Chapter Thirteen #2
I stare at him, debating. Do I? It would be easier, wouldn’t it? There’s no way I’m going to, at least not today. I can’t even take it from his hand let alone rip it open. But I need to know. I need to accept somewhere else if UA rejects me.
“Okay.” My voice is small as he slowly and carefully opens the seal on the envelope, hands shaking.
He pulls out a single paper—not good—and reads a few lines before closing his eyes and drawing in a huge breath.
Then, he opens them, looking straight into my eyes as he blows it out. I can’t read him. He’s expressionless.
“Well,” he says, folding the letter and putting it back into the envelope. “Felix is going to be so upset.” My brow furrows. Felix? What?
“Huh?” Another one of those sun smiles—two in one day—breaks out across his face as he looks at me, envelope at his side.
“Three hours is a long drive for us to make every weekend. He’s going to ask for gas money; I just know it.”
There's about thirty full seconds of me staring at him like an idiot, too scared to be hopeful, to take what he’s saying as what I hope it is. Finally, he rolls his eyes and walks up to me, holding out the envelope.
“You’re accepted, dumbass.” My whole fucking heart drops and a breath I didn’t know I was holding rushes out of me. My shoulders slump, tension leaving every part of my body. I lean back slightly, resting my ass against the edge of my desk. I don’t open the letter—I still can’t even look.
“Wait,” my gaze shoots to his. “Amber?” He grins, nodding quickly.
I laugh, one that tells the room I can’t believe what’s happening right now.
The hand that’s not holding the letter pulls at my hair softly, making sure I’m awake.
I’m so out of it I don’t even notice that Benjamin is standing right in front of me, and I’m only in a pair of sweats.
“We… Everyone is really proud of you, Aaron.” Benjamin says. I can see it in his eyes. The pride, the affection, the longing. It’s right there, intertwined with the resentment and the pain. It’s so hard to look into his eyes—so hard to see what I’ve done.
“Thank you.” He watches me, awkwardly pulling at his own fingers, shirt smacking against his thighs where they bounce with his nerves.
“I…” He stops.
“You?” I wait. I’ll give him hours if it means he’ll keep talking to me, keep acknowledging I exist. He’s frustrated now—I can tell. Finally, like a child throwing a tantrum, he stomps one foot and then walks straight up to where I’m leaning.
I’m still taller than him in this position too, so he pushes between my legs, wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes me roughly. I nearly choke on my own spit, I’m so surprised. I probably would have if his death grip wasn’t cutting off my air flow. He eases up a little bit.
Am I allowed to hug him back? Can I touch him? Is this a new brand of torture I didn’t know about?
“Can I—”
“Just this once.” One arm snugly around his waist and the other on the back of his head, I have him pressed so firmly against me I don’t think a single drop of water could slide through.
I bury my face as far into his neck as I can manage and breathe him in deeply.
I will take what I can get like the pitiful creature I am.
Does he know I operate off of his commands? Does he care?
Benjamin sighs softly, like there is something super heavy he’s been carrying and I’ve just taken it from him, releasing him of that burden.
He smells of citrus and sweat and something else that’s new to me.
Some type of wood, maybe? I take the hand from his hair and feel the nape of his neck.
I know it’s gone—it’s been so long now. But I need to feel it.
I have to make myself see that he’s not my Button anymore.
Only, when I drag my fingers across him, I find two raised areas of skin. Smoother than the rest, tiny crescent moon shapes, diagonal from each other. He shivers. No way…
“Some are scarred.” He says against my collarbone. A fire ignites inside of my chest and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. The only thing keeping my dick from getting hard is knowing he’d pull away if it did.
“I’m sorry.” Benjamin chuckles, the sound vibrating throughout my entire body like a symphony conducted just for me.
“You don’t mean that.” When I say nothing, he shrugs against me. “I don’t mind them.”
I press him tighter against me, my hand cupping the back of his neck, right over where a part of me will never leave him.
No matter where I go, I will remain with him.
The arm around his waist wraps all the way around to his hip, my fingers resting on his hip bone.
I run my fingertips across it softly, as much as I can reach from this position.
I try to memorize the feeling, to not think of Drew doing the same thing.
Benjamin’s breath catches but he doesn’t move.
“Have… have I left them anywhere else?” I ask and after a moment he nods.
“In Cameron’s house. When you, uh, when you finished you bit my thigh.
” I nod, flushing at the memory. Good times.
“That one was a bit more… intense.” He laughs a little, his lips dragging on my skin as he talks.
“I had to wear a bandage for a hot minute.
That one is scarred too, but it's pretty much the full thing. Your bite mark, I mean.”
“Can I see?” I fully expect him to say no, yet he pulls away just enough to lift his shirt and prop a leg on the desk. Midway up his thigh is a bite mark. It’s pale, barely darker than the rest of his skin, but if it was red, it’d look as if I just did it.
My eyes widen, lips parted in shock and awe.
“You look beautiful.” I breathe, running a finger over the mark. Only then do I realize I didn’t ask first. I rip my hand away. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I—” I meet his gaze and he’s smiling at me, shaking his head gently. “What?”
“Nothing.” He puts his leg back on the ground and takes a step back. “Congrats Aaron, truly. I’m going to get back now, but I’m sure your parents will be thrilled. And you should call Amber.” He heads to the door. “Bye, Aaron.” He doesn’t look back.
The moment is over—back to the real world.
◆◆◆
Graduation day. Everyone’s running around screaming, I’m the center of everything, and I can’t have a moment to myself.
When we finally got to the school, I realize the only time I’ve had away from my loving family was at the rehearsal this morning.
Dad parks the car in the visitor’s lot across the street and guides Mom over to the student parking in front of the school.
I turn my bike off, placing my helmet on the seat.
“Do you leave it like that every day?” My mom asks, bewildered.
“There are cameras, Mom.”
“Jesus.” She mutters to herself. “Well anyway, I need to find your brother. He went and picked up Drew and Bear so he should be here already.”
“Drew and Benjamin?” I think she can see the panic in my eyes. She knows me too well. She kisses my cheek.
“It’s your day, Little Bird.” Ah, fuck. I need to find Amber. She’ll know what to say, how to fix this.
I find her hitting a vape by the auditorium—a final fuck you to the school, I guess.
“That bitch!” She yells when I tell her. “He doesn’t even have someone graduating, does he?”
“I don’t think so.” I lean against the wall next to her, keeping my eyes off the annex. “Did I tell you I caught them making out by the swimming annex a while back?” She gasps, turning toward me and smacking my bicep.
“You did not! Motherfucker. Okay, was it like kissing or making out?” She wiggles her brows and does the hand to mouth motion for a blow job.
“As in I thought Drew was going to eat him whole, and Benjamin wouldn’t stop whining and whimpering like he’s just now finding out what an orgasm is. I left before I could see clothes being removed.” Amber's staring at me in what I believe is a healthy mixture of anger, shock, and sympathy.
“I’m sorry, A.” I shrug. “So, he lied right? They’re totally dating.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I think it’s pretty obvious now.” She pulls me into a hug, and I breathe in her vanilla perfume. “Thanks for listening. Petty drama, I know.”
“Boy, I don’t care abou—oh no. Don’t turn around. Cutie Bear approaching.” She tries to hold my head forward, but I get loose, turning around and spotting my parents, Felix, and Benjamin. When they see us, the boys break off, sending the parents in for seats and then heading toward us.
Felix is wearing his khakis and a gray polo, like any self-respecting teenage boy who likes to dress like a frat guy.
Benjamin has on blush blue shorts that stop right above his knees, a gold belt that has a dainty chain to dangle down to mid-thigh.
He’s got on a plain white crewneck shirt tucked into the belt, and his shoes are casual sneakers.
He looks pretty. Even his hair is neatly arranged today, falling around him in its halo.
“Bub! Are you ready?” Felix asks, jumping into my arms. Benjamin gives Amber a hug.
“Not really.” I say with a nervous laugh.
“You’ll be fine. Once you're in front of people you don’t know how to not act like a conceited—stop pinching!” Amber lets go of his ear.
“No bullying Aaron on grad day—you know how sensitive he is.”
“Okay, that was bullying and you know it.” She smirks, shrugging her shoulders.
“Seriously though, you’ll be fine.” Felix is smiling up at me, so sweet and pure.
“I wish I could put you in my pocket and take you with me, Fe.” I tell him, grinning. His eyes tear up, his bottom lip trembling.
“Really?”
“Oh no,” Benjamin says, giving me wide, terrified eyes. “It’s started.” Felix drops his head onto Benjamin's shoulder and he yelps. “No! Fe, the shirt! The shirt!” Felix lifts his head, staring down at the wet patch staining the white cotton.
“Oops.” He winces at Benjamin's glare. “Bub, I love you, but I love myself more. I’m running. Bye!” Felix takes off, leaving Benjamin to glare after him.