50. Skye
SKYE
I descended the stairs of the Nikolaev private jet, expecting to see Sasha waiting for me. To my surprise, it was Nikola.
My steps faltered, and I froze mid-descent as our eyes met. It had been ages since I’d seen him, and suddenly, all the feelings I’d been keeping at bay came crashing down.
I blinked twice, but he was still there.
He wore black loafers, black trousers, and a white dress shirt.
No tie. Under the warm Louisiana sun, his hair seemed lighter than usual and his eyes paler than the frozen glacier waters.
But gone was that careless expression and in its place was a somber face that resembled his father’s more than ever before.
But it was still him. My Nikola.
I blinked profusely, trying to keep stupid tears at bay. It was pointless.
He wheeled himself forward, and before I knew what I was doing, I ran down the steps, discarding months of clinging to my pride and his hurtful words and actions. I ran all the way to him.
It wasn’t until my knees were on the ground and my hands wrapped around him, his cologne filling my lungs, that he finally felt real.
I leaned back, meeting Nikola’s scalding eyes, intense and full of emotions that burned in my chest.
When he pulled away, his expression, warm but somewhat reserved, zeroed in on me.
For a few moments we just soaked in each other before he broke the silence. “I missed you so fucking much, zayka .”
One, two heartbeats.
“ You let me down, Nikola ,” I signed, my fingers shaking.
Shadows full of conflict flared across his face before he ran a hand across his face as we stared at each other silently.
My heart trembled in my chest while feelings clogged my throat.
Was it so easy to forgive? Deep in my soul I knew it was, but I wanted to hear more words from him.
I needed his assurance that from now on, it’d be us against the world.
I didn’t want to risk his shutdown when we reached another obstacle.
We needed to talk about the fact that he shut me down and pushed me away. How he hurt me. I understood that he hurt too, but his disability should have been something we tackled together.
I should have been here with him every step of the way, not across the ocean worrying about him and aching for him.
“Should we go to the compound?” he offered as if he could sense my conflicted thoughts. “I can see all the questions swirling in your head and we have lots to talk about. Let’s hold off until we get home. Okay?”
I nodded, and we made our way into the waiting car.
The ride home was spent in silence. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but I simply couldn’t find the words. Could we tackle whatever life threw our way or would he push me away again when we faced troubles?
Oblivious to my internal turmoil, the car pulled up in front of the Nikolaev compound.
Once he opened the car door, without thinking, I offered, “ Let me help you. ”
His body tensed and he faced me with a dark expression. “I’m capable.”
I flinched as if I’d been struck, but I forced myself to stay calm as I signed, “ Of course you are. ”
My lip trembled and my throat burned with hurt as I watched the dispassionate way he shifted his wheelchair over to a platform.
He’d changed a lot, and I wasn’t quite sure whether it was for the better.
I missed the old Nikola, the crazy and wild one.
This one was too somber, too meticulous. Almost calculative.
I stared as he pressed a button, and then slowly his wheelchair was transported out of the car. I exited the car, letting my gaze lock on the Nikolaevs’ beautiful home while I waited, wondering where all this was going. Maybe coming here was a mistake. Maybe Nikola and I were never meant to be.
Then why does my heart ache so bad whenever I think of life without him?
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I was startled when a hand tugged on mine. My eyes lowered to Nikola’s inked fingers intertwined with mine, my name on his ring finger.
My gaze met his. “I’m sorry, Skye. That was uncalled for.”
“ Yes, it was. ”
“I have much to apologize for.” He pushed his other inked hand through his short pale hair. “And much to learn. For starters, I have to learn to accept help without a grudge.”
I folded my arms across my chest and nodded my head. “ Yes, you do. Everyone’s hurting, Nikola, and we want to help. ”
I could fall to my knees and tell him I forgive it all, but I didn’t think it would serve me in the long run.
I didn’t want to have a repeat of the last several months.
Nikola had to get it into his thick head that if we were to spend our life together, we would handle everything like a true team. True partners.
“Duly noted. Let’s go in, shall we?”
The moment we entered the manor, Vasili and Isabella were there waiting for us. I didn’t even have a chance to lift my arms before Isabella pulled me into a hug and her husband wrapped both of us in his big arms.
“Welcome,” she finally said. “We promised your parents we’d take good care of you.”
I smiled.
“ You always do. ” Then I gazed around the foyer until I met another set of eyes and a wide smile pulled on my lips. “ Sasha !”
“You didn’t think I’d stay away when my princess is home.” Vasili and Isabella released me from their warm hug and I made my way toward him. “I’ve missed you.”
“ We just saw each other over the holidays. ”
He shot me a stern look.
“That was two months ago. Longest I’ve gone without a visit from you.
” He pecked my forehead, then continued, “Branka and Damien wanted to come, but the little rascal had some school shit to catch up on. Apparently he’s been playing video games over the past few months and got behind on schoolwork. ”
I chuckled, my eyes inadvertently finding Nikola’s in the shared memory. It seemed so long ago, a different lifetime, yet only yesterday.
“He’s much like his sister at that age,” Nikola stated.
Sasha’s pale gaze found Nikola and gave him a curt nod. “Good to see you, Nik.”
Nikola nodded somberly, then pinned them all with a look. “Skye and I will be eating dinner in the library. Alone.”
“Oh, can I get some cookies for you two?” Isabella offered eagerly.
I winced, exactly aware of how those cookies would taste. I’d had the misfortune of tasting Isabella’s cooking once. Sasha had to wash my mouth out with tons of milk and warn me never to eat anything she cooks again. It wasn’t a lesson I would have forgotten anyhow.
“Note that I said get some cookies, not make them,” she added as if reading my thoughts.
“No need, Mom,” Nikola answered. “I’d like to have dinner without any interruptions from you all. Can we get that?” Then he extended his hand and looked at me. “Do you want to freshen up first or get right to it?”
A part of me was relieved that he seemed intent on us talking. We needed to push this dark, hovering cloud out of the way before we could move on. I certainly wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully without laying it all out on the table.
“ I’m ready to eat. ”
Three sets of eyes stared at our backs as we made our way into the library.
As the door shut behind us, my heart stilled with anticipation and the romantic setup waiting for us. An intimate round table with silverware set on the white lacy tablecloth with pink petals scattered around it.
He tugged on my arm and I looked at him. “Is this okay?”
I swallowed, his look grabbing ahold of my heart as it always did. “ Yes, it’s beautiful .”
A smile touched his lips. “Let’s sit down, then.”
His side of the table didn’t have a chair, so he wheeled himself in as I took the seat opposite of him. Our gazes locked again, so many emotions twirling in his light blues. He looked immaculate, but there was nervousness and fatigue lingering behind his eyes.
“I missed you so much.” Conflict waged in his eyes.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for pushing you away.
For not letting you help me. I was a stupid, blind bastard.
I swore to protect you when we were kids and I failed.
In more ways than one. I’m so fucking sorry for pushing you away when all I wanted to do was cling to you until my dying breath. ”
“ Why did you push me away ?”
His jaw tightened. “Because I feel… less like this. Because I’m scared.”
My brows furrowed. “ But you’re never scared of anything or anyone. ”
“I’m afraid of failing you. Not being good enough—strong enough—to protect you.
Maybe it was my stupid pride or stubbornness, but I got used to seeing admiration and stars in your eyes when I looked at you.
I was drunk, addicted to you. When I finally had you…
I wanted to be your hero, your everything.
Yet, how could I be your everything if I can’t even walk? ”
The pain etched on his face was my undoing. Nikola always wanted to do right by everyone. Even at his craziest, he always gave his all. His legs weren’t the thing that made him the hero, it was his heart. Always his heart.
I stood and moved around the table to kneel in front of him.
“ The only time you ever failed me, Nikola, was when you pushed me away. Your heart is all I’ve ever seen or wanted.
” Confusion and uncertainty waged in his eyes, and I continued.
“You’ve always been and always will be strong enough for me. You’re everything to me. ”
His gaze dropped to search my face filled with satisfaction and so many emotions, making my chest tremble.
“Are you sure?” He cupped my face, running a thumb across my lips. “Because I don’t think I can be noble or selfless ever again when it comes to you. If you’ll have me again.”
I felt the intensity of his words and the slight shake of his hands on my skin. It made my throat tighten, and if I had a voice, I was sure it’d shake.
Instead, only my hands did as I signed with raw feelings in my heart, “ I’d have you in every lifetime, Nikola. In any shape or form, as long as I live. For better or worse. I just want you. ”
He pulled me up and set me on his lap, his uneven heartbeat thundering next to me. He brought his forehead to mine, enveloping me in his scent and strong arms, and I finally felt at home. He was my home. My safe haven.
“I don’t deserve you, zayka .” He kissed me. Soft and deep. So deep that it touched my heart and soul. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life repenting for the pain I’ve caused you.”
“ Just be around, ” I signed. “ Because life without you… I don’t want it. ”
Rough vibration rumbled in his chest and satisfaction filled his expression. “I love you, zayka . You know that, right?”
I leaned in and breathed against his lips, letting his oxygen fill my soul. I’d waited for so long to hear those words, but it was as if they’d been part of us all along. We’d loved each other in some shape or form since we were children.
“I love you, Nikola,” I said slowly, not caring if my voice was distorted or not perfect.
Because finally, I was back where I belonged. With him.