Chapter 36 - Davis
DAVIS
Three days after Rae had confronted Carl, I started to lose my mind.
I thought it would make me feel better if I confronted the asshole who had put Rae leaving into motion, but then that moment was stolen by my little spitfire, who wasn’t exactly mine anymore, and that’s what kept swirling around in my head.
Over and fucking over again.
She wasn’t mine anymore.
Each day my disgust over how I had treated her that night in her parent’s yard would grow. The look on her face kept running on repeat in my head. I’d try to sleep, but then I’d see her face when I called her pathetic and she crumpled to the ground.
Then my brain would remind me that she had lied and chose not to trust me with her truth.
She chose to keep from me this thing that tied us together, this fundamental thing that required her honesty.
Her being obsessed with me when she was in high school wasn’t something to be ashamed of, but if we wanted a future together, a real one, then it would have to be built on mutual trust and honesty.
I was vulnerable with her. That was her moment to tell me who she was…
to explain to me that once upon a time she loved me.
The more I thought over the timeline we were together, the more our first breakup made sense. It was the day Gavin came over, and we talked about Rae. She must have overheard us, and right after that she…
Left me.
How could I have actually accused her of trying to set all this up? God, I was an idiot.
All I knew was after three days, I missed Rae.
My dogs missed her, the entire house seemed to miss her.
It felt empty and cold without her, and I hadn’t slept a single night in my bed, because she wasn’t in it, and I couldn’t stand to look at all the things I put there for her.
I had slept on the couch, but then that reminded me of her…
and so, I slept on the floor, next to my dogs… where I fucking belonged.
Driving toward Roger and Millie’s house felt like swallowing nails. I wasn’t anxious; I was ashamed. So, the feeling wasn’t even tied to my nerves. It was in my blood, roaring at me to fix the colossal mistake I had made on their lawn just days before.
Parking and starting up the walk, I paused when Roger pushed through the door and met me halfway.
“Roger, I—” I started, but his stern expression stopped me. I had never seen him look so hurt and angry, and he had every right to be.
“Just turn around and go back, Davis.”
I paused, trying to wrap my head around him calling me that instead of Thomas. It was a sucker punch.
“I have to be the one to love my daughter, because you broke her heart, and there needs to be some man in her life willing to mend it. So, just go…live your life, be happy, but leave us be.”
He gave me one last look and turned around, leaving me there on the sidewalk with my heart lurching uncomfortably and my stomach twisting.
I stood there, staring. My eyes watered, my throat bobbed, and I tried to convince myself to turn around, but they were the only family I had.
They were it, and now they didn’t want me.
Maybe if I tried to explain that I loved her, that it was a mistake. Maybe if he…
Blinking, I shook myself out of it, and without another thought, I spun on my boot, heading for my truck.
I knew they wouldn’t be happy with me, but deep down, I had assumed our connection would go deeper, and preserve our relationship that had existed outside of Rae.
I was an idiot, because Rae had always been a part of us—a part of me—even not knowing she was, there was a tether that had kept us connected.
With shaking hands, I went to the only other place I could think of, now realizing Rae’s car wasn’t even in front of her parents’ house.
With every block, I began to think over what I’d say to her…
how I would go about patching this up. I couldn’t just act like she hadn’t lied or omitted her part in my life.
I had to face that, but if Rae wasn’t ready… or—
The realization that Rae might have given up on me hit hard and fast. Why was I assuming she’d still want to talk to me, after what I said?
Fuck.
Still, I had to try and see her, because I was going insane without at least laying eyes on her.
Pulling in front of Nora’s house, I saw Rae’s car parked in the driveway.
Gripping the steering wheel, I watched the car like it might suddenly combust or disappear then slowly took a calming breath.
It was a few seconds later, seeing my breath cloud in front of me, that I walked.
The early mornings had turned cold as fall set in, and with it took more time from me being with Rae.
She was supposed to be starting each of these freezing cold mornings with me, up there, on the mountain.
She was supposed to be there to see how beautiful the leaves looked when they started turning orange and feel how good the hot tub felt on those bitter early mornings.
Curling my knuckles, I pounded on Nora’s door, and waited. Nothing happened.
I knocked again and hit the doorbell for good measure, but still nothing.
Maybe she was asleep and couldn’t hear me? It was past eight in the morning; she’d be up, they both would. I knew their phone call habits by now, and every morning around seven, they were on the phone with each other.
I was about to walk around back when Colson’s voice stopped me. Across the small fence that separated his yard from Nora’s, he walked to his truck and clicked over the ignition to get it started. He wore heavier, lined clothing, and thick-soled boots—likely on his way to work.
“She’s gone. They both are,” he called, walking a few steps closer to the half fence. “Left a few days ago, her and someone that looked like your girlfriend from that dinner party.”
Shit. I hadn’t anticipated them leaving.
“You know where they went?”
Colson shook his head, flicking his cold gaze behind me once before clenching his jaw.
“But, uh…you okay, with your girl and everything? She seemed pretty upset the other day when she got here. I was fixing my truck and heard her crying pretty hard.”
Shame smothered my response, to the point it felt difficult to breathe. I didn’t want to stand here and hash out all my problems with someone I hadn’t kept in touch with, but it wasn’t like the rest of the town didn’t already know something. Hell, he probably knew but was trying to be polite.
“Just fucked some things up. I’m trying to fix it.”
Colson gave me a pitying look before stepping back toward his truck. “If it helps, I heard Nora yell something about three days of no responsibilities…that should put them back home today or tomorrow.”
“Thanks, man.” I gave him an appreciative nod and returned to my truck.
I could wait, and during that time, I’d figure out what to say to get Rae back.
The hot coffee warmed my fingers and burned my tongue.
I deserved it, because I was stalking Nora’s house like a psychopath.
Every day, I had been back, seeing if they’d returned, watching for a pair of headlights to pull in.
While they were gone, I called Rae’s phone, but she never answered.
I hadn’t quite braved texting her yet, because I didn’t want to say shit through text, even if it was just asking where she was.
I still wasn’t sleeping, and my face and body showed it. I hadn’t shaved in days, my hair was shoved under a hat, keeping the greasy, matted mess down, and I had to ask Gavin to go to my house and take care of all my animals yesterday. I wanted to be here when she got back.
I had to be.
I just needed a chance to explain myself.
Hearing her voice in my head, begging for the same opportunity, haunted me while I sat across the road, waiting for Nora’s car to pop into view.
Hopefully, Rae would be merciful and allow me the chance to say a few things, because after so long without her, I had several words I wanted to share. But with each passing day, those words kept boiling down to just three.
Flicking my gaze down the street, a flash of blue caught my eye, and my heart rate spiked.
Nora.
Slowly, the car made its way down the street and carefully maneuvered the smaller space to the left of Rae’s car and parked.
I was out of the truck, marching across the street, ready to pull Rae’s door open and just hold her in my arms for five minutes before I said a single, fucking word.
But Nora’s head popped up, and her blue eyes narrowed in a determined way that reminded me way too much of when Rae got pissed.
“She isn’t here.”
I stopped short, the air leaving my lungs in a rush. “What?”
I edged closer, so I could hear her better.
Clicking her tongue with clear annoyance, she exhaled. “She isn’t with me. She boarded a plane in Portland, and we parted ways there. I headed home, and she headed…somewhere else.”
No, she wouldn’t do it again. Not to the town, not to her parents.
Not to me.
I forced myself to form the words burning in my head. “Where did she go?”
“Colorado, I think.” Nora leaned in to grab a bag and then slammed her car door shut. “Look, she just wanted a little more time away to clear her head. She wasn’t ready to potentially run into you. Which, given you’re already standing here, was a good call on her part.”
“I just need to talk to her.”
I tried defending why I was waiting here, clearly stalking her premises, but I was starting to forget why it mattered. I loved Rae, I wanted her back, and I’d do whatever it took to get her.
“Well, that’s dandy, but she broke a bit when you called her pathetic—all of her.
Past her, current her…you stomped all over all the pieces she hid from the world, all the things she hated about herself.
You lit it all on fire, and now you think there’s still something left?
” She huffed, shaking her head while walking to her front door. “I wish I had your confidence.”
I wasn’t confident. I was desperate.
“I know that I messed up. I know I don’t deserve another chance, and now I realize why she broke it off the first time with me, but it isn’t over. I don’t care how long it takes her to realize that, but it’s not. If she chooses to leave again this time, I’ll chase her.”
Nora watched me with an expression like someone who was watching a rabid animal, but I didn’t care. I walked back to my truck and decided it was time to get home and start believing I had a chance to win her back.