Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
CHARLOTTE
Jude needs to get out of the house.
It’s been over three weeks since Ava came into his life, and while it’s been incredible to get so much one-on-one time with the two of them, he’s got to leave the house eventually.
Lucy and Cal have come over a few times in the last week, which has made it so he sees someone other than me, and as happy as I am that he’s seeing friends, I still think he needs to get out more.
Every time I’m at Pembroke, it feels like all I do is dodge questions about Jude and where he’s been.
Even the always-quiet Tyson Bishop has started asking about Jude’s whereabouts.
Today was another day of making up lies about where Jude has been while working my cart shift at Pembroke.
Now that the busy season in the Hamptons has officially begun, we’ve been slammed at work.
It’s nice because I’m making more money off tips than I could ever dream of, but after working my three-day shift every week, I’m exhausted.
It’s Sunday evening after another long weekend of work and I’m so excited for a low-key night in with Jude and Ava.
But Jude’s about to find out that his nights in are done for. This Friday, Pembroke is throwing its annual party to kick off the season, and if I have anything to say about it, Jude will be attending with Ava.
I’m walking into the house, thinking about how I can convince Jude to finally go to Pembroke, when I notice how quiet it is.
Jude normally spends most of his time with Ava in the living room if she’s awake.
A glance at my phone in my hand to check the time tells me that Ava should be awake right now.
We’ve been doing our best to get her on a schedule so she sleeps better at night.
I’ve read way more about wake windows than I ever thought I would, and where it’s been great during the day to have her sleep on a strict schedule, we’re still waiting for that to translate into nighttime sleep.
We’ve only been on the new schedule for a week, so it’s still a work in progress.
Some nights, she’s slept great; other nights, Jude and I have spent a few hours driving around the Hamptons while she slept peacefully in the back.
I haven’t said this out loud, but I haven’t minded the late-night rides.
It lets me spend more time with Jude. There’s something about driving around with him in the dark of night that makes it feel like it’s okay to let down my walls with him.
We’re able to tell each other secrets and get to know one another on a personal level without physically crossing any lines we shouldn’t.
He has to keep his focus on driving, and a center console and a seat belt prevent me from doing anything crazy… like leaning in and kissing him.
I walk through the quiet house, wondering where Jude and Ava could be. There are still toys strewn across Ava’s playmat in the living room, and a glimpse into Jude’s room tells me they aren’t in there either.
I frown as I continue to search for them.
If his car weren’t sitting in the driveway, I’d wonder if maybe he did finally decide to go out with Ava during the day.
But since it was still parked in the same spot it always is when I got home from work, I know that he’s got to be here somewhere.
I almost give up looking and call him when I sneak a peek into Jude’s office.
I don’t come in here often. If Jude has to work, he typically shuts the door and doesn’t have time to chat.
It’s at the very end of the hallway and isn’t a room I ever visit.
If I could find him anywhere else, I wouldn’t even think about trying his office, but I take a glimpse into the room, stopping in my tracks at what I see.
Before I can think better of it, a smile spreads across my cheeks. I cross my arms over my chest and take in the view.
Jude sits at his desk, his glasses askew on his face due to how his cheek is pressed against his office chair, and he’s fast asleep.
It’s funny that I never even knew he wore glasses until recently—he always wore contacts—but the lack of sleep and leaving the house has him wearing glasses most of the time.
I both love it and hate it. I love it because he looks phenomenal in glasses.
I hate it because he looks phenomenal in glasses.
I already start my mornings with a pep talk on why I can’t fall for my best friend.
Him walking around in a slutty pair of glasses doesn’t help with that.
My eyes move from his sharp cheekbones and angled jaw down to his chest. Ava lies against it, also fast asleep, her little butt in the air.
I have to pull my eyes away from him for a moment because I can’t handle the sight of him sleeping so peacefully with his daughter on his chest. It makes my heart flutter and my body warm with how incredibly adorable it is. My ovaries basically scream at the sight.
His laptop sits open in front of him, but it’s since gone to sleep, showing a screensaver instead. He makes my heart soar all over again, and he doesn’t even know it, because his screensaver is a picture of the three of us.
It’s a selfie I took that he insisted I send to him. We were all lying on the couch one day when I couldn’t help but snap a photo. When he asked me to send it to him, I never imagined he’d make it into his computer’s screensaver.
This is another thing I both love and hate.
I think it’s incredibly sweet that of all the photos he has, especially all the ones I’ve sent him that are just Ava, or just him and Ava, he chose one that included me.
I can’t help but love that. But I’m so conflicted, because all I can think about is what Lucy said when she first learned of Ava.
It does feel like I’m playing house with Jude.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. I want to be here with him and Ava, but with every day that passes, it does feel like we’re becoming this little family, which is incredibly dangerous for my heart.
I let my gaze travel over Jude’s face as he sleeps peacefully at his desk.
I soak in the opportunity to really get a good look at him when he can’t catch me.
From the very first day I met Jude, I thought he was one of the most attractive men I’d ever seen.
The problem was…he was hot, but it was clear from the very beginning that he was a womanizer.
I knew how men like him worked because I’d dealt with them before.
They charm you, make you feel like you’re the most interesting and special woman in the world, and the moment you finally give in and sleep with them, they’re gone.
I didn’t want to do that with Jude. I knew Cal and Lucy were inevitable, and if I wanted to still see my best friend even after she got a serious boyfriend, I needed to get along with her boyfriend’s best friend.
So I wrote Jude off from the very beginning.
He was a member at Pembroke anyway, and I could use that as an excuse to keep him at arm’s length.
I told him I didn’t date members, which wasn’t technically a lie.
I hadn’t ever dated a member before. But if he wasn’t Cal’s best friend, I might’ve been foolish enough to think I’d be the girl to change him from playboy to committed in no time.
The more time we spent together, the more I genuinely started to like him.
It was hard not to. He quickly became a good friend of mine.
I liked spending time with him. And once everyone left last summer and he was still here, it felt right to keep seeing him.
We flirted because it was fun, but it was clear we both knew we wouldn’t be more than friends.
And then…we kissed, and everything changed. I don’t know if it was the kiss, or Ava showing up, or a combination of both things, but all the reasons I used to think it was better for Jude and me to just be friends no longer make sense.
Yes, he’s a playboy. He’s charming and appears not to take anything seriously, but that’s just what he wants you to see.
I think he’s never settled down because he doesn’t want to get hurt.
When he cares about something, he cares deeply.
That has become obvious with his desire to be the best possible father to Ava.
Now that I’ve seen this side of him, I think Jude would be an incredible partner if he wanted to be.
And sometimes, by the way he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking, it makes me wonder if things were different, uncomplicated, that maybe he’d want to try with me.
I close my eyes for a minute, needing a break from looking at his perfect features.
A harsh realization sets in as I realize it’s too late.
I want things I shouldn’t want when it comes to Jude Kensington.
I want it all with him.
I want to be his friend. His best friend. The kind of best friend that you fall in love with because things between you are too perfect.
I want to try for a future and to make things serious and to give the two of us a real shot.
But I can’t want those things. Not when I can’t ask him to try with me.
His focus needs to be on Ava, and I understand that.
I don’t want to make things more complicated.
Plus, I know it hasn’t been long, but I love Ava as if she were my own blood.
It’s impossible not to. I don’t want to try something with Jude, and something bad happens between us, and then I never see Ava again.
That would destroy me.
I open my eyes and let out a long sigh before looking at my feet for a moment. I know that it’s for the best that I continue to not act on my feelings for Jude. He doesn’t need complicated right now. It’s just getting harder and harder not to take things further.
When I look back at Jude, I find his eyes slowly opening.
The moment our gazes connect, he gives me a lazy smile, and I have to stifle a groan at the sight of it.
It’s perfect. He’s too handsome for his own good, and I can’t handle it.
Not when he smiles at me the way he is right now.
Not when he makes me feel like no other woman matters to him.
I think not falling for my best friend is going to be impossible.