Chapter 34 - Rae
RAE
Wrapping my fingers through the handle of the warm mug did little to help ease the crack in my chest or the anger roaring in my head. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain, and for someone who said they loved me and wanted me to move in with them…well, that was just shitty.
If you’d just been honest with me, if you’d just told me the truth, I wouldn’t have cared…
“So, you first saw him when you were in high school?” my dad gently asked.
Both he and my mother were sitting across from me at the table. They’d eaten their dinner, but I didn’t have an appetite, so I drank more tea. At first, I didn’t want to talk about what had just happened, but they had heard everything, and after this, they deserved to know.
Giving him a small nod, I explained when I first saw Davis in the diner, and how my crush had developed.
“Carl knew?” Mom asked, her face dipped in a somber slump.
I gave her a small nod as well. After I explained everything, they seemed shocked, and now they were just clarifying tiny details.
“He tried to talk me out of liking Davis; he was worried about me.”
Dad grunted and shook his head. “He should have told us.”
“He never tried to dissuade you from being friends with Davis?” That was something that had me curious.
It was no secret that Carl didn’t like Davis, and after our little showdown, about that day where he’d made it seem like Davis was asking about a different girl and not me—we hadn’t really talked again.
But if Carl had such a problem with Davis, then why…
Suddenly it hit with sickening clarity, nearly making me double over.
It was him.
Carl had given me the note. Only it wasn’t from Davis, it was from him. But how did he know Davis was going to be there that night, and why would he want to hurt me like that?
So I’d finally get over him, no doubt.
“Carl was never a big fan, mentioned it had to do with the past…but he never interfered or commented after our initial relationship that had started with Thomas.”
“Is he the reason you wanted to move so suddenly and go to college clear across the country?” my mother asked, whipping her head up as she finally connected one of the dots I hadn’t talked about yet.
“Yes. I was mortified by what—well, what I thought he had done to me. I was heartbroken, and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.”
That seemed to break my mother, as she finally stood and walked over to me and gently cradled my face in her hands.
“We made you come back, and we forced you around him.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m so sorry. You tried to fight it…you tried to warn us without telling us.”
She gave a little hiccup, and it was an invisible thread to one of the lacerations in my heart. I needed this. To hear that they loved me, that they stood on my side. Part of me worried they’d still side with him.
“Dammit, I’m sorry, honey. We caused all this mess by forcing you two together…” Dad said, shaking his head. “Crazy twist of fate, though, if you ask me.”
Crazy indeed.
My mom lowered her face, kissing the top of my head and then released me.
Dad rubbed at his chest, like he’d been doing lately. “Well, you tell us what you need—anything at all—and you have it.”
“Look, I understand that what you heard out there in the yard didn’t sound the greatest, but what I really want is for you to still be there for him. I want you to be the same support system you’ve been while I was away, and I want you to continue to allow him to support the diner.”
“But, we—”
Shaking my head, I stopped him. “Dad, promise me…please.”
They both nodded, quiet and somber.
“Just don’t leave again Rae, please. We’ll protect you, and if it’s between you or him, you know we will always choose you. Over and over again. You’re the easiest choice, sweetie. Okay?”
My dam of sobs nearly burst free, but I needed to keep them in for just a little while longer. “Thank you, and I won’t leave. This is my home. I’m not going anywhere.”
I managed to get in my car, with my packed bags. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around my family, but I knew them too well. The first thing they’d try to do was create a civil meeting for Davis and me, where we talked through our issues in a safe space with moderators.
My parents were peacekeepers, and I loved them for it, but I didn’t want to risk being forced into that or getting a surprise visit from him.
He had made himself more than clear about how he felt about me, and seeing me wouldn’t be something he’d risk either.
Halfway down the road, I had to pull over because the crack in my chest finally overcame me, with gushing tears and an ugly cry that could rival a dying beast. I wanted to just get it over with, cry and be done with it…
put my love for Davis into a small box, and tuck it into my closet, just like all the previous Davis items. But even after half an hour, the tears wouldn’t stop.
It was as though the rejection from when I was eighteen never healed over, and then I poured acid into the wound.
For a brief second, that moment I had pulled over on the side of the mountain popped into my head. That serpentine river, the tall trees, the feeling of being completely undone.
I needed more of that.
I needed to get away from Macon for a while and clear my head.
Swiping at my face, and taking a few clarifying breaths, I finished the drive to Nora’s.
A swarm of brown curls bounced as she ran from her door the second I pulled into her driveway.
I hadn’t texted or called her, so that must have been my mother’s doing.
I stepped out of the car and crumpled into her arms.
“I’m sorry, honey.” She rubbed my back in soothing circles.
I sobbed with the ugly cry again, shoving my face into her shoulder as she held me.
She said something soothing, but I couldn’t make it out.
We stood there for much longer than we should in small-town, nosy Macon.
But I didn’t care. The gossip would travel about our fight, and then they’d add in this little bit about me falling apart in Nora’s driveway, and they’d know I was the one dumped.
“Come on, let’s get you inside.” Nora put her arm around me and pulled me into her house. Once she closed the door, I sat on her couch, recounting what Davis said through a few gasps and hiccups.
“What an idiot! Why would he think this is your big plan? You resisted and rejected the guy for weeks when you got here. He had to chase you down, not the other way around.”
“Thank you!” I held my hand out, a wad of tissues was tucked between my fingers.
“And he wouldn’t even let me fight with him.
I think that was the hardest part; he wouldn’t hear me…
he just acted like I was still that girl in the library.
The annoying child that he would always look past and ignore.
He treated me like a disease, or like something he was ashamed of.
Not like he’d just asked me to move in.”
How could he go from loving me so wholly to hating me so intensely?
“We need to get out of here, Rae. Let’s just go on a trip.”
She didn’t need to convince me; I was completely and entirely on board.
“I’m already packed.” Except for the things I had left at Davis’s house.
“I’m going to pack. Why don’t you go lay down in the guest room for a while, and I’ll let you know when I’m ready, okay?” She stood and marched down the hall.
I headed to the guest room, where just the day prior, I’d been with Davis.
I fell apart again.
It was like visiting a tomb, the echo of when he said he loved me was loud in my head and battered at my heart, but tangibly, there was nothing there. It was empty.
I ripped off the comforter we’d laid on and threw it in the corner. Then I wrapped in the sheets and curled into a tiny ball and let more of my heartbreak through.