Chapter Eighteen
S ierra was alone in the staff break room at the hospital. She stood staring at the coffee, trying to decide whether it would keep her up all night if she drank it now.
“Are you all right?” Phil asked her.
She turned her head to stare at him. “How did you get in here? It’s supposed to be off-limits to anyone but the staff.”
“I snuck in. You look beat. How are you?”
“Fine.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “This last one kind of took it out of me.”
“You’re amazing. From what I hear, the fact that you kept your last patient alive during the ride is a miracle.”
“I wasn’t the only one. I couldn’t have done it without Connor’s help.”
He made a face. “Connor. Are you in love with him? No, don’t answer that. Just hear me out.”
“Phil—”
“I still love you. I never stopped.”
She snorted at that. “You gave a damn good imitation of being in love with another woman. You asked for a divorce, for God’s sake. We were separated for over a year and now we’ve been divorced for months.”
“It was a mistake. A huge mistake. I was having a midlife crisis and by the time I figured out that you were the woman I wanted, the one I’d never gotten over, it was too late. We were divorced and you’d moved to Montana.”
“You should have asked me before you came here. We’re not getting back together. You’re wasting your time.”
“You still have feelings for me. I can see it in your eyes.”
“You’re imagining things.” Yes, she had feelings for him. She thought they were more nostalgia for what they’d once had than anything else. But they weren’t enough to want to get back together with him.
“Am I?” He took her hand and held it. “We had a good marriage. Until I ruined it. Don’t you remember how good we were together? How much fun we had?”
“Maybe at first. The last two years before the divorce weren’t good in any way, shape, or form. That’s what I remember.” She tried to take her hand out of his but he held on.
“Give me a chance to make it up to you. Please, Sierra.”
“You know I’m with Connor now.”
“You may be with him but have you told him you love him? I’m betting you haven’t.”
“Whether I love him or not is none of your business.”
“You don’t love him. If you did you’d say so.”
“Far be it from me to interrupt this cozy reunion,” Connor said. “But since I heard my name mentioned I’ll do it anyway.”
She hadn’t heard him come in. How much had he heard? Judging from the look on his face, enough to infuriate him. She finally managed to jerk her hand out of Phil’s grasp. “Phil was just leaving.”
“No I wasn’t.”
“Go away, Phil.”
“We’ll talk more later,” he said. “When your boyfriend isn’t around.” He left. A good thing because she wasn’t sure that Connor would have restrained himself for long.
“I see doofus has stepped it up from giving you longing looks to actually hitting on you.”
“He wasn’t hitting on me.”
“Yeah, he was. And you weren’t doing much to discourage him.”
“That’s not fair. I told him you and I were involved.” When he didn’t say anything she said, “Can we just forget this? I’m starving. Do you want to get dinner?”
“No. I’m going out to the ranch to help Liam.”
“Oh, with the horses?”
“No, with a crib.”
She waited for him to ask her if she wanted to go with him, but he didn’t. Fine, he was obviously still irritated with her. She was a bit irritated herself. “Tell Liam and Val hi.” She left without another word.
Sierra had a foolish inclination to cry. They were having an argument. No, not even an argument. A tiff. They weren’t breaking up. But she knew she needed to send Phil away for good. In no uncertain terms. This indecision on her part wasn’t fair to Connor and it wasn’t fair to her either.
*
The last few days he and Sierra had been busy with work and while he’d seen her, gone out with her a few times, and made love with her several times, it wasn’t enough. He sensed a reserve in her that hadn’t been there before. Not that she wasn’t as passionate as she’d ever been but there was something different about her that he couldn’t put his finger on. Or maybe he was just paranoid and imagining things.
Her damn ex-husband was still in town and still talking about moving to Marietta. He didn’t hear about the possible move from Sierra. They didn’t discuss her ex. But he heard about it from everyone else, both at work and at other times. In fact, every time he walked into Grey’s or the coffee shop someone just had to bring it up.
He could and probably should just ask her what was going on. She wasn’t the type to string him along, but still, she’d never told him she loved him. She seemed content to go on as they had been. Having fun but nothing more serious. And he’d been careful to not mention the L word again. Which nearly made him laugh. Who’d have thought he’d have problems trying not to mention love? Of course, it was hard to fall in love with someone when you never were with them more than a time or two.
But then came Sierra and his caution went out the window.
At least she hadn’t gone out with her ex. That he knew of and he’d have heard. Everyone in Marietta would have told him, just as they had when they discovered the other man was talking about moving to town. Connor knew damn good and well her ex had asked her out. Sometimes he worried the guy was wearing her down and it wouldn’t be long before she was dating him again. Damn it.
Maybe he was being overly paranoid. But the fact was, the man was still in town. If Sierra had shut him down then why was he still here? And if she hadn’t shut him down why the hell was she still with Connor? She’d been married to the man for ten years, happily for most of it, from what he’d gathered. It was only the last couple of years that the relationship had turned sour. Could Sierra forget and forgive?
That evening when their shift was over Connor decided he’d had enough. He didn’t say anything to Sierra until after work when they both pulled into the parking garage at their apartment complex.
“I thought you told me your ex would only be in town for a short time.”
“I did. He should be leaving soon.” She walked up the stairs to her apartment with Connor following.
“If he came to town to get you back, which is what everyone says is happening, and if you shot him down why is he still here? And why am I still hearing that he might move to Marietta?”
She opened her door and walked in, then tossed her stuff on the coffee table and her coat over a chair. “We’re divorced. I don’t keep track of everything Phil does or says.”
“So you haven’t heard that he’s thinking of moving here?”
“I didn’t hear it from him. You know how rumors are. There’s no way to know if it’s even true. I’m not asking him because I don’t care what he does.”
“You’re just fine with him moving here, then?”
“I didn’t say that. No, I’m not good with him moving here.”
“He wouldn’t be thinking of moving here if he didn’t believe he has a chance with you.”
She huffed out a breath and put her hands on her hips. “I thought we’d gotten past this. I don’t want him. You know that. You know I care about you. Why are we still arguing about Phil?”
“Because he’s still here and he’s still hitting on you. Obviously you’ve been easy on him.” Whereas Connor wanted to punch him.
“You’re making a big deal out of something that shouldn’t matter. Phil and I are divorced. Over. Finito. That’s that.”
“Is it? Why is he still hanging around then?”
“I have no idea. I told you, he’s supposed to leave any day now. I’ve told him to go often enough.” She watched him pace. “If we’re going to have this argument you might as well take off your jacket and sit down.”
He took off his jacket and threw it on the same chair that held hers. “I don’t want to sit down.”
“Suit yourself.” She sat, crossed her legs, and crossed her arms over her chest. “So?”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “The first night we were together you said you still loved your ex-husband and would probably take him back if he asked. Well, he’s here and he obviously wants you back. So forgive me if I’m a little worried about what you’re feeling and what you intend to do.”
“That was months ago, way before we met again and became involved.”
“ Are we involved?”
“What do you mean? Of course we are.”
“We have sex. We have fun. But I’m not sure we have anything deeper.” Which, he supposed, was as much or more his fault as hers. Yes, he’d told her he loved her, but he hadn’t asked for more. She probably had no idea that he wanted what they had to last. Hell, he wanted to marry her but there was no way he could ask her yet. Not when he didn’t know whether she was in love with him…or her ex-husband.
She’d told him she was done with Phil. So why couldn’t Connor accept that she meant what she said?
*
Liam had canceled on him the other night because Val wasn’t feeling well. So he waited until his next day off to drive out to the ranch, even though he was in no mood to be nice. Liam and Val were so excited already that he was afraid they’d burst before the baby actually came. It wasn’t their fault he was an idiot. Sierra had told him the first time they met that she wasn’t over her ex-husband. What had made him think she’d be over him when they met again only a few weeks later?
He hadn’t. Not then, anyway. Not before they’d gotten closer. But the longer they were together the more he’d believed she was over the bastard. Which, clearly, hadn’t been true. Sure, she’d denied that she wanted anything to do with the man, but Connor suspected that she’d been having second thoughts. Was that him being paranoid…or was there more there than Sierra was willing to admit? Even to herself?
He knew she’d seen the bastard several times. Rumor was rife at the hospital. If he heard one more time about that hot doctor who was in town to get his ex back he was going to puke.
And he, dumbass that he was, had told her he loved her. Worse, he meant it. For him what they had wasn’t just fun, just sex. It was love, damn it.
“Connor,” Val said. “Do you want a beer or something else to drink?”
He had a feeling that wasn’t the first time she’d asked. “Water would be good. Thanks.”
Val left the room to get his drink. Liam asked, “Are you okay?”
“Fine. Why?”
“Because you don’t seem okay. It took Val three tries to get your attention.”
He looked at his brother amid a pile of crib rails, nuts and bolts, and other assorted objects for putting together the crib. Liam looked happy, even though he’d never enjoyed putting things together before. Normally he never looked at the directions. But he had them spread out and was actually reading them today. Strange as it was, Liam even appeared to be excited about assembling the crib. Connor guessed it made the coming birth seem more real. The baby had changed everything.
The last thing he wanted to do was rain on Liam’s parade. His brother and Val deserved every good thing that happened to them. He didn’t want to drag them down with his issues.
“I was just thinking about a problem at work. I’m sure it will be taken care of soon.”
“Logan told me Sierra’s ex-husband is in town and bets are on that he wants her back. Is it true? Is that a problem for you and Sierra?”
He should have known Logan would have blabbed. “Nothing for you to worry about.” Before Liam could continue he asked him about baby names. “So have you two decided yet on a name?”
Liam hesitated but answered. “No. We’ve been going round and round about it.”
“At least you only have to think of girl names.”
“True. But back to Sierra’s ex-husband—”
Val came in and gave Connor a bottle of water. “Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it, Liam.”
“Of course he doesn’t. But he probably needs to.”
“I’m afraid Sierra’s thinking about going back to her ex-husband.” He just blurted it out. Liam was right. He did need to talk about it. And his brother wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t willing to listen.
“Well, shit,” Liam said. “Has she said she wants to?”
“No. In fact she said the opposite. But I’m still worried. She sees him at the hospital. He drops in there a lot. I don’t think he’s popping in at her apartment but hell, he could be and I just don’t know it. She probably wouldn’t tell me because she thinks I’d flip out.” Which he would. Undoubtedly. “The hospital staff like him. I’m not sure how he met so many of them. Doctors, nurses, whoever, they all say he’s a nice guy.”
“A nice guy who cheated on his wife and divorced her to be with the bimbo,” Val said. “In my book that’s not so nice.”
“No, but when we first met, she said she would take him back even though he cheated on her.”
“Do you really think she would? Now, after being with you?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem.”
“Is that why he’s here? Because he wants her back?”
“He’s a doctor in Dallas. He said he’s taken some time off. I think he may have told our hospital administrator that he’s interested in moving to Marietta. Gives him a reason to be there all the time. If it’s not for Sierra why else would he have come to Marietta, Montana? It’s a long damn way from Dallas, Texas.”
“You say you asked her and she said she didn’t want to get back together with him?” Val tapped her fingers to her lips, clearly thinking.
“Yes and yes.”
“Then I think you’re just going to have to take her word for it. Acting like you don’t believe her won’t help your case. Don’t just sit there. Romance her. I know you can do that. Relax. You’ve got this.”
Right. Romance her. Relax. Easy as pie. Especially when all he could think about was how Casey had blindsided him when she told him she was in love with Ryan. He hadn’t had a clue. If it happened again with Sierra, at least it wouldn’t be a total surprise. Somehow that made it worse, not better.