attracted to each other physically. We have next to nothing in common beyond that. She’s in an open relationship with a man and woman. Before you ask, yes.”
She nods. She was wondering if I’d had threesomes. That was my past before I met Thea, but I don’t feel great admitting it.
“Should I confess any parts of my past?”
She didn’t say it maliciously. But it makes my stomach churn.
“If you feel you should.”
“Before Tony and I started dating, I had a mutually beneficial arrangement too. When Tony and I first started dating, before we decided we’d see each other exclusively, he joined us a few times.”
I think I’m going to vomit.
It’s bad enough knowing the last man she was with. Knowing what she’s done with other guys feels shitty. But it’s her past, just like I have one.
“I didn’t say it to make you feel badly, Finn. I said it because it felt like the right time to tell you. I’m sure it would have come out at some point. If I didn’t say it now, you’d wonder why I kept it from you.”
“True. Maybe we can let our past stay there for a while.”
She leans over and kisses my neck before whispering to me. I love that we already have private things, like a normal couple.
“Finn, neither of us can ignore that we both have past partners. But I’m not interested in anyone but you. I’ve never met a hotter or more considerate man in my life. I’ll accept your past as long as it stays there.”
“It will. Thea, I want an us. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to. Either to come with you or to leave you alone.”
“I’m keeping you to that. And only the first part matters. The part about wanting an us. I wonder what your favorite breakfast food is.”