15. Carlee
Chapter 15
Carlee
(13 years old)
“Morning,” Roxy says when I exit my bedroom, heading toward the kitchen area. I pause doing a double take. Not only is it rare to get a greeting from her, but it’s even scarcer to see her up so early.
“Morning,” I reply, eyeing her suspiciously as she sits at the table nursing a cup of coffee.
Today must be a good day. They’re usually few and far between, but in the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a change in her. There’s a new guy on the scene of course, and she likes this one because she’s been on her best behavior ever since he came into the picture.
It’s nice to see her happy for a change but to be honest, I’m not a fan of this Bobby guy. He’s nice-looking, I guess, for an older dude. I can see why my mother is attracted to him. He has charisma, a kind of charm that seems to draw you in, but thankfully, I can see straight through him.
Roxy’s endless stream of creepy men over the years has been a huge learning curve for me. He seems to be treating her well, and he drives a flashy car. But there’s something about him that makes my skin crawl. Maybe it’s his leering eyes or the not-so-subtle glances that come my way. I don’t think Roxy notices, but the way he looks at me sometimes gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Last week, for instance, I was bending over to get something out of the fridge. I was unaware that he was behind me until I heard him groan. When I glanced over my shoulder, his eyes were glued to my ass and the pervert was licking his lips.
I’m willing to put all of that aside though, as long as he keeps his hands to himself. It’s a small price to pay to get this version of my mom.
“What are your plans for the day?” Roxy asks, surprising me. She doesn’t usually care what I do, as long as I’m not in her way.
I shrug. “I was going to help out at the gym.”
I’m still there on a daily basis. Reece even pays me now. I’ve learned enough over the past two years that I’m able to teach a few classes. It’s usually just the little ninja class, but I enjoy it. Sometimes I even fill in at reception when Michelle is on her break or running errands.
“Hmm,” she says. “I’m not sure if I like you spending so much time there.”
“I like it.”
“Something just seems off, is all,” she says, reaching across the table to place her hand on top of mine. Again, not the norm, but I’ll take any affection I can get from her at this stage. “He’s a grown-ass man, what would he want a kid hanging around all the time for? I don’t trust him.”
“Reece is only twenty-three, and he’s good to me.”
“You’re what, ten… eleven? It’s wrong.”
“I’m thirteen,” I say, rolling my eyes. My own mother doesn’t even know how old I am.
“Exactly. ”
“Roxy, it’s not like that. I help out around the gym and he pays me.”
“He gives you money?”
“A little,” I say, shrugging. I shouldn’t have told her that part. I have some saved, it’s stashed under my mattress where she can’t find it, but most of what I earn goes on groceries and occasionally clothes. “Where do you think all the food comes from?”
“And what does he expect in return?” I notice she ignores the comment about the food.
“Nothing like that. I told you, I help out and he pays me. Don’t try to make this into something it’s not. He’s never once did or said anything inappropriate toward me. He’s a nice guy.”
Unlike your new gentleman friend.
“Are you in love with him?”
“What?” I screech. “Eww, gross. Of course not.” She may get on her back in exchange for money, drugs, or booze, but I have more self-respect than that.
“Fine. Whatever,” she replies, waving her hand around as she stands. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She needn’t worry about Reece. She should be more concerned about the losers she brings home.
Placing her coffee cup in the sink, she turns back to face me. “You want to do something together today?”
“What?”
“You know, hang out.”
“You want to hang out with… me?” I ask, stunned.
“Sure, why not. Isn’t that what mothers and daughters do?”
Yes, but not this mother-and-daughter duo. “Okay… sure,” I say hesitantly.
“Good. I’m going to jump in the shower.”
“Okay. ”
To say I’m surprised by her offer would be an understatement, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about the prospect of spending quality time with my mom. It’s a rarity. I remember when I was about eight years old, she tried to get me to have a drink with her. She said she hated doing it alone. I’d never tasted alcohol before, and I didn’t like it one bit. How she consumes that stuff daily is beyond me. She got mad and screamed at me when I spat it out. It was the first and last time she asked me to be her drinking buddy.
Standing, I turn to head back to my room to get changed when I hear a car pull up outside. I move the dusty, ratty curtain aside and see Bobby’s car parked out front. Great. There goes our mother-and-daughter bonding session. There’s no way she’s going to want to hang around me now that he’s here.
He exits the car, so I turn quickly, heading for my room, but he’s calling out, “Knock, Knock,” before I make it. Blowing out a puff of air, I spin around to let him in.
“Carlee, hi,” he says the moment I answer the door. His hungry eyes scan the length of my body before coming back to my face. I have an overwhelming compulsion to pull my T-shirt down further, even though I’m wearing sleep shorts underneath.
“Umm… hi.”
“Is your mom home?”
“Yeah, she’s in the shower,” I say, moving aside to let him in. “You can come in and wait if you like.” He steps forward and I intake a sharp breath as his arm brushes over my breasts when he passes. Ugh, he’s such a creep . Retreating a few steps, I turn intending to leave. “She shouldn’t be long.”
Reaching out, he grabs hold of my arm. “Where are you going? ”
“To my room,” I answer.
“Stay. You can make me a cup of coffee while I wait. It’ll give us a chance to get to know each other better. You’re not around much when I’m here.”
Because you make my skin crawl.
“I, umm…”
Closing the distance between us, he drapes his arm around my shoulder, holding on tight. “Come on,” he says, giving me a disarming smile. “I don’t bite, and I could go a cup of coffee right now.”
Ducking out from under his arm, I skip ahead. I’ll make him his damn coffee, but he better not put his hands on me again.
He takes a seat at the table as I move toward the cupboards. I hope he likes instant because that’s all we have.
My back is to him, but I can still feel his leering eyes on me. “How do you have it?” I ask, reaching up for a mug.
My body freezes when he steps up behind me, pushing his chest into my back. “Here, let me help you with that,” he whispers, his lips ghosting over my ear as his hand comes to rest on my hip. I shudder, and not in a good way.
“What the fuck?”
Bobby immediately steps back when we hear Roxy’s high-pitched voice. When I look over my shoulder, she’s scowling, draped only in a towel.
“It’s not what you think,” Bobby says defensively, holding his hands up in front of him. He’s full of shit. There was nothing innocent about what he just did.
Roxy’s eyes dart between the pair of us before finally settling on me. When her eyes narrow my heart drops. Oh crap . Looks like I’m going to take the fallout for her sleazebag boyfriend’s actions.
She reaches for my arm and yanks me forward. I glance over at Bobby and he just stands there watching the carnage unfold. If he was closer, I swear I’d kick him in the nuts. This is all his fault.
“Do you want to explain what the hell that was?” Roxy seethes, getting up in my face.
“It… it was nothing. I was just making him a coffee, I swear.”
“A coffee? Are you serious? Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” Her grip on my arm tightens and I know it’s going to leave a bruise.
“I’m telling the truth. I didn’t do anything. He came up behind me when I was reaching for the mug.”
“Roxy,” Bobby finally speaks. “She’s right, it was nothing.”
Her angry gaze moves from him to me, I don’t think she believes either of us.
“Get out of my damn sight,” she sneers, letting go of my arm and shoving me toward my bedroom.
Gladly.
Weeks pass, but unfortunately, Bobby’s still on the scene. He’s not from around here. My mom told me he travels a lot with work, so we only see him when he’s in town. I’m grateful for that. I just need to bide my time. Roxy will run him off sooner or later. It’s what she does best. And when that day comes, I’ll silently rejoice because I won’t have to deal with him anymore.
I’ve tried to avoid him at all costs. If Bobby comes over, I usually jump out my bedroom window and head to Reece’s so I don’t have to be around him. I don’t trust him as far as I can kick him, and it’s safer for me if I stay away. I’ve never seen my mom so taken with a man before, and I should be happy for her, but if he’s going to come onto her kid the moment her back is turned, God only knows what he gets up to when he’s traveling.
I’m sitting on my bed doing my homework when there’s a knock on my door. I suck at school, but I work extra hard to keep my grades up. To be honest, nobody gives a shit if I go to classes or not, but I do. A decent education is my only ticket out of here. If I ever want to get a job and away from this hellhole, I need to graduate.
“Yeah.”
The door opens and Roxy pops her head in. “I’m getting ready to leave. Bobby’s in town and he’s taking me out tonight,” she says, bouncing on her feet. I force out a smile because I can see how excited she is. It’s nice to see this side of her I just wish it wasn’t because of him.
“Cool.”
She clutches the beer bottle in her hand, hugging it to her chest. “I think he’s the one, baby girl.” Baby girl? That’s a first. “I’ve never felt like this before. I think I’m in love.” Her eyes are all dreamy like and it makes me want to puke. It’s weird to see her so smitten over a guy, and that thought fills me with dread.
“I’m happy for you both,” I say, but the lie tastes bitter in my mouth. I don’t know what I’ll do if she ends up marrying this creep.
She glances over her shoulder when a car door closes in the distance. “Oh my God, he’s here,” she shrieks .
“Knock, knock,” I hear him call out, the sound of his voice makes me cringe.
“Come in,” she says, turning and heading toward the front door. “I’ll just grab my purse.”
Rising from my bed, I go to shut my bedroom door. There’s no way I’m going out there to say hello.
I jump back with a start when a hand comes out to stop me from closing it all the way. “Hey, Carlee,” Bobby says, coming into view.
“Umm… hi.” I force out another smile.
“I bought you dinner,” he says, surprising me by holding up a takeout bag. “Since I’m taking your mom out, I thought I’d get you something to eat.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting that.
“Call it a peace offering. I want to apologize for what happened the last time I saw you. I was out of line.” Yes, you were. “I shouldn’t have done what I did… I’m sorry I got you in trouble with your mom. It was all my fault.” I blink a few times because I’m too shocked for words. “Here,” he says, pushing the bag toward me. “There’s a burger and fries inside. I got you a soda too.”
“Umm, thanks.” I take them, it beats the tin of SpaghettiOs I planned on heating up for dinner. If he thinks he can bribe me with food though, he’s got another thing coming.
“I hope we can put the past behind us and move forward, Carlee. I like your mom, so it would be great if we could be friends.” I guess I could try to get along with him for Roxy’s sake. But friends? That’s a hard no from me . “What do you say, truce?” He extends his hand toward me.
I pause for a second before tucking the soda into the crook of my elbow. I’m skeptical of everything this man says. Is this a trick? Is he trying to lure me into a trap? Despite my reservations, I take his hand in mine and shake it briefly.
Placing the food and the soda on the floor beside my mattress, I wait for them to leave. Only when they’re gone, do I reach for the bag. Regardless of what he just said, can I trust him not to tamper with my food?
I unwrap the burger and inspect every inch of it before bringing it to my nose to sniff it. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but it appears and smells just fine. I’m being ridiculous . He said he likes my mom. He wouldn’t poison me if he did, would he? I slowly bring it to my mouth and take a hesitant bite.
“Mmm,” I groan as the delicious taste of meat and cheese floods my tastebuds. God, I love burgers . Reece is a vegan; he’s all about a healthy body and mind, so he doesn’t let me eat fast food often. I can’t fault him for that, but burgers should be a staple in all American households. I wonder if they come in a can?
I demolish it in seconds and then tackle the fries. When I’m done, I bundle up the trash and place it back in the bag before reaching for the drink.
I’m both full and satisfied as I take a large gulp of soda, followed closely by another. I overreacted earlier and a small part of me feels bad now. Bobby did a nice thing for me tonight and I should’ve been more grateful. As long as he keeps his hands and eyes to himself, maybe we can get along.
I take another large drink before leaning forward to place it down on the floor, beside my mattress, but I’m suddenly feeling light-headed and dizzy. My heart rate starts to accelerate as my body flops forward, causing the drink to slip from my hand and spill all over the carpet… my face follows suit and the coolness of the ice and liquid against my heated skin is the last thing I remember before everything goes black.
I wake with a start when I hear someone groan the word, “Shit,” as they scramble off my bed. It’s followed by, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
My eyes fly open to an image that will no doubt haunt me forever. Beside my bed is a bent over naked man. The sight of his bare ass and hairy ball sacks hanging down between his legs makes me gag. Literally.
My body is consumed with fear as I lie there motionlessly watching the man, who I now realize is, Bobby, scoop up his underwear, black slacks, and the white dress shirt he was wearing last night, off the floor. I hear the buckle of his belt jingle as he scrunches his clothes into a ball, shoving them under his arm. He takes a few steps toward my bedroom door, before pausing and running his free hand through his dark hair. He glances over his shoulder as his gaze frantically scans the room before finally landing on me.
“Carlee!” There’s panic lining his voice when he notices I’m awake, watching him with what I’m sure are large, horrified eyes .
“W-what,” I choke out, struggling to form words. My mind is scrambled as a million questions filter through it.
What’s going on?
Why is he naked?
Why was he lying beside me without any clothes on?
What the hell is he doing in my room period?
His gaze leaves my face, slowly dropping down to my chest, my eyes follow his movement and that’s when I realize I’m not wearing a top. My arms fly up to cover my small breasts. I may only be thirteen, but I’ve developed enough that I’m now wearing a bra.
I’ve never gone to bed without clothes on. It’s a rule I don’t break. I’m always prepared to flee. I’ve learned over the years that things can go south pretty quickly around here.
My heart is thundering against my rib cage as I hesitantly lift the blanket that’s pooled around my waist, peering underneath. Something isn’t right here, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around any of it.
When I comprehend my underwear and sleep shorts are missing too, I gasp. I shift toward the edge of the mattress, and further away from him, feeling the burning ache between my thighs as I do. When I notice the small patch of red that’s illuminating my pale pink sheets, I immediately file the image away in that shitty little box in my head, the place where all the bad things get locked away because I just can’t deal with it.
Bile rises to the back of my throat.
Throwing back the blankets in a moment of panic, I clamber out of bed and somehow manage to stand. “What did you do to me?” I cry out through a sob as I swing around to face him. “Answer me, goddammit.”
The heavy pain that’s now settled in my chest intensifies. My breathing is labored. Bobby just stands there, gawking like he doesn’t understand my reaction. His disgusting, perverted eyes move down, coasting over my entire torso, and I see his dick start to harden. My body folds over and I’m suddenly struggling to get air into my lungs.
I feel faint.
Shit, am I going to die?
Please, please, please let this be a bad dream.
My forearm flies up to cover my boobs, and my other hand moves down to rest against the junction between my thighs. “What did you do to me, you sick fuck?” I scream.
The door to my bedroom suddenly flies open, making both me and Bobby jump. Roxy stumbles in, obviously still under the influence of whatever she consumed last night.
“What’s with all the racket?” she asks over a yawn, rubbing the heel of her palms into her eye sockets. “I’m trying to sleep.” Her hair is sticking up all over the place and the smudged remnants of last night’s eye makeup make her look like a panda bear.
I hold my breath as I await the tornado that’s about to be let loose. She notices Bobby first, and he quickly pulls the wad of clothes that is stuffed under his arm, down over his junk. Her eyes widen as she takes him in before shifting her attention back to me.
“What the fuck is going on here?” she asks, her scrutiny moving between the two of us.
I’d like an answer to that question too. “I don’t know,” I whisper, my voice cracking as I speak.
“You don’t know? You don’t fucking know!? You’re locked away in a room with my man and you’re both naked, and you don’t fucking know?” Her face goes bright red; she’s on the verge of a full meltdown. To be honest, I feel like I’m about to lose my shit too .
“Babe,” Bobby says, stretching his free arm in her direction as he takes a step forward. “It’s not what you think.”
My mom may be blonde, but she’s not dumb. Any idiot can see what’s going on here.
She bats his hand away. “Don’t touch me,” she snaps, giving me a small dash of hope. For once in her life is she going to do the right thing and take my side?
Tears of gratitude rise to my eyes. “Mom,” I say, even though she hates me calling her that, but it’s what I need in this moment. A protector. A confidant. A parent . Someone who’ll have my back. I’ve needed her many times over the years, but nothing like I do right now. “I think he drugged me. I think he… he did something to me.” My words come out choked as tears stream down my face. Reality has truly set in. My chin flickers toward the bed. “I wasn’t wearing any clothes when I woke, and there’s… there’s blood on the sheets.”
“She’s lying,” Bobby says, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to lunge at him. But the thought of touching him makes me want to puke.
Removing the hand from between my legs, I bend down and throw back the blanket to reveal the evidence. While I’m down there, I scoop up my discarded clothes from beside the mattress, the ones I was wearing before I passed out.
The room falls silent for the briefest moment, but it feels like an eternity. I think we’re both waiting to see which way Roxy is going to go.
Please, please, please let it be with me.
I watch as her own tears start to fall, and it hurts me to see her cry. She wipes her hands under her eyes before she turns to face me. It all happens in a split second; she’s on me and I don’t have a chance to react .
“You fucking little whore,” she screams, fisting a handful of my hair and tugging hard. “I want you out of this house, you hear me? I don’t want to see your lying face ever again.”
It takes a few minutes, but I manage to free myself from her grip, bolting toward my bedroom door. I come to an abrupt halt when I near Bobby, noticing that cocky smirk on his face. He thinks he’s won, that he’s gotten away with what he’s done, but one day I’ll make him pay for everything he stole from me.
My arm draws back before surging forward. The heel of my palm connects with his nose, hard. Just like Reece taught me. My spirit and heart may be broken, but when I see blood dripping over his mouth and down his chin, I can’t help but smile.
Take that you motherfucker!
My mind and body have completely shut down by the time I arrive at the gym. Reece’s place is a few miles away from the trailer park. I vaguely remember slipping into my sleepwear on the front porch, sans underwear, before fleeing my home. I’m grateful I was together enough to do that, but there are no shoes on my feet.
I heard Roxy and Bobby arguing in my bedroom, but I didn’t stick around to see the outcome. There was no need. She’s already picked her side.
I don’t even recall how I got here. All I know is I’m breathless and hanging by a thread when I barrel through the front doors. Thankfully, the gym opens early so the masses can do their fitness classes before going to work.
“Reece,” I yell, darting my head around the large space. “Reece!”
I probably look and sound like a crazy person, but my mind isn’t right. When I fled, my feet automatically led me here. I have nowhere else to go. I’m homeless, I don’t want to live on the streets. But I can’t ask Reece to take me in; he’s already done so much for me. Yet, here I am. This is my safe place. Somewhere I can exist without fear.
The group of people doing the circuit training toward the back of the room pauses, and all heads swing in my direction. My eyes are frantically scanning the area, looking for the man I came here to see. Where is he?
“Carlee.” I jump when he suddenly appears by my side. “Jesus, what happened to you?” He places his hands on my shoulders, bending so his eyes are level with mine. Confusion mars his face. “Carlee,” he says again, shaking me slightly. “Talk to me, what’s going on?”
Tears rise to my eyes, but the words won’t come out. I shake my head as a small sob escapes. I can’t tell him what happened; I’m so ashamed.
What if he doesn’t believe me either?
“Did Roxy do something?”
I try to gulp in some air, but a weird sound comes out instead. When I don’t answer, he takes a step back and runs his hands through his hair, his gaze taking me in from head to toe. I wrap my arms around my middle, dipping my head. I’m afraid if I look him in the eyes he’ll see the truth.
He crouches down in front of me, his worried gaze staring up at my face. “Sweetheart,” he says in a gentle voice. “Are you okay? ”
I nod, even though I’m anything but.
His eyes roam over me again, and I can see the wheels turning behind them. He’s always been incredibly perceptive. Can he tell I’ve been violated just by looking at me? Do people appear different once they’ve lost their virginity, even if it was stolen from them without their consent?
“You don’t look okay. Even your feet are bleeding. Where are your shoes?”
I look down; I’m so numb inside I didn’t even realize they were cut up. “Roxy kicked me out,” I whisper. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
He stands to full height and wraps me in his big strong arms. “I’m sorry,” he says as his hand soothingly strokes my back. “I don’t know what happened, but she doesn’t deserve you. You did the right thing by coming here, and you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”
Those words open the floodgates and I break down, sobbing into his chest.
“Shh,” he says, gently rubbing my back. “I’m not sure what happened to you kid, but I hope when you’re ready you’ll tell me.”
I nod my head because I don’t know what else to say.
Stepping back, I frantically wipe the tears from my face, because nobody likes a crybaby. Inhaling a few deep breaths, I stand taller. I need to show my strength, even though I feel like I’m dying inside.
“You don’t deserve the shit this life has dealt you, don’t ever doubt that. It’s okay to cut toxic family out of your life, Carlee. Blood isn’t thicker than peace of mind.” His hand softly glides over my hair as he speaks, and I rapidly blink my eyes, fighting back the tears that threaten to return. “Everything is going to be okay. I’ll take care of you, kid, I promise. ”
Nobody has ever been this kind to me, and I’m so grateful I finally have someone in my corner.
He’s the first person to ever truly want me around .