27. Xaden
TWENTY-SEVEN
Xaden
Dinner with Ivy is precisely what I needed after being apart from her. It’s strange to think how much I had to be around her even after such a short time apart, but being around her fills me up in ways I still can’t explain.
Still, she’s been off. I don’t want to push it because I know she’s been under the weather, but something is…weird.
Ivy won’t make much eye contact with me, and she seems to be paying particular attention to Daisy, like my daughter is a little shield between her and having to truly interact with me.
I don’t have much experience when it comes to dating. I was with Maeve since college, but it almost feels like she’s trying to break up with me or something.
Come on, Xade. You’re being ridiculous.
But my stomach clenches. I’m a tough guy, ex-SEAL, but if Ivy drops that bomb, I don’t know how I’ll take it.
I don’t want that.
“That was really good. You said it was from Sam’s grandmother?” Looking over at Ivy as we walk to the couch, I hike Daisy up on my hip. “Or abuela as it were.”
Ivy nods, taking a spot on the couch and grabbing the remote. “Yeah. She brought it by yesterday, and I asked her if we could have more for tonight since it tasted so good and didn’t upset my stomach.”
She tenses as she says “stomach,” and I see that she’s still on edge about what’s been making her sick.
Is that all I’m reading into, though?
Daisy asks for Tangled , her current favorite Disney movie, and Ivy gets it started as I hold my little kiddo in my lap. She’s already so relaxed against me that I can’t imagine she’ll last long before passing out.
The movie starts, though, and we watch quietly, the three of us sharing the sofa. I’ve noticed that Ivy’s phone is nowhere in sight tonight, and my mind churns as the opening scene plays.
Ivy is always on edge because of her phone, and I’ve seen those messages make her face go white. It’s not spam. I know that much, but I still don’t know what they’re about.
Is that what’s bugging her?
As Flynn discovers the tower, I hear Daisy’s gentle snoring. She’s completely out, and if I ever wanted to ask Ivy what’s up, the time is now.
“Hey,” I whisper, getting Ivy’s attention, “you okay? You’ve been off tonight.”
Her eyes flare wide, but the strangest expression washes over Ivy’s face. It’s this screwed-up tension that screams guilt and shock and overwhelm.
Tears spring to Ivy’s eyes in seconds, and she sucks in a sob before practically leaping from the couch and running down the hall.
“Ivy!” I whisper-shout, but she doesn’t come back, and I hear the bathroom door close. “Dammit.”
As gently as I can, I slip out from under Daisy and lay her across the couch with a blanket so she’ll stay asleep. From there, it’s down the hall to the bathroom, which is shut with the door locked.
I knock softly. “Ivy, come on, honey. Talk to me.”
From inside, I can hear Ivy heave, that harsh sound when there’s nothing behind the motion to throw up. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces, and I lay my hand flat against the door.
The water comes on inside, the muffled rush interrupted by what I have to assume is Ivy splashing her face.
“Baby, I’m nervous. Are you okay?”
It’s a few moments, but then I hear the lock on the door flipping over, and Ivy slowly pulls the door open.
“Are you okay?” My brows knit together with concern as I take in her pale face and shaking hands. “What’s going on, Ivy? You’ve been acting weird all nig?—”
“I’m…” She looks up at me, too many emotions crossing over her face. “I’m…pregnant. I’m so sorry, Xaden. I know it’s insane. It shouldn’t have happened. I still can’t believe it, and I…”
Her words trail off as I stand there, frozen like a deer in the headlights.
“W-What?” I shake my head, literally trying to comprehend what she just said.
I couldn’t have heard that right. Did Ivy just say she was…no, that can’t be right. We’ve been careful—like a lot. She can’t be…
“I know, I know. It’s a total shock. But I’m not messing with you, and I don’t expect anything from you. I just…you had to know. I mean, you’re kind of involved with this too, you know?” Ivy chuckles with a nervous smile. “So, yeah. Not sick. Pregnant.”
The world is still spinning off its axis, but I manage to eke out a single question. “How?”
“Umm, I’m not sure. I’m on the pill, and we’ve used condoms. I’m about three or so weeks along, so it was probably that first time. I was slightly late on taking my pill then, but not by much! Apparently, it was enough. You don’t have to deal with this if you don’t want to. I completely understand.”
Ivy’s words spill out of her like a monsoon. The tears in her eyes don’t fall, but I can see them there, waiting for the chance.
“You’ve already got so much on your plate. I don’t expect anything from you. And I understand if you’re angry. I know I should have taken the test sooner, but I just didn’t think it was possible. I mean, clearly. I’m really sorry. If you want me to stop seeing Daisy, I get it. I can see about putting the house up for sale again.”
Put the house up for sale? Leave Daisy? Ivy thinks she has to leave?
“I don’t know…I just…I won’t ruin your life. I promise that I?—”
But I don’t let her continue.
Actions have always worked better for me, so I pull Ivy forward and press my lips against hers. Framing her face with both hands, I give everything to the kiss, and I feel Ivy relax into it after the shock fades.
After a moment, I pull back, staring down at her. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re not leaving Daisy. You’re not leaving me. Okay?”
Ivy smiles, and the tears finally slip free, spilling down her cheeks where I wipe them away with my thumbs. As she nods, she sniffles against the emotions.
“Are you sure?”
I tip my head down, touching my forehead to hers. “I’m not going to lie to you and say this isn’t a total shock. It is. The last thing I expected you to tell me was that you’re pregnant. I honestly thought you were breaking up with me.”
“What?” Ivy laughs, shaking her head. “No, no. I do not want to break up.”
“Good.” I kiss her gently. “I don’t either. I want this—us. And apparently…”
I step back slightly, glancing down at her lower belly and covering it with one of my hands. Smiling, I let out an exhausted chuckle, the burn starting in my own eyes.
“This makes it the four of us.”
Ivy sucks in a shaky breath, clearly trying to hold back full-blown sobs. I vaguely remember how hard that can be for a pregnant person, and I pull her into my arms.
“I’m going to be right here, Ivy. We’re going to do this together, and I’ll be by your side the entire time. I…I'm actually… excited . I get to be a dad again.”
“Oh, Xade.” Ivy buries her face in my chest, and I feel her shoulders shake as the crying wins out.
I just let Ivy fall apart. I don’t mind. Looking out and down the hall, I hear the sounds of the movie playing in the background and picture Daisy asleep on the couch.
I have no idea how I’m going to explain all this to her, and I’ll admit that I’ve been dreading the “dating” conversation I need to have with her.
But it’s fine. Sure, it’ll be hard. Still, I know Ivy and I can handle this. Together, we can handle pretty much anything.