16. Felix
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FELIX
Friday, mid-morning, four days after Clara’s passing, I finally step away from Harper to take a moment for myself. With Tyler watching over her, I know she’s in good hands.
I’ve expected Tyler to ask why I’m attached to Harper. But he knows why without needing to hear me say it. Because she’s my girl. Our girl. Even if we’ve fallen apart.
I’ve never been more turned on in my life than during that moment in my Jeep with Harper. Sweet little Harper, saying the filthiest things as she came on my fingers. But it’s more than that. She told me she missed me. She told me I belong to her.
I knew in that moment it would be impossible for me to stay away from Harper. I don’t know what this will mean for me and Tyler. He wants to marry her. But I can’t hand her over to him.
I also can’t take Harper away from Tyler. It would destroy him. Harper too.
Exhausted, I strip out of my clothes and step beneath the hot shower, trying to relax in the steaming water. But something keeps repeating in my mind .
When Tyler said Harper is ours, he said ours to take care of.
Not ours to fuck.
But there was a nervous edge in his voice, like he was hinting at something that shouldn’t be spoken aloud. Like… he does want Harper to be his girlfriend as well as mine.
It’s been no secret that he wants me to fix my relationship with Harper so the three of us can return to the friendship we used to have. I’m unsure friendship is an appropriate label for what this new version of our trio would look like.
As I stand beneath the shower stream, clarity washes over me.
The only way I’m ever going to have Harper without destroying my relationship with Tyler is if we share her.
I can see it clearly, Harper spending one night in my bed, the next with Tyler.
It’s fucked up by normal standards, but the dynamic wouldn’t be strange to us.
After all, we’ve always shared Harper in some form.
From the way Harper was speaking about her fantasies in my car, I know she’d want this too. The trouble will lie in convincing Harper to shed her inhibitions and indulge in what she wants.
I laugh to myself. Harper and Tyler… The two of them put on a good show. The sweet girl. The polite young gentleman. But they have everyone fooled. They really are perfect for each other. Depraved sex freaks. It’s a shame they’ve never felt they could show each other their true selves.
They will eventually. I’ll make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Now isn’t the time to execute any of these plans while grief is so heavy in this household .
To say we’re worried about Harper is an understatement. She’s barely eaten. Barely gotten out of bed. She’s sleeping long hours and hasn’t spoken a single word to either of us. When she is awake, all she does is cry.
The hour has just past ten a.m. by the time I’ve showered, eaten, and phoned Theo to tell him I can’t sell eclipse in the near future. I’m heading back from the kitchen to be with Harper when I hear sobbing from within Thomas’s office.
I haven’t spoken much with Thomas since Clara’s passing. I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to speak with and perhaps I should give the man privacy, but he was supposed to leave for a meeting with the funeral director twenty minutes ago.
I knock on the door and enter, finding Thomas sitting behind his desk, clean-shaven and wearing a fresh suit, yet crying into his hands.
He’s too upset to notice my presence. I clear my throat, unsure how else to announce myself. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
He looks up at me and breaks down further. “Clara’s death has hit the news. She had her upcoming art exhibition. Reporters are asking me to make a statement, but I can’t bring myself to do it because it will mean she’s really gone. How can she be gone? I don’t understand it. She can’t be gone.”
Thomas and I outwardly don’t like each other.
And yet here he is, showing me his most vulnerable side.
I never thought I would say this, but there’s so much pity within me for this man.
Over the years, I’ve seen how deeply in love Thomas and Clara were.
I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose the love of your life so suddenly and with no goodbye .
My father knows how it feels.
I’ve never said I don’t empathize with what he went through. With four young children to raise, he had it tough.
Thomas whimpers in his hands. “I need to be at the funeral home in one hour. I can’t do it.”
“You can do it.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. I’ll go with you.” The words leave my mouth before I know what I’m saying, but they feel like the right decision.
Being away from Harper is the last thing I want. But I’ll take care of her father for her. I’ll make sure Clara has the sendoff she deserves. Harper will be safe with my brother.
“I’ll take charge during the meeting if that’s what you need. I’ll help in whatever way I can. But you need to be there for Clara and Harper. And for yourself.”
Thomas wipes his face dry, and after a deep, shaky breath, he nods. “You’re right. Thank you, Felix. I had a moment of weakness.”
“You’re allowed to have as many moments as you need. Let’s go. I’ll drive us in Tyler’s car.”