Chapter 17
17
MAC
I miss the nights with Rainn the most.
We’ve been home for almost a week and have barely seen each other during that time. My mom has been clingy, wanting me home. And Rainn’s dad has been more of an asshole than usual. A good reason to stay away.
So when Rainn texts me to see if I want to go with him to the grocery store to get some things for his stepmom, I jump at the chance.
I’ve been waiting for only a few minutes when I catch sight of him. Relief floods through me as I jump in his Bronco. His eyes have dark circles under them and his hair isn’t in his usual style. But when his eyes meet mine, his face lights up. Maybe because I’m grinning like crazy. I worried things might be awkward between us, but seeing him again sets everything right. “Hiya.”
“Hey, Mac. Thanks for helping me out.”
“Sure. You owe me now.”
This is a thing we do sometimes. Keep score. Not because our relationship is transactional but because, for me, at least, it binds us. It implies there’s always more. I suspect Rainn does it for the same reason since people have a way of disappearing on him. Messing with his head. Something I would never do.
The dimple on his cheek pops out and his eyes drop to my mouth. “Just tell me when to pay up.” His low voice reminds me again that it’s been two long days.
We get to the grocery store and realize our mistake.
“Hello, boys. It’s good to see you home.” My happiness at hanging out with Rainn vanishes. Right. It’s Wednesday. Not just any Wednesday…it’s coupon day. We’re likely to run into the entire town. This ten-minute trip will turn into hours if we let it. We nod to our old boss. Rainn and I worked at the grocery store as teens. Before I started working at my uncle’s farm.
We tackle Belinda’s list, and it doesn’t take long to get everything she needs.
But there’s a long line at the checkout. And only one cashier, so we might be here a while.
“How?” Rainn grabs a magazine off the rack and stares at the picture on the cover. And then at me as if I have the answers.
I shrug. “No clue.”
He flips through it, stops, and jabs at the picture. “How did this happen, Mac? Is it even real?”
I care about a lot of things. Zye’s assistant isn’t one of them. Is it interesting that Isaac is apparently dating—or not, depending on which magazine you look through—a European prince? Heck yeah. Do I have any idea what’s going on or even remotely care if it’s true? Heck no.
“How in the world should I know?” My voice gets louder than I intended, and the lady in front of us, an older woman from church, glares at us.
“You kiss your mother with that mouth, Eddie McVay?”
“Sorry, Mrs. Harland,” Rainn says, probably because he knows I’m not likely to apologize.
When she turns back around, he raises a brow at me.
“Gross,” I say in a low voice. “Why isn’t this line moving?”
“Coupon day, remember.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
I sigh. “Just call your brother.”
Rainn stiffens, and I resist the urge to wrap my arms around him. Two boys hugging and no sporting event in sight? What would Pastor Jacob say? “I can’t. It’s hard enough keeping this thing with Mom from him. I’ve barely talked to him over the last few weeks. I’m not calling him because of some made-up story.”
“Is it made up?” The picture of Isaac and his son Simon at the Lutianan palace with Prince Adrian looks real.
“Whose side are you on?”
I take the magazine from him and lean around him to put it in the shopping cart. He can stress-read it later. “I’m on your side, Doc. Always.” I squeeze his hip, shielding the action with my body and the cart. “And no amount of blankets can stop me.” My voice is low so only he can hear.
His quick intake of breath and the pink blush crawling up his neck are the reactions I’m going for. There is one other reaction, but I’m not getting caught looking at another man’s junk in C&R Market with half the church here.
Rainn bites his lip. “Maybe later you can tell me where it hurts.”
I stifle my groan. Not fair.
He turns back to the cart like he’s ready to move forward but instead leans back against me. Crap. How am I going to last the entire ten days in this town without touching him? Or kissing him? I shift so he can feel how he’s affecting me and then move away before I start humping him in the checkout lane. That might get the church ladies talking.
He laughs. “Karma is a bitch.” His grin and the matching amusement in his eyes are almost worth the discomfort. Again, using the cart to shield me, I adjust myself. His eyes darken.
“What are you going on about, Rainn Harding?” Mrs. Forlana asks, waving us forward in line with a shake of her head. I catch sight of Mrs. Harland leaving with her groceries in her cart. “I didn’t teach you English so you could butcher the language.”
“Carmel…I mean, caramel…is rich. I love caramel.” He smiles, and that dimple pops out. I almost roll my eyes.
“Well, there’s some right there.” She motions to the candy section, ignoring the line behind us. “Remember to share with Eddie.”
Mrs. Forlana smiles fondly at me and starts ringing up our purchases. I smile back. She was one of my favorite teachers. When Dad was drinking—and even years after he wasn’t—I’d had a rough time in school. Rainn still lived at his mom’s, and I felt like no one else cared.
Mrs. Forlana was my sixth-grade English teacher, and she’d sometimes let me sleep or catch up on other work during class. And whenever she’d walk by my desk, she’d slip me a piece of caramel candy from her stash. It always brightened my day. Back then, I wasn’t sure how she knew I needed it, but now I get it. It’s impossible to keep secrets in small towns. Likely everyone knew. My stomach twists with the familiar shame, but I shake it off. That was over ten years ago.
What about your secrets now?
I trip over my feet and fall against Rainn.
He grabs my arm. “You okay?” The warmth of his touch is like a balm soothing the old wounds. And a zap to my dick, bringing back my other problem.
I nod and duck my head, trying to hide my desire for my best friend. My gaze darts to Mrs. Forlana. Did she notice?
She hesitates only a second and resumes scanning our items and chatting away with Rainn about everything from the weather to her newest grandchild to how it’s such a shame the royal wedding got called off after all those years of planning.
Rainn can charm anyone, while I have an invisible do-not-bother-me sign hanging around my neck. Which works just fine for me.
I move to the front of the cart and load the groceries, noticing at the last minute that Rainn bought an entire bag of caramels, even though he doesn’t like them. Did he buy them because our teacher suggested it? It’s a very Rainn thing to do.
But when I glance up, he’s watching me with worry in his eyes, and I know.
Rainn bought those for me.
As we head for the exit, someone grabs my arm. I turn, ready to defend myself. Reflex. But it’s only Sally Jo. She knows I hate that. Rainn’s fingers are white as he grips the cart, but my ex-girlfriend doesn’t seem to notice. Or care.
“Hey, Sally Jo.”
“Mac. When did you get in town?” She throws her arms around me, but I don’t hug her back. Didn’t we already do this? Twice? “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
“Belinda’s waiting on her groceries,” Rainn says, his voice flat.
“Oh, hey, Rainn.” Her smile is as quick as it is fake. “Go ahead. I can give Mac a ride.”
“I bet,” he mutters, turning away but not leaving.
“What’s up, Sally Jo?” I raise a brow at her and put my hand on the cart, hoping my signal is clear.
She frowns but peps back up a second later. “The Cedar Ridge Annual Pool tournament is Friday.”
“As it is every year at this time. Hence, the annual in the name.”
I ignore Rainn and his grumpiness. Is he upset by the delay? Or jealous of Sally Jo? “We plan on being there.” I love playing pool, especially with Rainn. He never said he was going, but that doesn’t stop me from including him.
“You might want to rethink that.”
Customers glare as they walk around us to get to the exit. I’m ready to leave. But screaming at Sally Jo won’t make this go faster. “What the heck are you talking about?”
She darts a glance around and lowers her voice. Not suspicious at all. “Word on the street is that you and Rainn have been a little too chummy-chummy. Might help for you to be seen with someone more…female.”
Rainn steps closer. I put a hand on his chest to stop him and then remove it just as fast.
I sigh. This is just Sally Jo trying to start trouble. Rainn and I have been going to the pool tournament together since we were old enough to hold a cue stick. Absolutely no one would think it odd that we’re hanging out. “Listen, Sally Jo?—”
“In Vegas, Cher and Holly acted as if I wasn’t even there most of the time.” She juts her chin out. “So I heard some very interesting stuff. About you and Rainn. And a wedding.”
My heart seizes up. Oh, frickity frack. But I’ve had years of pretending everything’s okay, so I keep the panic from showing on my face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She smirks. “Save it. If you want your secrets to remain that way, you’ll take me to the pool tourney.” She kisses my cheek and waves her fingers at Rainn.
I stare after her. What just happened?
“You’re not going along with this, right?” Rainn asks, his face livid. I shrug, unsure how to fix it, and he storms off.
What if she tells someone about us getting married? And she might, just out of spite.
I want to reassure Rainn, but there’s no time. After unloading the groceries, we stay and help Belinda bake. Rainn and I have brainstormed how best to get information on his mom. His dad isn’t a possibility. That would be a disaster.
That leaves his stepmom.
“She already shut me down, remember?”
He asked Belinda this morning if she had any pictures of his mom, and she gave him a flat no. But we agreed we couldn’t give up. This might be our only chance.
We’re on one side of the island and his stepmom is on the other. Belinda is making macarons for the church bake sale. Interesting.
And we help. Okay, we sit and watch and occasionally taste test. And as always, we’re in charge of cleanup afterward.
My other job is to keep Rainn calm.
Without the sheriff, Belinda seems nice. Sweet. I’m not fooled, of course. Too many years of Mom putting up with Dad’s abuse. When I think of Hettie at Mama Gladdie’s because her mom wouldn’t stand up for her, it brings back the rage I’ve managed to stuff away all these years.
And I can’t help but think of Hal and Joy. How can you cut off your parents? Especially parents who aren’t awful or abusive. We only have their side, but I’ve been around Sheriff Harding long enough to believe their story. The man is a controlling jerkwad.
“My mom loved to sing while baking cookies,” Rainn says, and Belinda jerks, knocking the mixing spoon off the counter.
I hand her a new one and put the dirty one in the sink.
“Thank you, Mac.” She waves the spoon at Rainn. “Sorry. Go on.”
Rainn hesitates, and I touch my leg to his. Rainn has never been comfortable talking about his mom in front of his family. He clears his throat. “Zye and I would always frost them and make a huge mess.” He smiles to himself and shrugs a shoulder. “Mom never cared about that.”
His body tenses as he darts a glance at Belinda. She hates messes. Of any kind. But now I wonder if that’s more about the sheriff than her.
“Your mom was a good cook.”
“She was?”
That isn’t his question, and they both know it. But what will she admit to? “I knew your mom before—well, from church.” She laughs, but her face is blotchy. She looks almost…guilty.
Because she kept this from Rainn? Or kept everything from him. And does she know more? Rainn’s jaw tightens.
Belinda continues, seemingly oblivious, as she puts the finishing touches on the cookies and adds them to the baking sheet. “Liv and I were close. She loves to draw. Even her letters have doodles—” She stops abruptly, her eyes darting up, filled with something that looks a lot like guilt and…fear?
She turns and puts the baking sheet in the oven, her movements jerky. “Why don’t you boys go play video games or something while I clean up?”
Never mind that we’re twenty-five, not fifteen. Rainn opens his mouth, his eyes full of questions. I grab his arm.
“Come on, bro,” I say in my best dude voice. “I’ve been dying to play Fortnite .”
It takes a bit of tugging, but I’m able to get Rainn out of the kitchen.
“What the fuck was that?” he whispers when we reach the stairs.
I shake my head. “No idea. Come on.” Grabbing his hand, I pull him up the stairs and into his room. Not only so we can talk about this, but because I’ve been itching to get him alone for freaking days.
“Mac, what the fuck?”
“I don’t know, okay?”
He shakes his head and starts pacing the room. He stops right in front of me. “First off,” he says and then shakes his head again. “The thing about my mom writing letters was weird, right? It’s not just me?”
“It was weird,” I agree.
“My mom did love writing letters. She’d always write to our grandpa—her dad—and we would draw him pictures. I swear she wrote to him every day. And Mom would read his letters to us when he wrote back. Zye and I raced each other to the mailbox every morning.” His face falls, and he slumps down on the bed. “Until the letters stopped coming. Cancer.” He clasps his hands together, his face lost in grief. “And then she had no one to write to.”
I sit next to him and wrap an arm around him. He clings to me as if he’s afraid I’m going to leave him too. That will never happen, but I’m scared to say the words. He’s everything I ever wanted. But I don’t want to lose him as a friend.
“I don’t know why I’m upset. Grandpa died a long time ago.”
“It must have been hard for you guys,” I say as I rub his back and kiss his temple. “And hard on your mom.”
He stills in my arms. “Maybe. But it’s no excuse.”
I pull back to see his eyes. “Always on your side. Remember?”
He relaxes. “I remember.” His thumb traces my bottom lip, and that ache is back. Wanting more. As he leans in for a kiss, I rise up to meet him. I need this connection as much as he does. Instead of frantic or hurried, our kisses are slow. Achingly sweet.
“Rainn.” I grab his shirt and pull him closer.
His fingers tease the back of my neck. “I missed you.”
My heart and cock jump in response. I tell them both to stand down. “Same.”
He takes my hands and squeezes. The sadness is back in his eyes. I wait. This isn’t about us. “Ten years, Mac. Why didn’t she write to us?”
My heart breaks all over again for fifteen-year-old Rainn waiting for his mom to return. And for this man who loves with everything he has. “I don’t know—” I stop as the pieces fall into place. The guilt in Belinda’s eyes. Even her letters have doodles.
“Mac?” He tips my chin to catch my gaze.
“Maybe she did write to you.”
He scoffs. “It’s probably better that she didn’t. Dad always made a big deal about Zye’s letters. Read them aloud. And everyone laughed. He wanted to embarrass me. Keep me from writing him back. And it fucking worked.”
“Holy crap, Rainn. What if—” I glance away, not wanting to speculate in case I’m wrong.
“What? Just say it.”
“What if your dad reading the letters wasn’t about you. Or Zye. He knew Belinda and your mom were friends. What if it was a warning? One that didn’t work out the way he wanted.”
His brows squeeze together in confusion, and I get sidetracked by how cute he looks with his face scrunched up. Until his jaw tightens. “No. That’s crazy.” He scoots back and I miss the heat of his body. “You think Belinda and my mom were pen pals?”
“Maybe. She feels guilty about something. And when has she ever dismissed us to do the cleanup by herself? Never, Rainn. Never in all the time we’ve been friends.”
“You think she got letters from my mom and kept them?”
“I do. I think there’s something in those letters that she’s saving for a rainy day.” The words come to me, and I feel the truth in them. It all makes sense. I’ve seen the fight in Belinda’s eyes that she rarely acts on. She’s stronger than people give her credit for.
“We should look for them.” His voice hardens with purpose. A goal. I’ve seen that look in his eyes before. When he took the first part of his medical licensing exam last year. “Maybe it will lead us to Mom.”
Crud. This could end in disaster. “Rainn, are you sure that’s a good idea?”
He squints at me. “Figuring out where my mom is? Why she left? How is that a bad idea?”
“I’m worried if you read the letters…find her…things might never be the same.”
“It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”
I can’t stand to see you in pain. But I hold those words back. Just like I did when he told me he was marrying Cher. Instead, I told him I thought it was a bad idea and didn’t even say I told you so when it didn’t work out.
He can’t make the mistake of marrying a girl not right for him. At least not in the near future. Way to go, drunk me. Way to problem solve.
This is why I never drink. It makes you stupid.
And mean.
I need to make sure this all goes smoothly. The annulment. Getting back to being friends. Not destroying our friendship over confusing feelings and wanting to protect him. If things go sideways with his mom—and how can they not?—he’ll need someone to help pick up the pieces.
Rainn needs me now more than ever. I can’t let him down.