Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CURTIS
I’ve never been nervous about filming before, and I can’t work out if I’m antsy because it won’t be a solo scene or if it’s because it will be with Finn.
If he even turns up. Or agrees to the contract. And doesn’t chicken out.
All of these things are a possibility.
The biggest probability of what will happen, though, is that he’ll agree to everything, and then once I’m in bed with him again, camera on us or not, it will still be as emotion-fueled as the last time. It’s likely that’s the real reason I’m nervous.
Taking all the feelings out of it on paper doesn’t necessarily mean it will be the same physically, but focusing on how we look instead of what he does to me might distract me enough to keep that wall up.
Not for the first time since Finn fucked me into a state of vulnerability, I ask myself if he could be the exception to my rule of no relationships.
Finn is sweet, emotionally mature—which is rare to find in anyone—and he’s nothing like any of my exes. He’s cool with the porn thing, for one. But would that change if we actually dated?
The way he stood up for me with that Josiah guy suggests it wouldn’t, but in my experience, personalities change once you’re locked into a relationship. I’m guilty of that too. I try to change to become the person my partner wants—or who I think they want—but it has never been enough for them.
There’s an entirely high chance that I’ve only dated fuckboys in the past, but … all of them? Do they outnumber genuine guys four to one? Or am I a magnet for that kind of asshole?
It’s been a few years since I last had my heart completely shattered. I could be due for a new one.
I shake that thought off though. I’ve been down this road too many times to count. This guy is different. He’s not like the others.
Maybe I’m the problem. I expect too much of a partner, so none of them will ever live up to it.
None of my exes were inherently evil. They just didn’t like my friends, what I did for a living, or that I expected them to keep their dicks in their pants. Okay, so they were all evil.
There’s a knock at my door, and I’m reminded that this is exactly why I don’t do the relationship thing. The anticipation kicks into overdrive, and I have no idea how I’m going to feel when I let Finn in.
As I open the door and see he’s possibly as nervous, if not more nervous, as I am, I have my answer. I’m way too endeared by him to keep this professional.
But I’m going to try.
He’s doing that thing where he’s trying to shrink in on himself, and his blue eyes are wide under that swoop of brown hair.
“You look like you’re going to vomit, and my channel isn’t niche enough for that.” I step aside to let him in.
“Shame because that’s something I could have delivered on.”
“Not if I can distract you enough that all you’ll be thinking about is trying not to come until I’m ready for it.”
His face drops even more if that’s possible. “I didn’t even think of that. What if I’m a two-pump chump? And everyone sees that, and—”
“They won’t know it’s you. And we don’t have to use that footage. I, however, will take it as a compliment. It’ll be a win-win either way.”
He relaxes again. Marginally.
“We also don’t have to do anything tonight. You might not like the stipulations I put in the contract.” I found a basic template on Money Shot to use for collaborations between creators, but it didn’t entirely fit us because he’s adamant about not starting his own channel.
That’s fine by me, but I want to make sure he gets paid accordingly and he knows to expect fairness if he does decide to sign it.
I printed off the draft contract and put it on my coffee table so I wouldn’t be in my bedroom with him again without something in writing. Chances are I’d jump him as soon as I saw him standing next to my bed and random memories of him fucking me filled my brain.
This is safer.
“What stipulations did you put in there?” he asks, following me over to my small living area.
We sit side by side on my couch, and I reach for the simple contract. “Oh, you know, the usual. You must kiss my feet and call me ‘Sir.’”
His eyes widen.
“I get to punch you and spit on you.”
Now his mouth drops.
Seriously, if he can’t even tell that I’m joking, maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.
I set my hand on his knee. “Breathe. Those were jokes. Here.” I hand him the single slip of paper.
The gist is, we film together, his identity will be kept anonymous by way of mask or visual blurring effect in editing, and he will receive fifty percent of the tips earned on each video I post of us.
“Fifty percent is too much” is the first thing he says. “You’d be doing the editing and all the behind-the-scenes stuff. I’m literally going to be a side character. Do you give your dildos a cut?”
How is that even the same thing? “You’re more than a walking dildo. I promise. I’d actually argue it’s not enough.”
“How so?”
“Even though I get majority of my money through tips, I still also get those monthly subscriber royalties. I tried to figure out a way to work out the percentage of views from subscribers per video to figure out how much your share for each individual video would get, but that’s math that is way out of my league.
So I’d understand if you didn’t want to agree to this because it’s not exactly a fair trade. ”
“I think it is though. You get the subscriber royalties because you do the editing. I get half the tips on whatever videos I’m in. That makes sense to me.”
“Anything else you had issues with in there?”
He shakes his head and then looks it over again. “You know, other than reading this and wondering how I even got here.”
I snort. “Wait until the money rolls in. That’s when it’ll really hit you. I still can’t believe some days that I get paid for doing what I’d be doing anyway. Only difference is I film it and put it on the internet.”
“I know you think you don’t do much, but you do. And I want to be a part of that.”
“Tonight?” I ask and hold out a pen to him.
He bites his lip as he hesitantly takes the pen from me. “Can I get some liquid courage before we start filming?”
“How about we hang out tonight, no pressure, and then tomorrow or in a few days, you can tell me when you’re ready. Just because you sign the contract, that doesn’t mean we have to start filming right away. We still need to talk about what you’d be willing to do on camera.”
“Anything. Everything. So long as my face is out of it.”
“Which will take blowjobs out of the equation unless we film from behind your head, but then the angle will be all wrong for people to actually see the good part.”
“They’d be able to see how much you’re enjoying it. It could work.”
“Hmm, maybe. I don’t see the tips being great on that though. But we could always have it as the teaser to get people to pay for the video. Would you be willing to bottom?”
Finn’s adorkable grin crosses his face. “Very willing.”
“That’s easy, then. You can be face down, looking away from the camera.”
“Then there’s always the mask idea that’s in this.” He holds up the piece of paper.
“I’d need to go shopping for that first. I think the only mask I have is one of those old-time creepy doctor death masks from a Halloween costume. That’s not really the vibe we’d want to go for.”
“Definitely not.”
“What’s it going to be?” I ask. “Signing the contract and hanging out? Or—”
Finn signs the contract and slides it along the coffee table to me. “Let’s do it.”