Chapter 37 – Elijah
37
ELIJAH
H aving a part of the Cosa Nostra and the Bratva trying to make an alliance isn’t always simple. The Zennites are powerful, and we know it, but it’s not easy to maintain order. Try to have fucking Russians and Italians with guns in the same room and you’ll see.
I kissed Zanae this morning and went straight to my car, but the tranquility of my morning, however, was fucking destroyed by a phone call of one of my men, Ivan. My features hardened absorbing the information. He said that there’s a threat looming in the underground world, a reward offered to anyone capable of eliminating Zanae Dellé.
Despite my goddamn warnings, someone had dared to test my limits. “Who’s behind this, Ivan?”
Ivan hesitated before saying, “Elias Dellé, he’s the one behind this,” he admitted.
Elias Dellé put a threat on his daughter.
Protectiveness was an instinct in my case with Zanae. It was a powerful and primal rush of adrenaline that sharpens the body and the mind to act, urging me to eliminate any threat to someone I care deeply for.
It took hold of me in that moment
I arrived at the heavily guarded residence of the Lebanese family, where that bastard of the Emir lives. My anger was amplified at each step I took as I made my way forward. Stupid guards tried to stop me, but I let my madness free.
Death . All dead. A sea of corpses, each blow turning my shirt into a deeper shade of red.
The corridor was empty and quiet. I could hear my own breathing. It became more steady, more prepared for whatever was coming.
Red .
Everything is red.
Calmly opening the door of his office, I found Elias sitting behind his desk, with a smile that couldn’t cover the fear in his eyes.
“ Pakhan , isn’t it? Why are you here?”
I stayed there, advancing slowly, and stopped in front of his desk. With a smile, I saluted him, “ Emir , is this how you treat all your guests? No drink? No courtesy? Or perhaps you’d prefer to offer your head instead? I’m all for it.”
His smile vanished at my words. “What do you want, Volkov?” he asked.
“Still no manners? How disappointing,” I retorted, sarcasm lacing every word coming out of my mouth. “But I suppose we’ll have to make do with that. So, there I was in my car, minding my own business, when I received a call. Imagine my surprise upon learning of the threat against Zanae. Are you trying to provoke me, Elias? You could’ve just asked politely for me to kill you. No need for all of that.”
Leaning in, I brought my face inches from his. “You know, I’ve harbored this hatred for you since a long time ago, ever since you killed my father,” I said, still smiling.
“I remember that little boy hiding with his friend behind the door while his father was murdered, yes,” he replied with a smirk.
“I should have killed you the moment you took everything from me,” I continued, my voice dripping with pure death. “But I guess I was too kind. Now, though, I’ll make you get on your knees and beg me to stop as I break every bone in your fucking body, Elias.”
“You think you have some kind of ownership over her? You don’t. I own her,” he retorted.
“You fucking don’t, Elias. But I do. She’s with me every day and every night. I have her smiling, laughing, screaming my name. She’s not your little soldier to use and humiliate; she never was. There’s nothing you can do about it. Your threats are just irritating the hell out of me.”
I stood tall before him. The temptation to end it now, to snuff out his existence, was strong. But it would be too easy, too merciful.
No, I wanted to break him, to shatter him from the inside out.
Zanae cried, felt worthless when he sent men to kill her. She couldn’t even look at me sometimes because she felt guilty that I took that bullet weeks ago. And it made everything worse.
The fury, the anger, the need to protect her from everything and everyone—to keep her as safe as she’s keeping the drop of innocence and beauty she found in me, overwhelmed me.
No one will threaten my Little Nightmare.
Not even her own blood.
I carefully chose my words to inflict wounds deeper than any physical pain. He was cornered and exposed, and for a man like the big Elias Dellé, taking his pride away was worse than any kind of torture. “You never cared about her,” I snarled. “You used her, touched her, threatened her, and manipulated her to build your empire. She was the foundation of everything you had, and yet you never once showed her gratitude.”
Elias smiled and shook his head, “Volkov, you won’t have her, never, not now, not ever. You know why? This girl is completely broken. She’s never known what life was; she’s only known suffering. And she can’t love. She’ll never be yours.”
“Oh please, Elias,” I continued, “I could have killed you countless times. But I spared you, just to appreciate the moment when I finally made you feel real pain. And now that Zanae is mine, you think you can do something against her? If you wanted me to come sooner for you, you could have simply sent an invitation. But no, you just had to go and make a mess, as usual. Why are you so averse to just asking before acting like an asshole?”
I ignored his threats; they meant nothing to me.
It had always bothered me, the thought that he was the one behind the annual birthday reminders of my mother’s death.
I pulled out the star pendant from my pocket, thrusting it before him with a scornful grin. “I thought it was you. Every goddamn year, a piece of my mother, and I despised you for it. I held back from ending you because I thought you had an endless supply, only to realize you weren’t the one behind this. But the urge to kill you burns even stronger now, especially when I catch you threatening my Zanae.”
10 .
Amber eyes. They’re fucking sad. And it’s because of him.
His eyes widened with recognition at the necklace. “Where the hell did you get this? And she sure as hell isn’t your Zanae; she’s mine. My daughter. If I feel like treating her like shit, I damn well will.”
I scoffed, “You won’t do a fucking thing.” Then I shoved the necklace away.
Struggling to maintain his calm, he sneered. “You’re nothing, just weak against your emotions and impulses, just like your family was.”
A deep chuckle escaped my throat, “Emotions, you say? Because you think I still feel them, Elias? You want to harm the only reason you’re still alive and not just fucking ashes. Do better. You’re fucking brainless.”
“She’s next on my list,” he said with a smile.
I laughed, rolling up my sleeves slowly. “Good, cause you’re next on my list too.”
I launched a blow so devastating to him that he staggered backward, grasping the edge of the desk for support. “Look at this as a return of interest. For every fucking heartbreak you caused her.”
Punch after punch, cut after cut, Elias still held his head high to prove that he still had dignity.
“You can’t do this, I’m not afraid of you.”
I smirked, finding his words almost comical.
“You’re funny Elias.” I slid my blade across his cheek. Blood. Screams. Anarchy . “What you’ll feel next is a whole new fucking level of fear, you’ll understand what it means to be truly afraid.”
Each strike, each blow, each punch carried a bitter reminder, each fucking word a message that reflects the agony I’d weathered all my fucking life.
10 .
Red.
I can’t stop seeing red and blood, smelling it, remembering the feeling of that pool of crimson, the lifeless faces.
Fuck .
“For my father, for me, who died on the same day. and for Zanae, the only good thing you did in all your life, but still managed to fuck that up.”
“You’re...insane.”
I gripped his chin, forcing him to meet my gaze, and smiled at him, “You failed to break me, but you tried to break her, so I’ll make sure you fucking feel real brokenness Elias.”
“She’s completely sinful. You cannot love her.”
A wide grin appeared on my lips. “That’s where you’re fucking wrong. If she’s all sin, don’t forget that I’m D’yavol .”
He spat out blood, his face smeared with red, yet he stubbornly clung to his stupid attitude. “She’ll never let you kill me, never.”
My vision blurred with rage and madness as I grabbed him by the collar, yanking him closer. I bared the tattoo on my forearm, revealing my beautiful girl’s eyes. “See these eyes, Elias? Every time you shut yours, remember they’re watching. Every move, every breath, every word, she sees it all. She’s with me, in every thought, in every nightmare .”
My breath was heavy, my shirt bloodied; the room reflected in a sordid way the madness that consumed me.
“She’s my fucking mistake not yours,” he pleaded weakly, bruised and broken.
Ignoring him, I methodically broke each of his fingers, relishing in the symphony of his bones crunching beneath my hands and his screams of agony.
“She.” Crack , “Was.” Crack , “Never.” Crack , “Your.” Crack , “Mistake.” Crack , “She’s not a fucking mistake; she’s the only good thing left in your miserable life.”
His hands now destroyed, his screams pierced the room, just like my Zanae’s cried when he sent men to kill her. He knelt on the ground before me, his voice pleading, “Stop, Volkov, please, the message is clear now, stop!”
With a sinister smile, I leaned in closer, gripping his hair to force him to meet my gaze. “Told you I would get you on your knees and make you beg me to stop.” Standing over him, I spoke one last time, “Forget about her or I swear you won’t need a grave because I’ll scatter your fucking remains to the wind.”
Leaving him on the ground, I turned away, walking through the complex. Dead guards littered the scene, their blood pooling everywhere.
No remorse tainted my mind; if it meant protecting her from the monsters that haunted our past, I would do it all over again. War or not, problems or not, she was worth it all.
For her, always for her.
I drove back to the penthouse, trembling from fury and this protectiveness I feel about her.
Stepping inside, I found Zanae seated on the couch, completely absorbed in a book. Seeing her there, lost in her own little world, was everything I needed.
I stood in the doorway, watching her quietly, a small smile playing on my lips. She was so beautiful, with her eyes darting across the pages with so much peace. I didn’t feel the pain of my wounds, nor the heaviness in my chest, I wanted to touch her, to feel her, to kiss her and promise her that with me she will always be safe.
She looked up as I approached, her smile widening. But her expression immediately shifted when her eyes fell on the bloodstains on my shirt and the bruises on my hands. Concern flashed in those fiery irises, and she stood up, setting the book aside, “Elijah, what happened? Are you hurt? You’re covered in blood!”
I looked into her eyes, momentarily lost in their depths of the rich hazel color in them.
“You’re so beautiful, Zanae. Do I tell you that enough?” I spoke softly.
She touched my face gently, her fingertips grazing the bloodstains on my cheeks. “Elijah, talk to me. What happened?”
I managed a weak smile, “I took care of something. Nothing you need to worry about.”
She gently took my hand, examining the visible wounds on my knuckles. “Your hands, Elijah...”
I couldn’t help but smile at her worry. “It’s nothing, just a few scratches. I’ve had worse.”
“Let me take care of you,” she insisted, leading me towards the bathroom. “Sit down and let me heal those wounds, Volkov. It’s an order.”
I acquiesced, taking her hand in mine.
In the bathroom, Zanae turned on the faucet, the hot water running smoothly. She took a clean towel and gestured for me to sit on the edge of the bathtub. I listened to her without complaint.
She delicately began to clean the blood from my hands, her touch gentle and warm. At that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else but her.
She was taking care of me like no one ever had.
Of course, I would start a war for her, make this world a living hell if needed, just to ensure she remained safe and protected.
“Why did you come back home so early?” she asked, looking back at me with those compassionate eyes that hypnotize me.
“I wanted to see you.”
She offered me a soft chuckle. “I wasn’t going anywhere.”
She dabbed at my wounds with care, her fingertips tracing the contours of my cuts. “Do you have to go back?”
“No. They can survive without me for a few hours.”
“Well, Volkov, today is all about you and me. You’re under the care of Dr. Zanae now.”
I sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching her tender hands work their healing magic, the only sounds being her soft breaths and the running water around us.
“You didn’t have to do this, you know.”
She looked up, meeting my eyes. “Do what, Elijah?”
“Take care of me like this.”
No one ever did.
She smiled gently and warmly. “I care about you, more than I care about myself probably.”
I couldn’t bear the thought of this woman being kind to me.
Her life was a mess, she suffered and was still battling her own demons, but still found the strength to take care of me. Her kindness overwhelmed me, her existence submerged me. The world wasn’t deserving of my Zanae.
“But you don’t know...” I began, the words catching in my throat.
She tilted her head, a soft expression in her eyes. “Know what?”
I smiled at her and grabbed her hand to kiss it, “ Ty - moya zhizn’, Milaya .”
She smiled back, raising an eyebrow at me. “What did you say?”
I cupped her cheek, caressing the softness of her skin. “I missed you,” I lied.
The tug of war between the darkness within me and the light she brings as the brightest star in my universe, threatened to open this pandora box I hide in between walls of blood and nightmares.
And I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
“You sure everything’s fine, Eli?”
My gaze lingered on her, my eyes tracing the contours of her face. “You don’t get it, Zanae. This... whatever we have, it’s different. I’ve never been consumed like this before. It’s like you’re fucking burning under my skin. And I love the feeling of it.”
Zanae paused in her movements, looking up at me. “Burning?” Her tender fingers gently rested on my uninjured hand.
I took her hand in mine and stroked her skin with my thumb. “I’m not used to feeling this much.”
She smiled sadly; her expression curious. “Hey, listen to me. I care about you so much; I want you to feel the way you make me feel—protected and cherished.”
My lips twitched. “Care about me... it’s more than that, Zanae. You’re changing something in me, something I never thought could change, something I didn’t even know existed. But for you, it feels right to suffer and rediscover these parts I forgot.”
Her pretty amber eyes softened, and she seemed at a loss for words.
A nervous chuckle escaped me, “You’re the one in charge now.”
“Of what?” She asked, curious.
“My soul,” I admitted, not even defeated by the confession.
She squeezed my hand gently. “I’m here now, as much as you are for me. I’ll always look after you.”
I exhaled, as if releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “You’re too good for someone like me, Milaya . I don’t know how you put up with my fucked-up mind.”
Her eyes locked onto mine. “Maybe because I see the parts of you that you’re still discovering. They’re beautiful, and I love them all.”
I planted a delicate kiss on her soft lips.
I didn’t know someone could embrace all the facets of me, the shadows and the obscurity within me, but she is. She’s keeping up with all this and makes me feel like maybe I can still find peace in this world just by having her in my life.
She settled onto my lap; her touch gentle as she cradled my face. Her voice, soft and reassuring, urged me to open up. “Tell me what happened. I won’t judge you, and you know it. I just want to understand. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
I released a long breath. “I received a call this morning. There was a threat against you—a bounty placed on your head. And the one behind it... was Elias.”
Her eyes widened in shock, her hand instinctively finding its place on my shoulder. “My father? Again...? He...?”
“He won’t be a threat to you anymore. I made sure of that.”
Disappointment and sadness clouded her pretty eyes, a reflection of the battle within her. I wished I could erase the pain he caused her with every fiber of my being.
“Eli... I want you to promise me something,” she said, her voice tinged with vulnerability.
I met her gaze, silently asking her to continue.
“Promise me that you’ll always come back to me, no matter what. When you feel overwhelmed by anything, just come to me, and we’ll figure it out together. Don’t hide any part of yourself from me. I’ll always accept them.”
My heart swelled with devotion for her as I gently cupped her face in my hands. “I promise. I’ll always come back to you.”
Her gaze flickered toward the window as she stepped in front of me, a gentle smile playing on her lips. “I’ll always welcome you back,” she admitted softly.
I stood there, silent, just watching her.
The rise of her chest with every breath, the way each strand of her raven hair fell against her pale skin, I couldn’t stop obsessing over her. Seconds seemed to stretch on endlessly, until she reached out to me, her thumb brushing lightly against my cheek. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel everything, every sensation felt heightened.
I was so aware of her existence it scared me.
“What’s on your mind?” She asked softly.
“You know, I love seeing you lost in the stars. Before you they never meant life, they meant death. At a time in my life they meant security and love,” I confessed, lost in my memories.
“Why isn’t it love and security anymore?”
I felt so safe with her, to a point where I felt vulnerable. And I remember the last time I felt like this. “When I was younger, my mom used to draw constellations on my hand whenever I cried. She’d tell me that if I ever felt lost, all I had to do was look at them because I held the entire universe in my hand.” She listened quietly. “Whenever I felt alone in that house, I’d draw them again and go to her so she could laugh and kiss them. When she died, those constellations disappeared.”
She got up from my lap, kissed my cheek, and said in a hurry, “Coming back.”
A few moments after, she returned with a pen in hand, opened my fist, and drew on it. “Here you go.”
Looking at my palm, I saw those constellations again.
“Now you have the whole universe in your hand again,” she smiled.
“Zanae…” I breathed, tracing the freckles on her cheeks with my fingers. “I’m tracing my whole universe right now.”
I looked at her, just like she gazed at the sky, with admiration and love.
And I don’t think she ever noticed it, but she’s the most beautiful star in my universe.
Her smile turned sad as she hugged me tightly.
“I wish I was there when you needed me to,” she admitted softly.
A chuckle escaped me as I stroked her back. “You were just a child back then; you couldn’t do anything. Don’t think about it, Milaya .”
“So were you,” she said, planting a kiss on my chest.
I was, and I couldn’t do anything either.
“You’re here now,” I whispered, trying to reassure her.
“And I’m planning on staying.”
And I believed her, I fell in love with that woman the moment she talked to me. And I knew it the day I understood that the hardest thing I did was staying away from her.
“You’re beautiful.”
She laughed before cupping my head in her hands. “Stop flirting with me. We’re having a serious conversation right now.”
I leaned closer, gripping the back of her thighs to pull her on me.
I kissed her gently as I whispered against her lips, “I feel kind of sad. I think a kiss or two would help me feel better.”
She grinned against my mouth. “Oh, is that so?”
“Yeah, what happened to the Zanae that wanted to kiss my pain away?”
She kissed me while laughing. “You’re stupid, Elijah.”
I kissed her back. “Stupidly obsessed with you.”
We went back to bed, and she held me close between her legs, hugging me while I was lying on top of her, my head nestled on her chest. Her hands traced gentle strokes through my hair. I closed my eyes, feeling the monster inside me slowly drifting into sleep.
In that position, the little boy hidden behind the beast finally found rest. He saw light again just like when he was with his mother in front of the night sky.
Is this what normal people feel when they’re happy?
I felt the delicate touch of her fingers caressing my nape, slowly as if she was afraid of hurting me.
Her existence created a subtle ache within my soul.
The scent of vanilla from her hair enveloped me, grounding me in the moment. She hugged and cherished every version of me— the scared child, the angry teenager, the lost man. Each facet of my being felt comfort in her arms, as if she was tending to them individually, offering a world where care surpassed the pain, the loneliness, the agony, and the abuse. She was introducing in my life a new language, one of kisses, hugs, and caresses—a language that held the power to make me feel alive.
“It’s going to be okay, Elijah. I’m here,” she assured me, planting a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
“You’ll never leave.”
Her hand found its way to my jaw as she answered, “I don’t want to.”
“Never.”
“Never, never,” she promised.
A few hours later, I woke up to find us in a reversed position. She still had her arms wrapped around me, now hugging my chest. I sat on the edge of the bed, captivated by her peaceful breaths. My fingertips traced the contours of her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth, and her jaw, marveling at the beauty before me.
I felt consumed.
This is the only word that can reflect what’s happening within me when it comes to her.
Zanae had carved a place in my dead heart, rekindling a flame that beat to her own rhythm. Her skin was soft under my touch. I was in awe that someone like her could care for a man like me.
Leaning in closer to her, I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, silently vowing to protect her with no bounds or limits.
I settled beside her, and never felt that peaceful in a long time, no nightmares, nothing. I just wanted to see her rest.
A few moments later, Zanae stirred from her nap, meeting my gaze with a soft smile. She stretched her arms and with a playful tilt of her head, she spoke to me in that soft voice, “Hey, you.”
“Hey.”
Those damn amber eyes sparkled with affection. She reached out, fingers gently grazing my cheek. “Do you feel better?”
“I do, Milaya .”
She smiled, her ebony hair cascading against my arm, “Then I’m good too.”
I guided her to the kitchen since she hadn’t eaten yet and made her a little snack.
“See the book I was reading yesterday? I think it may be the most bizarre thing I’ve read,” she said, eating her pancakes.
I leaned closer for a kiss, “Did you like it?”
Before Zanae could respond, I received a call from Nikolai, urging us to come to his house now.