Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
KIERAN
I was putting one of the younger plants into a bigger pot, when there was a knock at my door.
“It’s me,” Cesar’s booming voice said from the other side.
“Come in, my hands are full of dirt.”
Cesar opened the door—we’d exchanged keys for emergencies long ago—and just stood in my doorway. He usually called or texted to meet, not simply surprised me, so I knew something was up.
“Get in here,” I cajoled, putting the plant on my counter, and tugging at his sleeve making him walk into my apartment.
“It’s late, and I should have called. I just—” Cesar ran hand through his dark hair. “I wanted to see you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He grimaced. “Well, just my thoughts, spiraling into the negative space, as usual.”
“Beer?”
“Yeah.”
I washed my hands at the sink, then grabbed him one. “What’s going on?”
He shook his head, his mouth a tight line. “Can we just watch a movie or something?”
So we watched a movie. My television was in my bedroom, so we curled on the bed, and I put on a comedy. Only, Cesar barely laughed. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong, but he was a person who needed to brew silently until he was ready to speak.
It was odd to have him next to me in bed. We’d done this as kids at our sleepovers, sure, but Cesar had never slept in my bed since I’d moved into this place. Although it was innocent. I was comforting Cesar, that was all.
And the moment this movie ended, I planned to get up and see Cesar out. Hug him, sure, but let him go home. Maybe call one of my on-again off-again hookups, after he left… because I was feeling odd.
But I did none of those things. Instead, I lay in the bed next to him as the movie ended. And for once, Cesar was the one sleeping, not me. His arm was tucked under my side—would it wake him if I moved away? It seemed the more polite thing to simply stay until he woke.
My dick was pressed at his thigh. His head tilted above mine on my pillow. That heavy arm under my waist. I watched his chest rise and fall quietly for a minute. My gaze traveled upward and I looked at his face in the light. He had way more stubble than me. And a stronger jawline. I’d never looked at it from this angle before, but Cesar had a good strong jaw.
What’s happening to me?
I liked sex with girls. But I’d describe it only as… nice. I always parted with them on friendly terms, felt a warmth for them. But I would hardly call them epic romances. Not like in those books from Cybil.
I wanted to give my heart to them. But something always held me back. And I like love. I love my family. My friends. It wasn’t as if my heart was a stingy cage. So why hadn’t I let anybody I’d dated in?
I cuddled closer to him. His solid frame comforting. I’d shake him awake… soon.
“Are you snuggling me?” Cesar’s voice thundered in my ears.
“Shit!” I jumped. I hugged the corner of the bed, one of my feet dangling to escape, yet unable to fully get out.
“I needed to get out of my head and rest.” His steady gaze was on me, studying my face. “Thanks for letting me.”
I inched toward him a little. Our faces closer. “Want to tell me what’s the matter?” My gaze locked with his. “Was it the upcoming fight? Your ankle?”
He reached for my hand. I gave it, our fingers lacing. We held hands a lot, but this time, my breath caught. My heart thudded. What was happening? Why was tonight so weird?
“It’s my mother.” Cesar’s voice dipped with worry, and I pushed away all my confused thoughts.
“Is she okay?”
“She’s okay. Just needs to go for her routine checkup. Make sure the cancer is still gone and all that. It’s nothing.” He gave a harsh laugh. “But I’m falling apart for some reason.”
I tightened my hand on his. “It’s not nothing, even if it’s routine. It’s scary.”
He shook his head. “She works way too much. After everything, I wish she’d retire like your folks. But even if I can help her do that now, she won’t.”
“Your mom enjoys working,” I pointed out. “She was eager to return to her job after her treatments.”
“Yeah, true. I just want her to stay healthy. When she said she had to go in for the scans, it was worse than any blow in the ring.”
“I know. But it will be fine. Those dark days of cancer are over. The scans will be clean.”
“Thanks,” he said gruffly. “I’m being too emotional about this. I know it. I’m… embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.”
His mom was Cesar’s world, so when she fought and won her battle, I cried tears of joy for them both. But the traumatic experience changed Cesar. Something shifted in him, but I wasn’t exactly sure what that something was.
“Do you mind if I crash here? I don’t want to be at my place.”
“Sure, I’ve crashed on your couch plenty of times.”
He smiled and I told myself to get out of the bed. Fix up the couch for him or myself. But neither of us moved.
“Tell me again everything will be all right with Mami.”
“She’ll be all right,” I whispered. “And it’s okay to be scared. You’re human.”
He took a breath, shutting his eyes. “You’re such a good friend.”
Our hands were still threaded together. I didn’t pull mine away. I loved how much he trusted me. Needed me. I stayed awake, looking at him for the longest time. Breathing in the darkness.
In the morning, we shared a quick breakfast.
“You have no food,” Cesar scolded.
“I’m going to go shopping.”
He grunted.
I did what I could for our breakfast meaning we ate some cereal—dry—I had no milk.
“I don’t mean to rush you out. You can stay. But I can’t be late.”
“Hey, are you okay?” Cesar frowned, pausing with his handful of cereal almost at his mouth.
“Yep. Just work…” When he kept staring at me, I sighed and admitted, “It’s been busy and Ronald will hand me my ass if I’m late.” We had a ton of jobs to get through the week before Christmas. “Ronald puts money ahead of the clients. Had me skip a family that couldn’t pay upfront last week. And we’ve had them as customers for a while. It didn’t feel right to do that. Dad was never like Ronald.”
“Tell him he’s being a prick.”
“I can’t do that.” I protested, wiping some cereal crumbs off my lap. I always made a mess when I ate.
“Why not?” Cesar, of course, never made crumbs.
I chewed some cereal and shrugged. “It would only aggravate the situation more.”
“It’s your family name on the logo, not his. Tell your dad how Ronald’s acting.”
“I can’t… It would hurt my dad’s feelings. He and Ronald have this whole history.”
Cesar raised his eyebrows. “And you’re his son.”
“Yeah, but Dad’s retired and Ronald is in charge.” I shook my head. “It won’t help to challenge Ronald.” And honestly, I didn’t enjoy conflict. I tend to rush to make it all better, and my words become fast and thick as my brain shuts down.
My dad might help me or not, but it was Ronald who would be working with me. For whatever reason, it feels like he’s threatened by me. He was way nicer to the other employees. Which was fine, I would report him if he treated Manny or Kelli this way. But he was sharp with me. Maybe it was my lack of experience? Or the fact that I was a nepo hire? He was decent back when I did some summers with the company. All my siblings worked there on and off during summers or vacations to help out. But when Dad made me full-time after I left college, Ronald changed.
“Prove to your dad that you’re better than Ronald. Which you totally are.” Cesar smiled.
“Obviously.” I smiled back. “And that’s the goal. But I won’t tattle on Ronald to get my dad to see me. I just need…”
“What?”
“Them both to take me seriously, I guess. Last week I told Ronald we should do more social media stuff, and he looked at me like I was a Kardashian in a plumbing outfit.”
Cesar snorted. “Hardly.”
“He doesn’t respect me yet is my point.”
“Then make him respect you.”
“It takes time.”
“Bullshit. You’ve been there, day in and day out. Tell Ronald or your dad—or both—that you don’t deserve to be treated badly.”
I didn’t answer, chewing more dry cereal. Cesar was right, of course. But I told myself a lot of bullshit. Things were complicated at work, but I did nothing to fix it. Excuses, excuses…
“I’m good.” I cracked a smile.
“No, you’re not.” Cesar said bluntly. “Do you need me to take care of it? Because I can go over and tell Ronald?—”
“Hell, no. I’m fine to handle this myself.” I drummed my fingers against my cereal bowl. “Ronald does hurt my feelings. But I can handle it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.” Cesar’s face darkened. I knew he’d fight anybody who hurt me in a heartbeat.
“It’s okay. He is my boss. People don’t always like their bosses, you know? And he’s got tons more experience.”
“Ronald’s making excuses to give you crap. Sometimes, you’re too nice. Always worried about everybody else’s feelings. And if Ronald is out of line with you, it’s all right to tell him that. You are entitled to be treated with respect, Kieran,” Cesar said gently. He put down his cereal bowl and squeezed my shoulder. “Always.”
Warmth bloomed inside of me. “Thanks.” Cesar knew me so well. I might be confident socially, unlike Cesar, but in other areas of my life I struggle with doubt. “How’s the upcoming fight looking?” I changed the subject. “Will your ankle be okay for it?”
“Good, and yes, I have time till New Year’s to fully heal. They think it will sell out.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, people love a little brutality at the holidays.”
I made a face and he laughed. Although I tried fighting when he started doing it, we both knew it wasn’t for me, especially punching others. I went to most of his fights, but I often had to turn my head away. Was I “too nice” as Cesar said a moment ago? Or weak.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” Cesar studied me.
“Sure.” I forced a big smile. “But I do have to go to work.”
We cleaned the kitchen and left my place. If I let him, Cesar would confront Ronald for me. And who doesn’t like that? Having a person there for you, ready to fight your battles, take on what makes you uncomfortable? But I tried not to ask him to rescue me. Wasn’t that the whole point? I needed to grow up already and fight my own battles.
“Hey, um… thanks for letting me crash with you,” Cesar said as we walked to our cars.
“No worries. And remember, it’s routine. She’ll be just fine. And we’ll celebrate the clean scans.”
He hugged me, lifting me off my feet a second. I wanted to stay there instead of going to work to face my asshole boss. I always felt better with Cesar nearby.
“See you soon.” He let me go.
“Sunday? For Christmas Eve, dummy,” I reminded him. “And the epic Secret Santa con. I already got you Elias’s name for the exchange.”
“Yeah, right. I almost forgot.”
“What? How could you forget?”
He studied me a moment, as if he wanted to say something more.
I stared back, hugging my arms around myself in the sudden cold.
“Just… thinking more about Mami,” he said at last.
“She’ll be fine. I have a good feeling about her scan.”
Cesar smiled. “Right. I’ll see you Sunday.”