Chapter 19 Charlotte
NINETEEN
CHARLOTTE
Jude’s eyes scan my face. He’s so close that I can see the muscle ticking in his jaw. He seems to be forcing himself to keep his mouth shut, something that isn’t like Jude at all.
I sigh, wondering why I want to tell him yes. I was already feeling guilty about asking Lucy for a place to stay for the summer. Staying with Jude would make it so I don’t have to ask the favor from Lucy at all. I could leave her to enjoy the summer with Cal alone as they get ready to tie the knot.
But it’s Jude.
I can’t live with Jude.
He needs a friend right now, and more than anything, I want to be a friend he can lean on. Because of that, I don’t know if moving in with him is a good idea. Not when we’ve already blurred the lines after last night.
“I want to say yes,” I begin, pausing for a moment as I try to choose my words carefully. “I want to be there for you and for Ava, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to move in for the summer.”
Jude’s face falls just a fraction. “Why?”
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. If he wasn’t going to bring up last night, I wasn’t going to either.
But I didn’t expect him to ask me to stay with him and mean it.
His puppy-dog eyes and lopsided grin make me want to fold though.
Maybe if I do bring attention to what happened between us last night, it’ll speak some reason into his mind.
“I think we kissed last night.”
We did kiss, however brief it actually was. I know things are different now that he has Ava, but that doesn’t erase what happened between us.
Jude’s smile doesn’t falter. If anything, it gets wider, which makes my head spin with questions. “My memory is a little fuzzy, but I know we did kiss.”
A choking sound leaves my throat. “Okay, so…” I pause, wondering how to even respond to his remark. “We drank a lot and kissed and almost made things way more complicated than they need to be. We’re friends and need to stay friends. I don’t know if living together is a good idea.”
Jude nods. I expect the smile to leave his face, but it doesn’t. “You’re thinking you won’t be able to keep your hands off me.” He winks, and I can’t help but roll my eyes at him.
I’m sure he’s got to be exhausted and overwhelmed after the day he’s had, yet somehow, he’s still giving me a casual grin as if it was all totally normal. “Jude,” I scold.
“What?”
“Are you even sure you’re going to stay in the Hamptons? What if you decided you wanted to go back to Manhattan to be near your family?”
A crease forms between his eyebrows. “I haven’t told them yet.
Ava got dropped off, and you showed up shortly after.
But I don’t know if I want to take her back to Manhattan right away.
I’d rather figure things out here, where it’s more quiet and peaceful.
” He taps his knuckles against the counter as his eyes scan my face.
“I’d rather figure it out here…where you are.
” The words are said quietly, and he swallows immediately after, making me wonder if he didn’t mean to say them at all.
Before I can respond, he’s running his hand through his hair and opening his mouth to speak again.
“Plus, my family can be a lot. I need to get my feet under me first before I take Ava to them. I don’t plan on keeping Ava from them for long.
I just want to have some footing before I tell them about her. ”
I nod as I process everything he’s saying.
I haven’t ever met his family. I was out of town last year when they all came to visit, but he talks about them a lot.
They seem to be really involved in his life.
It’s a shock to find out I knew about Ava before they did, but it makes sense.
We’ve fit so much into today that it’s easy to forget that it was only this morning that Ava’s mother dropped her off with Jude.
“I still don’t think I should live here.” I chew on my lip, hoping he doesn’t keep pushing. I’m running out of reasons to tell him no. I need a place, and he has more than enough room. I’m just terrified of what being around his charm day and night will be like.
Jude looks at the monitor for a moment when Ava lets out a little noise. We both freeze, waiting to see if the transfer wasn’t as successful as we originally thought. She wiggles a little but ultimately stays fast asleep.
“I see no reason for you to live anywhere else,” Jude responds. I pull my gaze from the baby monitor and already find his eyes on mine.
“I’ve already given you a reason.”
“Look, Charlotte, I’m not going to lie to you.
Last night, I did want to kiss you. I even woke up this morning thinking maybe things would be different for us.
Maybe we could figure it out. But after Ava, I’m not in a place to start anything.
I’ve got to figure out how to be a good dad before anything else.
I promise I don’t have any ulterior motives for asking you to stay.
I’ll allow you to keep me in the friend zone.
Scout’s honor.” He kisses his fingertips before holding three of them in the air.
“I don’t think the kissing part was necessary.”
He shows off his dimples with his cocky grin. “It added a little flair.”
I tuck a piece of stray hair behind my ear and roll my eyes. “If I say yes, you have to promise that you won’t use your charm on me. We’re both locked in the friend zone. We don’t ever talk about the kiss again, and absolutely no flirting.”
Jude lifts an eyebrow. “Flirting is part of my personality, and I can’t help it that I’m always naturally charming.
I can’t promise you those two things, but I can promise to stay just friends.
Nothing more. I swear it.” He does the ridiculous thing with his fingers again, and I can’t help but laugh.
“It really isn’t your job to take me in and give me a place to live.”
Something flashes in Jude’s eyes for a moment before he recovers quickly. “I know it isn’t my job, Char. I think I’ve been very clear that I want you to be here with me and Ava. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you here.”
I hold out my hand and smile. “Then you have a deal. You’re stuck with me as a roommate for the summer.”
I swear his dimples get even deeper as his entire face lights up. “Yeah? You’ll move in?”
I shrug before giving him a nod, unable to come up with any other excuses to say no.
Not wanting to make things awkward between us was the main reason I was refusing to begin with.
Besides, with how early people book things in the Hamptons, I know it’ll be almost impossible for me to find somewhere to live on my own.
And if I’m going to stay with a friend, I might as well stay with Jude over anyone else.
I spend the most time with him anyway. Lucy and Cal are sickeningly in love, and they spend all their time together.
Even Camille and Ryker are with each other every spare second they have when they’re not both running their own companies.
Margo’s busy being a mom and an artist, and even Emma and Winnie are so busy that I’d feel bad asking to stay at their places.
Jude is kind of my only option. And if we’re both agreeing to being just friends and forgetting about last night, then there’s no reason for me to say no.
My gaze travels to the monitor. I focus on a sleeping Ava.
Her little lips are parted slightly, and I already miss snuggling up to her chubby cheeks.
I love the idea of living here and seeing her more.
I know Jude won’t ask for the help, but I know he could use it when it comes to Ava.
Especially if he doesn’t want to get his family involved yet.
“So, when are you going to move in then, roomie?” Jude asks, breaking me from my thoughts.
“I’m off tomorrow. Is that too soon to bring my things over?”
He immediately shakes his head. “That’s perfect. Let me know if you need any help. I can bring Ava with me, and we can help you get packed up.”
I give him a smile. “I don’t have a lot. I think I can handle it. You focus on spending the day with Ava, and I’ll handle packing my things and coming over. Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay here? I can pay ren—”
“I’m not taking your money,” Jude hurriedly gets out. His tone makes it seem like he might even be insulted that I offered. “I asked you to stay here. Yes, I’m sure. Save your hard-earned money, and stop overthinking this.”
I narrow my eyes on him. “I’m not overthinking anything. It’s logical for me to ask if you’re sure about me staying with you for the summer, especially after how much your life has changed today.”
“Then it should also be logical for me to admit how much you helped me today. You ease my mind about things with Ava just by being here. I want you here for the summer, Char. What part of that is hard for you to understand?”
My mouth snaps shut. There’s a vulnerability to his voice that I’m not used to. I don’t know if I like hearing it or not. It makes my stomach flip and my heart race, neither of which is good when just minutes ago, I was promising to keep him firmly in the friend zone.
“Okay,” I whisper, unable to say anything else. It looks like I’ll be staying with Jude for the summer. This might end up being the worst idea or the best, but right now, all I can think about is how excited I am to spend more time with him and Ava.
“Then it’s settled. You’ll be back tomorrow with your things, and we’ll be roomies for the summer.”
“Please never say the word ‘roomies’ again.”
“I know you’re excited to be my roomie, roomie.” He winks, and all I can do is roll my eyes.
I step away from the counter and make my way to his front door. It’s been a long day, and my exhaustion is starting to catch up with me. I’m ready to get out of my work uniform, treat myself to a bath, and put off packing up my things until tomorrow morning.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” I don’t look at him over my shoulder as I slip my shoes on by his front door.
I know he’s probably excited to get rid of me and have some alone time of his own before Ava wakes up.
“I’ll leave my phone on ringer for the night.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need something with Ava.
” I finish putting on the other shoe and look up, finding Jude closer than I expected him to be.
His face looks tight as he watches me carefully. The muscles along his jaw pulse as he quietly watches me.
“Enjoy your quiet time tonight, and again, don’t hesitate to call if you need anything. You’re a great dad already. You’ve got this.”
Jude nods. His arms lift before they drop at his sides. He stays silent, which is so out of character for him.
It’s quiet in the foyer as I wait for him to say something. All he does is keep his mouth closed so tight I wonder if it hurts.
I give him a shy smile before opening the door. “Good night, Jude.”
“Night, Char,” he finally responds as I step to the door.
I risk a glance over my shoulder and find him watching me with wide eyes. He almost looks scared, but I know that can’t be right. Jude Kensington doesn’t get scared. He barely even gets unsure. I give him one more smile before getting out of his way for the evening and walking to my car.
The entire drive back to my rental, I can’t get the mental picture of him out of my mind. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure he was scared. Was it the right thing to leave him alone tonight? I thought he’d want to be alone on his first night with Ava, but maybe it was the opposite.
I fight the urge to text him, offering to come back once I’ve gathered my things. If he wanted help, he would’ve asked. I need to leave him alone.
But still, even as I get home and slip into a hot bath, I can’t forget the fear I swear I saw in his eyes.