34. Clover
THIRTY-FOUR
Clover
I haven’t said a word to Brooks since yesterday. We saw each other in the kitchen earlier, but aside from a brief glance of the most awkward variety, we haven’t interacted.
And I’m not strong enough right now to deny how badly that hurts me.
You should’ve been honest.
That thought has been dogging me all morning. I know I should have said what really happened, that Kyle threatened me, threatened Darby, but I just couldn't.
I don’t want Brooks to freak out. I want him to believe everything is okay and try to handle this myself.
Still, as I pour my second cup of coffee, with two spoonfuls of sugar and a heavy splash of cream, I know that was selfish of me.
I was protecting myself, not Brooks. It would’ve been so hard to look him in the face when I told him I didn’t want to help Kyle when his son was at risk.
And that’s on me.
Though, I’m still surprised Brooks reacted the way he did. He pushed me away so hard and fast. I never said I was leaving.
Hell, I’ve been trying to figure out how to stay and take care of Kyle from here all this time. I still am. But it’s like Brooks couldn’t get away from me quickly enough.
Which fucking hurt.
Again, though, what kind of defense do I have when I haven’t told him the truth? Turnaround is indeed fair play. I mean, it’s his son. I should’ve said something.
But now he won’t talk to me, and if he’s going to be a stubborn son of b?—
“Are you and Dad fighting?”
I nearly spill my coffee all over myself when Darby speaks from behind me. That kid can be a damn ninja when he wants to be.
Or maybe I’m just really distracted.
In any case, I force myself to swallow again, as the previous one didn’t go so smoothly, and then I turn around to face Darby.
He’s sitting at the island, looking at me with those sad puppy dog eyes. My chest pinches, and I sigh, walking up to the counter and leaning on it with my mug between my hands.
The sound of the front door swinging closed echoes through the house, and I know that it is Brooks leaving to go start his work for the day.
He usually cushions the screen so it doesn’t slam, but today, he didn’t bother. He’s all up his ass about our conversation, but Brooks also couldn’t be bothered to come to talk to me about it.
Though, neither could I.
When I look back at Darby, who also noticed the door thing, he’s grimacing. “Umm, not exactly. We…we had a disagreement.”
“Is it bad? Dad seemed pretty grumpy today. Like when he broke his arm.”
Darby has his brows up, and I have to keep myself from scoffing. If Brooks is as upset as when he broke his arm, he really should be talking to me.
I’m going to have to deal with this. He can’t just sulk. I didn’t even say I was going to leave right away.
“It’s not bad, Darby. We’ll be fine. I just need to talk to him. We’re figuring some things out, and…your dad doesn’t like the options.”
Slumping into his seat, Darby picks at his cereal with his spoon. I hate to see him upset like this. He’s such a sweet, caring boy, and the empathy he has for those around him is so incredible.
It’ll also ensure he’s in a terrible mood until we get this sorted out.
“It’ll be fine, buddy. Don’t worry about it, okay?” I pat his hand as I reach across the island and then stand up, sipping at my coffee.
There’s a prolonged silence, but I can feel the tension radiating off of Darby. I don’t know what else to say, though.
He’s just a kid. I can’t burden him with all this—especially not the part where Kyle wants to hurt him.
“You know he really likes you, right?”
I look up from my cup, and Darby meets my eyes, his little expression this combination of hopeful and nervous.
“What?” I shake my head. “I mean, sure, buddy. I know your dad likes having me around.”
Shaking his head, Darby pushes his cereal to the side. “No, not like that. He likes you, likes you. He won’t admit it, but I can tell.”
I’m a bit taken aback by Darby’s insight, but I suppose I shouldn’t be. He’s wise beyond those ten years.
“Honey, I don’t know if it’s?—”
“He does! I know he does. Dad doesn't act like this around anyone else. He likes you. And I like you, too.”
My heart cracks into a million pieces, and I feel my eyes burn. I walk around the island and wrap my arm around Darby’s shoulder.
“I like you, too, bud—so much.”
He smiles up at me. “He’s just…I don’t think he knows how to like, date. At all. You know, ‘cause my mom was gone so fast. I think he’s scared.”
There he goes again with that understanding. “You know, I think you’re right.”
Everything feels hard and terrifying and utterly not fair. I’m sure Brooks’s reaction really was about the past. He’s told me enough to know that he’s distancing to protect himself.
Dammit, why didn’t I see this earlier?
His ex-fiance left him. Of course, Brooks feels like that’s what I’m doing. That man is terrified to trust anyone, and I can hardly blame him.
I haven’t totally earned his trust. That’s on me as much as it is on him, and I knowingly kept information from Brooks when I shouldn’t have.
God, I have to fix this.
“Hey,” I look down at Darby, offering a more confident smile, “do you think you could help me do something nice for your dad? I think…I think we need to talk this all out. And I think it’ll go better if he sees that I…care.”
Understanding lights in Darby’s eyes, and aside from myself—this kid is the first to know that I’m into Brooks.
He nods excitedly. “Yes! Totally! Whatever you need, Clover. I definitely want to help!”
Laughing, I pat him on the shoulder, putting a finger to my lips. “Okay, okay. But keep it down. I want it to be a surprise.”
Darby giggles, pulling into himself as he nods. “Oh, right. Secret. Got it.”
“Finish your breakfast, kiddo.”
I walk back to the other side of the island, still sipping on my coffee. As much as I know that Kyle is an issue, I know that I have to come clean about it.
Brooks deserves to know, and he deserves to know that I want to stay, that I…care about him.
We could try this. Brooks might know what to do about Kyle, too. We can try this.
The warmth of the coffee feels good again as it slides down my throat, and the knot in my stomach releases some.
I still have to talk with the man about all this bullshit, and that’s going to suck. But I have a plan, and that feels better than just dwelling on my problems.
I’ll give him all the information, and I’ll let Brooks make his own decision. The worst was already about to happen. At least this gives things a shot.
It gives us a shot.
And I have to admit to myself, once and for all, how much I want that.