Chapter 16
16
RAINN
I push my plate away. Lobster coming back up is disgusting. Ask me how I know. And right now, my stomach is planning a major revolt.
Belinda knows my mom. Joy and Hal know my mom. And they probably know why she left. How am I just now finding out about this? My dad’s words have been on repeat, playing low in the background but never gone. Your mom partied herself right into rehab.
“My dad told me,” I say to Joy, pretending it doesn’t matter. Pretending that Mac isn’t staring at me because this is another thing I kept from him. I swallow the bile in my throat.
“No offense, dear, but I don’t much trust your dad.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Mama Gladdie shakes her head.
Fair. I nod, bracing myself. Your mom would rather get high than be with her kids. He didn’t use those exact words. But it was implied.
Mac’s hand finds mine and some of my tension eases. I still can’t look at him. Or the pity on his face.
“Bel brought your mom to see us. It was right after she dropped you off. We were in Missouri at the time, taking care of…business. Your mom was barely holding it together.”
I force the words out. “Drugged up?”
Hal and Joy exchange looks. Again. “Not that we could tell. I honestly don’t think she was using.”
I snort at that. “You don’t need to protect her. She’s been gone for over ten years.”
“She might have self-medicated some. But not to the point that it was a problem, at least as far as we knew. Bel was talking to us again at that point. When your dad wasn’t around.”
My eyes sting, and I just want to be done with this conversation. “They why did Mom have to go to rehab?”
Another exchanged look. Hal lets out a frustrated huff. “Is that what your dad told you?”
“Are you saying it isn’t true?” I ask, and before they can answer, I add, “Then where the hell has she been for the last ten fucking years?”
Joy smiles knowingly, and I want to yell at her. Stop being so nice. Stop trying to spare my feelings. “I don’t know, dear. But I can promise she didn’t go to rehab that night.”
“How can you be so sure?” Mac’s voice is calm. The complete opposite of mine.
“Because she needed a ride. And Bel couldn’t—anyway, they asked Joy and me to drive your mom to the hospital.”
My eyes darted up to his. “The hospital? Was she sick?” I hadn’t even considered that. And I can’t even say the words to follow up. “Did she— Is she?—”
“Oh no, dear. We’re pretty sure she’s alive.”
The calming sound of waves in the background clashes with the storm inside me.
“Pretty sure? What does that mean?” I ball my hands in my lap so I don’t hit anything. But that isn’t me. I’m not forceful. I’m more ineffective than that. I worry about things and never fix them. Mac squeezes my leg, and I understand his reminder that Hal and Joy are trying to help.
“I think we would have heard. Belinda—someone would have said something if she’d passed away.”
“I don’t understand,” I say way too loudly. Several patrons glare at me before turning back to their food.
“Dragging this out isn’t helping.” Mac glares at the Martins, and I get the impression that if he could, he’d stand in front of me. I don’t need his protection, but it’s sweet. “Why did she go to the hospital?”
Joy smiles sadly, the sudden tears in her eyes threatening to fall. Hal sits straighter, mimicking Mac’s move. And for a second, I almost laugh. Mac hates fighting. Conflict of any kind. And Hal is a big sweetheart. But this feels like the start of the WWE Royal Rumble . I swear Stone Cold Steve Austin will bust through at any moment.
“Joy? Please tell me.”
She nods and lifts her trembling hand. “Bel wouldn’t tell us why she needed to go to the hospital. And Liv wasn’t saying much. But your mom was so sad. And she didn’t want to talk about it. We stayed until she was settled. When we went back the next day to check on her…” Her voice breaks and tears fall. Hal hands her a napkin.
“She was gone. They couldn’t tell us if she’d been discharged or moved to another facility. One of the nurses said either was a possibility. They just couldn’t tell us which one. To protect Liv’s privacy.”
“Did my dad know where she was?”
Joy sighs. “I don’t think so. We didn’t say anything, and I doubt Bel said anything.”
“Did you hear from her again? Or hear what happened to her?” It feels like they’re holding something back.
“I’m sorry, dear.” She pats my hand and darts a glance at Hal. “Bel shut us out again after that. We reached out to our…contact a month later and learned she still hadn’t picked you up. I honestly thought she was getting herself together, but…”
She doesn’t need to finish. I know the ending. I lived the ending. Olivia Danica Jaine never returned for her children. She just fucked off to who knows where. And no matter what Joy says, I can’t help worrying that if she died, no one would know.
When we return to their house, we try to be social. But I can’t stop thinking about my mom. Joy turns on the TV, and we watch a mindless reality show for a bit before Hal turns it to the news. The headlines catch my attention: Lutianan Royal Wedding Canceled. Is Jasella devastated? Or was it her idea? Citizens of Lutiana weigh in.
Cher was right. Another fairy tale bites the dust.
Mac makes our excuses and drags me to our room. I feel heavy. Like my body weighs a million pounds.
That night, we don’t use the blankets. Tomorrow we will go home. And we’ll have a week until we return to school. A week of sleeping alone. Of not getting to touch Mac. The questions are in his eyes. What are we going to do now? Are you okay? I want to put off answering them as long as possible. “Can I kiss you?”
He grins, his dark eyes dancing with mischief. “What do you think?”
Tonight, our kisses are different. Slow. Sweet. Comforting. I push away my worries about Mom and whether Dad purposefully lied to me and focus on Mac. We continue the no touching below the waist rule, but it’s not easy. My orgasm builds as we jack off together. But I slow down so I can watch his face as he comes. Mac collapses on the bed in a boneless heap and then pushes my face away. “Perve.”
“You’re beautiful.”
He rolls his eyes but smiles. “Your turn.”
I’ve deflated some. My focus had been on Mac. Now, with his eyes on me, it doesn’t take long to get hard again.
“I never thought watching a guy jack off was sexy before. But you’re gorgeous. And knowing I’m part of the reason…”
“It’s all you, Mac. Your dark eyes watching me. Your scent. Sweat and a hint of cedar. And when you tell me what to do—fuck.” My hand flies over my cock. My eyes are on Mac and his eyes are on me.
“You like that, huh?” he asks seductively. “If I told you to stop? Would you?”
“Sadistic fucker.”
He chuckles. “Answer the question, Rainn.”
Shit. I’m so close. “Yes. I’d…” My breaths are shaky as I try to keep control. “I’d stop.”
“I could watch you all day.”
“Mac, please.” My voice is nothing more than a whine.
He places his hand flat on my abdomen. The wedding band is visible on his ring finger. “Pretend my hand is stroking you, Rainn. Cover me with your cum.”
My balls tighten and I groan as his words and the pressure of his hand tip me over. Streaks of my cum are all over his hand and arm. And my stomach. He grins and claims me in a passionate kiss.
Once we’re cleaned up and snuggling, Mac finally asks the question. “Are you okay?”
I pull him closer, not wanting to waste a moment of having him in my arms. This can’t last, but I’m going to enjoy it while it does.
“About today? Not sure.” I want to be as honest as I can. “Everyone lied to us. Mom. Dad. Probably Zye’s dad. Not just then, which is understandable. We were kids. But it’s been ten fucking years, Mac. Why keep lying to us?”
Mac snuggles into my chest, and I kiss the top of his head. This is the Mac no one gets to see. No one but me. “Are you going to tell Zye?”
“Yes.” I sigh. “He deserves to know. But I want to wait.”
He pulls back to look at me. “For what?”
I don’t realize I’ve made the decision until that moment. “I’m going to find Mom.”