5. Dan
Chapter 5
Dan
Three months later, Saturday, September 1
Sharing a bed with my… She’s not my stepsister yet
My father raises his champagne glass at the end of his speech. “To Amabella, our children, and this beautiful family union we’re about to form.”
A sea of hands lifts their glasses. Here we are, the end of summer, back in the city to celebrate my father and Amabella’s engagement, right before my junior year of high school starts. The penthouse is filled with their closest friends and family. Thousands of dollars have been thrown into this party, with the finest catering and decorations. The press is even here, with journalists and photographers reporting on the hottest new couple in New York City.
The media says Amabella Hastings has turned bachelor Josh Blackwood into a changed man, leaving his hotel empire behind, the two of them now delving into their passion for philanthropy. She’s left her seating hostess job. Together, Dad and Amabella have founded a nonprofit called Forever Families.
The organization’s mission is to support and strengthen families in need with whatever help they require—domestic violence counseling, adoption, medical treatment, the list goes on. It’s an admirable venture, yet it pisses me off that my father is suddenly all about supporting other families when he’s been the most absent father my entire life.
What pisses me off more is that the Blackwoods are now the public face of Forever Families. We’re meant to be showcasing how strong and united our blended family is. It’s the biggest fucking joke I’ve ever heard. I’m expected to act like the perfect son and role model citizen, when I was never consulted about any of this. On top of all that, I spend most of my time with the biggest hard-on for Ally. Real great family we’ve got here.
“Let’s get a family photo,” a journalist calls out.
Biting down my distaste, I step up to Dad and Amabella, where Killian already has his arm around Amabella’s shoulders, the two of them laughing over something. Tyler stands alongside them with his girlfriend Harper, and Felix is saying something quiet to Dad. Ally joins last of all with a timid smile on her face, hating the public spotlight. She tacks onto the opposite side of the group from me, hiding herself behind Felix.
“Baby sis, you belong right in the middle.” Felix jabs her ribs. She jerks away from him, squealing and laughing, but he hooks an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. She caves and hugs Felix around the waist, smiling at the cameras and truly looking happy.
My brothers have all taken a strong liking toward Ally, in an innocent, brotherly way, as I should have. They like Amabella, too. The two girls are pretty much the only reason any of us can tolerate being around my father. None of us have a good relationship with him, but mine is the most damaged. I feel his judgment more than my brothers do, and I know it’s because of my mother’s death.
The marriage proposal happened in The Hamptons, and when we returned to the city a week ago, Amabella and Ally moved into the penthouse with us. It’s both the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Now, I have Ally with me constantly, sleeping in the bedroom next to mine. She’s already transformed the room into her own little sanctuary. I spend most of my time in there with her, watching her play the piano, taking piano lessons from her, laughing, talking. My God, she can talk, and about the most random shit. She’s not shy at all around me anymore and I love it.
Dad had quiet words with me and Killian, about how we now have two women living with us and need to act respectable by not bringing girls home. I wouldn’t want Ally to see me with another girl anyway. Now, I go to the girl’s home whenever I… need to get Ally out of my system.
It’s wrong. I shouldn’t think about Ally when I’m with another girl, but I do. She’s all I can think about. On the days I don’t have sex, I jerk off to the thought of Ally, how innocent she is and how I want to be the one to corrupt her.
As soon as our family photo has been taken, I make my escape out to the balcony with a glass of whiskey everyone assumes is cola, wanting to avoid any journalists. I rest my forearms on the railing, gazing out at the surrounding buildings all lit up in the night. Guests are mingling, but thankfully none of them seek me out.
“Thank you, son.” My shoulders clench at the sound of my father’s voice behind me. I don’t look his way as he joins me at the railing. “I want you to know how much I appreciate your acceptance of Amabella and Ally into this family, and how you’ve befriended Ally. I really hope we can all be a strong family together.”
For fuck’s sake. He’s been absent my entire life, and now he wants to be a family? I intend to treat Amabella as family. But my dad can get fucked.
I sip my drink, turning away from my father and dismissing him with my back.
“What car do you have your eye on?”
I glance over my shoulder at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I told you I’d buy you a car if you cooperated with me.”
Right, the car. I’d forgotten all about that arrangement since the first moment I saw Ally. I could play along, pretending the car is the whole reason I’ve put so much effort into getting to know Ally and her mother. Maybe it’s the safest bet, to ensure my father doesn’t catch on to how much I want to fuck Ally.
But cashing in on this deal feels wrong when Ally means far more to me than a car. I’m attached to her, more than I thought possible. The first time I saw her, I was admittedly taken by her looks. Yes, my thoughts are in the gutter about her every day, and she’s nothing like the crowd I normally hang around, but her personality is so precious and funny. She’s talented and genuine, an all-round good person, and I find myself wanting to spend all my time with her.
Ally tells me I make her feel safe. Hearing those words brings a warmth to my chest I’ve never felt before. I don’t know what that warmth means, but I like that I’m such a comfort to her. I will keep her safe and always protect her. Somehow, in a matter of months, she’s become my closest friend. And I do not have friends who are girls.
I can’t deny I want to fuck Ally. I’m sure Ally knows it, too. It’ll never happen, though. She’s off limits now that Dad and Amabella are getting married. I hate it, but getting to know Amabella over the summer has made me realize there’s more than just my happiness at stake here.
For the first time in my life, it feels like I have a mother. Amabella spends time talking to me each day, really talking and listening, learning about my life. She asks about school and what interests I have. She even took me to high tea one day, just the two of us. It was weird but also one of the best outings I’ve had.
On that day, she opened up about her ex-boyfriend and the disgusting ways he treated her, how he was so aggressive that she had to be admitted to the hospital, and the guilt she feels for exposing Ally to that behavior. She told me it’s been terrible to watch Ally struggle with confidence and friendships but how grateful she is that Ally and I have become such close friends.
After all the shit Amabella has gone through in her past, she deserves the happiness she’s finally found with my father, and I’m not going to fuck it up by coming between them just because I want to sleep with Ally.
“I don’t want a car.” I shoot the rest of my drink down and face my father. “Ally and Amabella mean a lot to me. Put the money toward buying Ally a grand piano and jewelry for Amabella. A welcome to the family gesture.”
He’s dumbfounded for a moment, probably wondering if I’m fucking with him—that is something I would do—until he sees the serious expression on my face. He nods with approval, smiling at me for the first time in I can’t remember how long.
“That’s a thoughtful gesture. I’m proud of you, son.”
I scoff and turn back to the railing. The one time he’s ever been proud of me.
As soon as Dad returns inside, Felix steps beside me, amusement slick on his face. “Dad bribed you?”
“He asked me to behave around Amabella and Ally.”
“You’ve behaved around Amabella. Ally…” He smirks. “I’m not so sure.”
I send him a foul look. “It’s not like that. We’re friends and about to be family.”
“If you say so.” He places his drink on the railing and pats my shoulder. “We’ve made enough of an appearance tonight. What do you say we ditch the party for a game of poker.”
The engagement party continues in the living room while me, Felix, and Killian crowd around a table in my bedroom with a bunch of cards and poker chip towers scattered across the table. The room is dark, with only a neon lamp on my bedside table, casting a red glow.
As we play and sip on whiskey, Felix tells us about a new business venture of his, seeing as he’s just come of age and received the last installment of his trust fund. We all laugh as he tells us how proud Dad is of him, becoming a business owner and opening a cocktail lounge. What Dad doesn’t know, and what Felix tells us in confidence, is that the real business will be an illegal speakeasy hidden beneath the cocktail lounge.
A knock on my bedroom door interrupts the conversation. “Yeah?” I call out.
The door opens and Ally’s head peeks inside. Fuck, she’s pretty tonight with a pink, frilly dress, ballet flats, and that satin ribbon she always has in her hair. She looks like a doll, and I have to be careful not to stare. All I can think about is undressing her. Wrapping her legs around my waist. Feeling how tight she’d be.
“Just in time.” Felix pulls up a fourth chair. “We’re about to start a new game. Sit.”
“You know I’ll lose again.” Ally steps into the red room anyway, joining us with a smile. She likes being a part of this.
The three of us have insisted on teaching Ally poker, telling her it’s an initiation into the family. The parents disapproved when they found out, saying she’s too young to gamble. I could see Ally wanted to talk back, pointing out that me and Killian aren’t of legal age to gamble either. But Ally, always the good little girl she is, never says anything out of line.
So, we teach Ally the game in secret. There’s no harm done; she’s so bad at poker that we never make her bet any money. It’s just a bit of fun and sibling bonding, as I told Dad and Amabella that first night they found us. That occasion made me feel real dirty when I referred to Ally as my sister. Right before, I’d jerked off to the thought of her lips wrapped tight around my cock.
“I heard laughing before I entered the room,” Ally says, peeking at her cards once Felix has dealt our hand. Her lips twitch with excitement. I smother a laugh; she has the worst poker face I’ve ever encountered. “What were you all laughing over?”
Felix winks at her. “Just some shit with Dad. Can’t tell you.”
She looks at the three of us. “No Tyler again? What’s the deal with him never being around?”
It’s subtle but I don’t miss the way Felix tenses at her question. “The short version: we don’t get along.”
Killian laughs. “Dan and I get along with Tyler.”
“What’s the long version?” Ally asks.
“We’re still trying to figure that one out,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.
I have no clue what shit has gone down between Felix and Tyler. They were somewhat close growing up, being practically the same age. In Felix’s last year of high school, Dad sent him across the country to finish his education with boarding school.
When he returned, Felix and Tyler weren’t on speaking terms. Neither of them will tell us why. Since the rift started between them, Tyler has become distant from everyone in the family. He’s the brother I have the least connection with.
Ally takes the hint, along with me and Killian, to drop the questioning. We play a game of poker, sharing a few laughs and stories with each other. Ally loses, of course. When midnight arrives, the engagement party starts to wrap up and we call it a night. Felix heads home. Killian returns to his bedroom. Ally helps me pack away the poker chips and cards.
“I guess I should take a shower and go to bed,” she says, heading for the adjoining bathroom that connects our two bedrooms.
I always thought sharing a bathroom with a girl would be annoying. That their belongings would take over my space. Well, they do, but it’s not even the least bit annoying. Ally has perfume bottles and skin care products spread across the counter. I like how she’s made herself at home, and how everywhere I look, something reminds me of her.
“I’m not tired,” I say, right before she enters the bathroom. I’ve been thinking about getting her alone all night, and now’s my chance. “You want to stay and watch a movie or something?”
She shrugs. “Sure.”
I slip out of my shoes and suit jacket and loosen the buttons at my collar to be more comfortable. Grabbing my laptop, I log into Netflix, then turn off my red neon light, switching to a more relaxing neon blue lamp instead.
“What’s with the neon lights?” Ally asks while I sit in bed, beneath the covers, scrolling for something to watch.
I look up from the screen, finding her standing at the foot of my bed. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been living here a week and not once have I seen your bedroom under normal light. You have about five different neon lamps and one of them is always on.”
“I have an affinity with neon lights and how they make me feel.”
“And how’s that?” she asks.
“Relaxed. They remind me of gambling dens. I like the darkness that comes with them. The silhouettes. You also look very pretty in neon lighting.”
Ally meets my gaze, not saying anything, but this girl always says so much with her eyes. She likes that I’m attracted to her. She wants to be kissed. More than kissed. She thinks about sex a lot.
“You gonna watch the movie standing up?” I ask when Ally remains at the foot of my bed.
She bites her bottom lip. “Where am I supposed to sit?”
“In bed with me.”
“Is that… okay?” Her voice turns thin. She’s suddenly nervous around me, which is kind of cute.
“Get in the fucking bed, Ally. We’re just watching a movie.”
She laughs and steps out of her ballet flats before climbing in, beneath the covers too, right beside me. This is what it’s been like between us ever since that night she fell asleep in my arms on the beach. When we’re alone, we sit closer to each other than we should. Sometimes I’ll hold her hand. We’ll watch movies on the couch with my arm draped around her shoulders.
Only ever when we’re alone.
And never do we talk about it, both of us knowing the way we act is wrong.
This is the first time she’s entered my bed. I shouldn’t have suggested it. This is definitely crossing the line. But now that she’s here, so close to me, I can’t resist and slip my arm around her waist, pulling her even closer, till she’s all but sitting in my lap.
This close up, even with the neon blue light, I can see Ally blushing. She won’t meet my eyes, and looks straight at the laptop screen, but I see the slightest traces of a smile on her lips. She likes this. Maybe as much as I do. I’m trying, most definitely failing, at stopping myself from getting hard.
She’s not my girlfriend, but in moments like this, it feels like she is.
I live for moments like this.
We watch the movie in silence, occasionally making comments and laughing with each other. By two in the morning, when the closing credits rise up the screen and it’s time for Ally to return to her bedroom, she snuggles into me.
“Can I sleep in here tonight?”
Fuck. Yes. Please .
I shut the laptop and place it onto my bedside table, along with switching the neon light off, leaving us in darkness. My arms slide around Ally as I pull her into a hug beneath the covers, her back flush to my chest, my lips on the nape of her neck, and with my hand pressed to her lower stomach. Dad and Amabella would freak out if they found us in bed like this, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.
I feel Ally’s breath accelerate. Her heart is pounding as fast as mine. Though I’ve been in bed with a lot of girls, this is all new for me. I’ve never actually slept next to a girl or even cuddled. I could get used to this with Ally.
“Your dress is ridiculous,” I murmur, the fabric all bunched up and bulky beneath my hand.
“You don’t like it?”
“I love it. I love everything you wear. I was referring to your dress being ridiculous sleepwear.” I think back to how much I liked Ally wearing my hoodie that first night at the beach house. “You want to wear one of my shirts instead?”
She hesitates before answering with a nod.
Using my phone flashlight, I grab a shirt from my drawer and pass it to Ally. Once the flashlight is off and I’m back in bed, Ally changes into my shirt and returns to my arms. Fucking perfection.
“You love everything I wear?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah. I love your style. Cute and innocent, much like you as a person.”
Her breath shudders. She’s so warm in my arms. “I don’t feel very innocent right now. But technically we’re not doing anything wrong, just hugging in bed. Friends can hug.”
“Right.” She’s not my stepsister yet. That’s what I tell myself.
This thing between us is intimate but completely innocent, and that’s the way it has to stay because I can’t fuck Ally, no matter how bad I want to.