14. Grayson
Chapter 14
Grayson
I flip onto my back and scrub my hands over my face. Turning my head, I look at the time on the clock beside my bed. 2:35 am. I’ve been tossing and turning for the past two hours.
I’m happy Carlee agreed to spend the night, but I’m struggling to understand her reasons for not sharing a bed. Hopefully, in time, she’ll at least give it a go. I don’t care if she’s a bed hog, I’ll hug the corner of the damn mattress if it means I get to have her by my side.
She’s so close, yet so far…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful she’s here, and I’ll get to see her before I head to work. But there lies my conundrum ladies and gentlemen… that’s fucking hours away.
I want her here beside me, and in my arms right now.
Christ, when did I become such a needy bitch?
I roll over onto my side, punching my pillow a few times in frustration. This is the worst kind of torture.
Sitting up, I throw back the sheets and climb out of bed. I grab a pair of sweats from my drawer and slip them on. I need a drink of water, or maybe a straight scotch, more importantly, I’m hoping I’ll run into her on my travels.
Switching on the light by the staircase, I head down to the second floor. As I round the corner to take the stairs to the bottom level, I notice the light coming from under the door where Carlee is. Is she having trouble sleeping too?
Abandoning my quest for a drink, I creep toward her room. She chose the one down the very end of the hallway, although the previous ones she looked at were almost identical. Was it because it’s the one furthest from me?
I lightly rap my knuckle on the door. “Carlee, are you awake?”
When I don’t get an answer, I cautiously turn the handle, peeping my head inside. My heart clenches in my chest as soon as I see her. She reminds me of a doll, so small and fragile… so easily broken. The polar opposite of the tough exterior she wears when she’s awake.
She’s curled up in a tight ball toward the edge of the bed. She’s not a bedhog. Then why won’t she sleep next to me?
It’s messing with my head.
I understand when someone doesn’t want to stay over after a one-night stand. Nobody enjoys the awkwardness that’s associated with those early morning wake-ups beside a stranger. But that’s not us. The first night we spent together, maybe, but we’ve moved past the fuck-buddy stage. I’d like to think what we have is a little more long-lasting, and far more profound.
Without even realizing it, I move further into the room, coming to a stop beside the bed.
I’m drawn to her.
As I take her in, all the air gushes from my lungs, forcing me to inhale sharply. She’s a damn thief, always stealing my breath .
The sheets are pooled around her tiny waist, and I smile when I see she’s wearing my T-shirt. Her long lashes are resting against her velvety soft cheeks. My eyes flicker to those thirteen freckles that dot her perfect little nose, and her full lips that are slightly parted. I’m tempted to lean down and kiss them. I gently sweep back the few strands of long, blonde hair that have fallen across her face. She’s so dang sweet.
I’m at a loss as to why anyone would want to harm Carlee; I have this deep-seated need inside to shelter her. I’m well aware of the fierce infatuation I seem to have developed, but the depths of possessiveness I feel toward her is alarming. A tight feeling settles in my chest as the truth becomes clear… I’m falling in love with her.
This is a first for me.
The realization hits me full force, sending a shot of terror through me. What if she never reciprocates those feelings?
Again, my feet seem to have a mind of their own as I move around to the other side of the bed, peel back the covers, and climb in behind her. If she’s doing this because she’s scared to take us to the next level, she needn’t be, I’ve got her. I’m pretty sure I’m leaps and fucking bounds ahead, I can only pray one day she eventually catches up.
I scoot toward the middle of the mattress and slide my arm around her waist, gently pulling her body toward mine. Her back’s now flush with my chest. She’s in such a sound sleep, she doesn’t even flinch.
I will my heart rate to slow. I need to just live in the moment and appreciate the here and now. I bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent, and a calmness settles over me.
This is how I want to wake up every day for the rest of my life, with her in my arms and our bodies meshed together. My eyelids drift close as the exhaustion takes over. This was all I needed… her by my side.
When I wake, I’m going to hook her leg over my hip and slide deep inside her, slow and lazy as my fingertips circle her clit. I want that special kind of sex with Carlee, the one that’s specifically made for early mornings.
I’m jolted from a deep sleep when a sharp elbow comes into contact with my ribs. I groan from the pain, and my eyes spring open when the body beside me starts to thrash around.
“Let me go.” I know it’s Carlee, but her voice sounds different… childlike , almost terrified. “ Please, please let me go .”
Instantly, I do what she asks, lifting my arm to release her, and in a flash, she shoots off the bed. She’s lightning quick, but one of her legs is still tangled in the sheets, causing her to fall forward onto the floor with a loud thud. What the fuck?
Whimpering, she rights herself immediately, scurrying toward the door on her hands and knees.
Tossing back the covers, I rush in her direction to make sure she’s okay. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins as I lean forward and encircle my arms around her waist.
The tortured cry that escapes her sounds like a wounded animal. “No, no, no!” she screams.
Seeing her in this state breaks my heart. My lips part in an attempt to pacify her, but before the words are out of my mouth, she’s violently throwing her head back, colliding with my forehead and the bridge of my nose. Her elbow is next, striking me in the side of the head. I swear I’m seeing stars.
“Jesus, fuck, Carlee.” Releasing her, I drop to my knees, placing my hand under my nose to catch the dripping blood.
Her body freezes for a moment before she spins around to face me. I raise my right arm, ready to block her next strike.
“Grayson?” she shrieks. Who in the hell did she think it was? “Oh my God, Grayson.” She leaps toward me with such ferocity, the collision sends me backward onto my ass. Her petite arms wrap around my middle, clinging on for dear life. “I didn’t know it was you.” She buries her face in my chest and starts to sob uncontrollably, causing her entire body to convulse.
“Shit, babe,” I say, sliding my free arm around her and pulling her in tight. “It’s okay.”
“I thought you were him.”
“Him?”
“Bobby.”
“Who the fuck is Bobby?”
She sniffles before answering. “I… never mind, I don’t want to talk about it.”
I sit up straighter. “Who’s Bobby, Carlee?” She may not want to talk about it, but I do. She just whipped my ass; I deserve to know why. And if she tells me there’s someone else, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“He… he’s nobody. Just someone from my past. An old boyfriend of my mom’s.”
For a moment none of this makes sense, and then it dawns on me. The realization of what’s really going on here sends shock waves through my entire body… like ice running through my veins.
Releasing the pressure on my nose, I wrap my other arm around her. Fuck the blood, she’s more important.
“Did he hurt you?” I already know the answer, but I have to ask.
She nods her head and internally I see red. I’m still trying to process what her piece of shit mother did to her and now I have this to deal with too. How many other people in her life have betrayed her? A lump rises to my throat… my heart bleeds for this poor sweet girl and the horrors she’s had to endure.
There were tough times after my father passed, but I was always loved and protected, my mother made sure of that. It was still hard for a kid who once had everything, to be suddenly thrust into the real world. To a place where we had to fend for ourselves, hoping that at the end of each day, we’d come out in one piece.
In the beginning, I remember being jealous that Ashton still had both his parents and an endless amount of money to burn. Now I feel like a selfish prick for feeling that way. It pales in comparison to anything Carlee had to face growing up.
Shifting her off my lap, I stand, then bend to scoop her up. Her arms wrap around my neck and she rests her cheek against my chest as I walk us into the bathroom.
Carlee’s eyes finally meet mine when I place her down on her feet. “Oh my gosh, you’re bleeding,” she says, her eyes widening to saucers. “I hurt you.” Fresh tears rise to her eyes.
I lean into the shower stall, turning on the faucet. “In my defense, my girlfriend’s got ninja skills,” I reply, shrugging it off like it’s not a big deal. I’m more concerned about her .
She comes to stand beside me, a washcloth in hand. Getting up on the tip of her toes, Carlee gently places it under my nose as she peppers tiny kisses all over my face.
“I’m so sorry.” I can see the anguish in her eyes, and it kills me. A bleeding nose is nothing compared to what she’s been through, and I don’t even know the details yet.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I state, placing my lips on her forehead. And she doesn’t. She told me she didn’t like sharing a bed, and I should’ve respected that. I’ve messed up badly, I only hope she can forgive me.
I reach for the hem of the T-shirt she’s wearing. “Lift up.”
She raises her hands in the air, and I gently drag the shirt over her head, tossing it on the floor. Crouching, I slide her panties down her legs and she steps out of them. I remove my sweats and reach for her hand leading us under the hot spray.
When I drape my arms around Carlee’s shoulders, she scoots closer, hugging my waist. “Talk to me, sweetheart.” She vigorously shakes her head. “Please.”
“I can’t,” she whispers.
“Yes, you can.”
Her sad pleading eyes move up to mine. “You don’t understand.”
“Help me understand.”
“I don’t want you to look at me differently.”
I cup her sweet face in my hands. “Nothing you can say will ever make me stop caring about you.” My statement has her inhaling a sharp breath as she tightens her hold. Whatever this guy did to her is bad, I can feel her body trembling beneath my hands. “I’ve got you,” I whisper.
I feel like scum for pushing her to stay over tonight, thinking her issues involved me… or our relationship. Wh at a self-centered asshole I am. I deserved every blow I just took from Carlee.
I hold her in my arms for the longest time, running my hand soothingly down her back, giving her a moment to collect herself. “Is he the reason you can’t share a bed?”
“Yes.”
“How old were you when this happened?”
Diverting her gaze away from me, she whispers, “Thirteen,” but she doesn’t give me any more than that. I can see the shame in her eyes, and it tears me up inside.
“What did he do to you?” I don’t want the dirty details; I just need to know how far this went.
She clenches her eyes shut and I can see the pain on her face as she more than likely relives that moment in her mind.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Don’t shut me out, sweetheart.”
“Please Grayson…”
“I need to know, Carlee, did he force himself on you?” She nods her head again and my body tenses, making her alarmed eyes snap back to me.
I hope my reaction doesn’t make her think this will change things between us, because nothing she could say would make me feel any different. If anything, it would make me love and admire her more. This woman has been to hell and back, and I’m in awe of her strength.
Lifting my hand, I skim my knuckle down the side of her face, trying to ease her concern. Inside though, I feel like I’m about to pop a damn artery. Never in my life have I felt this kind of rage. Murder is not something I’ve ever thought about. Taking another life seems unfathomable to me, but if this guy were in front of me right now, he’d one hundred percent be leaving in a body bag. I’d tear him limb from limb and have zero regrets .
“Sunshine,” I whisper as I place my lips against her forehead because I don’t know what else to say. Sorry doesn’t seem like a strong enough word. “Did you tell your mom what happened?”
I brace myself for her answer. “Yes,” she whispers, and the sadness I hear in her voice tears at my heart.
“And what did she do?”
“She kicked me out.”
I have no words for that… not a goddamn one .