23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Now
I look at him through glassy eyes, my chin trembling. “Noah, you left me half-naked and alone in a bed, in a house that I didn’t even know.” I cross my arms over my stomach, attempting to hold myself together. “You left me after I had just told you things I had never told anyone before. You left me after I let my guard down and started to trust you. I told you how hard that was for me, but you didn’t even care.”
I stare down at my feet, my toes pushing deep into the warm sand. “I waited for you. I waited and waited, and when I could tell that you weren’t coming back, I left the room just in time to see you walking out the door with your arm around some drunk girl.”
“Megan.”
“What?” I ask, my eyes blinking rapidly.
“That girl I left with. Her name was– is– Megan.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “She was super drunk, you’re right. She wasn’t even supposed to be at that fucking party.” He shakes his head, like he’s trying to erase the images popping up in his mind. “God, Jane…I’m so sorry. I had no idea that you saw me with her.” He inhales deeply and stares at me, eyes begging for me to listen. “Megan is my little sister. She was only thirteen, and Jane, I’m so sorry that I left you, but I had to get her out of there. I had to get her home and help her.”
It feels like the floor just opened up beneath me. His sister? The drunk girl he left with that night was his kid sister? I don’t understand. None of this is making sense. I can’t wrap my head around it.
He grabs my hand and looks me straight in the eyes. “Jane, when I left that room, I had every intention of coming back to you. I went downstairs, and I saw some loser college kid trying to get my sister to leave with him to his house. She was only a kid…I went over to tell him to get the fuck off her, and that’s when I saw she was totally wasted. I didn’t have any other option. At that moment, the only thing going through my mind was making sure that she got home safe.” He looks at me again with those same pleading eyes.
I bite the inside of my cheek, not knowing what to say. I stare at him puzzled.
For the past fourteen years, I’ve believed that Noah abandoned me. Left me for some random girl, because I wasn’t going to have sex with him. The first night in my entire life that I let someone in, and then they completely shattered that trust.
I retrieve my hand from his and turn my attention to the sun dipping slowly below the horizon. The mix of adrenaline and sudden temperature drop sends a shiver through my body.
I continue mulling over the conversation in my mind, when I feel Noah softly lay his towel over my body, then sit down in the sand next to my feet. “I promise that after I got Megan home and settled, I texted Tyler right away and asked him for your number. I called you over and over that night, but it just went straight to voicemail. At that point, I figured that I blew my chance, and so I just dropped it. I felt like shit for doing that to you. I still feel like shit about it. I’m so sorry you thought I would leave you like that for someone else.”
So many things are going through my mind right now. If Noah got my number from Tyler, then that means Jordyn must have known all of this. She let me cry to her about how Noah broke my heart, when all the while she could have told me the truth? I would have understood. Things could have turned out differently.
“Did Tyler know?”
“What?”
“Did Tyler know that you left me because you were taking care of your little sister?”
“No, he didn’t. Megan begged for the whole situation to stay between me and her. There was so much shit going on with our dad, and my mom wasn’t handling any of it well, so we decided that it would be best if no one else knew.”
“So, Jordyn didn’t know either?”
“No, Jane. Honestly. No one knows this except for me and Megan. And now, you. Tyler knew that I left the party, but he didn’t know why. I told him I needed your number, because I had some debate questions.”
The unease in my stomach begins to dissipate.
“Jane, I swear I tried to get a hold of you to tell you that I didn’t mean to leave you like that. I tried.”
“I turned my phone off before I even left the party. Jordyn took me to her house and stayed with me while I tried to work through everything that had just happened. I wasn’t really in a good place. I really thought you left me that night because I wasn’t willing to ‘put out.’ It hurt. I felt used.”
Noah’s shoulders drop even farther, and I see tears form in his eyes. “No. Jane. Never. I would never do something like that.” He brings his hands up and combs them through his hair. “Look, I left the room that night because I was so fucking nervous just being around you. I was shaking so bad that I had to leave to regain my composure. I didn’t want to push you. I didn’t want to make a decision that either one of us would regret. I had never been with a girl like that before, let alone a girl that I actually had feelings for, so I didn’t want to ruin it. Honestly, Jane, up until that point, seeing you in your bra was the best thing that had ever happened to me.” He offers a small smile.
His gaze is soft and focused, and I can tell he’s telling the truth. Everything I thought about that night is wrong—everything I thought about him . I mean, sure, it’s true he left me, but if what he’s saying is what really happened, then he didn’t want to leave me. He had feelings for me.
I’ve based so many of my decisions on what happened that night, and how worthless I felt watching him walk out that door. It affected how I saw myself, and how I believed others saw me. It affected my relationships, and the level of trust I was willing to give. It changed me. “This is a lot,” I say, trying my best to hold it together.
“I’ve never forgotten you, Jane,” he adds softly, hanging his head down low.
My chest tightens at these words. “I hear you.” I let out a shaky breath. “It’s just a lot to comprehend. What happened that night….I don’t know. It’s hard to say out loud, but it really messed up how I see things; how I see myself. But I believe you, Noah. I do, I just need some time to think.”
He looks up at me through heavy eyes. “I get that. I’m not expecting you to suddenly be able to forget everything and forgive me, I just want you to understand that I never intended for things to happen the way they did.” He rests his hand softly on my foot and gives it a gentle squeeze.
We sit together in silence, watching the stars get brighter in the sky. The sounds of the soft repetitive waves attempting to sooth our open aches.
“Jane,” Noah says, breaking the spell, “I understand if you still don’t want us to work together on this account. I’ll talk to the partners and see how we can move things around. I’ll take care of it.”
I’m taken aback. This entire situation doesn’t feel real. My thoughts are all a jumbled mess. “Thank you.” I attempt a smile, but it doesn’t come out right. My feelings are all over the place. “I think I’m going to head up to my room and call it a night.” I slowly stand up, my knees feeling weak and shaky.
He gently nods, still looking down at the ground.
I gather my few belongings and turn to watch as he gets up from the ground and takes a seat in my chair. He leans his head back and stares out at the dark, vast ocean.
I walk over to him and give him back the towel he placed on my body. “I’ve never forgotten you either.” I slowly turn to begin the long walk back to my room.