Chapter 21
Bubble Beards and Obnoxious Engaged People
Ben
“Ben! Come on! They just dropped another video!” my mum calls to me. I’m in the kitchen doing supper dishes, and she’s in the bathroom overseeing Henry’s bath.
“Awesome,” I say with absolutely no enthusiasm whatsoever. I scrub the kitchen table with unnecessary vigor, given the fact that it’s only got a few crumbs on it, while muttering to myself, “Dropped another video. Oh, yay. Can’t wait to see Dominic pawing his fiancée again.”
“Hurry up!” she yells. “They’re on a carriage ride through Central Park. It’s totally lit!”
‘Dropped a video,’ ‘totally lit’—these are not phrases a person my mum’s age should be saying. It’s so cringe. But now that I think about it, maybe I’m too old to be saying cringe. I am over thirty, which means my best years are pretty much behind me.
Blech, those are the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my brain since the ‘shop incident’ (that’s what I’m calling it to try to take the overwhelming feeling of desperation out of it).
That was four nights ago and I am still a hot mess.
A grumpy hot mess, at that. I’m barely sleeping because every time I close my eyes, I’m right back there with Vivian in my arms and we’re making out like I’m about to go off to war and we’ll never see each other again.
So I’ve been lying awake watching stupid videos on my phone until I nod off and my phone slips out of my hand.
More often than not, it hits me on the face and wakes me up, then I have to start over.
But anything is better than letting my mind wander back to what happened between us.
“Dad! Come on!” Henry calls.
I take the dish towel off my shoulder and slap it on the counter, then stalk down the hall, doing my best to put on my calm, happy face by the time I get to the bathroom.
Henry is in the tub (which is far too full of bubbles for my liking).
It’s as if my mother thinks organic, fragrance-free bubble bath grows on trees.
Oh, I guess technically it does because the ingredients are all from plants.
But the point is, it’s damned expensive.
My mum is sitting on a stool next to the tub with her phone ready to go. “Finally! Hurry up, you!”
“Let’s see what the happy couple is up to now,” I say with a wide grin which I’m sure is making me look like the Joker.
Mum narrows her eyes at me, then presses play. Henry dips his chin in the water to make a bubble beard, then strokes it with his fingers and thumb while he watches his uncle make a fool of himself on international television. Or YouTube, I guess.
I almost throw up when I see the title of the video: Cheesiest but Most Romantic Date of My Life.
Barf.
And there they are, dressed in matchy-matchy clothing, perfect for a cool fall day in Manhattan.
They’re cuddled under a blanket in a horse-drawn carriage, sipping hot cocoas while they pass under a bright red canopy of leaves.
Vivian looks incredible, by the way. Insanely hot.
My temperature spikes just seeing her as she smiles at my brother, who right now is making a big fuss about how he’s never seen a real autumn day before.
“What a bunch of BS,” I murmur. “He’s freaking seen fall before.”
My mum shushes me and Henry swivels his head in my direction so quickly his beard drops into the water. I glance at him, then turn my gaze back to the screen and fold my arms.
Dominic takes Vivian’s hand and brushes his lips on her knuckles, and that ridiculous ring of hers nearly gouges him in the eye.
Honestly, which one of them picked that out?
It’s way too much, which is definitely a sign that she and I aren’t meant to be.
Any woman who needs a million-carat pink diamond is not the right one for me.
First of all, I’d never be able to afford her. And second, just … no.
And now, he’s nuzzling her neck and talking about how good she smells, and she’s saying it’s the new perfume he bought her. Words pop up on the screen: Perfume link below.
“Okay, let’s shut it off,” I say, not wanting to see another second of it.
“Why?” Mum asks.
“Because I’m not sure how appropriate it is for my son to be watching his uncle gnaw on his fiancée’s neck!”
“He’s not gnawing!” mum says.
“Sure looks like it to me. Shut it off.”
Henry gives me a confused look. “It’s no big deal, Dad. I’ve seen much worse.”
I’m instantly angry, wondering what the hell he’s seen in his five short years. “Oh yeah? What have you seen?”
“Remember that show with all the naked ladies and the fire?”
My mother gasps and my face immediately heats up as I search my memory for what he might have seen. Then it hits me. “Dom and I were watching Clash of Crowns one night when he woke up. I’d never actually show him something like that.”
“I should hope not,” Mum says.
The video ends, and a commercial starts up. I smile inwardly because I managed to avoid watching the entire thing, which means I’ll have at least thirty seconds less torture to scrub from my brain. “Okay, come on, buddy. Time to get out of the bath. It’s getting late.”
“But Dad, Grandma and I haven’t even done our speed boat races yet!” Henry says, quickly sliding to the toy basket that’s suctioned to the wall and digging around for his two wind-up speed boats.
“There’s no time,” I tell him, a voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m being an ass and I’m going to regret it later. “Besides, there are way too many bubbles. Your boats will get stuck.”
My mum glares up at me. “What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I mutter. “I’m fine, but it’s a school night, which means Henry can’t goof around in the tub watching inappropriate videos and racing boats until all hours.”
“It’s not even seven p.m.!” she says.
“Please, Dad? One race. We’ve got lots of p.m.’s left before I have to go to sleep.”
Okay, that was adorable, but I’m too annoyed to enjoy it. “Fine, but then you better hustle to get your jammies on.”
I spin on my heel and walk out of the room, pissed off at the world and dreading the conversation I’m about to have to have with my mother later.
I go directly to the front entry and open Henry’s backpack to check for any paperwork he may have forgotten to give me.
“There’s probably a ten-page essay due tomorrow on how my parents’ love inspires me or something equally stupid. ”
Nothing in there. Good. Because I’m not in the mood for permission slips right now. I scan the room for something to do, noticing Henry’s Legos strewn all over the floor in front of the couch. “Oh, that’ll feel real nice when I step on them.”
I grab the bucket we store them in, then crouch down and start the irritating task of picking up the tiny pieces.
Down the hall, I hear the water draining, and my mum is singing “Octopus’s Garden” by The Beatles.
She used to sing it to us when we’d have baths, and I sigh, calming down while a sense of shame creeps over me.
I’m taking my frustration out on my family, which is something I promised myself I’d never do. I’m going to have to apologize to Henry for being grumpy, and to my mother for being grumpy and critical. My phone rings just as I hear Henry’s wet feet slapping down the hall to his bedroom.
Dominic’s name pops up on the screen, and I take a deep breath and smile before I answer it. Do not be pissy with your brother who loves you. It’s not his fault you fell in love with his fiancée. “Hey, Dom! How’s New York?”
“So great! I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to come here. I mean, seriously, Ben, this is the place for me!”
“Really?” I ask, my heart sinking.
“Yes, it’s the most exciting place on Earth, I’m sure of it.
It’s non-stop. Viv and I are having the best time—she’s a blast. Seriously, you should get to know her better because she’s an incredible woman.
So smart and thoughtful. And her apartment is to die for!
The view! Oh my God, I’ll send you a picture.
And the furnishings—it’s cozy and sophisticated and airy and bright all at the same time.
I am going to love living here after we’re married. ”
“That’s … awesome. Totally.”
“Have you had a chance to watch any of our videos?”
“Yup,” I say, my voice cracking with the effort it’s taking not to sound upset. “Every one so far.” But only because our mother is making me.
“Oh, I’m so glad. What do you think? Is it too much? I’m worried it’s too much and people are going to think something’s up. I’m trying to kiss her lots and nuzzle her neck, but I hope people won’t find it sickeningly sweet, you know?”
Oh, yeah, I know. And yes, it’s sickening. “I’m sure you’re fine.”
“Good! Say, can I talk to Henry for a minute? I wanted to catch him before bed time. I miss my little buddy like crazy.”
“Sure thing,” I say, walking down the hall with my phone. When I get to Henry’s room, he’s jumping on his bed in his undies while my mum claps out a beat for him.
“Come on,” I murmur. “No jumping on the bed, Henry,” I say in a firm tone. “You too, Grandma.”
Before he can protest, I hold the phone up. “Someone wants to talk with you.”
Henry’s face lights up and he scrambles down off the bed and snatches the phone out of my hand.
I turn and walk out of the room, not wanting to hear another word from my brother about how fabulous New York is or about him nuzzling her neck.
I grab a beer out of the fridge and crack it open, then stand against the counter and stare out the window at the ocean.
There’s a sailboat floating by in the distance, and I wish I was on it.
Somewhere with no internet and no memories of her.
Somewhere I could totally forget about Ms. Vivian Whitlock forever.
Oh my God, I sound like an overly dramatic wanker.
I let out a long sigh, knowing I can’t go anywhere. My only option is to shut off the connection from my heart to my brain so I can ignore the pain of knowing that I’ve met the woman of my dreams, only my brother is counting on her to make his dreams come true.
New goal: Figure out how to shut off all emotions and become a robot by the time they get back.
It’s my only hope.