Chapter 30
Rowan
Icouldn’t believe it when Leita messaged and invited both me and Circus over. I’m not getting my hopes up, but the fact she didn’t ask me to come solo can only be a good sign.
Right?
Jesus, I don’t know. This whole thing has had my stress levels at ten, and every time I imagine this catch-up going well, I picture at least ten more scenarios where it doesn’t.
We walk side by side up the garden path toward the front door.
There’s a lot of noise coming from inside, and I’m pretty sure my nephews must be overthrowing a continent with all the yelling going on.
It makes my heart hurt, trying to imagine not seeing their faces anymore.
I’ve already missed out on way too much time in their lives.
“Hey, guys,” Laurie says as he meets us at the front door. “Leita’s just putting some snacks together.” He shakes my hand, then Circus’s, and there’s no hint of anything wary about him. Another good sign.
“Uncle Ro!” Jase collides with my side like the little tornado he is. “Can you come help me with Mario Kart? Levi never lets me win.”
I laugh. “Not right now, buddy. But let me talk to your mom and I will.”
He runs off with a “Levi, you’re in trouble now!”
God, those kids melt my heart. When I look over at Circus, he’s wearing the same dicky smile as I am, but his is directed my way. “What?”
“Nothing at all.”
Uh-huh.
This whole thing is so much easier with him by my side.
We reach the kitchen, and Laurie takes a seat at the counter just as Leita pulls a tray of mini quiches out of the oven.
“Rowan, Circus, hey. Do you want coffee? Something stronger?”
“I’ll make it.” I hurry into the kitchen, but Leita gently pushes me out again.
“I like looking after my guests. Now sit your ass down.”
I’m certainly not going to argue with her. Circus has already grabbed a stool, so I quickly slip onto the one between him and Laurie.
“So you guys are dating?” Leita finally asks once she’s finished making drinks for us all.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, total reflex, but Circus grabs my hand resting on the counter and answers for me.
“We are. And if it wasn’t for your parents, we probably would have started a long time ago.”
She hums, watching me. “Were you together in high school?”
That one I can deny. “No. I wanted to be, but … I was too messed up.”
“So what changed?”
“I tried to date women in Portland, but it never went anywhere. Then I saw a psychiatrist and basically worked through a lot of the lies I’d been telling myself for years. It’s still hard, but it’s not possible to walk away from Circus again. I love him.”
Leita smiles at that. “I did always wonder. I mean, I didn’t really think you were together or anything, but you were closer with Circus than your other friends. You always came home smiling whenever you’d been with him.”
I had no idea I’d been that obvious. Oops?
“And then when you started hanging out again, and you were hardly around—”
“I was here every week to babysit.”
She laughs. “I know, I’m not saying you disappeared. But Mom and Dad mentioned you must have been seeing someone because you were being quiet about who you were spending your days off with. I’m not sure I jumped right to that conclusion, but I figured it was Circus you were with.”
The fact she’s just covered all that and doesn’t look ready to throw me out of her house has the knots in my stomach ease. “Did you know? That I’m gay?”
“Nope. I figured you weren’t as homophobic as the rest of them, but you hid it well.”
She says it like a compliment, but I’m struggling to take it that way. “And you’re okay with all this?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, we had the same upbringing. And it was hard for me to accept myself—I don’t know how it’s so easy for you.”
She reaches forward and takes my other hand.
“I might like acting as some 1950s housewife. I might like being domestic and a mother and keeping my husband happy. But I’m also headstrong and capable of critical thinking.
I’m smart, I educate myself, and I don’t buy into the bullshit about queer people.
I know you, Rowan, and no matter how much Grandpa wants to rant and curse about me letting you near the boys, I don’t give a damn. You’re always welcome here.”
My whole body is hit with a burst of emotion so strong, I think I’m going to cry again.
I hold it in though, because apparently Circus is the only one I’ll treat to that fun sight.
Lucky him. I thought the idea of Grandpa spreading his hate and trying to turn people against me would affect me more than it does though.
After a lifetime of hearing it all before, I guess I don’t expect anything else from him.
“I’d hate to get on your wrong side, Leita,” Circus says, picking up one of the cookies she’s set out and putting the whole thing in his mouth.
“But now I’m dating your brother, we’re basically family, yeah?
That means you’re always on my side, so I’m liking this decision of mine better and better. ”
She laughs. “Deal. Unless it’s against my brother, then I’ll be coming for you, dude.”
“Sounds fair.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon there, me fulfilling my promise to Jase to kick Levi’s ass at Mario Kart. Laurie takes me outside to talk me through some renovation plans he and Leita are talking about, and Circus tries, and fails, to help Leita cook dinner.
I come back in to find him banished from the kitchen and playing with my nephews in the living room. He’s swinging Blake around and causing my nephew to cackle uncontrollably.
Circus’s smile is enormous when he catches sight of me. “Goddamn, I love kids.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty great.” I watch him for a moment. “You said you wanted your own, right?”
“I do. It doesn’t have to be soon or anything, but it’s one hundred percent on the cards for me. One day. Until then …” He blows a raspberry on Blake’s foot. “I have your nephews to entertain.”
I’ve never heard of anything more perfect.