Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
Hunter
I wake up this morning feeling a wave of dread running through my veins.
Today marks the third anniversary of Brady’s death.
Part of me is glad Riley is here with me this year, so I won’t be alone.
The other part feels miserable because I have to be the one to tell her how he died.
I also worry that once she has all her questions answered, she’ll run as far away from me as possible. Losing her would devastate me.
If my stomach wasn’t so queasy, I would have gotten out of bed by now. Riley’s been in the kitchen cooking breakfast for about thirty minutes. I hate to disappoint her, but I don’t know if I can swallow a thing. She’ll be coming to get me soon, so I need to take a quick shower and brush my teeth.
As I start to get up, she walks into the bedroom. “I was just coming to wake you. Breakfast is ready.” She looks tired and clearly didn’t sleep well either.
“You shouldn’t have gone through all that trouble.” She looks hurt, so I quickly add, “You’re spoiling me too much. Just let me use the bathroom, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” I give her a quick kiss before walking out the door.
As I walk toward the kitchen, I stop to look at the wall of photographs.
The smiling face of my baby brother —the light of my life —looks back at me.
I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love him, but I do.
She’s waiting for me in the kitchen. Bringing my two fingers to my lips, I reach out to touch his picture, just as Riley wraps her arms around me from behind. I didn’t realize she was there.
Turning around, I pull her close to me. She fits against my body so effortlessly, it’s like she was made just for me. We stand in the hallway, holding onto each other, our hearts beating as one.
“Breakfast is getting cold,” she whispers, so I grab her hand, and we walk into the kitchen together.
Taking my phone off the charger, I scroll through my messages while Riley prepares our plates.
She sits down next to me as I read my texts.
I can’t believe how many I've received over the last three days. When I see the messages she sent me, I feel guilty for what I’ve put her through; she really does love me.
Now I feel like an ass because my friends were worried about me, and I was too drunk to care.
When I look up, I see Riley staring at me; she hasn’t eaten anything either.
I reach over and hold her hand, weaving her fingers through mine.
“I’m sorry you went through the trouble of making this big breakfast; neither of us has much of an appetite.
” She shakes her head, confirming what I already knew.
“Last night, when you fell asleep, I stayed awake so I could feel your heartbeat beneath my hand. I just needed to hear you breathe, Hunter. Knowing you were safe right next to me was more important than any sleep I could have gotten.”
I gently pull her hand. “Come here, baby.” When she comes over, I settle her into my lap and hold her tight. Her hands immediately twist with my shirt, and her face snuggles into my neck. She’s exactly where she needs to be right now—safe in my arms.
“Today’s going to be a tough day for me, but when everything’s out in the open and there are no more secrets between us, it will bring us closer than ever before.” When she looks up at me, I see fear in her eyes.
“You’re not the only one with secrets. So am I,” her voice is just above a whisper.
“I had a visitor stop by last week, which is why I had a tantrum at your apartment.” Then she spends the next half hour telling me about my mother’s visit and the talk she had with her dad that brought her back to me.
I can't stay here without losing it. I need to go for a run before I end up punching holes in the damn walls. I’ve never been this angry before, and my mother just lost any chance she might have of me ever being a part of her life again.
She must realize how angry I am because I can feel my body trembling with rage.
“Riley, I want you to know that I’m not mad at you for what happened.
Now that you explained everything to me, it makes me love you more, knowing you would put my needs before your own.
But right now, you have to understand that I need to be alone because I’m beyond furious at my mother right now.
” I brush my thumb across her cheekbone before capturing her mouth with mine.
This is the first taste I’ve had of her in a week, and although she hasn’t asked for anything since she arrived, this is my way of telling her I still need and want the same things she does.
As we pull apart, I hear her groan. I can’t help but smile… she’s amazing. “I won’t be long, I promise.” I kiss her on the nose before heading upstairs to change.
Unfortunately, as I run, my only thoughts are of my mother and how I’m going to repay her for everything she’s done.
If her little scheme had worked, Riley and I wouldn’t be together right now.
What I don’t understand is why she would have lied — what could she possibly gain from this?
I make a mental note to talk to Scott when we get home; he might have an answer for me.
My run did help ease some of my anger; unfortunately, I face another obstacle, and this one’s more important to me than my mother ever could be. As I approach the cottage, my only concern now is how to tell Riley about my brother’s death; I hope she won’t blame me like everyone else does.
* * *
Riley
While Hunter went for his run, I decided to clean up the mess I made this morning.
I swear I used every pot and pan I could find to cook breakfast; now it’s all packed in containers in the fridge.
I had no intention of spending so much time making all that food, but I had so much nervous energy that I needed to do something.
He kept his word. He hadn’t been gone for more than an hour. Now he’s taking his sweet time in the shower, which makes me even more anxious. I decide to sit outside on the back deck. Maybe the sound of the ocean will help me relax.
As I lean my head back against the rocking chair, I close my eyes.
My thoughts become fuzzy as I feel myself drifting off, but then I hear the squeaking of the screen door.
I take a deep breath, knowing it’s time for all the answers to my questions.
I thought I’d be ready when the time came. I’m not.
When I open my eyes, he’s leaning on the deck railing.
He’s so stunning with the sunlight shining off his hair that he takes my breath away.
He shoves his hands deep into his pockets, turns around, and catches me watching him.
His eyes are hauntingly sad, making me want to take away all his pain.
When I reach out to him, he shakes his head.
“You have to promise me that no matter what I tell you in the next few minutes or however long it takes, you won’t regret what we’ve had. I couldn’t live with myself if you did.” His voice cracks.
“No matter what you tell me, I could never regret being with you, not even for a second.”
As he looks up to the sky, he takes a deep breath.
“Since the day he was born—well, almost—he's worn a smile. He had such an infectious excitement; everyone around him couldn’t help but be drawn in.” He’s smiling as he reminisces.
“He always saw the bright side of everything and everyone; in his mind, the glass was always half full. For example, I remember once when my parents were having dinner with us, he asked my mother for an e-reader. He loved to bury his nose in a book. She told him he’d have to do chores for a week to earn it, so he worked his ass off after school to finish chores and homework.
The bitch never bought it for him. Want to know what he said?
“Mom’s been busy; she must have forgotten.
It’s no big deal.” I bought him his e-reader a few days later.
I didn’t forget.” He rubs his hands over his face before crossing his arms.
“I told you we spent our summers here with our grandparents. It was his favorite time of year; he would tell everyone it was even better than Christmas. So when I got the phone call about the accident, my entire world felt like it was falling apart. His smile disappeared, and I felt helpless.” He gulps down a bottle of water before continuing.
“So one day, I suggested he and I have a bros' night out — grab a bite to eat and then catch a movie. It was the first time I had seen him smile in days. That’s all he talked about. He wanted to go see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
He loved anything with wizards and stuff, like Harry Potter.
” Suddenly, he can’t stand still; he starts pacing back and forth along the deck.
“My mother didn’t allow him to eat fast food, so he insisted we go to McDonald’s.
After leaving, we went straight to the movies so we could catch the seven o’clock show.
Even after everything he had eaten, he still wanted a soda and a tub of popcorn. I swear that kid had a bottomless pit.”
Hunter hasn’t made eye contact with me once since he started talking, and his constant pacing is making me nervous.
“All the way home, he kept thanking me for such a great night, but after a few miles, I noticed he was getting restless. When I asked what was wrong, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. I had asked him before we left the theater if he needed to go, and he said no. That made me angry because I was supposed to meet someone as soon as we got back.” He looks up at me, his eyes full of pain.
When I reach out to touch him, he flinches away.