Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
CHARLOTTE
Jude’s hand on top of mine feels nice. I know I should probably pull my hand out from underneath his, but I don’t want to. I like feeling his skin against mine. Plus, I know that with what I’m about to say, he might be the one to break the connection anyway.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as I watch him carefully. We’ve briefly talked about him leaving the house and taking Ava to Pembroke, but it’s been days since then. I’d let it go for a bit, but now I’m ready to push it and really convince him that he needs to get out of the house.
“The second thing is, it’s time for you to go to Pembroke…with Ava.”
The only reaction he gives my words is the twitch of his fingers against mine. He keeps his face the same, his eyes wide and staring at me, while there’s the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips. “Why do you say that?” he finally asks.
“Because you can’t hide away in this house forever. Ava deserves to get out, and so do you.”
“I’m just fine here with you and Ava and the occasional visit now from Cal and Lucy.” He looks down at Ava for a moment. Despite the two of us no longer talking in hushed tones, she still stays fast asleep and completely unbothered. “And Ava’s seemed happy as can be recently.”
I frown, wanting him to know that I don’t love the answer he just gave me. “Jude, you love Pembroke. Before Ava, you spent every day there. It’s time for you to get back to the club. You’re going tomorrow.”
He pulls his hand from above mine, and I miss the warmth of it the moment it’s gone. I try not to let him see the disappointment on my face about no longer feeling his skin against mine.
“I didn’t realize you were the boss of me.” There’s humor in his tone, and that smirk still hasn’t left his lips. If anything, the corner of his mouth has lifted a little higher.
“I am the boss of you when you become unreasonable. You’re a little social butterfly who has been cooped up far too long. It’s time for you to spread your wings and go back to Pembroke. I’ve scheduled you a tee time with Tyson tomorrow morning while I watch Ava.”
He leans back a little as his eyebrows rise to his hairline. “Babies aren’t allowed on the course.”
I can’t help but smile because he hasn’t said no.
“Well, I figured you could go alone and tell the people most important to you about Ava before bringing her there. Tyson’s been asking about you, and so I arranged for the two of you to golf together tomorrow.
I think Cal’s going to try to join, but he and Lucy have some wedding planning meetings first.”
“What if I don’t want to golf with Tyson tomorrow? If you’re watching Ava, shouldn’t I be working during that time?”
I roll my eyes and swat at the air. “You’ll golf in the morning, work in the afternoon. You need to get out, even for just a few hours. Tell who you want to tell about Ava, because by Friday, when Pembroke has their big welcome party, you’re going to be there, and Ava’s going with you.”
“I’ll go on Friday under one condition.”
I straighten my spine and smile because this is easier than I thought it’d be. “What is it?”
“You go to the party with us.”
My lips part, and I hope he can’t see the blush creeping up my chest and into my cheeks at his one condition. “Oh, you don’t have to bring me with you.”
“I know. But I want to bring you. If I’m going to Pembroke on Friday, I’m going with my girls. Both my girls.”
There’s a loud whooshing sound in my ears, and I swear I can hear my own heartbeat.
My girls.
Both my girls.
I know he doesn’t mean anything by it. He probably doesn’t even realize what he’s said, but that doesn’t matter. I realize what he said, and it’s something I can never unhear.
His girl.
I rub my lips together because if I don’t, I might not be able to fight the giddy smile threatening to overtake my mouth.
I know I shouldn’t want to be his girl, and I know that I’m reading way too much into what he just said, but none of that matters right now. I’m both elated and devastated to be called his because there’s nothing I want more than for our circumstances to be different so that could be possible.
Jude gently adjusts Ava on his chest before leaning forward. “Char.” My name comes out soft and gentle, and I swear there’s affection in his tone, but I don’t know if that’s just my own wishful thinking or the truth.
“Mm-hmm?” I still can’t really form words. All I can manage is a small hum as I try to internally calm myself down at being referred to as his girl.
What is wrong with me?
Jude Kensington is getting to my head.
“Will you go to the welcome party with us on Friday, or are we all three ditching it to stay home instead?”
“You’re going,” I manage to get out. My words come out barely above a whisper.
“I’m not going if you’re not going.”
He smirks and lifts an eyebrow, a silent dare for me to argue.
I can’t.
I look at my lap for a moment as I think about what to say.
I want to go to the welcome party with him.
I’ve never been. Unless you’re working the event, which I never did when I worked at Pembroke Grill, and won’t be as a cart girl, then Pembroke employees aren’t invited.
Members on the course the last couple of weeks have been gushing about how fun it is.
I’ve secretly wanted to go, but I was too nervous to ask Jude to take me.
When I look up, I find him still looking at me, waiting for an answer.
I sigh before finally failing at hiding my smile any longer. “Fine. We’re going.”
His smile gets wide, and he shows off his dimples, which drive me more mad with each day that passes by. “Good. It’s a date.”
A choking sound comes from the back of my throat. It’s so loud that it wakes Ava up. She stretches against Jude’s chest, her lips pressing together in a thin line as she lifts her head.
“Jude!” I scold. I try to keep my voice down to a whisper, but I don’t know if it matters. Ava’s eyes pop open, and she immediately smiles.
“What?” he asks innocently. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to his daughter’s head while he waits for me to respond.
“You’re flirting, and that’s breaking the rules.”
“Char, I don’t know if we’re really playing by the rules anymore.”
My mouth snaps shut, and my pulse skyrockets. He has a point, but I didn’t think he’d say it out loud. I rip my gaze from his to look at Ava. She blinks repeatedly, the cutest little smile on her face as she shows off the same dimples she got from her dad.
“Friday is a friend date.” I try to really emphasize the word friend, even though it feels weird leaving my mouth.
Jude is my friend, but it’s so much more than that now.
There’s so much more to him, and I don’t even really understand my feelings for him.
All I know is that I don’t need to understand how I feel about him because it doesn’t matter.
We need to stay friends, no matter how I feel.
And to maintain that boundary, I can’t be blurring lines in my head and think that Friday is anything more than an evening shared between two friends.
Jude snickers before standing up with Ava.
“Whatever you say,” he practically sings.
Why does he look so amused by this? We started this interaction with him seeming reserved and not warm to the idea of leaving the house or seeing anyone, but now it’s ending with the return of his casual smirk and effortless flirting.
His demeanor has changed, and I don’t know why.
Is he excited about getting out of the house?
Maybe the knowledge that he’s finally going to stop hiding here with Ava and shielding her from the world feels like a weight off his shoulders.
Or maybe he’s excited about the date.
The thought pops into my mind without warning, and it’s completely unwelcome because I know it isn’t the truth. Or if it is, his mood change isn’t because the date is with me. It’s probably that he’s just finally excited to see his other friends.
That’s got to be it.
“How about I take Ava for a bit so you can finish those emails?” I offer, needing a change of subject. Now that he’s standing up, he seems way too close.
Or maybe I’m just all too aware of his presence after he called me his and then called our plans together a date, all within a few minutes.
“You worked all day. You aren’t taking her.”
I ignore him and reach for Ava. Her entire face lights up, and I can’t help but return her smile because she’s too damn cute. I wrap my hands underneath her armpits and go to grab her, but he keeps a soft hold on her.
I meet his gaze, and I don’t know what he sees in my stare, but he relents. His hold loosens, and I’m able to pull her to me.
I line our faces up, reveling in the wide, gummy smile she gives me. “Hi, sweet girl,” I coo. “I missed you today. You ready to have some real fun while your dad works?”
“Hey, you didn’t tell me you missed me.”
I shoot Jude a look. “Maybe that’s because I didn’t miss you.”
He swallows, and I swear for a moment there might actually be hurt in his eyes. It’s only a flash of it, but it seems like he might actually be disappointed by what I said. “Well, I missed you,” he gets out hoarsely. “We missed you.”
I have to look away from his warm, brown eyes.
I don’t know if he even realizes how much weight the words he keeps saying have.
I know he doesn’t mean them the way that I hope him to, but I can’t pretend that hearing him say he missed me—especially in that raw and real tone he used—doesn’t do things to me.
I’m desperately trying to be his friend.
To be there for him and Ava and make sure he has someone to lean on.
I want to be that person for him more than I’ve ever wanted anything else.
But my stupid heart has a mind of its own, and it doesn’t care about all the reasons I shouldn’t fall for him.
It hears things like “my girls” and “it’s a date” and “I missed you” and thinks that maybe Jude is feeling every single thing I am.
And that’s dangerous.
Because as much as I try to tell my heart not to feel that way, it doesn’t matter.
I’m developing real feelings for Jude Kensington—my best friend—and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop it. All I can do is hide it and try my best to pretend it isn’t the truth.
“I’m going to go feed Ava, and you work on your emails.” I don’t even wait to hear a response from him. I make sure my grip on Ava is tight before I rush out of his office.
“Still waiting for you to tell me you missed me!” he calls after me. There’s humor to his voice, but there’s something else. Something more vulnerable. Something that makes my stomach do a flip.
I don’t answer him. I make my way to the kitchen and begin to prepare a bottle. When I look down at Ava, I find her watching me with a smile.
“Is this funny to you?” I ask, whispering even though I know it isn’t necessary. If Jude followed us, I would’ve heard his footsteps. He’s all the way on the opposite side of the house, thankfully.
As if she can understand me, Ava lets out the smallest little laugh.
I groan. “Oh, so it is funny to you. I’m glad you think me catching feelings for your dad when I absolutely shouldn’t is hilarious. Well, it isn’t funny to me, baby girl. What am I going to do?”
Ava’s no help because all she does is laugh, having no idea how serious it is that somehow in the span of a few weeks, I’ve gone from caring about Jude as a friend and knowing we’re better off that way, to getting to know him on a deeper level and starting to fall for him anyway.