Chapter Forty-One
Dean
Ihadn’t smoked a cigarette in a long time, but here I was, sitting on Helena’s back porch, taking another drag from one and watching as the smoke drifted off into the morning air.
I was supposed to spend the night at Blake’s last night.
Had confessed everything to him and Tom about Beau.
Even showed them some of the pictures on my phone.
The ones of the Stanley Cup at Beau’s apartment.
The selfie we had taken together. But I couldn’t sleep after that.
I tossed and turned in that bed with thoughts of what could have been until I yanked back the blanket and texted Helena.
She hadn’t hesitated to tell me to come over. I would be lost without her.
“You’re going to get cancer.” Helena sighed as she stopped in front of me. She held out a cup of coffee and shook her head. “Is that what you want? Because you’re on the right track.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start being a nurse with me right now, Hel. I want a friend.”
“Give me that.” She grabbed the cigarette from my fingers, took a long drag, and then let it go.
I stared up at her with wide eyes as she smirked at me.
“What? You think I don’t indulge every now and then?
I’m a nurse. It’s stressful. I deal with sick, dying, and dead people all the damn time. It’s not easy.”
I took a sip of my coffee. “That was darker than I expected.”
“Did you at least tell your brother that you were headed over here? Please don’t worry him the day before his wedding.
Maverick already has so much going on, and it’s the last thing he needs to wake up and find you missing,” Helena asked, and when I shook my head, she sighed.
“You realize we all hate Beau right now, right? That he has to make us all forgive him, not just you. He’s a dead man walking into Canfield. ”
“I’m the one who’s depressed.”
“Because of him!”
I stared up at her in surprise. “Not just him. Because I’m lonely, Hel. Everyone else is in a relationship. And I’ve got nothing. I want to wake up next to someone every morning and kiss them goodnight. I want to hold their hand and take stupid selfies. I want to have what you all have.”
“Oh, Dean.” Helena sighed and moved to wrap her arms around me. “I’m so sorry.”
I wished that that would fix everything. “Let me text Mav.”
When she stepped back, I sent a message to my brother to let him know where I was. The response was instant, and I cringed at the anger that came through. I guess I hadn’t thought that one through.
Maverick: Are you fucking serious right now? This could have been done last night, so I wasn’t losing my mind this morning! I’m coming over there.
Helena dragged another chair closer to sit down. “He’s mad.”
“I can’t blame him.”
“He’s on his way here.”
Helena sat down next to me. “And I’m sure he’s bringing everyone else with him.”
She ruffled my hair playfully before I swatted her hand away. After I fixed it, I sighed and shook my head. “This is all so fucked up.”
I paused when I heard the sound of the door slam shut behind us and the soft whispers of my bandmates.
Jesus, couldn’t they even talk to me? But before I could say anything, Maverick had rushed over to me, dropped to his knees, and whispered that he loved me.
That he would always be here for me, no matter what.
A soft sob escaped me before I could stop it, and then Mav wrapped his strong arms around me in a tight hug.
I coughed nervously when we pulled apart and glanced behind me to find Killian and Blake standing there. “I’m sorry if I scared you guys. I just... I needed Helena.”
Killian’s blue eyes narrowed angrily. “You could have come to me.”
“You were busy,” I reminded him and dropped my gaze. “You all were. I didn’t want to interrupt that. Helena told me if I needed to talk, if I needed anything, just to text her, and so I did.”
“You could have come to me, too. You know that. I’m your best friend.
I know I wasn’t always honest with you, dude, but I am now.
Please don’t hide from me,” Killian begged before he took a couple of steps toward me.
“I was an asshole before. When Matthias and I first got together. And then when we were apart. Don’t be me, Dean.
Please don’t be like that. Whatever your sexuality is, we don’t care. ”
Maverick leaned into me. “Please don’t be like us.”
“I’m not going to... That’s not the issue. The issue is that I love Beau, and he doesn’t love me. I don’t know what it’s going to be like when I see him at the wedding. I don’t...” Tears blurred my vision, and Maverick gasped and hugged me again.
“I’m going to kill that fucker. I don’t care if it’s a wedding. No one will see or hear anything,” Killian hissed between clenched teeth. “Don’t look at me like that, Mav. He’s a thirty-eight-year-old man who’s acting like a child. I won’t ruin anything.”
Maverick flipped him the bird. “It’s my wedding day, Kill. Don’t you dare make a scene. I want it to be special. No, it will be special, and I will murder you if you ruin that for me.”
I snorted. “Don’t.”
“Wait, are you laughing right now?” Killian asked. “You scared the shit out of all of us, especially your brother, and this is funny to you?”
I pressed my face into Maverick’s shoulder. “Because you’re threatening to kill Beau and Maverick is going all bridezilla on your ass.”
“I’m not a...” Maverick’s lips curved up into a smile before he burst into a fit of giggles. “Bridezilla.”
Killian smirked. “You’re totally a bridezilla. Ha! You thought I was going to be one when it’s been you the entire time.” He folded his tattooed arms across his thick chest.
“Maybe I’m a little bit of a bridezilla, but honestly, I deserve it. Right?” Maverick hooked his arm around my shoulders.
“I mean, sure, but don’t we all? We all deserve our special day,” Killian pointed out.
I nudged Maverick. “No one is going to ruin your day, Mav. I’m not even going to look in Beau’s direction, and Killian isn’t going to murder anyone.
I want you and Jax to have an extra special wedding after everything the two of you went through.
It’s the first Mulligan wedding. It has to be perfect. ”
“What about you, Blake? You planning to commit any crimes in the near future?” Maverick turned to our bass player.
Blake looked surprised, then waved a hand in front of himself. “What about this face screams going to commit a crime?”
“Mm, right. Like you and Tommy weren’t doing things that could have gotten you arrested when he was in school.” Killian wiggled his brows.
Blake blushed beet red. “You want to have a talk about sex right now, Hampton?”
“No,” he snarled as his ears burned pink.
“You sure? Because I think I remember the time I heard you screaming Matty’s name—”
Killian slapped his hand over Blake’s mouth, and Maverick and I laughed.
He pointed a finger at them. “No one talks about him, got it? Not like that, not ever.” He turned his attention back to Blake. “If I remove my hand, you had better not even mention a word about my fiancé and our sex life, or I will remove your tongue and feed it to you.”
“You’re so touchy.” Blake held up his hands, palms first, when Killian growled.
“Respect Matthias, Blake, that’s all I ask. Just like Tom told me I needed to do for you when we were kids.” Killian glared at Blake until he was forced to look away.
“You’re right, Kill. I’m sorry.” Blake nodded. “I know you love him, and I won’t do that anymore.”
“Jesus Christ, I thought you two were going to start dueling,” Maverick muttered, and when Killian snorted with laughter before throwing his arms around Blake, I couldn’t help but join in.
I untangled myself from my brother and hugged Killian and Blake. “I think that the four of us should go out. Like an unofficial band breakfast. When was the last time we did that? No boyfriends, fiancés, or soon-to-be husbands.”
“But—” Killian started to object.
“No, Kill. Not even Matthias. I think you can survive a couple of hours without him. He’ll be fine. Let him hang out with Jax, Tom, and Helena.”
Killian pouted. “Fine.”
“You’re so whipped,” Blake teased, only for him to bare his teeth at him.
Maverick clapped his hands happily. “I think that’s a great idea.”
Killian rolled his eyes, then lunged forward to hug me again. “I love the three of you like brothers.” He winked at Maverick before he reached over to grab him, and then Blake wiggled in so that the four of us were embracing. “For the record, I still think that this is the worst idea ever.”
“Whipped,” I coughed and then bolted inside the house before he could say something like Matty was his ride or die or whatever.
Because even though it was true, and we all knew it was, I wanted to find my ride or die.
And once this wedding was over and I was back home, I planned to start looking for them.