OBSIDIAN

~Chapter 43~

After talking to Theo, I get up and leave the room.

I go down to the kitchen. But it's too quiet.

Not that good quiet, that makes you breathe easier, but the kind of awkward silence, where every sound seems too loud.

The espresso machine hums, does its job and stops with a sharp click.

I leave it like that, untouched, for a few more seconds, as if waiting for someone to comment on something. No one does.

I take my coffee and go outside, on the terrace. Maybe a little air and green grass will relieve so much unnecessary or non-existent stress.

I light a cigarette and take a deep drag, as if the smoke knows what to do with everything I can’t.

It burns my throat a little, just enough to bring me back into my body.

I exhale slowly and watch it fall apart into the air, just like my thoughts when I try to catch them.

I sit on the couch by the door, my feet on the coffee table in front of me.

It’s quiet outside, the kind of quiet that comes after chaos, when the city seems fed up with itself and asleep.

I like this moment. It doesn’t demand anything of me.

The phone vibrates again on the table. I ignore it.

Not because I don’t care, but because, for the first time, I don’t want to react to anything right away.

I take another drag.

I think about the club, but not the images.

The feeling. How, for a few hours, I was caught between too much and too little.

Too much closeness. Too little safety. And somewhere in between, me.

From behind I hear the door opening

"You have the face of a man who is arguing with his demons" Sergio says from behind me.

I don't flinch. I knew he was there.

"We're not arguing", I answer. "We're just…

politely ignoring each other."

He approaches and leans against the door frame.

"It's not a good style in the long run" he says and pauses "and quit smoking Cassy, again, the same obsession?

"

"They're not easy to manage either.

" I say as I take another drag from my cigarette and touch it "maybe this obsession really helps" I add and gesture for him to sit next to me.

Sergio leaves the door frame and comes to me on the couch.

With our cat after him, pookie.

"My little girl, where was your girlfriend?

" I say as she jumps onto my lap and starts purring.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I turn my head to Sergio and see that he's already looking at me.

"And... how was the club? What position did you try with Colby this time?

" I say and take a sip of his coffee, but it's too sweet without a cigarette so I light another one.

Sergio snorts briefly, not looking at me right away.

"You always want unnecessary details when you don't actually want the answer," he says, then stretches his legs and leans back.

"Colby is... Colby. It wasn't anything spectacular.

"

I raise an eyebrow.

"That's the biggest lie I've heard today.

"

"I'm not lying, I'm just not romanticizing," he replies calmly.

"You're the one doing this."

Pookie squirms on my lap, snuggling up tighter and purring louder.

I absently stroke his back, my eyes never taking my eyes off Sergio.

"So?" he insists.

"It was okay. That's it.

A second night. Too much music. Too much alcohol.

Too many looks that promise more than they can deliver," he says, then turns to me.

"Sound familiar?"

I smile crookedly.

"A little.

"

"Cass," he continues, more seriously, "you have this special talent for getting into the middle of intense things and then being surprised when they burn you.

"

"I wasn't surprised," I murmur.

"Right.

"

He runs his hand through his hair, and his sigh is short, almost bored.

"You know what I think? That the club wasn't the problem.

Neither were they."

"So what?" I ask, though I have an idea.

"The fact that, for a second, you felt like you weren't in control of the pace anymore.

"

I'm silent. The cigarette burns between my fingers, almost forgotten.

"Gio..."

"No, listen to me," he interrupts.

You get into things when you feel like you have a clear role.

When you know what's expected of you. And last night.

.. it wasn't clear. And it drove you crazy.

"

I look down at my coffee, already half-cold.

"Maybe."

"Not 'maybe'. Sure."

Pookie meows softly, as if commenting on the conversation, and Sergio smiles for a split second.

"You don't have to explain anything to them now," he adds.

"But don't pretend it didn't happen either.

That will eat you up inside harder than jealousy.

"

"And what are you suggesting?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing spectacular," he says, standing up.

"Just don't run away the next time someone sees through you more than you want to.

"

He leans over, pats Pookie on the head, and heads for the door.

"Oh, and Cass?"

"Yeah?" I say, turning back to him, vulnerable.

"Quit smoking. It's not helping you in the long run.

I know, your obsession, but not all of your habits are as loyal as mine. "

He smiles briefly and goes back into the house, leaving the door ajar.

I stay on the terrace, with the city asleep in front of me, the cat purring at me and my thoughts clearer than I would like.

Because, beyond everything, I know that I am right.

And that… scares me more than the club.

When I was about to get up and go into the house, the phone rang.

She hesitated at first.

But I see it's only Emy.

I answer.

"Hey, what are you doing?

" She says in a happy tone

"We have a happy Emy here?

What made you like this?" I say, trying to avoid that question

"Oh my God Cassian!

I was with such a beautiful and hot girl, I think she's my chosen one.

I'm going out with her today" she says quickly and I smile at her excitement and

"What's her chosen one's name?

"

"Aria" she says and I can already see her daydreaming

"I'm happy for you" I say

"Well, you?

You weren't with Ash and Niko, I saw how he took you to the VIP rooms" she says and I laugh softly

"It was something nice" I say and I hear her laugh, "but I ruined everything, Emy, everything" I say softly and she stops.

"Aww my little Cass. What makes you think that?

" She says

"I had another panic attack I think, or an exorcism of negative thoughts" I say and I blurt out at that.

"Do you want to talk about it, Ian?" She asks and I grimace

"Please stop, you know I don't like that abbreviation.

..."

"You need to get over this, Cassian.

" She says softly

"I don't want to!"

She giggles "I was talking to you more but I need to get ready for my girlfriend Aria, I love you Cassy" she says.

"Me too Em."

And with that I hang up.

I put Pookie down and she meows discontentedly, protesting briefly, then jumps off the couch and disappears into the house with her tail raised, offended.

I smile involuntarily.

"Dramatic," I mutter, more to myself.

I stand up too, stretching my back. The air outside is still cold, but not unpleasant.

I grab my coffee mug and go into the kitchen, where the silence is different.

It's no longer pressing, it just exists.

I leave the dishes in the dishwasher and go into the living room, where Sergio is watching a movie.

I throw myself on the other side of the couch and then something comes to mind.

I look at him for a while and then he pauses, I think he realized I was waiting for something.

"What is it?" He says

"Why was I wearing your shirt last night?

" I ask a little offended that I can't find my blouse from then, at least I still have my jacket.

"A long story" he says and laughs. I glare at him and wait.

"Well, to make a long story short. You had so much fun that a boy came up to you and danced for a while, but then he kissed you and tore your blouse off and that's when Colby and Theo intervened and took him from you" he says amused and smiling at the memory of last night.

What contempt!

"What about you?

"

"Well, Colby also had some VIP room and there were other guys there and he gave me something else"

Pookie jumps onto my lap again, purring, and rubs her head against my hand, demanding attention.

"And you, little one, help me not take myself too seriously, don't you?

" I murmur, caressing her.

As Pookie steals an involuntary smile from me, I realize it's true: not everything that happens needs to be controlled. Sometimes you just have to be present.

Then my phone vibrates again. Finally, it's a text from Theo: "Are you coming to my place today? I want to make sure you're okay."

I smile slightly and reply, "Yes, I'm coming. But first I need to eat something and give Pookie some food and a break from the chaos of the world." and send.

I get up from the couch and let Sergio do what he wants with his life from now on. I mean, for about 3 hours, or so.

I go to the kitchen, open the fridge to get something but, there's nothing, NOTHING.

I'm starving in this family.

"Sergio!

Why is our fridge so empty?" I say and reach up to the back of my head

"Well, it's just the two of us at home these days, the maid hasn't come and neither have the others.

I think I need to talk to my mom. But now that you're done with what you have or want, shall we go get something now?

" He says and I pout dramatically

"Come on now and definitely take care of your mom.

After all, doesn't she have a family too?

Or did she find some Arab?" I say and Sergio laughs as he goes up the stairs

"I approve"

I wait for him downstairs because I was already changing, and anyway I didn't care who saw me.

He comes in 5 minutes, now dressed in shorts and a normal blouse.

"Is it really that hot outside for February?

" I ask, looking at him strangely

"It's literally 23 degrees outside, which is warm compared to two months ago when it was 4 degrees"

"Shall we go with yours?

" I ask while putting on my shoes

"Of course.

You don't have a car" he says and gets in the car.

I get in the car and feel the warm air coming through the open windows.

Sergio's music is playing in the background, relaxing, but it seems like even it can't cover up that heavy silence inside me, the one that doesn't go away just because I took my cigarette out on the terrace.

"So... where exactly are we going?" I ask, looking at him as he starts the engine.

"The supermarket, but the one by the mall.

We need to fill the fridge. Plus, I thought we'd get something sweet too. For morale."

I smile slightly, even though I don’t want to admit that it really helps. And, I know, once the food gets there, some of the “chaos of the world” will disappear. Or at least be more bearable.

The drive is short. The city sleeps on its streets, but it seems more alive than our terrace, filled with the smell of warm asphalt and morning coffee. Sergio drives calmly, and I look out the window, thinking about all the things that happened last night.

“Cass…” he asks me suddenly, looking over his shoulder, “do you feel like getting something for… the two of us?”

“What do you mean, ‘the two of us’?” you ask, one eyebrow raised, feeling a strange shiver run down your spine.

“Um… something to eat… or… I don’t know…

something to drink after we finish shopping.

Nothing grand. “Let’s not be ‘us and the empty fridge’”

I laugh briefly, despite the strange feeling in my stomach.

"Okay, but if you want tonight or after we eat, I'll go to Theo's.

But if there are any more surprises like this with torn blouses and unexpected kisses, promise to let me know?

"

"I promise, Cass," he says and smiles, this time more sincerely

We get out of the car and step into the supermarket, and the warm February air hits me instantly.

It's cold inside, the smell of fresh bread and coffee.

I think about how absurd life can be: yesterday total chaos, today just…

shopping.

'I'm just a housewife' is something like that I feel right now.

I grab a cart and follow Sergio around the store.

We get milk, cheese, butter, lactose in short, and then we move on to fruit where I pass by and they have the ones he uses for breakfast when he's too corporate and lazy.

I'm walking through the shelves after giving Sergio the basket, grabbing Sergio's favorite sweets, when I hear a familiar, slightly over-enthusiastic voice:

"Cass! Hey, Cass!"

I turn my head and bump into Ezra. His eyebrows rise in surprise, and I.

.. try not to show how embarrassed I am.

I haven't spoken to him in a few weeks, even months, since.

.. well, there was a little lockdown there in Spain.

Nothing serious, but enough to make me want to open the fridge doors and leave.

"Ezra... hello," I reply shortly, trying to keep my tone neutral.

He smiles broadly, with an enthusiasm that almost makes me forget my inner peace:

"I didn't expect to see you here!

How are you?"

Before I can answer, Sergio appears behind me, his cart already full, and he looks at Ezra with a calm warning.

"Ezra, hello," he says simply, without smiling, but with a subtle authority.

"Are you on business or just lost in the shops?

"

Ezra suddenly looks a little embarrassed, as if he hadn't expected this answer:

"Uh…

just… I said hello. It won't be long, I promise.

"

Sergio tilts his head, a faint smile at the corner of his mouth, but his tone is clear:

"Hello is fine.

But I'll let you let me shop in peace, without provoking long conversations.

"

Ezra laughs a little, resignedly, and takes a step back.

“Okay... okay. Then... see you later.”

Sergio looks at me before continuing his shopping as if nothing happened and I feel the tension in my stomach melt away.

“Let’s pay and go,” he says, and I follow him.

After paying and putting our bags in the trunk, we get in the car.

This time I wasn’t paying attention because I was playing on my phone and didn’t feel like talking.

When we got home, Sergio interrupted me and that made me lose my temper and stick my tongue out at him.

I helped him put the food in the fridge and clean up after him, and I went upstairs to change and go to Theo’s, because Sergio doesn’t want to come with Colby.

I get up, put on a tank top, and head for the door, knowing that Theo is waiting for me.

Behind me, the house breathes its usual quiet, but I know that every step I take now brings me closer to things I can’t control yet, but maybe I shouldn’t.

And in a strange way, that makes me smile.