21. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
Then
T here’s no way in hell this is really happening. I’m currently standing on top of a very large, and probably, very expensive coffee table, in the middle of a room full of people I don’t know, with Noah’s arm slung around my shoulders.
Everyone in the room is gathered around the table, merrily singing happy birthday to both of us, because of course, we just so happen to share the same birthday. That makes total sense.
When they get to the part of the birthday song where you’re supposed to say the person’s name, the room shamelessly erupts with, “Noah and that girl, ” then happily continue their off-key performance through the end.
As soon as they're done, I rapidly jump down and start searching the room for Jordyn. I’m on a mission. A mission to strangle my so-called best friend for making me go up there. I’ve never felt more embarrassed in my entire life, and she’s going to hear about it.
I spot her on the other side of the room, giving her very-present-not-in-Denver boyfriend a hug. I zero in on my target, ready to give her a piece of my mind, when someone tugs on my arm and stops me in my tracks. I already know who did the tugging before I even turn around.
“Noah, what do you want?”
“Happy birthday, Robins,” he says with a smile on his face.
“Thanks. Bye.” I quickly turn around and continue my pursuit.
“Woah, where are you going?” He asks, walking on my heels.
“I’m getting Jordyn so we can leave. I would say goodbye, but with the way you keep showing up in my life, I’m sure I’ll see you again later tonight. Probably in my bed or something, because at this point, that might be the least surprising thing to happen.”
Just then, he tugs on my arm and brings me to a stop again. He turns me around to face him, his smile grows wider, and his dimples appear on his cheeks. “Robins, was that an invite into your bed?”
“No!” My already flushed face gets even hotter. I rip my arm away and small beads of sweat form on the back of my neck. “No! I was just making a point! Noah, you’re literally the only person in the world I don’t want to run into, but for some godforsaken reason, I seem to run into you all the freaking time! Particularly in the moments when I’m already stressed, and you just so happen to stress me out even further.”
He lets out a small laugh. “Jane, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
He’s trying to be funny, but I notice something else is there too. A small blush starts at the tip of his nose and slowly creeps to the apples of his cheeks.
“Noah, why are you even here? Jordyn told me you would be in Denver?”
His shoulders fall, and his brows knit together. “Nah, didn’t work out.” He takes a breath, and the corner of his mouth lifts. “But, you know what? I guess it ended up being a good thing anyway, because if I was there, I would have missed our birthday party.”
I do my best to continue acting annoyed, but it’s hard when he looks the way he does. The way his shaggy brown hair flips out over his ears. The way the corners of his eyes lift when he smiles. It’s really hard to hate someone when they make you laugh.
I get to the spot where I saw Jordyn and Tyler hugging, but of course, they’ve moved on and now are nowhere to be found.
I throw my hands up in frustration, scanning the room, but I can’t see them through the sea of bodies. I need to find Jordyn. I need to get out of here.
Continuing my search, I wind my way through the rooms of the massive house, Noah closely tailing me around every corner.
“Don’t follow me. Shoo. Go away,” I say, still walking.
“Jane, I’m not a puppy. I’m looking for Tyler. And let’s be honest, wherever Jordyn is, Tyler is too. Sorry, Robins, looks like we’re stuck together.”
Fucking great.
We locate the love birds in the kitchen. Jordyn turns to me with wide eyes, a look of apprehension written all over her face.
“Hey, thanks for leaving me alone up there. I really appreciate it.” I stare at her, my embarrassment from earlier returning.
She links arms with me and leads us into the next room. When we have reached a safe enough distance, she faces me. “As you have now very publicly noticed, Ty and Noah did not end up going to Denver. I had no idea, I swear. Tyler totally surprised me by being here.”
I look at her for a moment. Not saying anything.
“I know what it looks like, but I swear I wouldn’t have had us come if I knew they’d be here.” I can see a silver line of tears start to form at the bottom of her eyes. “Really, babe, I’m so sorry. I was just in the kitchen getting us some cake to take home. I told Tyler we were going to leave because I know that was the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.” She tries a smile, but a tear escapes. She’s telling the truth.
“Don’t worry about it, J. I mean, having an entire party sing happy birthday to me was nothing compared to the complete mortification I felt having Noah’s arm around me for the entire thing.”
“Yeah, um….we could all tell. I was sure at one point you were actually going to vomit all over yourself.”
I laugh and gently push her away. “Ew. I didn’t look that bad.”
“Babe, I’m being completely honest, you looked like someone just told you your cat died, and then told you your house burned down, then after all that, Noah Riley put his arm around you, while a room full of drunk strangers sang you happy birthday. That’s how awful you looked. And I’m telling this to you as your friend.” She gently puts her hand on my arm, and we both burst out laughing as Tyler and Noah walk into the room.
“Wait, whose cat died?” Tyler asks as he puts his hand on the small of Jordyn’s back. This earns another round of laughter from both of us. “Okay? Well, while you two are losing your minds, Noah and I will go get us all some drinks, sound good?”
It takes me a minute to regain my composure. I think the adrenaline mixed with humiliation has given me a weird case of the giggles. “Nah, I’m good. I’m going to head home. I think I’ve had enough ‘fun’ for the night.”
“Oh, come on, Robins! The party literally just started. You can’t leave now, that would be a major party foul,” Noah says.
“Party foul or not, I’m going to call it a night.”
Before I even finish my sentence, Noah stops me short. “At least come up to the balcony for a bit and check out the view of the lake before you go. You won’t regret it, I promise.”
I try to think of something that will get him off my back, but nothing comes to mind. “Fine. One quick check of the view, then I’m leaving.”
“Deal.” Taking my hand in his, he vigorously shakes my hand, like we just made the biggest business agreement of the year. We stay shaking hands a beat too long, and the moment grows unsteady. We break apart, and he turns away. “It’s this way, follow me.”
My hand feels all tingly. His touch, although brief, sent an electric current right through me.
The feel of his rough, warm hand in mine was unexpected but felt good. Too good.
I follow closely behind him, trying my best to shake all the muddled thoughts out of my head.
Noah seems to know everyone. Passing through various rooms of the massive house, fellow party-goers wish us both happy birthday more times than I can count. They’re giving him high fives, asking him questions, fist bumping at every turn. They’re all so happy to see him, and he’s happy to see each of them.
Weaving in and out of the rooms, with so many people coming and going, gives me a vague sense of being in a maze. “Noah, you sure you know where we’re going?” I say, willing my short legs to keep up with his long strides. “I feel like we should start leaving a breadcrumb trail to make sure we can find our way out of here at some point.”
He laughs. “I know exactly where we’re going, thank you very much. I basically live here. Besides, the last time I laid a breadcrumb trail in here, Landon’s dog Milo ate it before I could make my way out. I found this crazy witch in a house made of brownies, and she fattened me up and told me she was going to eat me; it was this whole thing. Clearly, I made it out, but it was touch and go there for a minute.”
“It was candy.” I manage to get out through my laughter.
“Excuse me?”
“It was candy. The house in the story is made of candy, not brownies.”
“Jane, I distinctly remember that you were not there. The house was definitely made of brownies. I know because I love brownies. I hate candy.”
He loves brownies. I bite my lip, trying to hide my smile.
We finally find the balcony, and Noah opens the wide doors. We walk over to the edge and lean up against the railing.
I stare down at the lake below and take a deep breath in of the crisp night air.
“It’s pretty awesome, right?”
“Meh, it’s not bad, I guess,” I say, trying to act indifferent.
“Not bad ?! You guess ?! Jane, is this the moment you’ve chosen to tell me you’re blind? Are we even looking at the same lake right now?” He narrows his eyes at me.
“I’m joking.” I laugh. “It really is beautiful.” I continue staring out at the water. A light breeze brushes past, and my body erupts with tiny little goosebumps.
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to retain some warmth, as we both stand in the quiet of the night, listening to the lapping waves against the shore.
Noah notices my chill and tosses me his sweatshirt. He doesn’t gently give it to me, he chucks it at my head. But, hey, it’s the sentiment that counts, right?
Pulling his sweatshirt over my head, I can’t help but notice it smells so freaking good and is still warm from being up against his body. I swallow hard. Trying to appear unphased, I rest my elbows on the railing and put my hands on my face to hide my blushing cheeks.
I look out and really notice the beauty of this place. The silver moon lighting the surrounding trees, and the dark waves moving in time with the cool breeze. I can see why Noah wanted me to see this, it’s gorgeous.
“My dad and Landon’s dad were best friends growing up. So, when Landon and I were little, they would bring us fishing here, like all the time. I mean, when we weren’t at Horsetooth, we were here.”
I look over at him as he gazes out at the water, and I don’t think his smile could get any bigger. You know when someone is really happy, and they smile a different kind of smile? It’s like they smile with their whole body, not just their mouth. That’s the smile Noah has right now.
My insides start to flutter. He bends down and leans heavy on the metal railing as he stares at the lake, an invisible scene playing that only he can see. After a moment, I see his smile change and this time, I notice it isn’t quite reaching his eyes. I want to ask, but it feels intrusive. I also suddenly remember that Noah Riley and I are not friends. I feel a tightness pinch in my chest.
I’m just about to excuse myself when he continues. “Landon and I would swim for hours. Literally from morning until night while our dads just sat on the boat and fished. They would pack the cooler full of beers and ham sandwiches for them, and Sunny-D and PB and Js for us kids. It was awesome.”
He pauses, still watching the lake. He wants to keep going, and I’m not sure why, but I want him to also. I want to know more. “After a while, our lake days turned from lots of fishing and only drinking a few beers, into drinking many beers and not even taking out the fishing poles. Landon’s dad tried to talk my dad into not bringing the cooler anymore and just fishing, but as you can imagine, that did not go over well. I mean, if you don’t even listen to your own wife and kids when they ask you to stop drinking, then who’s going to listen to their old fishing buddy, right?”
He turns his head and looks at me, as if I will give him an answer.
I don’t. I don’t know what to say, so I just stare at him, hoping he will continue. This part of Noah is new. I can tell that he needs to get this off his chest. He needs to talk to someone, to let his guard down, even for a minute.
As if reading my mind, he speaks again. “Growing up, me, Tyler, and my dad were inseparable. We were out all the time doing something cool. Fishing, hiking, sometimes we would even just sit in the back of his car while he drove up and down College listening to music. My mom was so happy when she had my younger sister, because she finally had someone she could do all that girl stuff with.” He pauses for a moment, beaming. “I mean, we did everything together, and then it all just stopped. He started drinking too much, then he just left. They got divorced, and he moved to Denver. It felt like it all happened so fast.” He pauses for another moment, and I see his eyes are glistening. He shakes his head. “Woah, Robins. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I got into all that. Sorry.” He furiously wipes at his eyes, and I can tell he’s embarrassed. He places both hands back on the railing and stares blankly at the water.
I gently rest my hand on top of his and give a little reassuring squeeze.
He doesn’t face me, but his shoulders relax as he turns his hand over, so that we are now palm to palm.
My heartbeat picks up as he interlaces our fingers and gently returns my squeeze.
“We were supposed to be in Denver this weekend for my birthday, but he called Tyler yesterday and said for us not to come. He said he was feeling, as you would put it, ‘under the weather.’” He raises his free hand in exaggerated quotation marks.
“Excuse me? That first debate against you, I was ‘under the weather.’ I mean, I wasn’t sick, but there was something making me not quite myself.” My cheeks start to heat.
He meets my eyes for a brief second, then turns away with an unsteady breath. “What about you, Robins. What’s your story? Any alcoholic dads in your life?” He says this as a joke, but I can sense the hurt behind his words.
I don’t know what he wants me to say. I don’t share things with people. My life is private, and I like to keep it that way. Buttoned up. Perfect.
In my house, if there is any notion at all that something is not okay, things go wrong. My parents showed me that life is only valuable if things are flawless. So I do everything in my power to make sure every single thing I do is damn near perfect. If I admit to Noah right now that maybe my life isn’t ideal, then he’s probably going to run away.
He begins tracing my knuckles with his thumb. There’s something about this boy in this moment though, that’s making me feel safe. Safe enough to admit that sometimes things are hard.
I take a deep breath. “No alcoholic dad here, but my dad is absolutely addicted to his work and only pays attention to me if I do something wrong,” I say through a forced smile. “Which I never do, so I honestly don’t think he even remembers he has a daughter.”
I shrug, trying to push away this feeling of being too exposed. It feels like I’m standing here butt-naked.
Jordyn’s the only one who knows anything about me, and honestly, she doesn’t even know much. I hate talking about myself, but for some reason, right now I feel like I can. Noah makes me feel like I can get some of these things off my chest. It’s in his touch. It’s in the way he let his guard down and showed me his pain; his tears. It’s in his admitting that not everything is perfect, but it’s still okay. Maybe I can do the same?
“My parents are extremely strict. Like, they literally won’t accept anything but the best. I have to get perfect grades, I have to be the top in all my classes, I have to get all the finest scholarships. Basically, if I do everything right, then they ignore me. Which is honestly better than the other option, which is them constantly scolding me for not living up to their expectations.” I drop my head, feeling the release. “They’ve always said that if I mess anything up for myself, they’ll just write me off.”
“What do you mean? Like, kick you out?”
“Oh totally. They’ve said that if I don’t respect their rules, then I can find somewhere else to live.”
“No way. Jane, that’s not—that’s awful.”
It feels good to hear someone say those words. Because I know it’s not right for your own parents to tell you their love for you is conditional. It’s not okay for them to say they’ll basically abandon you if you’re not perfect.
“Yeah, it’s hard. It makes it hard to trust anyone, I guess. It feels like if the people who are supposed to love me no matter what are willing to just let me go at any sign of a mistake, then why would anyone else want me? I try so hard to do everything right, but it’s not always easy.”
He looks at me with soft and understanding eyes. “Jane, it sounds like you’re doing a fine job. And fuck them if they can’t see it.” He smiles a lopsided smile, and I can’t believe it, but I smile back.
We stand together in this vulnerable silence, still holding hands. I can feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. The steady beat matching my own.
I can’t believe I just told him all of that about myself. He’s the first one in my entire life who has been able to crack this hard outer shell I have, and what's even more, he just listened. He didn’t judge, scold, or run away from me.
I’m not sure where to go from here, and I can see in his eyes that he’s asking the same question. My mind starts to race, confusion over this whole situation starting to take hold.
I try to break this spell by taking my hand from his and shoving it deep inside the baggy sweatshirt pocket. “So that’s it, I try to be as perfect and as good as I can be, so they leave me alone.” I shrug my shoulders, trying to make light of the whole thing.
I see his eyes grow dark, and his shoulders rise with a slow deep breath. “So, you’re a good girl, Jane?”
The way he says this makes my heart feel like it’s going to beat right out of my body. The look on his face assures me that he knows exactly what he’s doing. I can feel his eyes on me. I take a breath and do my best to regain myself and remember who it is I’m talking to. I have to change the subject now, or things could get even more confusing.
“So, besides being a lake kid, is there anything else you do?”
He smiles, knowing what I’m attempting to do.
“ Lake kid . Is that all you think I am?”
“I mean, no. I think you’re also an asshole who likes to pick fights and argue.” I’m not giving in.
“Oh, gotcha. So, you admit I’m a good debater then?” He nods his head. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t say you were good at picking fights and arguing, I just said that you do a lot of it. There’s a difference.”
“Okay, Robins, what’s the difference? Tell me the difference.”
“The difference is in the way you deliver the arguments. You’re forceful, and as I previously mentioned, a complete asshole. I, on the other hand, am level-headed and calm in my debates. That’s why I win.”
“You did not just call yourself level-headed .”
“Yes, I did.”
“That’s funny, because I seem to recall many times when you have been anything other than level-headed .”
Excuse me? What did he just say? My pulse quickens in my throat. I’m soooo level-headed. I’m the most level-headed person I know…Okay, so maybe not when it comes to Noah. But that’s only because he's so confusing. He’s funny, he’s smart, he’s also surprisingly sweet. God, this is so frustrating.
I feel that exact not-level-headedness he’s referencing start creeping its way into my body, and I try desperately to push it deep back down. “Look, I get the job done. Okay? I’m good at what I do, and I know you know that too.”
This earns me another lopsided smile. “I do know.” He steps away from the railing and moves closer to me.
We’re so close now that I can feel the heat radiating from his body into mine.
I stare up at him nervously and watch as his heavy eyes make a trail from my eyes to my mouth.
“I’m good at what I do too,” he says with one eyebrow raised.
This undoes me. I reach my hand around his neck and push up on my tip-toes. All thoughts leave my head as I feel the heat of lips press into mine.
After a moment, he slowly lifts his head, and I see the want in his eyes. He bites his lip and looks me up and down. With one eyebrow still raised, he stares at me and says, “Jane, are your pants pleather?”
I stifle a laugh. “They’re not mine. They’re Jordyn’s. She said they matched my belt, they’re tight as hell and very uncomfortable.”
“I like them.” He smiles and moves his hands to my hips. “But, if you’d like, I would be happy to help you take them off.” And with that, he bends his head down and presses his lips into mine once more.