Chapter Thirteen
Aaron
Felix was taking Kayla to get boba tea yesterday evening when he popped a tire, which is why I’m on my way to the track field to get him from practice. His Charger is in the shop until seven, and he’s done in about ten minutes. I’ll take him to get it after dinner.
I like Kayla—seeing them together is extremely comforting.
She was also a great buffer between me and Benjamin at the track event two days ago.
I spent a lot of time sitting next to her, watching as Felix would come up to talk her ear off after she arrived, before he would disappear again.
They fit each other perfectly. Where Felix is a total spazz, she’s very calm and kind.
She seems to tame him well, which I’ve never seen someone achieve before. She balances him out. Kayla isn’t shy or quiet—she’s actually pretty funny—but she has a level head about most things. It comforts me, knowing she’ll be here for him when I’m away.
I swing my keys around my finger by the ring, the other hand in my pocket. The campus is eerie at this time. All the athletes are on the field, so the main campus is quiet and dead. Horror movie vibes. I pick up my pace a bit. Not scared, of course not—I just don’t want to be late.
I’m passing the front doors of the swimming annex, not far now from Felix, when I hear shuffling. Oh, fuck. Okay, I am scared. No one should be here!
It’s in my direct path—I have to walk past the annex.
I creep up to the edge of the wall, looking around the corner to the side of the building, the one that faces the field, to see what unholy thing I’ll have to run past in order to reach my baby brother.
The unholy thing is so disturbing that I think I might just take a fork to my eyeballs and yank them out so I never have to see it again.
Benjamin is in one of his little crop tops that rest just under his belly button and a pair of jeans.
He’s facing the wall of the annex, standing in between Drew's outstretched legs.
Drew leans against said wall and has one hand running up Benjamin's back, the other in his hair, pulling his head back and bending them so that Benjamin is forced to push his hips forward and straight into his own. Benjamin’s hands are on both sides of Drew's face, pulling him closer, tugging his upper body off of the wall whenever he begins to lean away from their kiss.
It looks like a battle of dominance. Like they can’t decide who’s going to lead the kiss, who should shove their tongue in the other's mouth.
Benjamin dips his fingers into Drew's black turtleneck, pulls at the brown hair at the nape of his neck, searching for more skin to touch, to grab.
He always does that—needs something to ground himself with.
Drew yanks his mouth away, pulling Benjamin's head to the side by his hair to kiss his neck. He licks a line from his shoulder to his ear and then whispers something to him, as if they’re in a crowded room.
“Please.” Benjamin pleads quietly and I cover my mouth to keep from gagging. Gagging on the nausea building, the betrayal and straight fucking agony burning in me. I want to walk away so badly. So fucking badly. But I can’t tear my eyes away and I don’t know why.
Drew puts a hand up the front of Benjamin's shirt, then down to run across his hip, stopping at the skin over his pelvis. Mine. That’s mine!
Please don’t touch there. I want to beg him.
I want to stare Drew in the eyes and beg him with everything in me, man to man, to please do not put your hands there.
If you must torture me, touch him somewhere else.
I’ll sit here quietly and watch if that’s what has to happen, if that’s what I deserve.
But watching Drew cover my touch, rub away every time I’ve pushed my hand into that exact same spot and obsessed over fully having Benjamin in a way I thought no one else ever would—I might die.
I could feel it when I touched the soft skin, how connected we’d be. How once I’m buried that deep inside of Benjamin's warmth, we’d never be able to survive without each other again. One body would crave the other—his body would be a needed nutrient to mine and mine to his.
And now Drew has his hand there, fingers dancing back and forth, touching his hips and lingering in between.
They’re panting, and I watch as Drew puts his head under Benjamin's shirt. A moment or two later Benjamin’s head falls back, eyes closed.
He whines softly, hands clasping on both sides of Drew’s neck.
There’s barely a single inch of them that isn’t touching.
Pressed so tightly you’d think they’re trying to fuse together.
Benjamin’s lips are red and puffy, his face flushed.
I can’t see his eyes clearly from here, but I know they're wide and watering. They always do that. His body jolts randomly, a soft groan leaving him when he does, most likely from whatever Drew is doing under his shirt. Benjamin stares up at the sky, head still tilted back. He breathes heavily, body and voice still reacting to Drew’s every move.
But he looks…. thoughtful. Like he’s taking in the sky and considering it.
Drew pulls his head out from Benjamin's shirt, hair skewed and lips red. He grabs Benjamin's face and stares down at him. This time when he speaks, I can hear him.
“Rav, every inch of you burns me up. My life has never been so bright since you’ve come into it.
” I can’t make out what Benjamin's eyes are saying—he’s too far.
But I think they widen and there's a moment where they stare at each other, panting.
Drew runs his fingertips along Benjamin's collarbone, then his lips. “I’m burning up so badly I could just die.”
Benjamin whines softly, pushing his hips into Drew’s and my body finally lets me move. I spin around and run. As fast as I can, I run to my truck. What the fuck. What the fuck. With all of this pain and confusion there is one thing that I know for sure: Benjamin lied to me.
I get into the front seat of my truck, and I cry.
◆◆◆
May is notoriously busy. Graduation month and all. But experiencing it firsthand fucking sucks. In between school events, photo shoots my mom insists on, finals, and trying to soak in the last of my time in Lancaster, I can’t even breathe.
I’ve spent the past two months spread too thin, and trying to balance spending as much time as I can with Felix without having to watch Drew and Benjamin make sex eyes at each other.
It’s mostly working. I haven’t seen much of Benjamin lately, which is extremely sad and so relieving. I went bowling with Felix yesterday after class since Benjamin was out, and it was really nice to get him alone for a bit.
Now it’s back to slaving away. Sitting on my bed surrounded by calculus notes as if I didn’t just spend all fucking day in boring lectures. Graduation genuinely cannot get here quick enough.
There’s some commotion downstairs, but I don’t pay it any mind. Felix is out with Kayla and I’m assuming Benjamin is out with Drew. It must be my mom in the kitchen—there’s a knock at my bedroom door. Ah, she’s come upstairs. It must have been an important commotion.
Still staring at the notes I’m writing, I yell, “Come in.” The door opens and she shuffles in, stopping a few feet away from my bed.
“I’m just doing some homework. I don’t know where the boys are.
If you want I can—” My voice slowly fades out as I stare up at Benjamin.
He’s flushed red as if he ran here, which would explain the noise.
He’s wearing a shirt that is about three sizes too big and falls all the way to his upper thighs.
I can just barely make out the seam of a pair of soft lounge shorts. Like he just woke up from a nap.
He’s fidgeting, nervously looking around the room and biting his lower lip. I notice how he’s kept the door wide open. I think of the annex, of Drew's head in his shirt, of the sounds of his whines.
“Did you need something?” I ask. My voice is neutral, as if it doesn’t matter to me either way if he’s standing in front of me or not. Then, as if he was holding it in this whole time, one of those breathtaking sun smiles slowly breaks out across his face.
God, he’s so beautiful, so radiant that I can’t even stay mad. I can’t hate him, even if he lied. Even if he ignores me. Even if Drew touches him. I can't help but start to smile back.
“What is it?” I prompt him again and he slowly brings out a letter he’d been holding behind his back. It’s shaking in his hands as he trembles. My mouth feels so dry. “What is that?”
“I bumped into Amber when I was out. She had gotten hers. So, I came home and yours was in the mailbox.” He blushes, looking down at the envelope. “Sorry for going through the mail. I just know your parents are out right now because their cars are gone and Feli—”
“It’s fine.” I rush, staring at him like he’s not real. Like he came in on a unicorn and told me we were flying to the city in the sky.
“I know you’ve been waiting, so…”
“So, you dropped what you were doing and ran straight here?” He nods. What I really want to ask is if he was with Drew, but I don’t. I know he was.
“An envelope isn’t always a no.” He says sternly, looking me in the eyes with something other than hatred or sorrow for the first time in a long time. Support. Determination.
“Okay.” I jump up quickly. “Okay.” Putting my hands on my hips I pace the length of the room. We graduate in a week. Amber and I had honestly given up hope on our top choice. We’d heard nothing from the University of Arizona since the day we applied. But I want it—I want to go so fucking bad.
“Aaron?”
“Sorry, Button. I don’t think I can open that.” His eyes follow me as I pace. “I think I’ll pass out. Maybe I can open it tomorrow. Or maybe we can wait until gradu—”
“Aaron.” Benjamin's voice is stern once again, his eyes so clear and gentle when I stop pacing to look at him. “Do you want me to open it?”