Chapter 36 Charlotte
THIRTY-SIX
CHARLOTTE
The hot water of the shower feels amazing against my tense muscles. I’ve probably been in the shower longer than I need to be, but it feels good to let the water run over me.
My entire body is on edge, and it’s because of Jude.
Weeks of pent-up tension catch up to me as I stand underneath the stream of water.
I can’t get the way Jude called me his girl out of my head.
I can’t get anything he’s done in the last few weeks out of my head.
I’ve been pushing every interaction between us to the back of my mind in an attempt to keep things platonic, but left with nothing but my own thoughts in this shower, everything catches up to me.
The lingering looks Jude gives me.
The way he finds ways to touch me, even when it’s not necessary.
Memories of him without a shirt.
The sight of him in those gray sweatpants, which leave little to the imagination.
His glasses—the slutty glasses, as I’ve nicknamed them.
The way he placed his hand over mine.
The feeling of his skin against mine.
Him calling our time together this Friday a date.
It’s all become too much.
I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want Jude. I need him, even though I know I shouldn’t. I’ve tried to fight it, but it’s no use.
He used to flirt with me, and it was harmless.
Now when he flirts…it feels more intentional. It feels like there’s more behind it. And I can’t pretend not to notice anymore. I notice it all, and now I’m left with the constant feeling of needing him. There’s a constant ache between my thighs that I owe to him and him alone.
I close my eyes as the water sprays down my body.
I know I shouldn’t, but I let my hand drift down until my fingers brush over my clit.
I’d be lying if I said this was the first time I’ve closed my eyes and imagined Jude touching me since I moved in with him. I feel like every night over the last week or two, I’m having to touch myself to thoughts of him just to be able to get to sleep.
My need for him is desperate. And since I can’t have him, pretending it’s him touching me is the next best thing.
I circle my clit once, tingles spreading throughout my entire body at the touch.
I do it again, imagining it is Jude instead of me.
I’ve stared at his hands often, wondering what it’d be like to feel his thick fingers inside me.
I let out a moan as I continue to circle my clit, imagining it’s his hand. I bet he’d tease me just like this. He’d press lightly, going around the most sensitive part of my body before actually giving me what I want and fully pressing his fingers inside.
Heat spreads throughout me, and even with the water running over me, I know I’m soaking wet thinking of him. I continue to circle my clit, letting my pace pick up as I wish more than anything that it was Jude doing it instead.
I imagine him kissing me as his fingers explore.
Our kiss was brief, just the whisper of our lips against one another, but I am still confident he’s an excellent kisser.
I wish I knew more about how he kissed. Would he kiss me nice and slow and draw it out as he continued to touch me?
Or would he kiss me with a fiery intensity as his fingers worked slowly against my swollen clit?
God, I wish I knew.
“Jude,” I moan, unable to stop myself.
He’s on the other side of the house and still managing to drive me absolutely wild.
I slowly inch my finger inside myself as I think of him.
I think of him in his fitted gray sweatpants.
I’d give anything to have him touch me the way I’m touching myself right now.
While he played with me, I’d let my fingers drift down his stomach, tracing every single one of his abs that he constantly has on display.
I know I’d tease him. Even if he gave me what I wanted and slowly pushed his fingers inside me, I’d draw it out for him. I imagine letting my fingers trace his waistband as I paid close attention to his every reaction.
Another moan leaves my lips as I slide a second finger in. A delicious tension builds throughout my entire body. I pulse my fingers in and out, but I need more.
I quickly turn off the shower and grab my towel from the hook. There’s a throbbing between my legs from being teased without a release. I slide the towel over my body to dry myself off just enough to leave the bathroom.
My heart races from the rush of pleasure as I make my way to my bed.
It’s dark in my room, thanks to the late hour of the evening and because I pulled my curtains shut.
There’s enough light filtering in from the bathroom that I’m able to open up the bottom drawer of my dresser and grab my bag of toys.
I settle on my vibrator and hastily shove the bag in my drawer and slam it shut.
My entire body feels like it’s on fire. I’ve worked myself up with thoughts of Jude, and I’m now desperate for a release.
I throw my towel to the ground and climb into bed. I haphazardly pull the comforter over me before lying back. My legs shake in anticipation as I let out a heady breath. I adjust my body until I’m comfortable, lining up the head of the vibrator against my clit.
I don’t turn it on at first. Instead, I close my eyes and circle my clit with the tip, going back to imagining it’s Jude doing it instead of a toy.
I continue to move in circles around the swollen bud until I need more.
Clicking the top of the vibrator, I turn it on and stifle a moan at the pleasure it immediately brings.
It feels so fucking good.
I move my hips as I let the vibrator press against my clit. In a moment, I’ll begin to inch it inside myself, little by little, but for right now, I revel in the feeling of it just pressed against me.
God, I wish it were Jude’s fingers instead. Or even better, the tip of his dick.
Another moan leaves my lips as I imagine him on top of me. I imagine the feeling of his body pressed to mine, of the dirty things he’d say to me as he played with my clit with the tip of his dick.
I want it so bad.
I use my free hand to pull the comforter up my body, hoping the thickness of the material covers the sound of the vibrator. It’s my quietest one, and with Jude’s room across the house, I shouldn’t have to worry about him hearing anything anyway.
But I bite my lip and do my best to stay quiet as I think about what it’d be like if he weren’t across the house from me.
I imagine him in my bed. My eyes flutter open and shut in pleasure as I think about how good it’d feel to have the weight of him on top of me. I want to feel the scrape of his five o’clock shadow on my skin. I want to feel his thick fingers inside me as he gets me ready to take his dick.
I want to know the dirty things he’d say to me if he were in bed with me right now. I blush at the memory of him telling me how dirty he could talk. Is he demanding in bed? Or would he prefer me to take the lead? I’d do anything to find out.
“Jude.” His name comes out as a moan again. I can’t help it. I’m so turned on by thoughts of him that I’m desperate to come as I imagine it’s him making me orgasm instead of the vibrator.
I circle my clit one more time with the toy before slowly inching it inside myself.
“Oh my God,” I pant, my toes curling underneath the comforter. With every inch I push in, I imagine it’s Jude’s dick instead.
My entire body feels hot as fire builds low in my abdomen. I know I’m close to coming. I rock my hips up and down, pushing the vibrator deeper. I let out another moan at the feeling of it pulsing inside me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve imagined what it’d feel like to have sex with Jude.
In the last couple of weeks, I’ve touched myself thinking of him more times than I’d like to admit.
But there’s something about tonight that feels more intense.
I think it was the way he let his thumb dance across the top of my hand when we were in his office.
Or the intensity in his eyes that felt like he wanted to say more when he called the Pembroke event this Friday a date.
It’s like the floodgates of my desire for him have been fully opened, and instead of feeling guilty for wanting him so badly, I’m giving in to it, just for tonight.
I could’ve waited for him to put Ava to bed tonight and cornered him in the kitchen and kissed him the way I’ve dreamed about, but instead, I hid in my room alone.
Imagining him fucking me isn’t crossing a line…right? If I don’t act on my desperate need for him, I’m technically still keeping him in the friend zone.
At least that’s what I’m telling myself as I pick up the speed at which I push the vibrator in and out of me as I imagine it being his length instead.
Goosebumps pop up on my skin as I imagine him kissing along my neck as he thrusts.
I need more. My fingers trail along my ribs as I guide them to my nipple, squeezing the sensitive bud to feel more. The comforter slides off the top half of my body slightly, but I don’t care enough to fix it.
I’m too close.
My hips circle as pressure begins to build.
I’m going to come.
Heat pools low in my core, and I know I’m seconds away from a release.
I squeeze my eyes shut and arch my back, reveling in the way my entire body feels lit with desire because of the building orgasm.
“Jude,” I moan, this time a little louder.
I pull the vibrator all the way out, and I’m about to push it as deep as I can to hit the spot I need it to hit most…when a sound has my eyes popping open.
My entire body stills as my gaze immediately connects with Jude’s. He leans against the doorframe, wearing nothing but his glasses and a pair of gray sweatpants. One hand grabs onto the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping him in place, while the other strokes up and down his bulging length.
I’m too stunned to say anything. I’ve been caught. Before my brain can even process what’s happening, he’s clearing his throat. “If you’re going to come thinking of me, the least you could do is let me be the one to do it.”