22
JAKE
It's over Jake. I'm leaving. Don’t try to find or contact me.
I come back home to this note and an empty apartment. I feel numb as I sit down on the couch, my head between my hands. I cut my trip short and returned home early because Kiera wouldn't reply to my messages or calls.
She has also put in a request for extended leave citing sickness during pregnancy. Someone from the HR department contacted me about it. I was stunned because she had been telling me just the other day how much she enjoyed working.
Where did things go wrong?
I read the note again and again, willing it somehow to change. But the words remain the same. She's gone. She left me.
The only small consolation I have is that she hasn’t resigned yet. Which means I’ll see her again. Right?
The worst part is I've no idea where she is. I went by her old apartment looking for her, but she hasn't moved back in there. So, where is she? Is she okay?
I have half a mind to file a missing person report, but that's absolutely insane. Kiera is safe, she's just not talking to me.
I feel like I've opened the door to the past five years when she walked out of my life. Back then, though, I knew where I had gone wrong. What did I do this time?
Three or four days later, Bea tells me that she spoke to Kiera, and she sent in an updated document of the presentation she had been preparing for the office as we introduce the cutting-edge restoration technique.
The idea was to closely follow the results in the museum project and use it on a largescale or even outsource it other firms.
"How is she?" I ask.
Bea frowns. "As if you don't know."
When I remain silent, she says, "Did something happen between you guys? Everything was fine when you left."
"I don't know." I hate the way my voice breaks as I barely get the words out. "She's just gone, and she won't talk to me."
"Maybe I can talk to her for you," Bea suggests.
I shake my head. "You don't have to do that. Just stay in touch with her and ask her if she's okay."
Bea nods. "Okay, I'll do that."
After Bea is gone back to her desk, I can barely hold on to the sadness spilling out of me. I quickly rub my tears away and focus on the work at hand.
Before Bea leaves for the day, she peeks into my office again. "Jake, when are you leaving?"
"Soon," I lie. I've been sleeping on the couch in my office for the past few days. I can't bear to go back home.
"Are you sure? I know I'm probably not allowed to say stuff like this, but you kind of look terrible. Have you been sleeping at all?"
"I'm fine, Bea. You go home."
"Okay." She takes one last, long look at me before she leaves.
I walk up to the window and watch the city below me. No time has passed since I was twenty and watching my best friend walk out of my life, the person who meant the most in the world to me. The love of my life.
I could make peace with myself knowing what I did, but this time, it’s worse. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.
***
"Where have you been?" Henry asks. "We haven't seen you in ages."
"We thought you were dead or something," Chris says.
The loud music of the bar makes it impossible for me to hear anything unless they're practically screaming at my face. It's Friday night, and the place is jam packed. I don't care for a place like this but Henry has been leaving messages for me for the past month, and he even came by the office to see me. I couldn't keep avoiding them forever.
Chris suggested the bar only a few blocks away from my office. It was convenient, and I didn't have to think too much about it.
I take a long swig of the whiskey, finishing it in one go.
"You might want to slow down," Henry says, shooting me a skeptical look.
"Yeah, dude. Are you okay? I mean, you aren't dead, but you look close to it," Chris says, frowning. “We should get you a woman or two. Maybe that will perk you right up. I know it perks me up.”
My stomach rumbles, threatening to eject its contents. I can’t even think about other women.
"What's wrong with you?" Henry says. "Seriously, man, talk to us. You've been shutting us down for months now. What's going on with you?"
"Uh oh, is this about a girl?" Chris says. "You were pretty down after you broke with…what was that name of the girl you dated in college? Kiera?"
I look up at him sharply. Chris has a weird look on his face. “Oh, sorry, that was me. Yours was named Adeline.”
“Let’s not bring that up now. But this is way worse," Henry comments.
"There's something I haven't told you." There's no point hiding it from them anymore.
"What have you been hiding from us?" Chris says.
I frown. I don’t know how to place it, but something about it seems off.
"I was seeing Kiera," I say.
"You've got to be kidding me," Chris says. "When the hell did that happen?"
"In France," I say.
"That was months ago," Henry says, shaking his head before he seems to realize something. "Oh, my God, it all makes sense now."
"Wow, Kiera, huh? Never saw that coming," Chris says lightly.
I look at him. I had expected him to have a stronger reaction. Chris protests when his beer is even a degree warmer than he ordered it. And now, nothing?
Maybe I overestimated his feelings for Kiera. As far as I remember, he wasn’t too beaten up about their breakup.
"I wanted to tell you, but I knew that you would say it was a bad idea."
"Of course it was a bad idea," Henry says looking flabbergasted. "Look at you now."
"So, what happened?" Chris says. "Did she break your heart like she broke mine?"
"Dude, what the hell are you talking about?" Henry says. "You were the one who was cheating on her."
"Whatever, it's not about me," Chris says. "I thought we were talking about Jake."
"Right," Henry says, turning to me. "You said you guys were dating, so what happened? Did you guys break up?"
I shake my head. "I don't know what happened. I went abroad for a few days. I guess I was kind of busy, so I couldn’t really talk to her. And to add to a fucktastic cake, my phone was out of order. I guess she got mad. But I still don’t understand why she left without telling me.”
"Yeah, you told me that," Henry says. "You were with that ancient client of yours, right?"
"Yeah, Soledad," I say.
“But isn’t she like eighty-years-old?”
“Soledad is almost seventy.” She’s like this sweet motherly aunt who is also one of my richest clients. “I still don’t understand what happened. Well, my phone was acting all weird, so I couldn't talk to Kiera. But when I started to message her again, she wouldn't reply to me. And I came home early to find her and all her stuff gone. The worst part is I don't even know where she is right now."
"What do you mean, you don't know where she is? Doesn't she work for you," Henry says.
"Yes, but she's not coming into the office."
"Let me get this straight, she dumped you and ran away without telling you herself. And she continues to draw a handsome salary, all thanks to you?" Chris says, shaking his head. "Do you see what's happening here?"
"She's obviously taking advantage of you," Henry says. "I never thought she was that kind of a person, but then again, I never really knew her."
"She isn't, something is wrong. And I can't just abandon her," I say.
"Why not?" Henry asks.
The memory of her telling me that she's pregnant is too painful for me to relive it. Instead, I reach for another tumbler of whiskey.
"You really should slow down, dude," Henry says. "That's like your seventh drink."
"Let him," Chris says. "That girl obviously messed him up. He needs to get it out. I'll tell you what you need, Jake. You need to get a girl and fuck her till Kiera is out of your system. Rinse and repeat. Trust me, you won't even remember her name next week. The hotter, the better."
"That is the stupidest advice I've ever heard, Chris," Henry says. "This is Kiera, Jake. She was special."
Both of us look at Chris who shrugs. "You have my blessing, but she's gone.”
"Chris, just look at Jake."
"I am, and that's why I suggested it," Chris says. "Wake up, Jake. Kiera isn't here anymore. You're hurting, and she can't care less. Look around you, you have so many options."
A girl walks past our table.
"Just look at that one. You like blondes, don't you?" Chris says. I don't answer him or even look up at the girl. I don't care.
"Well, if you won't, I will." He slides off the booth and walks off, presumably after the girl.
"Unbelievable," Henry says, shaking his head.
As I reach for another whiskey shot, Henry stops me. "Jacob Bennett, you need to stop right now. This isn't like you at all."
"I just don't understand why she wouldn't talk to me," I say, my voice choking. "We were so happy together. I was planning to propose. I even got a ring in Spain."
"Jesus," Henry says. "You were only going out for two months."
"Kiera means so much more to me," I say.
"I know," Henry says. "I've always known. That's why I feared something bad would happen if she continued to be so close to you. Even back in college, you and her made more sense. I mean, you would get her gifts on Chris's behalf, and she fell in love with him because you taught him how to love her."
"But she hates me," I say. "I broke her trust once. That isn't something you come back from."
Henry shakes his head. "I don't think she's upset about what happened in college. That was a long time ago."
"You think something else happened?"
"Yes, don't you?" Henry says.
"I don't know," I say. "I can't figure out what it is. Maybe some more whiskey will help me clear my head."
"Said nobody ever."
"I can get more from the bar," I tell him.
"You're messed up right now," Henry says. "I need to take you home." He comes over to my side of the booth to help me out, but I shake him off.
In the corner of my eye, I see a blonde with long hair. Her hair spills down her back, and she's wearing a tight black dress. I can't see her face, but I know it's Kiera.
She's not alone. She's talking to a guy and leaning closer and closer.
Oh, hell no.
I beeline for Kiera, shoving people out of my way to get to her. I just know I need to get to her. "Kiera? Kiera?"
The man with her shoves at me. "What the hell are you doing? Get away from her."
Annoyance flares at me, and I grab his lapel, ready to charge.
"Jake? What the hell are you doing? Have you gone absolutely insane?" Henry says. “Get away from him this instant.”
My anger subsides, and my vision clears.
The girl turns around, her eyes wide, mouth open.
It's not Kiera at all.
"I'm sorry," I say, pushing the hair out of my face. "I thought you were someone else."
"You're crazy," she tells me before turning away.
Henry drags me away from them, and I let him. We leave the bar, and he only stops when we're out on the sidewalk.
"What did you think you were doing in there?" Henry says.
"I don't know," I say honestly.
“I’ll tell you what, you almost assaulted someone for no apparent reason.”
I look away.
"You need to clean up your act, dude." He walks to the edge of the sidewalk and calls me a taxi and ushers me inside.
He leans by the side of the door. "We're too old for this shit. You can't keep messing up like this because of a breakup. You need to clear your head and figure out a way to get through to Kiera. Getting into bar fights with randos is not going to help you."
"I know."
Henry's face softens. "I know what you're going through, man. I wish I could help; I really do. But this is something you have to work through by yourself."
As the cab pulls away, I take my phone out.
I gave up way too easily this time. I need to find out why she left, why she hasn’t contacted me ever since. This isn’t college. She’s pregnant with my child, and there’s no way she can shut the door on my face like that.
I call her. It connects, which means I’m not blocked anymore. My heart soars. She’s going to pick up.
But the phone rings for a few times only to go straight to voicemail.
For some reason, Chris's words have gotten under my skin. But it can't be possible. Kiera is not a diabolical person. She couldn't have possibly done this to get back at me.
And the look on her face when I was holding her in my arms couldn't be faked. There was love in her eyes for me. Even though she never said it back, there was no doubt in my mind that Kiera loved me.
Why, then, had she left me? Is this really her twisted way of getting back at me for what I did to her all those years ago? Was getting pregnant not part of the plan? Is that why she had left?
The questions are making me insane until, at some point, my head begins to pound. I've barely slept for more than two hours at a stretch at night.
I always wake up to a nightmare, and it's always the same thing—something horrible happening to her and the baby. And when I wake up in the cold and empty bed, the nightmares become just more real.
I need Kiera back in my life. Now I just need to figure out how to do that.