Chapter 14
Madeleine
Sapphire didn’t answer the door when I knocked. I figured she was just busy in the bathroom or something, so I leaned against the door and pulled out my phone, starting a text to let her know I was here, but I was midway through writing it when I heard uncomfortable shifting from inside, and it took me a second to register where I’d heard that sound before.
My chest tightened, and I took the card from my bag, scanning in through the door and pushing into Sapphire’s hotel room, where I found her tangled in her sheets, fitfully asleep and making a heartbreakingly sad little sound, and I sat down on the edge of the bed and put a hand on her shoulder.
“Sapphire—”
She gasped, bolting up, whirling back on me like I was attacking her. I put my hands up.
“Hey. It’s okay. It’s just me.”
“Oh…”
“Just a bad dream, Sapphire.”
She swallowed hard, nodding, hugging herself. I kicked my shoes off, shifting next to her on the bed, and I pulled her into a hug she readily accepted, burying her face in my shoulder.
“You’re safe.”
“Thank you…” she whispered.
“Hey, no problem. You’ve had enough problems in the waking world lately, you don’t need them on the other side too.”
She giggled, a weak and strained little sound but a natural one. “That makes it sound like I’m dead, going to the other side… ”
“Well, if you died, Britt and I will conspire to bring you back from that too. We already made a pact.”
“Ooh, a pact. Was there ominous chanting involved?”
“Wouldn’t be a pact without it.” I squeezed her again, and she pulled away after, covering up a yawn, squinting into the sunlight coming in through the thin white curtains.
“Sorry I overslept…”
“You’re okay. Are you feeling all right?”
“Mm.” She wrung her hands in her lap. “Just worrying about a lot of things right now… I can’t help feeling like something terrible will happen if I go to that apartment.”
The place her great-grandfather left her… a tax dodge from the parents blowing up in their face. At least, if Andrew could be trusted. “Do you think your family will track you there?”
“I don’t know… but what are they even going to do if they do track me there?” She shrugged. “I mean, I’m a legal adult, and that place is in my name… they can’t just kidnap me and take me back. I mean, they can, but not legally.”
I chewed my lip. “Then… you’re worried about something else?”
She put a hand over her mouth. “It’s just… it doesn’t feel right.”
“Going to a place associated with your family?”
“Going to a place just… handed to me for free. I set out to live life outside the ivory tower. To live real life, like a real person. To make it like everyone else does. And most people don’t have a downtown condo left in their name from their family.”
I looked sidelong at her, studying her, before I shifted closer, putting a hand on her back. “No,” I said. “We don’t. But we have a normal education that lets us fit into the world. We have connections in places that we can leverage. We have family that supports us with finding our own lives. We have work experience and have been through it all with a little guidance already. Not all of them, for all of us, but most of us have some. And a lot of us have something in our favor—a safe place to stay while we save money for a place of our own, maybe a friend who knows the hiring manager somewhere, maybe a family inheritance, maybe a lot of insider information on a given industry. We each have our own challenges and our own advantages in the world, and there’s no such thing as a blank-slate template person whose life is the default. We all figure out how to use our personal advantages to overcome our personal challenges. Put that way, you’re not really different from any of us. Your specific advantages and your specific challenges are unusual, but it’s still the same thing deep down.”
She was quiet for a long time, looking across the room at the window, before she sighed, a distant smile on her lips, and she fell against me, resting her head on my shoulder. It was a little intimate, honestly, but something about Sapphire meant I never really minded… just that I knew she would never have a single bad intention towards anyone. I slipped my arm across her back, resting my head against hers, and I listened to her breathe slowly until she found the words.
“You’re awfully smart,” she said.
“Ah, I try. Someone’s got to bring some good sense in my household, and it’s not going to be Britt.”
“So you… you think I should do it, after all. Stay at that place.”
“I think it’s at least worth looking at. And if I were as brave about my family finding me and confronting me there as you are, then I think I would live there.”
She looked over at me. “Is your family scary?”
“No, I mean, like—if I were in your shoes. My mom’s the least scary person in the world.”
“Oh.” She laughed. “Are you close?”
“Ah… not really. We don’t have any issues or anything, we just don’t talk much. She lives about two hours upstate, so it’s a pain to visit, too. Guess if worse came to worst, you could stay with her, she’s so laidback you could move yourself into her place and she wouldn’t even register it for a week or so and then she’d just offer you some chips.”
“Thank you…” She fluttered her eyes shut, her voice small and gentle, and somehow I doubted it was about my mom offering her chips.
“Of course. I’m here for you.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t…”
“Well, we don’t have to find out, because I’m staying.”
She slipped her hand over mine, squeezing lightly, and I got a tight feeling in my chest when she trailed her fingers down and laced them between my thumb and forefinger, holding my hand—lightly, but something about the delicate touch was suddenly electric somehow. Being this close to her, feeling every breath she took, my automatic thought was I have a boyfriend, but—come to think of it, I didn’t anymore.
Jesus, what was wrong with me? I’d broken up with Tristan twenty-four hours ago. I couldn’t start… thinking things about Sapphire. Even if there was this deep-down part of my mind that kept looping back through what she’d said the other night—thinking that maybe if she felt the same way about relationships, about being close to someone, then what would it end up looking like if we…?
That was too indulgent by miles. I winced, biting back the cold shiver of guilt, and I took a long breath steadying myself.
Sapphire was my friend. I was just focusing on supporting her.
“You’re the very best,” she said quietly, and I had to rack my brain figuring out what we’d even been talking about, forcing myself back on topic.
“You too,” I said.
“Shouldn’t Britt be the very best in your system? You’re clearly best friends.”
“Britt is at the absolute bottom of the list,” I said lightly. “After all, I hear you’re the one who put that party together last night.”
“Oh my god. Well, you know it. Made every part of it myself. In fact—little known secret—I actually built that apartment complex, too, just so we could have that party there.” She pulled back away from me, and I felt the loss of her touch and the relief in equal parts, not having to worry about controlling my feelings when she didn’t have her hand trailing in mine. “Hey, that reminds me. Do you think Britt and Haley would make a cute couple?”
I scowled. “She’s hitting on my coworker, isn’t she?”
“No!” She put her hands up, scrunching her face up in that thing she did where she was caught hiding something and her face absolutely gave her away. One of those little things you knew about the people closest to you. Things I’d never known about Tristan. I was fast building a collection about Sapphire… “Just—I was just wondering.”
I pushed the thoughts aside, smiling dryly. “She told you she thinks Haley’s cute and was wondering if Haley’s into her.”
She slumped. “Um… maybe, maybe not…”
“Let me guess. She made a comment about her butt, too.”
“Um.”
I laughed. “Haley’s nice, but she’s kind of aggressively independent. They could probably be a good couple, but only if Britt wants the chase… and Britt’s never put work into anything.”
“Hm.” She brightened. “Well, sometimes you overcome your issues for the sake of the people you like, right?”
“Ah. Maybe so. Astute observation from the one who claims not to know how life works.”
She beamed. “I’m just going by what happens in the books and the movies. You know, changed by love. I think it would be cute. Anyway, do you want another observation?”
“Sure.”
“I am not wearing pants, so if we’re going to get out from under this blanket…”
“Ah.” I nodded, turning away. “Right. Good observation. I’ll give you a second.”
Still, even as I got up and stood at the window, I had a hard time taking my mind off the thought of Sapphire getting up from bed behind me, shuffling around in the dresser… I tried to focus on the architecture of the surrounding buildings, because Sapphire really did have a fantastic view here, but frustratingly, I kept thinking about the view I was sure was behind me.
This must have been how people rebounded. Some weird primal urge that drove us to get back something like what we had as soon as possible. Either that, or I was just severely affected by Sapphire and had been using Tristan as a shield to deny that, and… I wasn’t entertaining that thought.
“Madeleine?” Sapphire called from the bathroom a few minutes later, and I turned back to where she was dressed now, in a cute outfit with a ruffled button-up shirt that made her look like a princess. She blushed a little, looking down. “Um… did you want to see my makeup process? You said you’d be curious about…”
“I’d love to. I mean, especially since you’re a pro makeup artist now, base rates of two hundred dollars and all…”
She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Oh my god. Well, normally the package to watch my process is fifty dollars, but I’m giving you a first-time discount of fifty dollars off. You really can’t afford to miss it.”
“Well, with a deal like that.”
I could see why it normally commanded such a going rate—she was pretty good, not just at the makeup itself, but at showing me through the procedure, describing what she was doing and why, in a gentle, measured narration. Felt like I was watching a polished makeup tutorial, even when all I was doing was leaning against the wall in her bathroom, watching her delicately blending her blush, talking about the softening, rounding effect of it.
She was so damn pretty. Her showing me the process was a great opportunity to just shamelessly look at her, at the perfect little pout on her lips, the soft but defined shape of her jaw…
I was a creep at best. But she was showing me, so… I was enjoying it while it lasted.
“Now,” she said, once she finished with the last touch of a bit of setting spray, capping it up and turning back to me. The smooth matte finish on her complexion, the playful peachy pink on her lips, the subtle liner making her eyes pop—she looked like she’d just stepped out of a beauty advertisement. “Should we do you?”
That was a hell of an offer—
There was seriously something wrong with me. I pushed the thought as far aside as I could, and I smiled. “How long have you been watching me thinking about what you’d do for my makeup?”
She blushed, but she met it confidently, giving me a big smile. “A while. Long enough I think I know what I want. So?”
“Ah, go for it. My face is all yours.”
She faltered. “Uh.”
I put on an innocent smile, as if I didn’t have a clue what I’d just done. “Something wrong?”
“No, just—” She turned back to her makeup bag. “Just wondering if I did get the dark nude lipstick. I think I have it here, one second…”
That was more than enough self-indulgence at this poor girl’s expense. She was stressed, scared, and I was her backup plan in case things went south, I couldn’t jeopardize that by hitting on her and making things weird.
Breaking up with Tristan had turned me into something strange.
Still, she was cute when she got flustered.
I behaved normally, letting her clip my hair back and apply primer, and I tried to make sure my thoughts stayed where they needed to be with her close to my face like this, touching me and looking at every inch of my skin with that attentive look she had.
I hadn’t been thinking about her like this the whole time. I would have noticed if I was… aside from the times she was nearly naked, or completely naked, it had never crossed my mind. Not really. I’d thought about how beautiful she was, but she just was —I couldn’t have denied that even if I didn’t like her. So was it just the breakup?
She was going to be popular with girls. Even if I did want her, I’d probably need to get in line. I had to grow up, be responsible, and focus on making sure she didn’t end up dating a creep who would leverage her inexperience.
And I had to make sure I wasn’t being that creep, either.
“What are you thinking about?” she said lightly, arching her hand on a wide brush she delicately dabbed at my cheek with. “You’ve got such a serious face on.”
What was I thinking about? That was an amazing question. “What you’d decorate a home like. I bet it’d be cute, all pastels and baby neutrals, little ribbons and soft things…”
She stuck out her tongue. “Maybe I’ll get a wall of stuffed animals, too. And I’ll name each of them. And you know what?”
“I’m dying to know.”
“My very favorite one,” she said, turning back and closing the brush back into a case, “I’ll name Madeleine. Just for you. You’re all done.”
Seriously? Where did she get off, dropping something that cute and then proceeding like nothing happened? Girls really were going to be all over her.
“Then I guess I’ll get a stuffed animal and name her Sapphire,” I said, standing up from the chair she’d carted into the bathroom. “I’ll pick whichever one is cutest.”
“Oh, stop,” she laughed, swatting playfully at my arm. “Take a look! Speaking of being the cutest, you look really good like that.”
I did, too—the look was flattering, with eyelashes curled, fanning out with dark mascara and looking too innocent for the kinds of things I’d been thinking just a few minutes ago, with perfectly blended foundation and muted colors that were sophisticated and cute at the same time.
“You’re good at this,” I said, touching lightly at my face. “It feels so smooth, too.”
“Well, I’m a genius, you know. That’s why my rates are so high. You’re lucky I like you. This is normally a three-hundred-dollar package, but I’ll let you pay with just a compliment.”
I turned to her. “You know, honestly, I think you could cut it as a makeup artist.”
She waved me off. “Please. I’m no professional. And I don’t know how to interact with people! That’s an important part of the work.”
“Well, my compliment is that you definitely are a professional, but I’ll leave it at that. Thank you. I feel like I can’t wash my face now.”
“Even if I ended up a world-renowned makeup artist, I’d still do yours anytime you want. So you don’t have to wear it for the rest of your life. Now,” she said, drawing herself up taller and putting on a big brilliant smile—it took me a second to realize why it was such a dazzling smile, but I pieced it together seeing the look in her eyes that it was just the smile of someone confident in herself and her worth. The smile of someone who felt good about herself around me.
Guess it made sense I was a sucker for that.
“Shall we go?” she said, and I pushed the thoughts away, nodding.
“Your palace awaits, Princess.”
“Oh, indeed. My palace of stuffed animals.”
That suited her, though.