Chapter 20
twenty
I drove into my parking spot at the apartment, wearing my now favorite Jefferson Airplane t-shirt and jeans. Shutting the engine off, I stepped out. Looking around at the dark night, I noticed Micah’s Mercedes parked next to me. I held my cell phone up to my face. It read 8:12 p.m. I sighed. I didn’t mean to come home so late, but we had to lay down the final tracks so we could start mixing next week. Locking the Jeep, I headed for the apartments.
As I strolled along the pathway, I combed my fingers through my long hair, flipping it over one side of my head. A wave of exhaustion washed over me. The last few weeks in the studio had been productive but tiring. I peered into the night at the sliver of a moon peeking through the fog and took in the salty ocean air, the waves ever tumbling to shore in the distance. When was the last time we’d been able to enjoy them?
I only wanted Micah now. I stopped at his door and knocked.
The door opened, and he gave me a warm grin, his gray hooded sweatshirt and jeans hugging him in all the right places. “You’re home.” He threw his arms around my shoulders and hugged me. “I missed you.”
As I wrapped my arms around his waist, I snuggled into his shoulder, enjoying the feel of him against me. “I missed you, too.”
He released me. “Long day, huh?” He stepped aside to let me enter. “I have your tea ready.”
He’d made a habit of taking care of me. I smiled. It wasn’t something I was used to, but it was one of the many things I loved about him. I took a seat on his couch and scanned over the apartment. No clothes or trash anywhere. He’d been keeping it cleaned up. That was a good sign. “So, how was your day?”
He brought a cup of tea to me and set it on the coffee table in front of me. “It was good.” He dropped in next to me. “I have news.”
“Yeah? Good news, I hope.” I lifted the cup and blew over the hot liquid, then took a sip. The bitter tea mixed with the sweet honey to sooth my throat as it went down.
“I think it’s good.” He grinned. “I’m going back to work on Monday.”
“What?” I set the cup down and stared at him, my mouth open. He shouldn’t be doing this too early. “Don’t you still have another week or two before your leave is up?”
“Yes, but the therapist cleared me for it, and I spoke with my manager, Robert, today, and he needs me back.” He rested a hand on my thigh and picked the cup off the coffee table, handing it back to me. “You need to drink this.”
With a huff, I took the cup and sipped the tea. “Okay, but I don’t want you going anywhere near Sunnyvale.” The last thing I wanted was a panicked call from him while I was stuck in San Francisco.
He pursed his lips. “About that...my parents want to have dinner with us.” He glanced at the fireplace on the opposite wall.
“Okay.” I sipped more tea. I’d finally get to meet his father. “When and where?”
“So, we have this Chinese restaurant that we always eat at called Tao Tao’s. They’d like to eat there Friday night.” He took a quick inhale. “It’s great.” He grabbed my free hand. “But it’s in Sunnyvale.”
I scoffed a breath. “Great. How close is that to your old condo?”
“Five or six miles.” He eyed me. “It won’t be a problem. I was fine the last time we were down there, as long as we don’t go to the condo.”
I took another sip of tea. He was right, and he seemed to have gotten better these last few weeks. “Okay.” I knitted my brows. “Do you want to try driving by the condo after dinner maybe and see how you do?”
“Yes, I’d like to see for myself if I have a reaction.” He pressed his lips together. “I can’t live the rest of my life avoiding Fair Oaks Avenue. It’s a major street.”
I drank the rest of my tea and set the cup on the coffee table. “Guess you have to do this at some point.” I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close. “I want to be there with you when you do.”
His head rested on my shoulder. “How are things in the studio?”
“Good. We finished laying down tracks today, including a cover by Jefferson Starship.” Wait for it. The snarky comment about my 1960s bands was coming. I took a deep breath.
“Are you serious? What song?” He raised his head and fixated on me.
“Count on me.” I grinned. “That song’s been playing in my head, and I figured we could pull off a killer version of it, and we did,” I said. “Jeff is having the label work on the permissions.” Here comes the comment.
A smirk spread over hiss face. “I’ve never even heard of that song.”
With a scoff, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, opened my music app, and pressed buttons until I found the song. The piano started in the opening, followed by guitars, keyboards, and soft drums. Marty Balin’s unique voice filled the room with the first verse.
“Oh, yeah. My mom used to play that song sometimes on her record player .” He snickered. “Why that song?”
I poked him in the chest. “Because it reminds me of how I feel about you.”
A blush crept over his face. “Really?” He grabbed my phone and rewound the song. “Now I want to really listen to it.” As it started again, he turned the volume all the way up and rested his head on my shoulder. As the song played, his eyes glistened, and he sniffed.
I didn’t expect that reaction, but I was happy to get it. I grinned and kissed the side of his head.
As the song ended, he swiped at his eyes and handed the phone back to me. “Are you going to change the lyrics to say boy instead of girl, like you did with that other song?” He snickered.
I shrugged. “Only live. I don’t think they’ll let me do that on the recorded version.”
“Good.” He nodded. “So, what’s next?”
“So, we’ll start mixing, and once that’s done, rehearsals will start. I think we’re going to shoot some videos around here as well for the EP songs, so they’re ready to go out.” I kissed his head. “I’ll have more time, then. Maybe we can start surfing again?”
He nodded. “I’d like that. Though we’ll only have time for that on the weekends. I’ll be working.”
A tiny ache pricked my heart. If only I could go back in time, when neither of us had anything to do but be together. “Yeah.” I sighed. “Maybe on Sunday. We’re taking the day off from the studio.”
“I’d like that.” He pressed a tender kiss on my lips.
* * *
On Friday evening, I looked over the back entrances of a row of restaurants, bars, and shops in downtown Sunnyvale as Micah parked his Mercedes SUV in a parking lot. I peered at my blue button-down shirt and beige shorts. Not my usual look, but I was meeting his father. Trees lined the parking lot in the early evening light, and all around us were two- and three-story buildings.
He shut off the engine. He looked nice too, in a black polo and white chino shorts. “I forgot to tell you my sister will be here, too.”
With a slow nod, I said, “Great, that should be interesting. Does she know who I am?”
He smirked. “Yeah, but she’s not a big fan like Joey.” He released a soft chuckle. “Guess not everyone can be a fan of The Swarm.”
I scoffed and slapped his arm. “No? Well, maybe I can change her mind.” What bands was his sister into? I climbed out of the SUV and shut the door.
Stepping out, he locked the vehicle with a chirp. “The place is over here.” He pointed at a nondescript cream building with a Chinese-style pergola over a glass door.
I followed him toward the entrance, snatching his hand in mine, my stomach fluttering.
With a wide grin, he opened the glass door for me and let me inside.
I stepped into the restaurant and looked around. Tables littered the floor with white-linen tablecloths and light wood chairs. Gold stars hung from the ceiling. Good thing I’d dressed up. It all looked a little fancier than the typical Chinese restaurant. A long bar tucked into one side with a bartender mixing a row of tall drinks. “What are those?” I pointed at the bar.
He released a quick laugh. “Those are the mai tais, the signature drink. Don’t have more than two, or you’ll be drunk off your ass.”
“Really.” I kept walking, looking for his mother. I spotted her sitting at a round table with a dark-haired man and a young woman. The young woman sat between his parents. They probably positioned her as a buffer, since they were divorced.
He guided me to the table and stopped. “Hi Mom, Dad, Trish.” He nodded his dark head at them, then pointed to me. “Everyone, this is Ash Oakley, my boyfriend.”
David Knowles, wearing a white button-down shirt and beige slacks, stood from the table and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Ash. I’m David.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” I took David’s hand and gave it a firm shake.
Micah’s mother, wearing a blue blouse and jeans, rose from the table and stepped toward me, then gave me a warm hug. “How are you, Ash?”
I hugged her back, then released her. “I’m good. And you?”
Amanda gave me a warm smile. “Great. It’s good to see you under better circumstances.”
I smiled at her, then my attention turned to Trish, who was staring at me. She looked a lot like Micah, stunning in her own right with the same brown eyes.
With a shy smile, Trish waved at me, a flowered, sleeveless blouse covering her slight frame, her dark, straight hair hanging long down the sides of her face. “Hey, Ash.”
“Hi.” I waved at her. I knew that smile. It was the same one I’d seen on Micah’s face so many times.
Micah took a seat next to his mother, and I sat beside his father and straight across from Trish.
Micah said, “So, did you already order the mai tais?”
With a smile at Micah, Amanda said, “Of course. But you only get one.”
“I know.” He pulled a cloth napkin off the table and placed it in his lap. “I’m driving.”
Trish leaned in, looking me up and down. “So, Micah tells me you’ve been recording?”
“Yes. We’re almost done.” I snatched Micah’s hand under the table. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d had to meet the family of my lover. No, boyfriend. I cleared my throat.
Trish’s gaze flicked to Micah. “This one’s cute, Micah.”
He glanced at me with that shy smile I knew so well. “Thanks.”
As heat warmed my cheeks, I stared at the table. Should I respond?
David coughed into his hand. “So, Ash, you’re a musician?”
“Yes.” My gaze met his father’s. There was no mistaking the aura around this man. He commanded attention when he spoke. Thankfully, his father was coming to my rescue.
“What instruments do you play?” David asked.
“Guitar, piano, and keyboards, but I’m the lead singer.” I shifted in my chair. Where were those mai tais?
“I played some of your music for my mom on the way over here.” Trish glanced at her mother. “We think you have a sexy voice.”
Micah gasped. “What?”
Trish giggled. “Come on, Micah, he does.”
With a smirk, Amanda played with her fork on the table. “He does.”
Huffing, David leaned back in his seat. “You two are something else.”
“Uh, thank you.” What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I glanced at Micah, pleading for help with my eyes.
He smirked at me. “He’s pretty popular with the girls. I’ve had to fight at least one of them off him.”
I raised my brows at Micah. “Only one.” He sure wasn’t making this any easier on me.
Trish rested her chin on her hands over the table, gazing at me. “Only one, huh?”
“And one guy.” Micah released a low chuckle.
I looked at him with my mouth hanging open. “That’s not fair. Wells didn’t know what was going on.” Shit, why did I bring that up?
“Wells? Isn’t that your bass player?” Trish gave me a knowing grin. “I did some Googling since Micah told me about you.”
Of course, she’d pick up on that. I pursed my lips. “Yes, Wells is our bass player. He’s also a friend of mine from elementary school.” Maybe that would put it to rest. The last thing I wanted to explain was my relationship with Wells in front of Micah’s parents.
A waitress with short, black hair came to the table and set mai tais down in front of each of us. “Are you ready to order?”
David’s attention shifted to me. “We usually just order a bunch of things and share them. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes, that’s fine.” Thank God for the waitress. With a smirk, I picked up the mai tai and sucked some down.
“Let’s get an order of the Chinese chicken salad, the honey walnut prawns, Tao Tao beef, barbeque pork fried rice, and chicken asparagus.” David gathered up the menus from the table and handed them to the waitress.
“I’ll have your food right up.” The waitress took the menus and left.
Amanda studied Micah. “You’re looking well, son. Happy even. Ash must be taking good care of you?”
“He is.” Micah glanced at me with a grin. “He’s making sure I keep my therapy appointments and helping me with some of my assignments.”
“What sort of assignments?” David took a sip of his mai tai.
“We’ve had to do some desensitization work, so I could come back down here without anxiety. We’re going to drive by my old condo tonight.”
Amanda’s brows snapped together. “So, you’re still having a hard time with that?”
Micah circled the straw in his mai tai. “A bit. I just want to get to a point where I can drive by it and not feel panicked,” he said. “I don’t think I ever need to actually go back there again.” He gazed at me and squeezed my hand under the table.
His reaction in the parking lot of the condo flashed through my mind. My heart pricked. I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive myself for that. I took a deep inhale.
The waitress came back with a large tray of food. Another server set up a stand for the tray and they both set plates of food at the center of the table. “Enjoy.” The waitress left.
“Ash, try the Chinese chicken salad. It’s the best.” Trish scooped some of the salad onto her plate.
As David placed spoonfuls of food on his plate, he asked, “How’s the work over at Tesla?”
Micah sipped his mai tai. “Good. I’ll be on an extensive project to release the next version of autonomous driving software. We have a hard deadline to meet, so I’m having to put in some extra hours when I go back next week.” He peeked at me and frowned.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I placed some beef on my plate. “You shouldn’t push it your first week back.”
Amanda ate a bite of food. “He’s right, Micah. Don’t push yourself.”
“He’ll be fine. It’s been months since the suicide. It’s time for things to get back to normal.” David narrowed his eyes at Amanda.
Amanda pursed her lips. Under her breath, she said, “You didn’t see him after it happened.”
David glared at her, then focused on eating his food.
After taking a sip of mai tai, Trish said, “So, Ash, Micah told me you might play somewhere around here soon. Can I come?”
“Of course.” It would be nice having Micah and his sister at the gig. I smiled at her. “Our manager is putting together a gig for us at The Fillmore after we get some rehearsing in. It’ll be invitation-only, and I’ll get you one.”
“How about me and a friend?” She gave me a wide grin.
“Yes, you and whoever you want. Just let Micah know how many.” I took a bite of Chinese chicken salad. “Damn, that is good.”
“Told you.” Trish smirked at me. “This is great. My brother is dating a rock star. My friends are so jealous.”
A wide grin spread over Micah’s face, and he nodded his head. “Yep.”
* * *
After dinner, I drove Micah’s Mercedes SUV down Fair Oaks Avenue, peering down the street, searching for the telltale signs of Micah’s old condo. My pulse quickened. “How are you doing?” I glanced at him.
He sat in the passenger seat, his hands clutching the door handle and the center console, his face pale. “Okay, so far. Just drive by and park at the convenience store, then I’ll try driving.” He sucked in a breath, held it, then exhaled.
The building of the condominium complex came into view. Maybe I could speed by it. I itched to push the gas pedal down. With a sigh, I kept a steady pace and pretended I didn’t see the buildings. Maybe he wouldn’t notice either.
He glanced to the side, then focused on the road.
I drove the SUV into the parking lot of the convenience store, stopped in front of the dumpster, and turned to him. Was he seeing any visions? “You okay?” I looked him over, head to toe.
He nodded quickly, staring at the store in front of him, his face pale.
It didn’t feel right yet. “Are you sure you want to drive now?” I placed my hand on his shoulder.
“No.” His attention drew to me. “Not yet. Can you drive by it again?”
"Sure." I knew it. I could feel it. I turned the SUV around and pulled into the street. As I drove by the complex again, I glanced at him.
He swallowed hard and peeked at the complex. The muscle in his jaw bulged, and he fixated on the road in front of us.
I turned a corner onto a smaller street and stopped on the side of the road. "Better?" I studied him.
He nodded. "Better." He breathed in deeply. "I want to try driving now." He didn’t look like he was all that much better.
"Are you sure?" I looked him over again. "Maybe I should drive by one more time, then let you drive. We shouldn’t push it."
Micah wrinkled his brows. "Okay." He took my hand in his and squeezed so hard it hurt. "But I’m going to do this tonight."
With a grimace, I studied him. "Okay." What I’d witnessed the last time we were here was downright frightening. "So, you’re not getting any visions, right?"
He scowled. "No, and don’t remind me."
"Okay, I’m sorry." I pulled onto the road, turned the SUV around, and made a right turn back onto Fair Oaks Avenue. As I drove by the condo for the third time, I peered at him, gauging his reaction.
He placed his hands on his thighs, took deep breaths, then turned his head toward the complex as if taking it all in. As we cleared the buildings, he lowered his brows and focused on me. "I’m ready."
I pulled into the convenience store parking lot once again and parked in an open spot in front of the store. As he climbed out of the passenger door, I snagged his arm.
He blinked and cocked his head.
"You can do this." God, I hoped this was going to work. I tensed my jaw. "I love you."
The ghost of a smile passed over his lips. "Thank you." He bent over the center console, cupped my cheek, and placed a tender kiss on my lips. "Thanks for being here for me."
I lifted the corner of my mouth. "Of course." I released him, got out of the SUV, then back in on the passenger side. I watched him take the wheel on the driver’s side. "If anything happens, just stop the car. I’ll take it over, okay?" I wasn’t sure how that would work, but I’d have to find a way.
"Okay." He twisted his body to back out of the parking spot, then drove onto the main road. Narrowing his eyes, he drove the SUV onto Fair Oaks Avenue, then past the condominium complex. He glanced at it and drove on. As we came to the corner, he turned onto the smaller street and stopped on the side of the road, taking deep inhales as if he’d been holding his breath.
Was he okay? I examined him, holding still. What was next?
He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them and smiled at me. "I did it."
I relaxed and spread a wide smile across my face. "You did."
He chuckled. "It wasn’t so bad after all."
"Right?" I set my hand on his shoulder and beamed at him.
He rested his hand over mine. "At some point, I’d like to come back here and be able to walk through the grounds, but not for a while."
"Well, as long as you can drive down this street and not be..." I wasn’t sure how to put it to sound right. "You know."
"Yeah." He gazed at the street ahead of him, taking the steering wheel with both hands.
"Can I ask you what you did to stop the anxiety when we drove by?"
A shy smile swept over his face, and he blushed. "It’s silly."
I leaned toward him. "Come on, it can’t be that silly. Tell me." I dropped my hand from his shoulder to his thigh. Now I had to hear it. "Tell me."
He furrowed his brows and tightened his lips. "My therapist told me to imagine something pleasant when we drove by." He shook his head with a quick chuckle.
"Okay, so what did you imagine?"
"No..." He shook his head again.
"Micah... tell me." I squeezed his thigh. What could I say to get him to talk? "Come on, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
His attention drew to me. "All right." He breathed in deeply, his expressive eyes fixating on mine. "I imagined we were driving down the street to find a place for us to live in together." The smile on his face faded as he studied me.
"Y-you want to, to live together? Like move in together?" My heart pounded. How did I feel about that? I’d never actually lived with anyone, not even Wells.
He shrugged. "Yeah. I do."
I sank into the black leather seat and stared at the dash. How would it be to know that I would always come back to a home I shared with him? How would it be to have a home finally? Wonderful. "I think I’d like that." A smile grew on my face as I sighed.
"Yeah?" His gaze cut to the steering wheel, his fingers wrapping tightly around it as if it could walk off on him. "I mean, it’s almost like we live together now. We sleep together every night already."
I nodded, still caught up in shock.
"You would have to move from your place in Minnesota, I guess." He focused on the steering wheel.
I’d never really thought about it, but I’d never actually moved out. "You know, I don’t really have a place in Minnesota or anywhere else. When we’re not on the road, I just stay at my parents’ house."
He smirked at me and in a sarcastic tone, he said, "You still live with your parents?"
I bit the side of my lip. "Yeah, guess I do. It just didn’t feel like that because I’ve been out on tour." Wait a minute. I glared at him. "Your sister still lives with your mom, and she’s my age. It’s not like it’s that strange."
He chuckled. "You and my sister are alike. Both free spirits who didn’t leave the nest."
I scoffed. "Stop it. I just never had a reason to." Why should I pay rent on a place I was never at?
"I suppose Wells is the same way." He snickered.
"So?" I pursed my lips, then grinned. "We never had a reason to move out. We were never home."
"Thought so." He laughed. "Where is your bedroom? In the basement?"
"Yes. So what?" What a fucker. I laughed with him.
"Does that impress your groupies, to take them to the basement of your mom’s house after a gig?" He howled and belly-laughed.
I sniggered and pointed at him, attempting to straighten my face. "You better stop."
Slowing his laughter, he twisted in his seat to look at me, then knit his brows together. "So, you’ll move out here permanently and live with me?"
I leaned sideways, rested my hand on the back of his head, and pulled him close for a deep kiss. "Yes, I will. I love it here and I love you."
"I love you, too, Ash Oakley, rock star, parents’ basement dweller." With a smirk, he faced the wheel again and drove onto the street. "So, it’s settled. We’ll find a place together before you leave for your next tour."
"Yes." I shifted back into the passenger seat, gazing at the small houses, trees, and lit streetlamps passing by. "We will live in Pacifica, right?"
He nodded. "I’ve come to really love that little town, and the commute isn’t too bad into Palo Alto."
"Good."