Saturday, March 4th #4
“Alright, so here’s the thing,” Vada says the second we’re sequestered in the ladies’ bathroom at the Foxtail Lounge. She reaches for my wrist and whirls me around to face her. “Dusty is really freaking hot,” she says with a nod. “And I want to get laid.”
Vada hasn’t been shy about putting herself out there since college.
Once she was over Steve, she dove headfirst into dating.
Even Brady hasn’t slowed her down much. “I’m young, I’m hot, I want to have fun,” she told me recently.
That was right before launching into why I should “go get some college dick.”
“Uh-huh, so what are you telling me?” I ask, wiggling myself free from Vada’s hold.
Her lips pucker while she rests her hand on her popped-out hip. “That we should take them up on their offer to go back to their apartment…”
I get the impression she has more to say. I flatten my lips between my teeth and wait for her to continue.
“…and that Levi is really cute, and you should get laid, too.”
There it is.
I turn to the mirror and begin to mess with my unruly hair.
Not totally sure if it’s the added moisture in the air, but the long blonde strands are a mess today.
A pang of longing shoots through me. Ronan loved my hair, especially when it was big and messy like this.
“You look like a damn lioness, baby. It’s sexy as hell,” he’d always say.
I freeze, my fingers still in my hair. It doesn’t feel sexy now. Just wild and untamable. Like my emotions.
I sense Vada step up next to me, her face and body turned squarely toward me.
I stare at myself, ignoring her intense gaze.
“Come on, Kitty Cat. You’ve only ever experienced one cock, right?
And you and Ran are broken up. That means, one, you wouldn’t be cheating, and two, it’s valuable life experience.
It’s not like you’re ‘saving yourself for marriage.’” She shrugs, then turns, leaning onto the sink counter and closing the distance between herself and her mirror image.
“So, you might as well go and live life a little. Get your rocks off, you know? Nothing wrong with that. Plus, you’ll be doing me a favor,” she says with a smirk, then retrieves her trusty red lipstick from her black bag and applies it to her pouty lips.
My fingers rake through the mop on my head, acting as a makeshift comb. It’s useless, though. I’ll need heat to straighten the waves. “And how exactly would I be doing you a favor by having sex with Levi?” I ask, half-amused.
“Well, I’d feel a lot less guilty having an orgasm if I knew you were in the room next to me having one, too, rather than just sitting on the sofa watching an episode of Friends, waiting for me to finish.”
“You know, for someone who was so intent on Ran and me getting together, you’re awfully pushy about me having a one-night stand.”
Vada doesn’t take the bait. “Well, Ran’s acting like a complete douche-canoe and you deserve a good time. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t find Levi attractive.” She tosses her lipstick back into her purse.
I shrug. “I mean, he’s not—”
“Yeah, I know, he’s not Ran aka Adonis,” Vada says with an eye roll.
I stifle the sigh before it has the chance to escape my mouth. “That’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say that Levi isn’t bad looking.”
Vada smiles triumphantly. “Honestly, that’s all that’s required: not bad looking.
And you can always close your eyes, too.
Look, I don’t expect you to fall in love and start a deep relationship with Levi.
I don’t even expect you to fall out of love with Ran.
But I do expect you to try and have a few minutes of fun and get yourself a big, screaming O. ”
She hooks her arm under mine, then pulls me out of the bathroom and back to our table occupied by Levi and Dusty.
***
The cab ride back to Levi and Dusty’s place is… awkward. I never sit in the front passenger seat, but would have gladly traded places with Levi once Vada and Dusty began making out in the backseat next to me. Man, to have Vada’s unabashed confidence and self-assurance.
Levi kept looking over his shoulder at me, communicating his apologies with his eyes. The forced smile on my lips was both for his benefit and mine.
I’m not convinced that Vada and Dusty’s lips disengaged or that his hands retreated from Vada’s body while they clambered out of the cab and up to the apartment, only to disappear into Dusty’s room.
Vada pulled her tongue from Dusty’s mouth only long enough to throw me a meaningful look before the bedroom door slammed shut behind them.
Levi motions for me to take a seat on the sofa, then walks no more than five feet to the kitchen.
This place is even smaller than Ronan and Shane’s apartment, but I’d bet anything their rent is half of Levi and Dusty’s.
That’s the difference between living in one of the boroughs, like Queens, versus “the city.”
The suction noise of the refrigerator opening sounds from the kitchen.
“Want anything to drink?” Levi asks. “We have… water, Gatorade, beer, chocolate milk? What the fuck?” he mutters that last part, making my lips curve.
What an eclectic mix of beverage choices.
The fridge door shuts. “And vodka.” Levi’s head appears around the corner, a miffed expression crowding his face.
“Uhh—”
He expels a short laugh. “I can’t even make you a mixed drink with that stuff.”
I contemplate just asking him for some vodka.
I hate that stuff, but it’s miraculous at lowering my inhibitions.
That and tequila. They’re my kryptonite.
I could probably benefit from a little dulling of my thoughts.
Problem is, I don’t know that I want to heed Vada’s advice from earlier.
I decide against the alcohol. Whatever decisions I make tonight, when tomorrow comes around I want to be certain those choices were clearheaded and all mine.
“Don’t worry about it. Maybe some water,” I say.
The sofa cushions concave with Levi’s weight when he sits down next to me, handing me a bottle of water. “So, Vada isn’t the shy type, is she?” he asks over the sound of the bottle cap separating from its plastic ring.
I shake my head, my bottle to my lips. I hastily swallow the sip. “No. She never was.”
“Good for her. And Dusty.”
The plastic bottle in Levi’s hand crinkles when a soft moan emanates from one of the bedrooms.
Levi and I sit awkwardly, the silence growing thick. I keep taking sips of my water even though I’m not thirsty.
“You look really nice tonight,” Levi says, a sweet smile on his lips.
I don’t thank him for the compliment. It feels like a mandatory step for him to take in the societally accepted process of hooking up.
It’s all so forced and uncomfortable, especially with what Dusty and Vada are doing only feet away from us.
The air is heavy with expectations and wondering where this is going to go tonight.
I can practically see Levi calculating what he should do and say next.
It’s such a delicate balance—say the right things, push enough to test, but not so far as to be off-putting. Poor guy.
“Vada thinks you and I should hook up tonight, too,” I say, then promptly take another sip of water.
Levi’s dark eyes flash briefly. He was not expecting me to cut the chase short like this. His Adam’s apple bops with his dry swallow. “She does, huh?”
I twist the cap back onto my water and place it on the floor, directing my full attention to Levi. I still don’t know whether I want this, but I guess I’m going to find out really quickly. I nod.
Levi searches my eyes while I sit unspeaking. He slowly leans toward me, millimeter by millimeter. I inhale and shut my eyes, waiting for his lips to make contact, which they do a second later.
His kiss is hesitant, nothing like Ronan’s, who knew my mouth like his own.
Just the thought of him sends a throbbing ache through my chest and threatens tears.
I try to stay in the moment, praying for the ability to ignore the pain and seek the pure physical pleasure.
I’m verging on thanking Levi for the nice evening, yanking Vada out of this bachelor pad with me, and heading home to drown in my sorrow.
“God, you’re so hot, Cat,” Levi breathes against my lips, gently pushing me back against the pillows.
He meets no resistance. His hands roam, but my body won’t follow.
It doesn’t light up. It doesn’t want this.
My skin stays silent, numb. If this was Ronan’s hand, I’d already be tingling all over.
My skin would be covered in delicious goosebumps while moist heat rushed to my core.
Nothing feels better than Ronan’s body on mine; nothing will ever compare—but still, I don’t push Levi off me.
Instead, I follow his lead, running my hands underneath his shirt and up his back.
He sits back, then pulls his hoodie and shirt off, discarding them on the floor.
My eyes take stock of his build. Levi obviously works out, but isn’t nearly as muscular, as cut as Ronan, whose body is so damn perfect, even scarred.
God, I need to stop thinking about Ronan.
Levi takes my hand into his and carefully pulls me up to a seat before coaxing my sweater off me. Once again, I allow it, allow his lips back on mine while his hands work to unhook my bra and slide the straps off my shoulders.
I feel naked, exposed, vulnerable. I fight the urge to cover my breasts. It’s just a hookup. I’m not betraying anyone… except maybe myself.